Well I have returned with this fic. Pretty Boy did better than I had anticipated hehe, thanks to all you reviewers out there! Your opinions mean a lot :) Mike urs especially, my loyal fan *sniff sniff*
Anyhoo this should come before Pretty Boy actually, it's a T&E with a speck of S&S mention. I figured that I would use feeling is gone, miror miror after this and prob. the last one will be
Why! Which will be S&S, I swear it's gonna be twice as good as Pretty Boy, twice as dramatic too so check those out...R&R plz! Reviews are a great source of encouragement!
For those of you who liked Sentiment Cards, no worries Im going to continue that too. I had no idea that ppl would read it hehe.
The Feeling is Gone...
Her eyes opened slightly only finding darkness. All that could be heard was pure silence. She looked on wide eyed as her eyes caught a glimmer of the sunset reflecting against a picture frame.
The picture frame which held ever so dearly a photo of herself with the charming love of her life. Although it was pitch black, not a single light illuminated the room, still, the pain in her eyes was evident,
soft sobbing like a whisper in the wind sang a song of sadness, of longing for the happiness, for the peace she once knew. She wanted to move, to try to keep busy so her actions would not have the chance to consume her memory,
but to no avail, it was as though she was paralized in the darkness, in the nothingness of the once illuminated, once joyful room. She felt so ashamed, so embarassed, yet she could not raise a finger, not even to wipe away the stray tears as they poured
out of her eyes. Would she ever know happiness again? Did she even know it at all? Was happiness just an illusion the truth hid behind? Could her heart ever find this sentiment ever again..after..after what happened not too long ago...
So many things were on her mind, but the one thought she could never escape from, the one memory that would haunt her forever, the one scene she could never forget never ceased it's rewinding play back.
Her voice trembled as she spoke to him, as she yelled at him, as she exploded at him. Her hands clenched into fists as her newly manicured nails dug into her palms causing holes to form in her once smooth skin, spilling red blood onto the cold hard floor.
Her eyes stared at him so accusingly, so full of judgement and anger. Her nostrils flarring as she breathed in and out in short breaths. Her knees buckling, threatning her deathly stance, her legs weak ready to pull the ground from under her.
But the most hurtful, the most dramatic, the most irrational behavior could not be seen, only felt. Her lips mouthed words that her brain had muttered, her heart shattered, inconsolable, lost, alone once again plunged into the darkness she knew all too well.
Although the scene had taken place hours ago, it felt like an ongoing film rewinding over and over, formulating a never ending emotion rollercoster for all to see.
She would never be able to forget his confusion, his innocence to her alligations, the pain and hurt in his eyes, the shock that spread throughout his body as he saw her eradic body that was once so full of life, love, happiness, lose all emotion and yet so filled with utter horror.
"The feeling is gone...maybe..it never even existed" she whispered to herself in the dark room which mirrored her heart, body and soul.
Tears consumed her puffy, red eyes as they claimed her once smiling face as their own. The same face that had been held by his warm touch, the same lips that came in contact with his over and over again, the same dimples that could be seen after he told a dumb joke.
She wanted to scream, pout at herself, break something, punch something, howl, something! But..she couldn't she just sat there, feeling so alone, in the darkness, in the bitterness that had turned her into an icy, motionless creature, not even human, not even alive.
She stared out her window again at the sunset from where she lay on her bed once again, muttering to herself as if an attempt to console her bruised and beaten heart morcels,"The feeling is gone..the feeling was never there.." she knew it was a lie, the feeling had been strong once upon a time, but not anymore, not ever again...
She lay her head onto her pillow, not even bothering to change out of her blue dress that had only one full sleeve, as the other hung loosely at her side. It had been a night she would never forget, the night she lost all humanity, the night something else had taken over...
**********************************************
8pm, the door bell rang, she ran with anticipation to answer it knowing exactly whoes smile would greet her...
"Hey there beautiful..." his mouth open as if time had frozen in place. There she was, the love of his life standing before him in an elegant yet simple blue dress that suited her gorgeously.
"Hey yourself handsome" she returned in a seductive, yet innocent voice.
"uh...uh....we..uh don't wanna be late..we still need to pick up Sakura.." he replied blushing.
"Poor Sakura, she still has yet to hear from Syaoran, still when I look in her eyes I see anticipation, love, compassion among many other things, she would wait for him until forever.."
Eriol nodded in agreement, sadly he looked into his lovely girlfriend's eyes, "Tomoyo, everytime I look into your eyes, I see so many of those things and more, your kind and loving heart makes everyone around smile, before I fell for you, my mouth was only used for speaking, now the very thought you makes me smile,
the sight of you makes my heart leap to heaven thanking God that he led you to me. I wonder what could I have possibly done to deserve you, my love, Tomoyo I'm unworthy of the ground you walk on." Eriol spoke in all sincerity, as his eyes began to water.
Tomoyo's lips embraced his in a sweet passionate kiss. "You are too good to me" she whispered sweetly. Eriol shook his head as he watched her head to the car, "You, your too good for me.."
After picking up Sakura, Tomoyo felt a slight jolt of pain, jealousy as Eriol kissed Sakura's cheek innocently after hearing of how much she missed Syaoran. Tomoyo knew the love Sakura and Syaoran felt for each other was real, truth love, never to be destroyed. Did Tomoyo have such love with such construction with Eriol?
She convinced herself that Eriol's eyes were only for her, but there were times where his eyes would drift wonderously from her to Sakura, her best friend. Was it all just her imagination? Was she looking for trouble that simply was not there? Tomoyo shook her head of such thoughts, Eriol was hers, no one else's...right?
Finally they reached their location.
"A Kareoke bar? Eriol are you sure?" Sakura asked with uncertanty evident all over her face.
"Sure, why not Sakura Chan?" Tomoyo replied in an attempt to ease Sakura's nerves.
They ate while exchanging stories from their past. Every so often Tomoyo would somehow be excluded from the conversation, Sakura and Eriol seemed to have so much in common, so many common emotions, was there love hidden under the friendship? Was that so called peck on Sakura's cheek, just a peck? A kiss is a kiss no matter how
small or insignificant it may seem, a kiss is never just a kiss...
Tomoyo felt sick, was it true? Did Eriol still have feelings for Sakura? No! She had already been through this over and over again with Sakura, Eriol as well as herself, why was everything involving her feelings so complicated?
Why couldn't she ever just accept things for what they were, why must there always be a hidden meaning that only she can understand? Or maybe the hidden meanings, all the reading in between the lines were just created as protection, perhaps her heart would set up a shield ready for anything, breaking her oponent before he would break her.
She excused herself from the little round table in the corner, it seemed her boyfriend and her best friend were in such deep conversation that they hadn't even noticed.
As Tomoyo began to return to her table, she decided she would wait a few more minutes, maybe she would find out the truth if she literally took a step back..
***********************************************
"Oh Eriol, I miss him so much, I mean sure we talk over the phone and all, he's even pretty sure his training is nearing a close and he may return to Japan" she smiled.
"But, you can't help but miss him I know Sakura. Even Tomoyo, right now, she may have gone to the ladies room for just a moment but still, it seems she has been gone for an eternity."
"How am I ever going to deal if...if he doesnt come back Eriol..." Sakura's eyes began to flood with tears. Eriol instantly envelopped his friend into a hug attempting to console her, but only Syaoran would have such power, only he possessed the power that would make Sakura complete...
"It's all going to work out Sakura, I know it, and trust me I know everything" Eriol spat in an arrogant tone ONLY half serious.
Sakura giggled and kissed him lightly, gently, innocently on the cheek in appreciation. Tomoyo from her post however could not see such appreciation, no she only saw lust in her best friend's eyes. The truth had surfaced, she loved Eriol, and perhaps, he loved her.
How could she have been so blind? Well he would not break her heart once again, no way, he would not break her. No one ever would, no not even Eriol.
What could she do? She couldnt force Eriol to love her, no, if he and Sakura truly loved one another, she would step back out of the cross fire, they could have each other.
Her thoughts were interrupted as someone came up to her also eyeing her outfit.
"Hm, are you going to sing Miss?" the man asked nearing her spot where she stood. She was about to head to her table when she saw Sakura and Eriol laugh, without a care in the world.
"Yes, I will be singing a song actually."
The man smirked at her hungrily. 'See, she thought, if he really loved you, he would be punching this guy's face in for checking out my a**.'
She decided tonight would be the night where she took over, this night would not be a total loss! She gulped down a few martinis and walked onto the stage.
"Good evening everything" Tomoyo spoke a little shakily into the microphone. Sakura and Eriol averted their attention to her.
"Eriol, what is she going to do...OH! she's going to sing! I hope she sings an M2M song! Tomoyo chan! Way to go! Sing an M2M song!"
Tomoyo nodded in acknowledgement.
"An M2M song eh.." she thought aloud, how fitting, she knew exactly what she would sing...
"I dedicate this song to my boyfriend sitting right over there in THAT corner with..with my best friend, say hello sweetheart, stand up Eriol honey"
Eriol stood up shyly and sat back down, what was going on? Tomoyo seemed a little off...He felt weery but shook it off.
Tomoyo set the kareoke machine to her song as the crowd cheered in encouragement.
The music began, the words flashed across the screen, but Tomoyo didn't need the screen, all she needed was a mike, a good spot in front of Eriol and Sakura and everything would be just great.
Sakura's heart leapt into her throat, 'I know that song, it's it's..' Sakura thought to herself in hopes the song she was thinking of would not be Tomoyo's number.
Tomoyo's voice was soon heard loud and clear, slightly trembling obviously nervous.. "Listen to me as I explain this situation!
It's not like I wanna destroy his reputation.."
Sakura gasped, why would Tomoyo be singing this song! Poor Eriol has no idea...
' Hm, by the look on Sakura's face I ll bet she knows exactly what I'm singing, Eriol looks confused, completely oblivious in this moment in time...but not for long...'
Tomoyo's hand trembled over the microphone yet her fingers clasped it tightly as is fearful of dropping it before her message would be comprehended
"We are still together...But we are not moving on"
Confusion was completely evident in Eriol's face, his smile had now fadded into a dazed look, unaware of what was to come.
Tomoyo never took her eyes off the pair sitting not too far from where she stood on the stage. She began to sway and finally her feet as if possessed by some unseen force began to propell her body forwards in a slow somewhat seductive walk, a smirk plastered on her face, a look of revenge, a vengeful look as she walked over to Eriol and Sakura's table.
"When we first met it was the perfect combination. Now when I look at him it fills me with frustration.."
Sakura looked to Eriol then to the approaching Tomoyo, and finally the rest of the crowd who seemed entertained by Tomoyo's actions.
'Tomoyo..what are you doing' she thought wondering what had possesed her friend to sing such a song.
Eriol started to figit in his seat, was she singing a song that was meant to have anger written all over it? Her facial expressions were not the same he had seen earlier in the evening, no, she looked almost...almost...pissed off!
Eriol swallowed hard as Tomoyo was no more than 5 feet from where he sat.
"What is a girl to do when she is not having fun.." Tomoyo breathed in and out quietly, this was it, her point would soon be clear.
"How can I tell him I have to try
There is no easy way of saying goodbye
How do I break it
It's just no good
My heart is telling me that I really should
I must be subtle
I must be strong..." Tomoyo almost paused as tears began to form in her eyes, this was it...it would soon be over, the next 4 words would certainly make things crystal clear for him to comprehend..
"The feeling is gone"
Eriol squirmed in his seat, uh oh, he'd done something and he set her off. Not only that, she seemed genuinly hurt, angry, worst of all this could be her way of breaking his heart.
Tomoyo read the confused and hurt expression of his face, he was getting the picture...but would she ever have the heart to explain why she was doing this?
"I think we're going in the opposite direction
No longer think that we are making a connection
I am so unhappy
I'll rather be alone" Tomoyo sang as she remained standing in front of a very hurt Eriol and a dumbfounded Sakura who tried to convince herself that this wasn't happening. Tomoyo was breaking up with Eriol? Why?
Eriol's mouth dropped, unhappy? Was Tomoyo unhappy with her life because of him? Did he have the opposite of the desired effect? Alone? Did she want to break up and destroy all ties to him forever? Did she want to sever him from her life for good?
Tomoyo couldn't help but sob as she sang, she wanted to run out and lock herself in her room never to open the door but she wanted to finish what she had started.
"In the beginning it was one special occasion
Now when I talk to him his mind is on vacation..."
Sakura watched in horror as Eriol's face turned completely white, he understood, he got the message loud and clear...Tomoyo was breaking up with him.
'What..Why...How..But..My..To..Tomoyo...No...I....Why Tomoyo?' Eriol thought to himself, his eyes however never leaving hers. Ironically her eyes decieved her, her mouth pronounced words of anger, vengence, her heart was saying how hurt she was, her eyes were what mirrored her heart and soul, what she truly felt. She was hurting. She didn't want to end it. So why was she doing this?
Eriol wanted to speak to her and beg for forgiveness for whatever he had done. Most of all he wanted to wipe her tears away and whisper sweet nothings into her ear.
Tomoyo took one more look in his eyes before averting her gaze to the ground, she didn't want to see such pain in him, why was he in pain? He never loved her, he never could, he still loved Sakura who clearly still felt that way for him.
"How can I tell him I have to try
There is no easy way of saying goodbye
How do I break it
It's just no good
My heart is telling me that I really should
I must be subtle
I must be strong
The feeling is gone
I want it over, all said and done
How can I tell him that he isn't the one
The feeling for you is gone...."
Tomoyo continued her sobbing louder than her singing, she couldnt controle herself. Suddenly the music in the background which provided the beat had stopped, the audience exchanged glances, she was truly burned..
She knew the music had stopped but refused to end.
"How can I tell him I have to try
There is no easy way of saying goodbye
How do I break it
It's just no good
My heart is telling me that I really should"
Her voice now was almost a whisper, as if speaking to Eriol from the heart. He tried to reach for her as comfort but she stepped back obviously angered and hurt.
She cried into the microphone until her hand lowered and dropped the microphone onto the cold hard ground. She sobbed uncontrollably but continued..
"I must be subtle..." she managed.
"I must be strong.." strong? ya right, he was her strength without him she had nothing left.
"The feeling........ is gone" she sobbed and cried clutching her stomache in anguish, why was this so hard? if the feeling had truly never existed or if it in fact was gone, why was she pained like this?
"I want it over all said and done"
How can I tell him that he isn't the one...
Tomoyo's voice was barely audible. The audience starred at her in pity as her heart bled publicly in front of everyone.
"I must be ..." Tomoyo collapsed onto the ground next to the microphone. Eriol, tears in his eyes kneeled in front of her at a loss for words.
"Don't Eriol! Get away from me! She's over there! She's the one..She's the one you want" pointing accusingly at her best friend Sakura who just sat there in awe.
"Tomoyo..I love only you, your my life...I swear.."
"Save it Eriol! I see the way you look at her! I see the way she looks at you! Dont even speak! Everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie, its always been that way, I was just too blind to see it."
Tomoyo cried harder, louder. Her eyes puffy and red. Her once carefully applied mascara ran down her cheeks only to be washed away by the drops of pain following. Her body shook profusely, her heart ached in her chest, her legs refusing to budge from there position under her from the ground.
Eriol wanted so badly to kiss her, tell her she was wrong, nothing could be further from the truth. But each time he tried her eyes filled with anger and hatred. She could't deal with this.
"Get out of my life Eriol!"
Tomoyo gathered any bit of strength she had left, wiped her eyes, a poor attempt to rid herself of obvious pain he'd caused her and walked towards the bar.
People began to whisper and talk, finally the entire club had resumed its noise.
All Eriol could do was stay sitting on the ground praying this was not happening.
Sakura watched Tomoyo grab any alcoholic drink she could off any table. Guys hooted and howled as she consumed everything in her path.
Soon enough Tomoyo had gotten drunk in a matter of moments, the music had resumed and she was lifted onto a pool table. Tomoyo now full of alcohol began to dance seductively on the pool table winking at all the men who in response ran to gather around the drunk girl.
Soon enough everyone was watching her, most of which were screaming at her to strip. Tomoyo soon spun out of control and began to unzip her dress, pealing off her sleeves slowly.
Eriol angered by the scene got up and made his way through the hooting men. Sakura watched in horror.
'Tomoyo, what are you doing? What are you doing to yourself!' She wanted to help Eriol but she couldn't move she was too shocked to do anything but watch.
Tomoyo was only half dressed as she drank, danced and stripped on the pool table. Eriol lifted her off the table and headed towards the door with her in his arms kicking and screaming. Sakura soon followed.
"Tomoyo get a grip!" Sakura yelled at the top of her lungs once they were outside.
"A grip she says...A GRIP!!! NO! I WAS HAVING FUN!"
Eriol refused to put her down as she kicked and struggled to no end.
Tomoyo screamed obscenities kicking her feet violently in the air.
"Sakura, is anyone at Tomoyo's place right now?" Sakura shook her head. Eriol nodded as he made his way to his car with Tomoyo in his arms.
Suddenly a few men came up to Eriol angrily as he placed the now dazed Tomoyo in the car.
"Hey! What do you think your doing? She's our entertainment!"
Eriol growled in discontent, " She is NOT your play thing boys!"
"She aint yours either kid!"
Soon one of them reached into the car and pulled Tomoyo out who could barely stand on her own two feet. Sakura watched from the car window unable to move, say or do anything.
Push led to shove and soon Eriol and the two men were having a brawl. Tomoyo just cried and laughed finally losing her balance and falling to the floor. One man grabbed her again, she began to struggle as she began to regain some sanity.
"Let go!"
"Come on b**** stip lets go!" Tomoyo continued to scream and struggle.
Eriol was there in an instant, however during the struggle Tomoyo's sleeve had ripped and she was thrown to the floor.
One guy pulled a knife, Eriol was unafraid. He was fueled with anger. Soon enough all the attackers lay face down on the ground while Eriol stood triumphantly over them.
Sakura breathed a sigh of relief from the car.
"Tomoyo, come on lets get you home."
Tomoyo soon flared in anger, "No! Stay away from me you..you..you jerk! I must be subtle! I must be strong! The...the...the...feeling...feeling is..is..." Tomoyo collapsed onto the ground in tears "is..gone.." she cried uncontrollably.
Eriol knelt down and pulled her into a hug, she didn't fight him, she couldn't, she was spent. Eriol helped her up when she passed out into his arms.
"Oh Tomoyo" he whispered to the wind, "if only you knew how much I love you.."
****************************************************
Tomoyo's eyes fluttered open as she felt someone shaker her awake.
"Tomoyo...here take these" Her focus was completely shot, her vision blurry, her head ached with such pain. She stared blankly at the hand that held two asprine pills.
It took a minute to finally realize who the hand belonged to.
"Eriol! What are you doing, I told you to leave me alone! Where's Sakura, tired of her already?"
Eriol's facial expression changed rapidly.
"Tomoyo! What has gotten into you? I thought we already had this conversation! Sakura and I are only friends we will never be more than just friends, when will you understand?"
"Oh I understand, I understand that my boyfriend and my best friend lust after each other!"
"Tomoyo, get a grip! I love you! I will always love only you! Despite tonight and the song and all...I love you...I will love you forever"
Tomoyo felt her eyes get watery blurring her vision but she wouldnt let him win, no she would give him a piece of her mind! She stood up tall ready for battle.
"Eriol I.." Tomoyo managed to say before faltering to his warm arms.
"Tomoyo!" he replied concerned, "are you ok?"
"Get away from me...I know you want nothing more to do with me, just go, Sakura....is probably in the car unbuttoning her dress to lure you"
"Tomoyo! What has gotten into you!??? Listen to yourself! Your drunk, your hurt and angry and I can't understand why! I love you!"
"You..love me?" she looked into his eyes, pure affection shinned through, was she wrong? Could she have possibly made a mistake?
Eriol shook his head, "I love you Tomoyo."
Tomoyo seemed to lean in towards Eriol when suddenly the door burst open.
"Tomoyo, Eriol is in love with you, he always has been, why can't you see that?" exclaimed Sakura who was fuming.
"He just declared his heart to you and all you can do is hurt him? Tomoyo what is wrong? You know damn well that I love Syaoran!"
"Sakura, thanks but I think I can handle this" Eriol said as a hint for Sakura to leave them alone, she took it and closed the door behind her.
Tomoyo became angry once again.
"Go to her, she has become unpatient! Go give yourself to her! She's waiting!"
"Tomoyo.."
" I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT! THE FEELING IS GONE ERIOL WHATEVER WE HAD IS OVER!"
Eriol was about to leave when he felt he couldnt, no he couldn't leave Tomoyo like this, so upset, so in pain.
Suddenly his temple surfaced.
"Tomoyo! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT I LOVE YOU NOT SAKURA! DO YOU NOT WANT TO BELIEVE IT SO YOU WONT GET HURT? DONT YOU TRUST ME NOT TO HURT YOU GOD I LOVE YOU WITH MY HEART AND SOUL! YOUR MY OTHER HALF! I NEED YOU!"
Silence.
"Tomoyo, I know why you've said all this...your afraid, afraid of love, afraid of commitment, afraid...maybe even afraid of me."
Tomoyo's head jerked up in a jolt
"Eriol, I trusted you, I loved you, but you broke my heart you did! YOU WILL AGAIN! GOD! GO AWAY! JUST GO AWAY GO TO HELL FOR ALL I CARE!"
Tears streemed down her face again.
"FINE!" Eriol was ready to leave when he heard a soft thump. He turned expecting to see Tomoyo standing there angry just as she had been all night, but she wasnt there.
"Tomoyo...?..To..Tomoyo? TOMOYO" Eriol screamed in fear at what he saw, she had fallen to the ground, she fainted.
Eriol picked her up and headed towards her room. He lay her on the bed in hopes her eyes would flutter awake before he left.
He looked at her once expecting to find her at peace, dreaming happily, but he only saw pain, hurt and anguish in her face.
"What did I Tomoyo? What could I have done to make you doubt me, doubt us?
end of flashback
**********************************************
About 2 hours later, present time..
Tomoyo cried into her pillow as she remembered all that had happened, how could she have said such horrible things? How could she have done such horrible things? What happened to her?
Her head pounded as all the memories flooded back all at once.
"Eriol" she whispered in hopes he would answer, but no one did.
She felt so remorceful, what made her so sure Sakura and Eriol loved each other? The kisses on the cheeks, Sakura is a very emotional person maybe that's all she needed.
Maybe things were better this way...maybe not..
"Well its too late now Tomoyo, you wrecked it all, you broke his heart by not trusting him. It was bound to end anyway, you just quickened the speed of the inevitiable break up."
She sighed.
"What am I doing crying over this? He's with her now, no doubt, why do I care anyway? The feeling is gone Tomoyo its just GONE! ..it never existed!"
Tomoyo lay back in bed wishing on a star as she did, "I wish for Eriol...to forgive me.."
Tomoyo lay there in silence in the darkness awaiting sleep to consume her heavy heart until she finally cried herself to sleep.
**********************************************
Eriol kissed Tomoyo's forhead, he had heard her apology, he had been hiding in the darkness of her room, he never left her side, he couldnt.
"Forgive you? There's nothing to forgive my love" he whispered quietly as she slept. He could have sworn that a smile tugged at her lips as he left her to her dreams.
"I love you Tomoyo" Eriol whispered as he walked to his car and drove away.
"I love you Eriol"... Tomoyo spoke as she slept.
R&R! This will be continued in Miror Miror!
Anyhoo this should come before Pretty Boy actually, it's a T&E with a speck of S&S mention. I figured that I would use feeling is gone, miror miror after this and prob. the last one will be
Why! Which will be S&S, I swear it's gonna be twice as good as Pretty Boy, twice as dramatic too so check those out...R&R plz! Reviews are a great source of encouragement!
For those of you who liked Sentiment Cards, no worries Im going to continue that too. I had no idea that ppl would read it hehe.
The Feeling is Gone...
Her eyes opened slightly only finding darkness. All that could be heard was pure silence. She looked on wide eyed as her eyes caught a glimmer of the sunset reflecting against a picture frame.
The picture frame which held ever so dearly a photo of herself with the charming love of her life. Although it was pitch black, not a single light illuminated the room, still, the pain in her eyes was evident,
soft sobbing like a whisper in the wind sang a song of sadness, of longing for the happiness, for the peace she once knew. She wanted to move, to try to keep busy so her actions would not have the chance to consume her memory,
but to no avail, it was as though she was paralized in the darkness, in the nothingness of the once illuminated, once joyful room. She felt so ashamed, so embarassed, yet she could not raise a finger, not even to wipe away the stray tears as they poured
out of her eyes. Would she ever know happiness again? Did she even know it at all? Was happiness just an illusion the truth hid behind? Could her heart ever find this sentiment ever again..after..after what happened not too long ago...
So many things were on her mind, but the one thought she could never escape from, the one memory that would haunt her forever, the one scene she could never forget never ceased it's rewinding play back.
Her voice trembled as she spoke to him, as she yelled at him, as she exploded at him. Her hands clenched into fists as her newly manicured nails dug into her palms causing holes to form in her once smooth skin, spilling red blood onto the cold hard floor.
Her eyes stared at him so accusingly, so full of judgement and anger. Her nostrils flarring as she breathed in and out in short breaths. Her knees buckling, threatning her deathly stance, her legs weak ready to pull the ground from under her.
But the most hurtful, the most dramatic, the most irrational behavior could not be seen, only felt. Her lips mouthed words that her brain had muttered, her heart shattered, inconsolable, lost, alone once again plunged into the darkness she knew all too well.
Although the scene had taken place hours ago, it felt like an ongoing film rewinding over and over, formulating a never ending emotion rollercoster for all to see.
She would never be able to forget his confusion, his innocence to her alligations, the pain and hurt in his eyes, the shock that spread throughout his body as he saw her eradic body that was once so full of life, love, happiness, lose all emotion and yet so filled with utter horror.
"The feeling is gone...maybe..it never even existed" she whispered to herself in the dark room which mirrored her heart, body and soul.
Tears consumed her puffy, red eyes as they claimed her once smiling face as their own. The same face that had been held by his warm touch, the same lips that came in contact with his over and over again, the same dimples that could be seen after he told a dumb joke.
She wanted to scream, pout at herself, break something, punch something, howl, something! But..she couldn't she just sat there, feeling so alone, in the darkness, in the bitterness that had turned her into an icy, motionless creature, not even human, not even alive.
She stared out her window again at the sunset from where she lay on her bed once again, muttering to herself as if an attempt to console her bruised and beaten heart morcels,"The feeling is gone..the feeling was never there.." she knew it was a lie, the feeling had been strong once upon a time, but not anymore, not ever again...
She lay her head onto her pillow, not even bothering to change out of her blue dress that had only one full sleeve, as the other hung loosely at her side. It had been a night she would never forget, the night she lost all humanity, the night something else had taken over...
**********************************************
8pm, the door bell rang, she ran with anticipation to answer it knowing exactly whoes smile would greet her...
"Hey there beautiful..." his mouth open as if time had frozen in place. There she was, the love of his life standing before him in an elegant yet simple blue dress that suited her gorgeously.
"Hey yourself handsome" she returned in a seductive, yet innocent voice.
"uh...uh....we..uh don't wanna be late..we still need to pick up Sakura.." he replied blushing.
"Poor Sakura, she still has yet to hear from Syaoran, still when I look in her eyes I see anticipation, love, compassion among many other things, she would wait for him until forever.."
Eriol nodded in agreement, sadly he looked into his lovely girlfriend's eyes, "Tomoyo, everytime I look into your eyes, I see so many of those things and more, your kind and loving heart makes everyone around smile, before I fell for you, my mouth was only used for speaking, now the very thought you makes me smile,
the sight of you makes my heart leap to heaven thanking God that he led you to me. I wonder what could I have possibly done to deserve you, my love, Tomoyo I'm unworthy of the ground you walk on." Eriol spoke in all sincerity, as his eyes began to water.
Tomoyo's lips embraced his in a sweet passionate kiss. "You are too good to me" she whispered sweetly. Eriol shook his head as he watched her head to the car, "You, your too good for me.."
After picking up Sakura, Tomoyo felt a slight jolt of pain, jealousy as Eriol kissed Sakura's cheek innocently after hearing of how much she missed Syaoran. Tomoyo knew the love Sakura and Syaoran felt for each other was real, truth love, never to be destroyed. Did Tomoyo have such love with such construction with Eriol?
She convinced herself that Eriol's eyes were only for her, but there were times where his eyes would drift wonderously from her to Sakura, her best friend. Was it all just her imagination? Was she looking for trouble that simply was not there? Tomoyo shook her head of such thoughts, Eriol was hers, no one else's...right?
Finally they reached their location.
"A Kareoke bar? Eriol are you sure?" Sakura asked with uncertanty evident all over her face.
"Sure, why not Sakura Chan?" Tomoyo replied in an attempt to ease Sakura's nerves.
They ate while exchanging stories from their past. Every so often Tomoyo would somehow be excluded from the conversation, Sakura and Eriol seemed to have so much in common, so many common emotions, was there love hidden under the friendship? Was that so called peck on Sakura's cheek, just a peck? A kiss is a kiss no matter how
small or insignificant it may seem, a kiss is never just a kiss...
Tomoyo felt sick, was it true? Did Eriol still have feelings for Sakura? No! She had already been through this over and over again with Sakura, Eriol as well as herself, why was everything involving her feelings so complicated?
Why couldn't she ever just accept things for what they were, why must there always be a hidden meaning that only she can understand? Or maybe the hidden meanings, all the reading in between the lines were just created as protection, perhaps her heart would set up a shield ready for anything, breaking her oponent before he would break her.
She excused herself from the little round table in the corner, it seemed her boyfriend and her best friend were in such deep conversation that they hadn't even noticed.
As Tomoyo began to return to her table, she decided she would wait a few more minutes, maybe she would find out the truth if she literally took a step back..
***********************************************
"Oh Eriol, I miss him so much, I mean sure we talk over the phone and all, he's even pretty sure his training is nearing a close and he may return to Japan" she smiled.
"But, you can't help but miss him I know Sakura. Even Tomoyo, right now, she may have gone to the ladies room for just a moment but still, it seems she has been gone for an eternity."
"How am I ever going to deal if...if he doesnt come back Eriol..." Sakura's eyes began to flood with tears. Eriol instantly envelopped his friend into a hug attempting to console her, but only Syaoran would have such power, only he possessed the power that would make Sakura complete...
"It's all going to work out Sakura, I know it, and trust me I know everything" Eriol spat in an arrogant tone ONLY half serious.
Sakura giggled and kissed him lightly, gently, innocently on the cheek in appreciation. Tomoyo from her post however could not see such appreciation, no she only saw lust in her best friend's eyes. The truth had surfaced, she loved Eriol, and perhaps, he loved her.
How could she have been so blind? Well he would not break her heart once again, no way, he would not break her. No one ever would, no not even Eriol.
What could she do? She couldnt force Eriol to love her, no, if he and Sakura truly loved one another, she would step back out of the cross fire, they could have each other.
Her thoughts were interrupted as someone came up to her also eyeing her outfit.
"Hm, are you going to sing Miss?" the man asked nearing her spot where she stood. She was about to head to her table when she saw Sakura and Eriol laugh, without a care in the world.
"Yes, I will be singing a song actually."
The man smirked at her hungrily. 'See, she thought, if he really loved you, he would be punching this guy's face in for checking out my a**.'
She decided tonight would be the night where she took over, this night would not be a total loss! She gulped down a few martinis and walked onto the stage.
"Good evening everything" Tomoyo spoke a little shakily into the microphone. Sakura and Eriol averted their attention to her.
"Eriol, what is she going to do...OH! she's going to sing! I hope she sings an M2M song! Tomoyo chan! Way to go! Sing an M2M song!"
Tomoyo nodded in acknowledgement.
"An M2M song eh.." she thought aloud, how fitting, she knew exactly what she would sing...
"I dedicate this song to my boyfriend sitting right over there in THAT corner with..with my best friend, say hello sweetheart, stand up Eriol honey"
Eriol stood up shyly and sat back down, what was going on? Tomoyo seemed a little off...He felt weery but shook it off.
Tomoyo set the kareoke machine to her song as the crowd cheered in encouragement.
The music began, the words flashed across the screen, but Tomoyo didn't need the screen, all she needed was a mike, a good spot in front of Eriol and Sakura and everything would be just great.
Sakura's heart leapt into her throat, 'I know that song, it's it's..' Sakura thought to herself in hopes the song she was thinking of would not be Tomoyo's number.
Tomoyo's voice was soon heard loud and clear, slightly trembling obviously nervous.. "Listen to me as I explain this situation!
It's not like I wanna destroy his reputation.."
Sakura gasped, why would Tomoyo be singing this song! Poor Eriol has no idea...
' Hm, by the look on Sakura's face I ll bet she knows exactly what I'm singing, Eriol looks confused, completely oblivious in this moment in time...but not for long...'
Tomoyo's hand trembled over the microphone yet her fingers clasped it tightly as is fearful of dropping it before her message would be comprehended
"We are still together...But we are not moving on"
Confusion was completely evident in Eriol's face, his smile had now fadded into a dazed look, unaware of what was to come.
Tomoyo never took her eyes off the pair sitting not too far from where she stood on the stage. She began to sway and finally her feet as if possessed by some unseen force began to propell her body forwards in a slow somewhat seductive walk, a smirk plastered on her face, a look of revenge, a vengeful look as she walked over to Eriol and Sakura's table.
"When we first met it was the perfect combination. Now when I look at him it fills me with frustration.."
Sakura looked to Eriol then to the approaching Tomoyo, and finally the rest of the crowd who seemed entertained by Tomoyo's actions.
'Tomoyo..what are you doing' she thought wondering what had possesed her friend to sing such a song.
Eriol started to figit in his seat, was she singing a song that was meant to have anger written all over it? Her facial expressions were not the same he had seen earlier in the evening, no, she looked almost...almost...pissed off!
Eriol swallowed hard as Tomoyo was no more than 5 feet from where he sat.
"What is a girl to do when she is not having fun.." Tomoyo breathed in and out quietly, this was it, her point would soon be clear.
"How can I tell him I have to try
There is no easy way of saying goodbye
How do I break it
It's just no good
My heart is telling me that I really should
I must be subtle
I must be strong..." Tomoyo almost paused as tears began to form in her eyes, this was it...it would soon be over, the next 4 words would certainly make things crystal clear for him to comprehend..
"The feeling is gone"
Eriol squirmed in his seat, uh oh, he'd done something and he set her off. Not only that, she seemed genuinly hurt, angry, worst of all this could be her way of breaking his heart.
Tomoyo read the confused and hurt expression of his face, he was getting the picture...but would she ever have the heart to explain why she was doing this?
"I think we're going in the opposite direction
No longer think that we are making a connection
I am so unhappy
I'll rather be alone" Tomoyo sang as she remained standing in front of a very hurt Eriol and a dumbfounded Sakura who tried to convince herself that this wasn't happening. Tomoyo was breaking up with Eriol? Why?
Eriol's mouth dropped, unhappy? Was Tomoyo unhappy with her life because of him? Did he have the opposite of the desired effect? Alone? Did she want to break up and destroy all ties to him forever? Did she want to sever him from her life for good?
Tomoyo couldn't help but sob as she sang, she wanted to run out and lock herself in her room never to open the door but she wanted to finish what she had started.
"In the beginning it was one special occasion
Now when I talk to him his mind is on vacation..."
Sakura watched in horror as Eriol's face turned completely white, he understood, he got the message loud and clear...Tomoyo was breaking up with him.
'What..Why...How..But..My..To..Tomoyo...No...I....Why Tomoyo?' Eriol thought to himself, his eyes however never leaving hers. Ironically her eyes decieved her, her mouth pronounced words of anger, vengence, her heart was saying how hurt she was, her eyes were what mirrored her heart and soul, what she truly felt. She was hurting. She didn't want to end it. So why was she doing this?
Eriol wanted to speak to her and beg for forgiveness for whatever he had done. Most of all he wanted to wipe her tears away and whisper sweet nothings into her ear.
Tomoyo took one more look in his eyes before averting her gaze to the ground, she didn't want to see such pain in him, why was he in pain? He never loved her, he never could, he still loved Sakura who clearly still felt that way for him.
"How can I tell him I have to try
There is no easy way of saying goodbye
How do I break it
It's just no good
My heart is telling me that I really should
I must be subtle
I must be strong
The feeling is gone
I want it over, all said and done
How can I tell him that he isn't the one
The feeling for you is gone...."
Tomoyo continued her sobbing louder than her singing, she couldnt controle herself. Suddenly the music in the background which provided the beat had stopped, the audience exchanged glances, she was truly burned..
She knew the music had stopped but refused to end.
"How can I tell him I have to try
There is no easy way of saying goodbye
How do I break it
It's just no good
My heart is telling me that I really should"
Her voice now was almost a whisper, as if speaking to Eriol from the heart. He tried to reach for her as comfort but she stepped back obviously angered and hurt.
She cried into the microphone until her hand lowered and dropped the microphone onto the cold hard ground. She sobbed uncontrollably but continued..
"I must be subtle..." she managed.
"I must be strong.." strong? ya right, he was her strength without him she had nothing left.
"The feeling........ is gone" she sobbed and cried clutching her stomache in anguish, why was this so hard? if the feeling had truly never existed or if it in fact was gone, why was she pained like this?
"I want it over all said and done"
How can I tell him that he isn't the one...
Tomoyo's voice was barely audible. The audience starred at her in pity as her heart bled publicly in front of everyone.
"I must be ..." Tomoyo collapsed onto the ground next to the microphone. Eriol, tears in his eyes kneeled in front of her at a loss for words.
"Don't Eriol! Get away from me! She's over there! She's the one..She's the one you want" pointing accusingly at her best friend Sakura who just sat there in awe.
"Tomoyo..I love only you, your my life...I swear.."
"Save it Eriol! I see the way you look at her! I see the way she looks at you! Dont even speak! Everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie, its always been that way, I was just too blind to see it."
Tomoyo cried harder, louder. Her eyes puffy and red. Her once carefully applied mascara ran down her cheeks only to be washed away by the drops of pain following. Her body shook profusely, her heart ached in her chest, her legs refusing to budge from there position under her from the ground.
Eriol wanted so badly to kiss her, tell her she was wrong, nothing could be further from the truth. But each time he tried her eyes filled with anger and hatred. She could't deal with this.
"Get out of my life Eriol!"
Tomoyo gathered any bit of strength she had left, wiped her eyes, a poor attempt to rid herself of obvious pain he'd caused her and walked towards the bar.
People began to whisper and talk, finally the entire club had resumed its noise.
All Eriol could do was stay sitting on the ground praying this was not happening.
Sakura watched Tomoyo grab any alcoholic drink she could off any table. Guys hooted and howled as she consumed everything in her path.
Soon enough Tomoyo had gotten drunk in a matter of moments, the music had resumed and she was lifted onto a pool table. Tomoyo now full of alcohol began to dance seductively on the pool table winking at all the men who in response ran to gather around the drunk girl.
Soon enough everyone was watching her, most of which were screaming at her to strip. Tomoyo soon spun out of control and began to unzip her dress, pealing off her sleeves slowly.
Eriol angered by the scene got up and made his way through the hooting men. Sakura watched in horror.
'Tomoyo, what are you doing? What are you doing to yourself!' She wanted to help Eriol but she couldn't move she was too shocked to do anything but watch.
Tomoyo was only half dressed as she drank, danced and stripped on the pool table. Eriol lifted her off the table and headed towards the door with her in his arms kicking and screaming. Sakura soon followed.
"Tomoyo get a grip!" Sakura yelled at the top of her lungs once they were outside.
"A grip she says...A GRIP!!! NO! I WAS HAVING FUN!"
Eriol refused to put her down as she kicked and struggled to no end.
Tomoyo screamed obscenities kicking her feet violently in the air.
"Sakura, is anyone at Tomoyo's place right now?" Sakura shook her head. Eriol nodded as he made his way to his car with Tomoyo in his arms.
Suddenly a few men came up to Eriol angrily as he placed the now dazed Tomoyo in the car.
"Hey! What do you think your doing? She's our entertainment!"
Eriol growled in discontent, " She is NOT your play thing boys!"
"She aint yours either kid!"
Soon one of them reached into the car and pulled Tomoyo out who could barely stand on her own two feet. Sakura watched from the car window unable to move, say or do anything.
Push led to shove and soon Eriol and the two men were having a brawl. Tomoyo just cried and laughed finally losing her balance and falling to the floor. One man grabbed her again, she began to struggle as she began to regain some sanity.
"Let go!"
"Come on b**** stip lets go!" Tomoyo continued to scream and struggle.
Eriol was there in an instant, however during the struggle Tomoyo's sleeve had ripped and she was thrown to the floor.
One guy pulled a knife, Eriol was unafraid. He was fueled with anger. Soon enough all the attackers lay face down on the ground while Eriol stood triumphantly over them.
Sakura breathed a sigh of relief from the car.
"Tomoyo, come on lets get you home."
Tomoyo soon flared in anger, "No! Stay away from me you..you..you jerk! I must be subtle! I must be strong! The...the...the...feeling...feeling is..is..." Tomoyo collapsed onto the ground in tears "is..gone.." she cried uncontrollably.
Eriol knelt down and pulled her into a hug, she didn't fight him, she couldn't, she was spent. Eriol helped her up when she passed out into his arms.
"Oh Tomoyo" he whispered to the wind, "if only you knew how much I love you.."
****************************************************
Tomoyo's eyes fluttered open as she felt someone shaker her awake.
"Tomoyo...here take these" Her focus was completely shot, her vision blurry, her head ached with such pain. She stared blankly at the hand that held two asprine pills.
It took a minute to finally realize who the hand belonged to.
"Eriol! What are you doing, I told you to leave me alone! Where's Sakura, tired of her already?"
Eriol's facial expression changed rapidly.
"Tomoyo! What has gotten into you? I thought we already had this conversation! Sakura and I are only friends we will never be more than just friends, when will you understand?"
"Oh I understand, I understand that my boyfriend and my best friend lust after each other!"
"Tomoyo, get a grip! I love you! I will always love only you! Despite tonight and the song and all...I love you...I will love you forever"
Tomoyo felt her eyes get watery blurring her vision but she wouldnt let him win, no she would give him a piece of her mind! She stood up tall ready for battle.
"Eriol I.." Tomoyo managed to say before faltering to his warm arms.
"Tomoyo!" he replied concerned, "are you ok?"
"Get away from me...I know you want nothing more to do with me, just go, Sakura....is probably in the car unbuttoning her dress to lure you"
"Tomoyo! What has gotten into you!??? Listen to yourself! Your drunk, your hurt and angry and I can't understand why! I love you!"
"You..love me?" she looked into his eyes, pure affection shinned through, was she wrong? Could she have possibly made a mistake?
Eriol shook his head, "I love you Tomoyo."
Tomoyo seemed to lean in towards Eriol when suddenly the door burst open.
"Tomoyo, Eriol is in love with you, he always has been, why can't you see that?" exclaimed Sakura who was fuming.
"He just declared his heart to you and all you can do is hurt him? Tomoyo what is wrong? You know damn well that I love Syaoran!"
"Sakura, thanks but I think I can handle this" Eriol said as a hint for Sakura to leave them alone, she took it and closed the door behind her.
Tomoyo became angry once again.
"Go to her, she has become unpatient! Go give yourself to her! She's waiting!"
"Tomoyo.."
" I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT! THE FEELING IS GONE ERIOL WHATEVER WE HAD IS OVER!"
Eriol was about to leave when he felt he couldnt, no he couldn't leave Tomoyo like this, so upset, so in pain.
Suddenly his temple surfaced.
"Tomoyo! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT I LOVE YOU NOT SAKURA! DO YOU NOT WANT TO BELIEVE IT SO YOU WONT GET HURT? DONT YOU TRUST ME NOT TO HURT YOU GOD I LOVE YOU WITH MY HEART AND SOUL! YOUR MY OTHER HALF! I NEED YOU!"
Silence.
"Tomoyo, I know why you've said all this...your afraid, afraid of love, afraid of commitment, afraid...maybe even afraid of me."
Tomoyo's head jerked up in a jolt
"Eriol, I trusted you, I loved you, but you broke my heart you did! YOU WILL AGAIN! GOD! GO AWAY! JUST GO AWAY GO TO HELL FOR ALL I CARE!"
Tears streemed down her face again.
"FINE!" Eriol was ready to leave when he heard a soft thump. He turned expecting to see Tomoyo standing there angry just as she had been all night, but she wasnt there.
"Tomoyo...?..To..Tomoyo? TOMOYO" Eriol screamed in fear at what he saw, she had fallen to the ground, she fainted.
Eriol picked her up and headed towards her room. He lay her on the bed in hopes her eyes would flutter awake before he left.
He looked at her once expecting to find her at peace, dreaming happily, but he only saw pain, hurt and anguish in her face.
"What did I Tomoyo? What could I have done to make you doubt me, doubt us?
end of flashback
**********************************************
About 2 hours later, present time..
Tomoyo cried into her pillow as she remembered all that had happened, how could she have said such horrible things? How could she have done such horrible things? What happened to her?
Her head pounded as all the memories flooded back all at once.
"Eriol" she whispered in hopes he would answer, but no one did.
She felt so remorceful, what made her so sure Sakura and Eriol loved each other? The kisses on the cheeks, Sakura is a very emotional person maybe that's all she needed.
Maybe things were better this way...maybe not..
"Well its too late now Tomoyo, you wrecked it all, you broke his heart by not trusting him. It was bound to end anyway, you just quickened the speed of the inevitiable break up."
She sighed.
"What am I doing crying over this? He's with her now, no doubt, why do I care anyway? The feeling is gone Tomoyo its just GONE! ..it never existed!"
Tomoyo lay back in bed wishing on a star as she did, "I wish for Eriol...to forgive me.."
Tomoyo lay there in silence in the darkness awaiting sleep to consume her heavy heart until she finally cried herself to sleep.
**********************************************
Eriol kissed Tomoyo's forhead, he had heard her apology, he had been hiding in the darkness of her room, he never left her side, he couldnt.
"Forgive you? There's nothing to forgive my love" he whispered quietly as she slept. He could have sworn that a smile tugged at her lips as he left her to her dreams.
"I love you Tomoyo" Eriol whispered as he walked to his car and drove away.
"I love you Eriol"... Tomoyo spoke as she slept.
R&R! This will be continued in Miror Miror!