Hey, thanks for the reviews, you all! I'm so glad you like this story! Here's more; some of the next few chapters will be from nine-year-old Tamara's point of view.

Edge of Darkness

By: CNJ

PG-13

4: Late February/Early March 2023

Tamara:

It was Mona who went to pick up Mary Anne from the airport and brought her back. Aunt Dawn had flown up from Arizona to be with us with her twins, Ben and Sierra.

They're seven and often we get together for holidays. Aunt Dawn had them through artificial insemination just like Mona had Zara. Our aunt and cousins stayed at our house and offered support for Alma and me. Our world had seemed unreal since we got the news about Dad. It was afternoon when Mona got back with Mom.

"Mary Anne..." Aunt Dawn whispered.

"Mommy!" Alma screamed. She got up and started to run over to Mom, but slowed, then slowly reached out.

"Oh, Mom..." I gasped and went over to her.

She reached out and hugged us tightly. Mom looked just awful. Her shadowed eyes were so, so troubled. I could only imagine what she was feeling inside.

Seeing Mom brought in the searing reality that my sister and I had lost our father and Mom had lost her husband. Aunt Dawn, our cousins, and Mona came over and all of us hugged and wept.

"Mommy..." Alma's voice came out in a high wail. "Daddy died...you're sad..."

"Oh, Mom..." I found it hard to catch my breath and my stomach felt like it was being squeezed.

"Oh, T-Tam...Alma..." Mom keened between sobs, her breathing ragged and rapid. I could feel the bandages covering her two cracked ribs and winced. I hoped Mom wasn't in physical pain too. It was bad enough that she had to deal with a lot of emotional pain.

Mona:

Stacey's son Larry was being buried the day before Owen, so all of us headed up to Vermont. By then Stacey had heard about Mary Anne. And the rest of the BSC had arrived.

"Is Mary Anne...?" Kristy whispered, looking over at her car pulling up.

"She's...holding up as well as she can, considering what she's been through," I whispered back "Dr. Louis gave her some painkillers and something to hold food down for her stomach."

Mary Anne and Stacey both burst into tears once they saw each other and hugged the hardest, which made the rest of us tearful. Once again, all the of BSC were together...but for sad reasons.

All of us sat and Mary Anne and Stacey held hands. Kristy held Stacey's other hand and Dawn held Mary Anne's other. It got closer to the time of the burial, so we got ready to go.

Syrie stayed close to her mom, her face pale. Jon Metrick, Stacey's ex-husband met us there, his face wan and tight.

They were in the process of splitting up, but both of them had put aside any feelings from the divorce to mourn their son together. This was so chilling, I thought as I looked around at the blue late February sky and the grayish ground. And right after this, we'd be heading back to New York for Owen's funeral.

Tamara:

Dad's body was brought back to be buried by the time we got back to New York. Mom was almost mute, but when she spoke, it was a raspy whisper.

I helped Alma get ready for Dad's funeral, which was being held in the funeral home. We're Atheists, so there would be no praying ceremony, just a secular memorial service.

Alma, Aunt Dawn, Mona, and I took food in to Mom, who was up, but slumped on the bed, her eyes puffy and her face ashen and a bit bloated. My eyes welled up seeing her in so much pain.

"Are you going to be...?" I asked, then my voice broke and I started crying.

That made Mom and Alma start crying again too. I put the tray down and we hugged. Mom shakily took her pain pill, then tried to eat. She managed a few mouthfuls of hash browns. Aunt Dawn stroked her.

"We...better say goodbye to Owen..." Mom got out in a short sob. I held onto her hand. "This is going to be...hard for all of us...b-but it has to be done..."

I always knew my mother was a strong woman and now I was seeing it. She was shattered and heartbroken, but seemed to lead the rest of us out of the house and along with the rest of the BSC, to the burial of her beloved husband.

Mary Anne:

I was in pain over losing Owen and my heart ached for my girls, but I could just imagine what Stacey and Syrie must be going through. Throughout Larry's funeral, then a day later, my own husband's funeral, Stacey and I clung to each other and our kids clung to us. All of us wept through the funerals.

It was a strange, surreal next few days. Stacey and Syrie went back to Vermont after a week and the rest of the BSC headed back home. They were great throughout this whole ordeal.

Dawn, Sharon, and my grandmother Verna stayed another week. I was relieved. I was still struggling to help my girls and was dealing with my own pain, which was still very raw.

Almost every night, I woke up with stomach pains and had to take a stomach pill. My ribs were healing and didn't hurt as much.

Sometimes, Dawn or Mona would be there to hold my hand, especially after a nightmare, which came very soon. Other times, it was Sharon or Grandma.

Sometimes I'd hear one of my daughters crying and pulled myself up to comfort them. Twice that week, Alma woke up screaming from nightmares.

Once as I went down the hall, still shaking from one of my own nightmares and going to comfort my daughter after her nightmares, Grandma and I startled each other and I let out a scared scream. Grandma rushed to turn the light on. She's in her early nineties, but can still move around well.

"Oh...Grandma!" I burst into tears of relief and we hugged.

"It's all right, dearie, it's all right, love..." she whispered. After we made sure Alma was calm again and asleep, we sat by her bed awhile. I was shaking.

"Does it ever stop hurting?" I whispered, looking into my grandmother's dark eyes.

She'd been through the pain of...widowhood, although not through a plane crash. Grandpa Bill had died way back when I was thirteen of natural causes back when they were in their late sixties. Grandma was quiet a minute.

"I...you'll never stop missing Owen," she whispered, stroking my hair. "And it'll take a long time for the hurt to fade...but you will get through this and feel joy again...and so will your girls."

She makes sense. On top of that, she'd lost not only her husband, but a daughter...my natural mom when I was a baby.

Alma is named after her. I thought back to how Grandma had always told me that I was a lot like my mother and I can tell by pictures that I look a lot like her...and looking down at my daughter, Alma, I can see she resembles her maternal grandmother too. Tamara's middle name is Verna after Grandma.

Oh, Mom, if you could see your granddaughters! I thought as Grandma and I headed back to bed. This time we left a nightlight on in the hall. Shaking, I left my door slightly ajar.

Stacey:

I woke up sweating without knowing why. Then I remembered fragments of a nightmare.

Someone whispered over me and I realized it was Mom, stroking me. I woke up into the real nightmare...my son Larry is dead.

I started to cry as Mom held me. She's been great throughout all this. I just hope I can be strong for Syrie, who's lost her brother.

I stared out the window into the late winter night and wondered how Mom got through her divorce. My parents had split up when I was twelve.

"Am I ever going to feel the same again..." I asked in a barely audible voice.

Mom stroked my honey-colored hair a minute and looked down at me.

"Things probably won't be exactly the way it was...and you'll feel sadness for a long time...but in time you and Syrie will find joy again. It'll take some time and you both have a lot of feelings to work through, but you're going to go on living...you'll see in time."

Mary Anne:

Flames shot up around me and the screaming was deafening. I frantically searched for a door, but couldn't find one. I struggled to carry Owen, but he was getting heavier and heavier. The plane was filling up with smoke and passengers were screaming and panicked and running around, bumping into me and each other, trying to escape. A sense of dread and hopelessness was suffocating me and I collapsed to the floor. I struggled to stand, but was unable to. I started to cough...

...and woke up coughing. I was home in my own bedroom. I tried taking a breath, but was gripped by another coughing spell and for a minute, thought I was wheezing. Something seemed to be choking me. That scared me and I sat up and pulled myself out of bed, but fell back. I sounded so awful I became more frightened.

I finally managed to take a deep gasp of air. My heart was pounding wildly; I was shaking violently, but finally was able to control my coughing.

Back here. I was here at home in New York. But not Owen.

I was still feeling the cold fear and it seeped through me as I turned on a lamp. The lamp threw a yellowish glow around the room. Yellowish glow...the awful yellow haze just before the plane went black...a fresh wave of fear gripped me and I shot out of bed and turned on the desk lamp. That drowned out the scary yellow cast to the room.

I brought it over to my beside table and turned off the bedside lamp, making a mental note to put it away for a while. I had the feeling I'd be wary of yellow-shaded lamps for a long time.

Tears rolled down my face and into my hair as I stared at the ceiling. I put on my glasses and read for a while. Some parts of the book were supposed to be funny, but I couldn't laugh. I wondered if I'd ever remember what it was like to laugh again.

The nightmares were coming more often now, almost every night. Sometimes it would be being trapped on a burning plane; other times it would be me seeing the plane at a distance on fire and falling apart and hearing the awful screams of panicked passengers.

Several times, I'd awakened screaming and either Dawn, Sharon, and Grandma would come in to see if I was all right. I felt a bit foolish waking them up with my screaming, but they reassured me that they were here for me and my girls.

During the day, I stayed close to my girls, just wanting to I guess make sure I was still here for them. Tam and Alma stayed close to each other as well.

Stacey and I talked every few days and I could tell it was tough going for her too. I was glad her mom was staying there for a couple of weeks too. But after two weeks, we'd both be heading back to work and our kids would be back in school.

Sympathy cards poured in for both of us. One touching card was from all of the classes I taught and another was from my fellow teachers and the principal, Alexa Zerra. Alexa had been planning a small luncheon for Owen and me when we got back from the teachers' conference, but with this loss, there wasn't really any reason to celebrate.

It had made me feel so bad that food had been ordered already and it had to be canceled. But there was no way, I could face anything like that. Alexa had been understanding and she'd called a few times to see how my family and I were holding up.

Tamara:

I was relieved that Aunt Dawn, Grandma Sharon, and Nana Verna stayed for two weeks after Dad was buried. Mom, courageous as she is, still needed help emotionally.

I was struggling to help Alma, who, like Mom, was having trouble holding food down. I myself felt emotionally battered from thrashing around inside between numbness and searing agony.

A few nights before they left, Aunt Sharon and her kids ordered rotisserie chicken, one of our favorite foods.

"Oh, Dawn...Ben...Sierra...thanks," Mom sounded hoarse from another long crying spell.

We ate quietly. Aunt Dawn and Grandma Sharon are vegetarians, so they had salads.

Alma was able to eat a few bites. I ate without really tasting the food.

Mom ate, but I could see that she had trouble swallowing. I can also see that her face is still strangely swollen. I have the feeling Mom has been having nightmares. It must have been so terrifying for her to be in that plane knowing that it was going to crash.

Stacey:

It was so good to have Mom here to help my daughter and me through those first awful two weeks. After Mom checked for the millionth time that I'd be all right, we hugged.

It was almost a relief that I'd be headed back to work Monday again and that Syrie was looking forward to going back to school. I'd talked with Mary Anne last night and she too was almost ready to go back to work. We wished each other good luck before we'd hung up.

I was glad that even though I was in pain, I'd been able to be there for Mary Anne. It must be so awful for her to be widowed. And to have gone through something so traumatic as a plane crash.

"Honey, if you need me," Mom gave me one last hug before getting into her car. "I'm just a phone call or an e-mail away. Just for anything...if you feel pressure building or need more help..."

"Thanks, Mom," I gave her a kiss. "Thanks for being here for me and Syrie."

We hugged one last time before Mom drove off. Syrie and I slowly waved, then headed inside. The house still felt very vacant without Larry and Jon. Our hearts were heavy. I'd need to be strong in the next few months, especially for Syrie

"Mom..." Syrie said softly.

"Yes, honey..."

"I think it's good we're going back to school and work next week."

"You know what?" I put my arms around her and kissed her on her head. "Me too."

Mary Anne:

On Sunday night, Stacey and I wished each other good luck over the phone...then on Monday, my kids went back to school and I went back to work.

At first, it was scary and surreal. I felt people looking at me as I walked down the hallway to my classroom. I was early, so I arrived before my homeroom students did.

It was a little eerie, the silence. Back in the lounge, a few of my co-workers had hugged me and extended condolences. Now here I was back on the job.

I walked around, needing to make sure this was real. That I was still alive. I was widowed, but alive.

Even the early March sky outdoors didn't seem real for a minute. I saw a few buds and that brought tears to my eyes, knowing that Owen would never see another season change. They spilled down my face as I sat.

The bell rang and I hastily took off my glasses and wiped my eyes just as my students started coming in. Most of them sat, but a few of them peered at me in concern.

Once homeroom started, I thanked them for their thoughtful card, then added that it was all right to mention my late husband, that if I cried, it was be perfectly natural.

Most of the students relaxed and I was relieved. I didn't want them feeling like they had to walk on eggshells around me. Hurdle one down, I thought once homeroom ended and I got ready for my first-period students.

I picked up Tam and Alma after work from the after-school care that evening. All three of us were mostly quiet on the way home after I'd asked how they'd survived their day. The quiet of the car surrounded us in the early March dusk.

It was still cold, but held a faint glimmer of spring. We got home and I flipped the light on and checked my phone for messages. Dawn and Sharon had left messages.

The house still felt so strange without Owen. I think even our cat, Sunset, sensed it as she wandered in and rubbed against our legs.

"It still feels odd without Dad," Tam whispered.

"I know," I told her. The three of us stood in the living room a minute, our eyes bright with brimming tears. Finally, I took a breath as some of my tears spilled over. "Girls, it's been a long day. Why don't we ditch cooking anything and order out tonight?"

"Yeahhh," "Alll riiight," were their responses.

We decided on a pizza, then once it arrived, we sat around the kitchen table and had our dinner. I knew that there would be a gaping hole in our lives for a long time without Owen. But I was glad we were coming back into our routine lives.

My students were understandably still a little cautious around me, but I reassured them I'd be all right, that if I cried, it would be normal and natural. I looked at my girls and thought of my "other" kids...my students and suddenly being back at work felt a lot better.

"Mom..." Alma told me. "I...miss Daddy, but I'm glad to be back at school again and glad you're back at work again."

"So am I," Tamara added, licking the cheese off her third piece.

"You know what?" I managed a weak smile my first one in two weeks. "So am I. My students and you girls have been great through this awful time."

We stood up and hugged. I knew we'd feel sad about Owen for a long time and we each had a lot more crying to do, but being back at work and school and our normal daily routine felt a hell of a lot better!

I felt calmer knowing that I could be the anchor for my kids and that always they could look up to me to help them grow stronger. It would be a struggle at times, but I'd finish raising them as a single mom.