Title: Hello
Goodbye (11/12) - Xander
Author: Jeffrey
Patrick
Description: The
Scooby Gang must undergo seperate trials in order to bring the Slayer back to
life.
Disclaimer: I
own nothing but a straw hat and some head cheese. Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy
own Buffy and all related characters. I simply bow to their superior wisdom.
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Xander ran his left thumb over
the sore knuckles of his right hand. He had forgotten that vamps didn't go down
so easily. He glanced at his watch. It was eight minutes to midnight. The test
would begin soon. "Great," he said to himself. "I always do so
well with tests. Ugh!"
Anya smiled at him just as he
turned his attention back to Giles. He was frustrated and not just a little
scared. He tried to listen to Giles, but it only made the chance for Buffy to
return seem that much more bleak. He glanced at Willow and Tara. They were as scared
as he was. He gave a slight smile before looking to Cordelia. She grinned at
him weakly. He missed her. Not in a "I want to play naked Twister with
you" kind of way, but in a "I've missed having you attack my
manliness, because it always made me smile" kind of way.
Anya tensed. He knew she was a
little jealous, but she shouldn't have been. He loved her. Nothing would change
that. For a moment, the night that Buffy died, he thought he had lost his love.
He had watched in horror as debris rained down on her from the construction
site turned battleground. He remembered shouting her name in a panic, not sure
if she would ever say his again. He found her, battered but breathing, and his
heart rejoiced.
Only moments later, he cradled
her in his arms, looking down at Buffy's lifeless body. It was then that it had
happened. A thought spilled into his head that he had cursed himself for ever
since. It had eaten away at him... tortured him until it exploded out as rage.
Spike had been taking the physical side of it. The rest of the gang had been
forced to deal with his mouth. He caught the last part of Giles' warning and
felt compelled to reply.
"That's it, Giles, from now
on you don't get to make the big pre-battle speech, because you're..."
There was a flash of light.
"... officially up for the award for the redundancy of the year award for
redundancy." Suddenly, the view around him had changed. Anya was gone, as
were the others. He stood among the rubble of the Master's lair. He looked at
his watch, and rolled his eyes. "My watch was slow. That figures."
"Sure it's just your watch
that's slow?"
Xander immediately recognized
the voice. He scanned the rubble for a makeshift stake. Not finding one he
relied on charm. Turning to face his guest, he put on a warm smile.
"Jesse, old pal, how are you?"
"Relax, Xan. It's me, the
real Jesse. I'm not that stupid monster that you had to dust."
"How can I know that for
sure?" Xander asked, taking a step closer to the pile of rubble to his
right.
"Hmm. You could put a piece
of wood through my heart." He turned his back as he spoke. Xander grabbed
a broken piece of board and shoved it through his heart from behind.
Jesse turned, looking startled.
"Ow! I was only kidding! Jeez!"
"On the plus side,"
Xander pointed out, "you didn't poof."
Jesse pulled the board out from
the front. He was completely whole. Even his shirt was unharmed. "Nice to
know you won't be breaking out the Dirt Devil."
"So," Xander said,
obviously feeling uncomfortable. "You're really..."
"Yeah."
Xander took a step forward, as
though he considered embracing his old friend but then quickly looked away.
"I'm sorry, man... for everything that happened."
Jesse grinned. "It all
good, man. I was dead the moment I starting chatting up that Darla chick."
"I should've been
there."
"You were. You were there
to see that the demon who was wearing my face paid for making me dance with
Cordelia."
Xander smiled. "You liked
her."
"So did you. Death has it's
advantages, my friend. I know she dug you back for a while."
Xander sat down Indian-style on
the hard ground. "That's history."
"I know," Jesse said,
sitting next to him. "Anya is quite the hottie. A bit strange but..."
"Jesse," Xander
interrupted. "What's my test?"
Jesse smiled at him.
"Relax. This isn't Ms. Berlutti's Chem class. You'll do fine."
Xander ran his right hand
through his hair. "But what's the test?"
"Well, I have to show you
something," Jesse said. "After I do, you have to make a decision. As
long as you pay attention, you'll do fine."
Xander stared at the ground and
nodded weakly.
"Xan," Jesse said.
"It was a human response."
Xander looked at him. He was
obviously perplexed. "What do you...?"
"The thought."
Xander looked away again.
"You can read my mind?"
"No. The Powers showed
me."
"I don't want to talk about
it." Xander picked up a small piece of rubble and hurled it across the
Master's lair.
"Yes, you do," Jesse
said softly. "Buffy was dead. You were just..."
"Glad it was her instead of
Anya!" Xander shouted, standing to his feet and kicking over a dust
covered chair. Jesse remained silent watching his friend's chest rise and fall
with his heavy breathing. He could almost hear Xander's heart pounding. Xander
turned to face him. Tears ran down his face. "I was glad, Jesse. I was
glad it was her. I knew."
"You knew what?"
"That someone wouldn't make
it. That we wouldn't all make it out. And when I saw her... I was glad that it
was her... and not Anya." He closed his eyes and let the tears flow. Jesse
stood to his feet.
"Xander, Anya is like a
part of you... It's only natural that you were glad she survived. You didn't
want Buffy dead. You've saved her life yourself plenty of times. It was a human
response. Buffy knows that you love her, Xan. She counts on you and Giles way
more than she would ever admit."
Xander wiped away his tears with
the back of his hand. "What are you talking about?"
"Don't you see? Every man
in her life, except for you and stuck-up-British-guy, has walked out on her.
Her dad did. Pike did. Angel did. Riley did. They all leave... except for the
two of you."
"Who's Pike?"
"Forget I mentioned him.
Look, Xan, the bottom line is... she needed you in life, and she needs you now.
It's up to you to figure out how to help her. Ready to take a little
trip?"
Xander closed his eyes, putting
away his fear. "Let's do this."
The Master's lair faded from
site.
Xander looked around him. There
was darkness all around save for the tiniest pinprick of light. "Where are
we?" he asked.
"The Inbetween," Jesse
said softly. "A place between dimensions where anything is possible... as
long as you have access to that." Jesse pointed to the fragment of light
that hovered alone in the darkness.
"What is that?"
"The key. The Powers control
it now. The danger has passed. It can be used by the white hats now."
Xander stepped closer to it.
Somehow he knew that his perspective was skewed... like he was high above it
all looking down. "Dawn?"
"Not now, no. But with the
key, the Powers are offering you a unique chance."
"Which is?"
"The power to make a
difference. To really be someone. It's a comic book junkie's dream come
true."
Xander put his hand on his old
friend's shoulder. "In English, Kemosabe. Use small words with three syllables
or less."
"You. As. Spider-man."
Jesse said. "Or James Bond. Or Brody from Mallrats, if you think he can
make a difference."
"What are you talking
about?"
"I'm talking about endless
possibilities. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret." Xander leaned in
close. "There are millions of other dimensions."
"Right," Xander said.
"That's where the demons come from."
"Sometimes, yes,"
Jesse admitted. "But there are parallel worlds to ours. There are earths
that share common elements down to our Texas president but have other elements
that are far different."
Xander looked at the key.
"And Dawn has access to those? How does that help Buffy?"
"The Powers don't over
share, but let's look at what I do know. There is one beginning reality...
let's call that one Earth Prime. Every creative idea they have mirrors
something that exists on one of these alternate worlds. Now, it may be that
they think of these things and new worlds are born from their ideas. Or maybe
when they create, they somehow tap into these other worlds. I don't know about
all that. But on Earth Prime, everyone knows about Buffy."
"You mean they know about
her being the Slayer?"
"Yeah. She has her own TV
show and everything."
"Really?"
"Yep. Tuesdays at 7
central. UPN. Grr. Argh."
"UPN?"
Jesse shrugged. "I can't
get a clear look into the future there, so I can't promise that if they bring
her back to life there that it will happen here as well."
"You have 'but' face.
Spill."
"You could start over. The
Powers will let you go to any of these worlds and find a destiny for yourself
as an honest-to-God hero. You could be Spider-man, like I said. There are
several worlds full of superheroes and villains. You could be a Jedi, or a
Highlander. Heck, you could be Bill Gates and buy off anyone who wants to hurt
her. Whoever you are, you can come back before the fight with Glory. You may be
able to save her single-handedly. You could be the hero."
"The hero," Xander
repeated.
"You know it," Jesse
said, patting him on the back. "And all you have to do is decide who you
wanna be. It could be that not all of your options would be helpful. Your test
is to make the right decision."
"Can I think about
this?"
"Sure," Jesses said.
"Time is relative here."
Xander began to pace. He always
did that when he was pondering something important. He pictured himself in
heroic moments... spinning a web to catch a thief, or throwing a star-spangled
shield. Then he imagined himself as a Cold War spy with gadgets galore.
"C'mon Xander," he thought to himself. "You've always wanted to
be the hero. Think! Who would help Buffy the most?"
Hours passed... maybe even days
for all Xander knew. He had long given up trying to picture the possibilities.
There were far too many to choose from. Instead, he focused on Buffy and what
she needed. They had gotten closer over the past year, reestablishing the bond
they had lost her first year in college. When her mom had died, he felt it
sharply, both because he missed Joyce and because he could almost feel Buffy's
heart breaking. They had made it through together. He, Willow and Buffy had a
friendship like none other he had ever seen.
Memories flooded his mind. He
saw himself in that big, puffy training suit being embraced by Buffy. He saw
them with Willow on the dance floor of the Bronze, dancing themselves dizzy.
The images came rapidly, flooding his senses. For an instant, he was there...
living in each of those moments... and when they ended, he knew.
"I made my decision,"
Xander said, stepping back toward Jesse who had been waiting silently.
"I'm ready."
"Good," Jesse said,
shoving him playfully. "It sure took you long enough. What's your
flavor?"
"I wanna be me,"
Xander said flatly. "No powers. No costumes. No gadgets, and sadly, no
girls."
"What?" Jesse seemed
guenuinely confused. "Why not?"
Xander grinned. It was his first
real smile since Buffy died. "Because I figured it out. Buffy doesn't need
a hero. She IS a hero."
"Then what does she
need?"
"You said it yourself. She
needs ME. She needs my humanity. My brain ran through nearly every moment I
spent with her, including that moment when I looked down at her broken body.
Maybe if I had a superpower... or some special skill... I could have kept her
from dying then. I could've beaten Glory. But..."
"But what?"
"Maybe if I was someone
else, I never would have made her smile. Maybe someone else wouldn't have been
able to cry with her when her mom died. Maybe a hero couldn't send her crashing
back down to reality the way I have to sometimes. A hero would consider her an
equal. To me... she's Buffy. She's amazing. I love her. She and Willow and I...
even Giles... we're family. She doesn't need a hero. She needs me."
"Is that your final
answer?" Jesse asked.
Xander raised his eyebrows.
"The one thing all those
worlds have in common," Jesse said. "Regis. Go figure."
"I'm sure of my
answer," Xander said. "What happens next?"
Jesse stuck out his hand.
"We say goodbye."
Xander shook his hand before
pulling him into a hug. "Jesse, if I could have..."
"I know, man," Jesse
said. "I know."
Jesse faded from view leaving
Xander momentarily alone in the darkness. Then, as he himself began to fade, he
felt cool lips against his cheek. He turned and saw her for the briefest of
moments before she was gone.
"Buffy!"
Even as he called to her, he
realized he was back in the Magic Box. Giles and the others cast glances back
and forth. The clock on the wall showed that it was midnight. Without speaking
a word, they all knew the tests had already taken place. One by one, they
discussed their tests, marvelling at one another's stories. Xander paid no
attention to them. His mind kept rolling over what he saw in the Inbetween. He
didn't know how long they had been talking, or even that anyone was addressing
him until Giles placed his hand on his shoulder.
"Xander?" Giles
repeated. "You haven't spoke a word since the testing. Not even to Anya.
Did... did you fail the test?"
"I saw her," Xander
said, a single tear plunging from his chin. "I saw her, Giles."
"Y-you saw... her?"
Willow repeated. Dawn stepped over to him with tears in her eyes, and took his
hand. There was a silence for a few moments. Giles was the first to break it.
"You saw... Buffy?"
Xander nodded slowly. "I
could feel her...see her. Guys..."
They all stared at him waiting
to hear two very beautiful words. He didn't leave them wanting.
"She's alive."