title: There Is A Light That Never Goes Out
author: nostalgia
rating: PG-13 for the violence
spoilers: "Vaderisation" - Ep 3/4. (some in the preamble)
disclaimer: I own nothing, I make no money. From anything. Ever. *sigh*
catagory: Yet More Angst.
summary: A Duel of the Fates
comments: I'm assuming here that Anakin uses the name Vader before he ends up in the suit. You can disagree, but tough, it's written now and I'm not going to change it just for you. :P This is based on the "Lava Pit" thing people keep going on about for Ep3. So, the Evil Emperor may have fished Ani out and rebuilt him, but how did the kid get there in the first place...?
-----
The salty, metallic taste of my own blood pooling in my mouth cleared my head after its impact with the floor. I realised as I recovered from my daze that I wasn't going to be able to get upright again fast enough to avoid the killing blow. I rolled to my left, aggravating the torn flesh on my upper arm. My opponent's balance was upset just enough to give me the time I needed. I scrambled to my feet, taking longer than I had anticipated; a fact which caused yet another stab of panic in the pit of my stomach. iI'm going to die here, aren't I?/i
Oh, Anakin, how did it come to this?
*Swipe*
My limbs ached as I parried the blow. How long had we been fighting? br
Not much longer, I judged. I could feel myself losing my focus, balance and strength. My breathing had long since become ragged, my muscles complaining of the slightest movement.
I was not afraid to die: I was afraid to let him win. I could not afford to lose this duel; every living being in this galaxy was at risk if I did. I knew that I should have died already. I was being kept alive by the Force flowing through my veins. It had been aiding me from the start, but now iI/i was aiding iit/i. Disembodied, the Force is powerless, I was trained from childhood to give it form, to be a vessel to be guided and advised. Only now was I truly feeling this Force for what it is. br
I had felt - I am certain, I would swear on all that I cherish - my heart stop. The strain I was subjecting it to simply proved too much. I cursed that it would end this way, that I would be defeated not by the penetrating blade of a Sith but by my own flesh. And then, with bare a moment's pause, it had started again. I felt the Force rush in and take control. The midichlorians in my body deciding to use and control their host fully for the first time. They kick-started those parts of my body that were close to collapse. I was needed, they told me, I wasn't going to be iallowed/i to die so easily. br
I soon discovered, however, that even the Force has its limitations. br
I tried to wipe sweat from my eyes with my sleeve, only to find that the sleeve itself was saturated with blood and with sweat. This had to end soon. iPlease, let me rest./i
All verbal exchange had long-since ceased. What little either Anakin or I could find to say to each other was lost in exhaustion of the fight. Somehow, I felt disappointed by this.
*Slash*
It caught me by surprise, off-guard. The Dark in his blood pushed out and took my balance. The air left my lungs as I hit the ground, lightsaber skidding away from my grip. I lay, unable to move, let alone to get up and fight back. iThis is it then/I, I thought to myself as his footsteps moved closer. I closed my eyes in silent apology to the Force I had failed. He pulled me up, dragging me to my knees. I tipped forwards, hitting the floor without resistance. I felt a boot in my side.
"Up!" He whispered, voice harsh from exertion.
I found myself pulled up again. He pulled his lightsaber back, ready to end the fight. I locked my gaze with his.
"It ends like this?" I managed.
"I...," he faltered slightly. For a moment there was no sound but our exhausted breathing. Finally he recovered his resolve; "Go."
I looked at him.
"Go," he repeated. "You walk away this time...but if we meet again I swear I'll kill you without a moment's hesitation."
"No. It ends now. Here. Only one of us can leave, Anakin. You knew that when we started this."
I expected death, a sudden union with the Force. Instead my former apprentice dropped to his knees before me.
"I can't do this." He sounded amazed. I felt the confusion leaking out from his mind into mine. It is a bemusing honour to be the only thing a Sith cannot bear to kill.
iHe hasn't turned yet./i The realisation shocked me. I had spent the last year believing him lost, that there was no way back. I had thought him beyond redemption, but here I was faced with the truth. Anakin had caused the deaths of billions...yet he still had some good in him. I was the trigger for the Light he had tried to extinguish.i Can he be brought back?/i, I asked of the battered Force within me. It answered.
I pulled Anakin into me, holding him as he wept. The Force gave me my answer again, trying to break through the walls building swiftly in my mind. I took his lightsaber from his hand gently, whispering quiet comfort to him. The Dark had retreated slightly from Anakin, the memories of what he had done suddenly hitting him with new and crippling weight.
iHe is still Anakin/i, I protested. iYes/i, was the whispered reply in mind, iand if Anakin has done all this, what will Vader do?/i I could bring him back if only I was given the chance, it must be possible, it had to be. If there was even the slightest chance...
Sometimes, the slightest chance is not enough.
The Force stirred in me, pushing and demanding. It knew exactly what was needed, even if I was still unsure. But it could do nothing without me, now that my battle-weary body was again growing strong enough to resist.
One word: iobedience/i. It arrived in the voice of the Master I had lost so soon after he had found Anakin, before I had even become a Knight. I could never fail to do as that voice bid me, especially now, after I had spent so many years torturing myself for failing him in myriad imagined ways.
Anakin gasped in surprise as the blade slid through him, puncturing his heart and destroying the delicate matter of his lungs with its cauterizing heat. He fell lifeless from my arms as my aching limbs lost their strength once again.
I collapsed to the ground, lying next to Anakin's slowly cooling body as the Force began to repair the damage to my body. When it was finished not a single bruise, nor cut, nor burn would remain from this encounter. It expressed it's regret that my mind would not be so easily healed. As it worked, its reasoning clarified in my mind. Anakin could not be turned. He had approached the Dark, and had been embraced by it completely. There was, the Force agreed, a slight, tenative chance. But the risk was too great. I had taken the only certain path. Anakin was gone, Vader was gone. The Dark Side was weakened, it's defeat almost certain.
The Force was insistent about the body. The lava would make swift work of the corpse. Once again I did as I was instructed.
As I left the cavern, tear-stung eyes downcast, heart sinking into a pit deeper than the one in which I had left my loyal apprentice and my closest friend, the Force made its attempts to soothe me with the one thought that could offer any solace. br
iAt least the Dark Times are over now./i
author: nostalgia
rating: PG-13 for the violence
spoilers: "Vaderisation" - Ep 3/4. (some in the preamble)
disclaimer: I own nothing, I make no money. From anything. Ever. *sigh*
catagory: Yet More Angst.
summary: A Duel of the Fates
comments: I'm assuming here that Anakin uses the name Vader before he ends up in the suit. You can disagree, but tough, it's written now and I'm not going to change it just for you. :P This is based on the "Lava Pit" thing people keep going on about for Ep3. So, the Evil Emperor may have fished Ani out and rebuilt him, but how did the kid get there in the first place...?
-----
The salty, metallic taste of my own blood pooling in my mouth cleared my head after its impact with the floor. I realised as I recovered from my daze that I wasn't going to be able to get upright again fast enough to avoid the killing blow. I rolled to my left, aggravating the torn flesh on my upper arm. My opponent's balance was upset just enough to give me the time I needed. I scrambled to my feet, taking longer than I had anticipated; a fact which caused yet another stab of panic in the pit of my stomach. iI'm going to die here, aren't I?/i
Oh, Anakin, how did it come to this?
*Swipe*
My limbs ached as I parried the blow. How long had we been fighting? br
Not much longer, I judged. I could feel myself losing my focus, balance and strength. My breathing had long since become ragged, my muscles complaining of the slightest movement.
I was not afraid to die: I was afraid to let him win. I could not afford to lose this duel; every living being in this galaxy was at risk if I did. I knew that I should have died already. I was being kept alive by the Force flowing through my veins. It had been aiding me from the start, but now iI/i was aiding iit/i. Disembodied, the Force is powerless, I was trained from childhood to give it form, to be a vessel to be guided and advised. Only now was I truly feeling this Force for what it is. br
I had felt - I am certain, I would swear on all that I cherish - my heart stop. The strain I was subjecting it to simply proved too much. I cursed that it would end this way, that I would be defeated not by the penetrating blade of a Sith but by my own flesh. And then, with bare a moment's pause, it had started again. I felt the Force rush in and take control. The midichlorians in my body deciding to use and control their host fully for the first time. They kick-started those parts of my body that were close to collapse. I was needed, they told me, I wasn't going to be iallowed/i to die so easily. br
I soon discovered, however, that even the Force has its limitations. br
I tried to wipe sweat from my eyes with my sleeve, only to find that the sleeve itself was saturated with blood and with sweat. This had to end soon. iPlease, let me rest./i
All verbal exchange had long-since ceased. What little either Anakin or I could find to say to each other was lost in exhaustion of the fight. Somehow, I felt disappointed by this.
*Slash*
It caught me by surprise, off-guard. The Dark in his blood pushed out and took my balance. The air left my lungs as I hit the ground, lightsaber skidding away from my grip. I lay, unable to move, let alone to get up and fight back. iThis is it then/I, I thought to myself as his footsteps moved closer. I closed my eyes in silent apology to the Force I had failed. He pulled me up, dragging me to my knees. I tipped forwards, hitting the floor without resistance. I felt a boot in my side.
"Up!" He whispered, voice harsh from exertion.
I found myself pulled up again. He pulled his lightsaber back, ready to end the fight. I locked my gaze with his.
"It ends like this?" I managed.
"I...," he faltered slightly. For a moment there was no sound but our exhausted breathing. Finally he recovered his resolve; "Go."
I looked at him.
"Go," he repeated. "You walk away this time...but if we meet again I swear I'll kill you without a moment's hesitation."
"No. It ends now. Here. Only one of us can leave, Anakin. You knew that when we started this."
I expected death, a sudden union with the Force. Instead my former apprentice dropped to his knees before me.
"I can't do this." He sounded amazed. I felt the confusion leaking out from his mind into mine. It is a bemusing honour to be the only thing a Sith cannot bear to kill.
iHe hasn't turned yet./i The realisation shocked me. I had spent the last year believing him lost, that there was no way back. I had thought him beyond redemption, but here I was faced with the truth. Anakin had caused the deaths of billions...yet he still had some good in him. I was the trigger for the Light he had tried to extinguish.i Can he be brought back?/i, I asked of the battered Force within me. It answered.
I pulled Anakin into me, holding him as he wept. The Force gave me my answer again, trying to break through the walls building swiftly in my mind. I took his lightsaber from his hand gently, whispering quiet comfort to him. The Dark had retreated slightly from Anakin, the memories of what he had done suddenly hitting him with new and crippling weight.
iHe is still Anakin/i, I protested. iYes/i, was the whispered reply in mind, iand if Anakin has done all this, what will Vader do?/i I could bring him back if only I was given the chance, it must be possible, it had to be. If there was even the slightest chance...
Sometimes, the slightest chance is not enough.
The Force stirred in me, pushing and demanding. It knew exactly what was needed, even if I was still unsure. But it could do nothing without me, now that my battle-weary body was again growing strong enough to resist.
One word: iobedience/i. It arrived in the voice of the Master I had lost so soon after he had found Anakin, before I had even become a Knight. I could never fail to do as that voice bid me, especially now, after I had spent so many years torturing myself for failing him in myriad imagined ways.
Anakin gasped in surprise as the blade slid through him, puncturing his heart and destroying the delicate matter of his lungs with its cauterizing heat. He fell lifeless from my arms as my aching limbs lost their strength once again.
I collapsed to the ground, lying next to Anakin's slowly cooling body as the Force began to repair the damage to my body. When it was finished not a single bruise, nor cut, nor burn would remain from this encounter. It expressed it's regret that my mind would not be so easily healed. As it worked, its reasoning clarified in my mind. Anakin could not be turned. He had approached the Dark, and had been embraced by it completely. There was, the Force agreed, a slight, tenative chance. But the risk was too great. I had taken the only certain path. Anakin was gone, Vader was gone. The Dark Side was weakened, it's defeat almost certain.
The Force was insistent about the body. The lava would make swift work of the corpse. Once again I did as I was instructed.
As I left the cavern, tear-stung eyes downcast, heart sinking into a pit deeper than the one in which I had left my loyal apprentice and my closest friend, the Force made its attempts to soothe me with the one thought that could offer any solace. br
iAt least the Dark Times are over now./i