"I'm gonna fall over..."
Ash raised an eyebrow at me, then laughed as he stuffed another axe into one of the numerous belt loops I'd been covered in earlier. I swear, from the artillery he was putting all over me, you'd think we were taking on a Roman legion instead of hunting one Damned soul. But the clerk, who was even now gassing up the monstrous chainsaw I'd seen in action hours before, had assured me that this was necessary. Actually, considering the look in his eyes as he said it, I think the scarred man would have been more comfortable if we'd simply rolled in with a tank.
I wasn't exactly against this idea, especially since it'd be nice to have something to carry all this artillery. I looked myself over for the fourth time.
Chainsaw in my hands.
Axe on one side.
Sword on the other.
Sawed-off shotgun on my back.
And I didn't have half of the stuff that Ash had on him.
"How can you carry all of that crap, let alone fight with it on?" I asked, the wonder in my voice easy to hear.
He smiled at me. "Adrenaline can do amazing things." The clerk replied simply, "And it's better to be prepared."
"For what? The apocalypse?"
"Those are a bitch..." he commented as he bent down to tie his boots.
"Those...what?" I asked in confusion.
"Apocalypses...ssss..." he pronounced awkwardly as he switched to his other foot, "You know, they really ought to figure out a plural for that word..."
I just stared at him. There was nothing I could say to that. There is nothing that can be said to something like that. I think even my employer might have been dumbfounded in the face of such a statement.
There was silence as he finished tying his shoes while I recovered. But I felt the need to break it.
"So," I asked with a deep breath out as I shrugged my way into my trenchcoat. Sure, it blocks my access to a couple of the weapons, but I felt naked without it.
"So."
"So." I repeated as I leaned against the wall in an attempt to at least look cool and calm, "You ready?"
Again he grinned at me, which was getting rather irritating. I don't know...his grin just made me think that he was laughing at me. Lucky for him, it wasn't a nasty sort of laughter. If it was, job or no job, I woulda punched him by now.
"I live ready..." he told me with utter seriousness, "Got to in this business..."
"And what business is that?" I asked carefully.
"Retail." Ash replied with complete calm, "It's also very useful for fighting the powers of evil and darkness, if I may say so."
I stared at him. "You're a real ass, you know..."
Now he laughed outright. "Yeah, I know. But better an ass then dead..."
"Amen." I agreed. I was the person smiling now. And it felt good.
Sure, I was heading off to what could be my second death, but I was kinda pumped about it.
"Now," Ash began, straightening up to look me in the eye, "When we're traveling in the woods, there are a few ground rules to follow if you want to stay ali-"
He stopped.
"Around..." he finished carefully. Jeez, they find out you're dead, and suddenly THEN they try to be cautious with you. "Rule number one is this: Trees can be deadly."
"Okay..."
"Rule Two: If something drops to the ground after threatening you, it's not dead. It's a trick. Pull out the axe.
"Rule Three: I tell you to do something, you do it.
"Rule Four, the most important: Do whatever you have to do to survive without killing me in the process..."
He looked to me with a leery eye.
"Can you handle this?"
I held up the chainsaw and nodded.
"Yeah, I can deal." I told him simply, "But we'd better be going now...before the sun sets."
"Don't matter..." Ash told me gruffly as he stared at the shiny black chainsaw, "The second we hit that forest, the sun sets. The second we're in the trees, we're in the dark. And the second the light leaves, we're easy prey..."
Ash raised an eyebrow at me, then laughed as he stuffed another axe into one of the numerous belt loops I'd been covered in earlier. I swear, from the artillery he was putting all over me, you'd think we were taking on a Roman legion instead of hunting one Damned soul. But the clerk, who was even now gassing up the monstrous chainsaw I'd seen in action hours before, had assured me that this was necessary. Actually, considering the look in his eyes as he said it, I think the scarred man would have been more comfortable if we'd simply rolled in with a tank.
I wasn't exactly against this idea, especially since it'd be nice to have something to carry all this artillery. I looked myself over for the fourth time.
Chainsaw in my hands.
Axe on one side.
Sword on the other.
Sawed-off shotgun on my back.
And I didn't have half of the stuff that Ash had on him.
"How can you carry all of that crap, let alone fight with it on?" I asked, the wonder in my voice easy to hear.
He smiled at me. "Adrenaline can do amazing things." The clerk replied simply, "And it's better to be prepared."
"For what? The apocalypse?"
"Those are a bitch..." he commented as he bent down to tie his boots.
"Those...what?" I asked in confusion.
"Apocalypses...ssss..." he pronounced awkwardly as he switched to his other foot, "You know, they really ought to figure out a plural for that word..."
I just stared at him. There was nothing I could say to that. There is nothing that can be said to something like that. I think even my employer might have been dumbfounded in the face of such a statement.
There was silence as he finished tying his shoes while I recovered. But I felt the need to break it.
"So," I asked with a deep breath out as I shrugged my way into my trenchcoat. Sure, it blocks my access to a couple of the weapons, but I felt naked without it.
"So."
"So." I repeated as I leaned against the wall in an attempt to at least look cool and calm, "You ready?"
Again he grinned at me, which was getting rather irritating. I don't know...his grin just made me think that he was laughing at me. Lucky for him, it wasn't a nasty sort of laughter. If it was, job or no job, I woulda punched him by now.
"I live ready..." he told me with utter seriousness, "Got to in this business..."
"And what business is that?" I asked carefully.
"Retail." Ash replied with complete calm, "It's also very useful for fighting the powers of evil and darkness, if I may say so."
I stared at him. "You're a real ass, you know..."
Now he laughed outright. "Yeah, I know. But better an ass then dead..."
"Amen." I agreed. I was the person smiling now. And it felt good.
Sure, I was heading off to what could be my second death, but I was kinda pumped about it.
"Now," Ash began, straightening up to look me in the eye, "When we're traveling in the woods, there are a few ground rules to follow if you want to stay ali-"
He stopped.
"Around..." he finished carefully. Jeez, they find out you're dead, and suddenly THEN they try to be cautious with you. "Rule number one is this: Trees can be deadly."
"Okay..."
"Rule Two: If something drops to the ground after threatening you, it's not dead. It's a trick. Pull out the axe.
"Rule Three: I tell you to do something, you do it.
"Rule Four, the most important: Do whatever you have to do to survive without killing me in the process..."
He looked to me with a leery eye.
"Can you handle this?"
I held up the chainsaw and nodded.
"Yeah, I can deal." I told him simply, "But we'd better be going now...before the sun sets."
"Don't matter..." Ash told me gruffly as he stared at the shiny black chainsaw, "The second we hit that forest, the sun sets. The second we're in the trees, we're in the dark. And the second the light leaves, we're easy prey..."