Disclaimer: I do not own any character of ER, so don't sue me…
Author's Note: I've totally been ignoring the medical aspect of the ER, but it's all for the sake of the story. Besides, I am a little ignorant in that department, so please bear with me. Hope you like the story so far! Please read and review.
"Hey, uh, Abby, I was just wonderin' if we could talk sometime." There, he had said it, plain and simple. "You free during lunch?"
Abby placed the hypodermic needle back onto the plate. "Nope, not during lunch. I'm eating with Kovac. But I am free tonight. You good then?"
"Nothing with Kovac tonight?"
"He accidentally took the graveyard shift, so he's stuck here all night. I should stay to keep him company, but he won't mind if I –"
"Nah, nah, I mean, it's not even that big of a deal." He shrugged a shoulder. "I guess I just needed someone to talk to…just about…stuff…" He circled his foot nervously on the floor. He felt like he was in 11th grade again, asking Sara Carmichael to Junior Prom.
Abby nodded, "I understand. Um, when do you get off? Seven? Yeah, sure, we can talk then."
"In the lobby."
"It's as good a place as any." She smiled, her brown eyes twinkling. God, she's beautiful…
"Hey, thanks, Abby."
"Anytime, Carter. Look, I gotta go. I have something to take care of, so…"
"Right, right. I've got a patient in 3, so talk to you later." She nodded and walked off. Carter watched her figure until it disappeared around the corner, then sighed, and drew the curtain aside for the patient in 3. Mr. Radinsky had started to struggle again, and in his zealousness, smacked Carter across the face. Clutching his cheek, Carter ran out and waved to Dave.
"Dave, I've got a violent one in 3. Could you help out and get Malik to bring 10 mils of benzodiazepine."
After binding the guy to the beg, Dave looked at Carter and seeing no one else
around, burst out, "Carter, is it true you're thinking about leaving County?"
Carter looked up from the file, startled. "Were you talking to Abby?"
"So it's true? You're leaving?"
"Why would I do a thing like that?" Carter said, injecting Radinsky with the benzo.
"Well, Hal- I mean, somebody said that 'cause you're not being considered for Chief Res, you're –"
"I'm splitting? I do have a little integrity, Dave."
"Nah, I just wanted to make sure. I mean, I'd…we'd…hate to lose you, Carter."
"And I'd miss you too, Dave."
Malucci eyebrowed him. "Not as much as you'd miss a certain brunette nurse."
"How do you know?"
"Whoa, Carter, you've lost it…" Dave threw his hands in the air. "You didn't even bother to cover it up or deny it or…"
"Could you just tell me how you know?"
"Uh, word gets around."
"Even though I haven't even talked to Abby about it?"
"'Course. It's gossip, Carter. What do you expect?"
"I'm assuming you – or anybody else who knows – will do me the common courtesy of not letting Abby know before I do."
Dave laughed. "Hah, and when might that be?"
"Tonight."
"You're kidding, right? You're telling her?" Dave looked shocked. "You do realize she is going out with Kovac, right? I mean, I thought this was just a look-don't-touch sorta crush."
Carter sighed, just realizing he could have saved himself a lot of grief, if he had just denied it from the first, but… Now, he constantly had to worry that Abby was going to hear it from everybody else before he even got a chance. God, I need a cigarette… "Hey, Malucci, take care of this one. I'm going outside for a breather."
"Hey, but…"
Carter got outside and stood against the wall, watching the people come in and out. He massaged his temples with his finger. Looking up, he saw Dr. Chen running toward the ER, the same long black cocktail dress and boots he had seen so many times peeking out from under her lab coat. "Deb, you're late," he sang, cracking a smile.
He expected her to make some hard comeback, but she waved him off. "Get off my back, Carter. You don't know the half of it." Seeing that look in her eyes, he knew to back off. He breathed in another gulp of cold air and followed her back into the ER. He watched her stop and look around for somebody, when Kerry voice cut through the ER. "Dr. Chen, in my office, now!" Carter saw Deb swallow hard and slink into Kerry's office.
"What was that about?" Malik said, as he watched Deb.
"I have no idea…What'd Deb do?"
"Anybody know what that was about?"
"Kerry's mad…what can I say?"
"Yeah, but Dr. Chen…"
"Maybe she killed a patient…" someone laughed.
Carter's eyes darkened, "Hey, that's not funny, okay? I mean, that was years ago…"
"Right, right, Carter. Don't be so touchy…jeesh…it was just a joke."
"Well," he replied, not even knowing what the hell he was saying, "it wasn't funny, okay?"
"Well, okay…" Malik said before muttering into Chuny's ear.
"Excuse me," an iron-gray haired man said, stepping up to the front desk. "Do you know where I might find a Dr. Kerry Weaver?"
Carter glanced at the man and said, a bit of annoyance still in his voice, "In her office."
"And where might that be?"
Carter looked up and heaved an impatient sigh. "Down that hall, to the –" Then he stopped and immediately, his face was a mixture of shock and joy. "Dr. Sands? Oh my goodness, I had no idea it was you just then. Oh my gosh, Dr. Sands, I must tell you how much I admire your work. I attended all your seminars and lectures when I was out in California. Truly inspirational."
"Why, thank you, uh… You can call me David. I find Dr. Sands much too old. And you are?"
Carter stuck out his hand. "Dr. John Carter, sir."
David's eyes widened slightly. "Aw, I see… Pleased to meet you."
"So, how may I help you, sir?"
"Well, I would like to speak to –"
"Uncle David!"
"Ah, well, here she is! Just the person – oh, the two persons I wanted to see."
"Uncle? David?" Carter gaped, as Deb hugged the older doctor. "Deb, you know Doctor David Sands?"
"'Course! He practically raised me…"
Carter collected himself and blinked twice. "Oh, I didn't realize…I…"
"Oh, Carter, you look like a guppy… Close your mouth," Deb laughed.
"It's just, Dr. Sands…"
Jing-Mei ignored the gaping Carter and turned Uncle David to Weaver. "Kerry Weaver. David Sands. Uncle David, Kerry Weaver, Chief of the ER."
Dave came up to the desk and leaned over to Carter, asking what was going on. "That's David Sands, standing in our ER."
"God, Carter, who the hell is David Sands. You're acting as if Messiah just descended from Heaven."
"Yeah, well, to me, the Messiah just did. You don't know Dr. Sands?"
"No, never heard of him."
"Boy, you are –"
"Aw, Carter, leave Dave alone, will you?" Deb said, as Mr. Sands had just escorted Dr. Weaver back in the direction of her office. They were talking fervently about something.
"Hey, you're one to talk. You're the one who just lashed out at me fifteen seconds ago."
"Well, am I now? No, so don't complain." She said with a grin on her face.
Carter stared at Deb. "Deb, how could you not tell me you personally knew Doctor Sands?"
"What's it to you? Even if I did, it's not like I could make him give you a refresher course on…ugh…whatever…"
"No, but –"
"Yeah, yeah, he's my Uncle."
"Blood?"
"What do you think, Carter?"
"Jeez, I don't know. I mean, you never know these days."
"By marriage. My aunt was disowned for marrying him."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"Oh, it's fine now. I mean, he is the renowned Dr. Sands, right? At that time, he was just a measly Resident-Med Student."
Carter laughed, "Oh, really? We really that bad?"
"According to my family, yeah…but…"
"So, why climb from the bottom up. Why don't you utilize this esteemed connection of yours? I mean, Dr. Sands is on the Board of Trustees for both Stanford U. and Hospital. Why don't you get out of this hellhole and become Chief of ER at Stanford, huh?"
"Well, why don't you donate a million or two to County and the Board will gladly replace Romano with you. Sure'd save you a lot of grief."
"Hey, hey," Malucci cut in, "Are we having a real brat conversation here, cause if we are, I'm hauling ass."
"Yeah, get outta here, Dave. This is Real Brats of County Unite!" Jing-Mei faked a "Ra-Ra" cheer.
Carter watched Dave run off and turned to Deb. "Yeah, but here we are, still at the bottom of the totem pole and barely hanging on…"
"Hey, speak for yourself. I'm taking the initiative."
"Why? Going off to be Chief of Staff?"
She waved him off. "Heh, none of your business, Carter. By the way, why don't you try the patient in Curtain 3. I heard Malik saying she was a real bodacious blonde. I think you'll like her, Carter," she said, flashing him a two thumbs up and disappearing behind a mass of gurneys and people rushing about.
"Hey, Carter," Abby called from inside one of the supply closets. She was stacking some blankets. "Maybe Kerry will give you the Chief Res position now that she's out of options, so you won't have to run off to Northwester."
Carter narrowed his eyes and chuckled, "Abby, you know I'm out already, cause of the drug thing, so…"
"Yeah, but haven't you heard?
Carter shook his head.
"I guess not, but uh, Dr. Chen's leaving County. She's not coming back in the fall."
"What?" Carter started, nearly knocking over a glass of cotton swabs. "But why would she do that? I mean, she's doing so well here, and she's a shoo-in for Chief Res. I mean, why would she –"
"Maybe she got a better position at Stanford?"
"Stanford? That's where she's going? But that's –" Then it dawned on him. Doctor Sand's visit. Kerry's rampage. Deb - But Deb, she' couldn't leave unless… "Did she get an attending position?"
"I don't think so," Abby said, tilting her head slightly, "Probably Chief Res. I think that's what I heard."
"Did Dr. Chen tell you?"
"Nope, Kerry did. I thought she might have told you first, since now she'll have to appeal tot he Board to give you the position. I mean, who else could do it? Malucci?" She sighed, touching him lightly on the arm. "Besides, if you were leaving, who could I go to with all my problems? You understand me most." Carter looked into her eyes, as her hold on his arm tightened slightly, as if saying, "We're like one." He knew that this was the perfect opportunity to just tell her – to tell her how he could never get her out of his mind, how he dreamt about her at night, how he longed to reach out and caress her face and lips, how he – But he just couldn't stop thinking about Deb and how far away she was going, about… I mean, now who could he go to with his problems? Who could he complain and whine to? Who could he crack jokes with? And who could give him the half-smiling, half-reassuring grins he needed? "Carter, Carter, are you alright?" Abby shook him.
"Huh, yeah, Abby. Say, have you seen Dr. Chen around?"
Abby looked confused. She had expected him to respond to her, well, opening up to him, but obviously, his mind was elsewhere. "I think she went for a walk along the river. The little girl raping case really took some of her wind." She watched for his reply, then added, "We are still on for tonight, right?"
"I, uh, sure, ummmm…. I'll talk to you later then," he said, hurrying out of the closet.
Abby shook her head and sighed.
Carter looked around the area and saw Jing-Mei standing against the railing, watching the water lap along the shore. He called her name, but she didn't respond. He ran up to her and holding her by the shoulders, swiveled her around so that she was looking straight up at him. There was pain in her eyes.
"Deb, are you okay?"
She nodded and looked away. "I just can't understand why anybody would want to do that to a little girl."
"She's going to be okay, Deb. I checked on her before I came out here."
She swallowed hard. They stood there silently, both listened to the breeze meander through the trees, the water lapping. Then he turned her face toward him again. "Deb, why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what?"
"That you were leaving, going to Stanford."
"Why do you even care?" she said, shaking her head.
"You know I care… I mean, it would have been better if you had told me yourself. I mean, I had to hear it from Abby."
She tried to laugh through the tears that threatened to brim. "I think it's better you heard it from her. At least you guys will have something other than Kovac to talk about." She laughed again.
Carater watched her blinking and sighing. Even when she was aching, she always tried to joke with him and make him feel more at ease. He touched her face. "No, Deb, I'm serious. It would have been better if you have told me. I mean, I feel like I've lost a friend…you don't even confide in me anymore."
Jing-Mei shrank form his touch, her eyes darkening suddenly. She gasped, "You feel like you've lost a friend?"
"Yeah, I mean, you didn't even mention you were thinking about leaving – You completely –"
"You're the one who never comes to me anymore, Carter, not vice versa. I see you and Abby walking along this river all the time, laughing and giggling and discussing your respective problems. I mean, I know you like her and you want to spend time with her, but I… You never talk to me anymore." She looked away again.
"Yes, I do. Remember yesterday –"
"Yesterday, I was a last resort, remember? It just happened to be something you couldn't exactly gush to Abby about," she sputtered coldly.
"Hey," Carter said, narrowing his eyes, "don't forget I'm the one who approached you about his Stanford thing. I just wanted to know why you're doing it?"
"God, Carter, why do you care?"
"Because I'm your –"
"Trust me, Carter, you're no friend of mine. No friend would treat me the way you do."
"But you're the one who neglected to tell me you were –"
"Hey, but weren't you, too, considering leaving for Northwestern and you never even raised a flag. Don't be the pot calling the kettle black, okay, Carter? And of course, how interesting, again, that Abby was the first to know from you!"
"Deb, why are you acting this way? This is not you…"
"What do you know about me, Carter? What do you know about me, huh? Nothing!"
"You know what?" he said, raising his voice, "There's now way I can win with you. You always think you understand everything that's going on, that you're the victim here, that you're being wronged. Well, how do I know how you feel if you never tell me anything?"
"A friend knows."
"Look, why are you being like this? I came out here with good intentions, to see if you were okay, and now, you make me feel as though –"
"You know what, Carter? I'm the one leaving, okay? And actually, I'm sorta glad this discourse revealed what it did, because at least now I'll leave County, knowing I haven't left anything good behind."
She stalked off.
"Deb!"
"And stop calling me that! I hate that name! I hate you, and just leaving me alone!"
And Carter was left to figure out what the Hell had just happened.
Jing-Mei smashed her fist into the dashboard of her car, as she slowed to a stop outside her apartment complex. She felt warm tears running down her cheeks and watching through the film of tears at the rain drops hitting the windshield one by one. Her body shook as she laid her head down on the wheel and truly wept.
She couldn't understand what the Hell was wrong with her. She couldn't even figure out what the Hell had made her say those things to Carter. She had no idea why she felt so…so lonely and unwanted. The past few days, even Malucci had stopped flirting with her and frankly, she could admit it now, even his little come-ons now and then made her feel she was of some value to someone. And Carter she felt she had lost ever since she had returned from maternity leave. She thought about the day she had paged him to help her with the birth of her child, and he hadn't even hesitated. He was there for her, always, and she had just told him off. Jing-Mei brushed away her tears with one hand. No, she thought, he deserved it, because ever since Abby… Was she jealous of Abby? She had to admit that she didn't given two shits if Carter was obsessed with Abby, but she, Jing-Mei, needed his friendship, his companionship. She needed for him to be the crowning moments in her day. And she had lost him and his friendship, just because she couldn't sort out her losing her son, her stress trying to make up shifts, her leaving County, her rage at that damned rapist, her resentment of Abby, her envy of the happiness of others, everything that had ever made her miserable in her life she had unleashed onto the kind, unsuspecting Carter – the same man who had taken the time to see if she was okay, and she had given him anything but what she should have. She should have let him hold her as a parent cradles a child and let all her pain, stress, rage, and sorrow soak into that nice suit of his under that white lab coat. She should have just let him hold her and make her feel significant again. But she knew she had lost him. No person in he right mind could forgive the things she had said. She blinking and wept some more, telling herself that the best way was to avoid him. She sighed, deciding that it was, indeed, a good thing she was leaving County, so at least she would never have to remind herself everyday what an ass she could be. She cried some more.
Carter threw his keys onto the letter desk and sauntered to the sofa and plopped down, rubbing his head with his fingers. He pressed a button on his answering machine which was blinking the red light furiously.
BEEP!
"Hey, Carter, I've been paging you for the past five hours. Kerry's hella mad. It seems both you and Chen decided to depart without completing your evening shifts. I can't believe you did that… I mean, what the hell are you guys up to? Not doing the nasty, I hope… Well, come back soon, or I'll have to work double time."
BEEP!
"Hey, Moesha… Aw, shoot, this ain't Moesha's number… Eh, I'm sorry…"
BEEP!
"Hey, Carter, I thought we were meeting at 7:00. It's now 9:13. I hope everything's okay, 'cause, uh, I didn't see you around this evening. Leave me a message, okay? See you tomorrow."
BEEP!
Dead air and then a click.
Carter shed his coat and went to the kitchen for a beer. He drank it down with one gulp and sighed. He didn't know what he was going to do tomorrow. If that damned girl wanted him to leave her alone, he would do that all right. She had no right to burst out at him the way she did, but he just couldn't stop thinking about her and about what she had said. Had he really thrown a friend aside for the sake of the attentions of a girl who was already romantically attached? Had he really neglected her? He couldn't understand, but then again, she never tried – or even bothered – to explain. But he still couldn't help thinking that no matter what it would be so lonely without her around chastising him and criticizing him and laughing at him. But he knew he should know better than to approach her; he frankly didn't want to risk that rage again. But one thing was for certain – Abby definitely wasn't on her mind tonight. He sighed and gulped down another beer.