Flat-Out Broke.
Geppy's note: My friend and I thought of most of this idea as we were watching our town's field hockey team get killed and we were thinking of how funny it would be for Snape to play field hockey and it all went downhill from there(and that would be a bad thing unless you were my seventh grade math teacher).
Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter characters. I don't own my town and I wouldn't want to.
Dumbledore stood up as the Sorting Hat was taken away.
"I have some news." he started. The room became silent. The headmaster looked around. "This year is the Second Annual
We-Force-The-Teachers-To-Get-On-Broomsticks-And-Play-Quidditch Tournament."
The students clapped and cheered. The teachers booed and threw pickles(don't ask, they were on my mind at two in the morning) at the headmaster. He didn't seem to notice.
"Unfortunately, I have gotten a letter," he took a letter out of his maroon robes and showed it to them. "saying that Hogwarts is flat-out broke and that the students and faculty will have to relocate to a cardboard box."
Shouting and cursing broke out among the students and teachers.
"But," he started again, trying to get their hopes up, "we will still be able to have the We-Force-The-Teachers-To-Get-On-Broomsticks-And-Play-Quidditch Tournament...without the Quidditch because it is to expensive. We will call it the We-Force-The-Teachers-To-Wear-Miniskirts-And-Play-Field-Hockey Tournament!" he said as he pulled out a miniskirt and a field hockey stick out of his robes. He then smiled happily at the crowd and giggled.
There was a long awkward silence. Teachers and students stared at their headmaster in disbelief.
Suddenly the room erupted in cursing, shouting and some laughing coming mostly from some students who had momentarily forgot that they were going to spend the rest of their term in a cardboard box.
"Quiet down everybody!" Dumbledore(who was now covered in various food items) yelled. "The cardboard box, also known as Lincoln Middle School, is located in a really small town in eastern Pennsylvania, as long as it hasn't been taken over and bulldozed by the airport that is less than a mile outside of the town. As for food, we will rummage through the Middle School's garbage bins."
Snape stood up. "Um, Headmaster? Can't we just take all the money out of Potter's bank account and use it to pay for the school? There is surely enough..."
Dumbledore turned to him. "As much as I would like to do that it would be too easy for us and it would ruin the whole story because the lunatic-psycho author REALLY wants to see you guys, and especially you, Snape, make complete fools out of yourselves by making you guys wear miniskirts and play field hockey in her itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny little town and there is nothing you can do about it.
Evil cackling echoes around the room but nobody finds the source of it. They soon suspect it was the author.
Snape growled and sat down.
Dumbledore turned around and smiled. "Any more questions?" They all stared at him. The headmaster then clapped his hands and rubbed them together. "Right then! The team of teachers will be Flitwick, Trelawney, Snape, McGonagall, Sprout, Hagrid," He counted on his fingers. "Sinistra, Pomfrey, Hooch...and we'll throw in Filch to make an even ten. For the other team thing im bringing Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Mad-eye Moody, Lucius Malfoy, Karkaroff, Lockhart," Snape twitched at the two first names and he cringed at this last one. " the dude with the turban, Voldemort and....a couple dementors."
He snapped his fingers and they all appeared beside him, dazed and confused.
Dumbledore counted on his fingers and pointed some more, calculating in his head. "That makes twenty." He smiled at his counting skills. "I will have ghosts and Mrs. Norris as substitutes. Tomorrow morning we will use this portkey," he pulled a sardine can out of his robes and showed it to everyone, "to get to the small little town in Pennsylvania. NOBODY WILL USE MAGIC OR I WILL SIC MY TEDDY BEAR ON YOU!!!" he suddenly screamed in a high-pitched voice as he pulled a ratty-looking teddy bear out of his robes. There was an eerie silence as students once again stared up at the headmaster.
Dumbledore slowly put the bear back into his robes and cleared his throat. "Tomorrow morning. Bright and early. Right here. No breakfast unless Snape is going to get up extra early and make breakfast for all of us."
Everyone looked at Snape. He stared back at them.
"No."
Geppy: Disturbing and getting even more disturbing by the minute...
Rupert: Just the way we like it.
*squirrels all start cackling and stop abruptly*
Geppy: This will continue into chapters sooner or later but only if I get reviews. Flames go to the squirrels that live in my hair so they can light marshmallows on fire.
Jimothy: yum....
Geppy: Yeah....