I don't know if anyone finds this interesting… but hell, I'm doing it anyway. And Daine is rather OOC here… I'm not really trashing her, she's just REALLY OOC. Numy too. And I stole the term 'fat, hairy-legged and manless' from Bloom County (my second favorite comic strip, right after On the Fastrack). It's a direct quote from Quiche Lorraine, Bobbi Harlow's cousin. Steve Dallas was dating Quiche at the time, but he really had the hots for Bobbi, who thought he was a superficial pervert (rightfully). Whoa, am I getting off track…
The Scandal Files: Daine and Numair
Daine rolled over in bed, pushing Numair right off and onto the floor. Cursing, he rubbed his bleary eyes and levered himself off the cold hardwood floor, ready to give Daine a tongue-lashing.
His lover rolled over again and one leg poked out from under the sheets.
One long, lithe, hairy leg. It looked like Daine hadn't shaved in like a week. Or more. How could he not have noticed?
"Uh, Daine," he said, shaking her awake. "I just happened to notice…"
Daine cracked open one eye. "Whaddaya want? I'm trying to get some shut-eye, here."
Numair blushed. "Well, I just happened to notice your legs…"
Daine opened the other eye. "What about them?"
"Well, they look kind of hairy…"
"Numair, does the term 'liberated woman' mean anything to you?" Daine said tiredly.
"Fat, hairy-legged, and manless."
Daine kicked Numair in the snoot. "Jerk! I bet you don't shave your legs!"
"Uh- well, actually-" one leg poked out from under his nightrobe, revealing lily-soft, perfectly smooth skin.
Daine took one look at him and burst out laughing. "Don't tell me- you shave your chest hair, too!" Numair only blushed and averted her gaze, which only made her laugh harder.
"Please tell me you don't shave your bikini zone!" she coughed out, through hysterics. She'd never really paid attention to it before, but… Numair turned purple and Daine ran out of the room into the privy, the thin walls barely muffling her hysterical laughter.
~*~
Around noon, Numair had King Jonathan as a guest to lunch.
Halfway through, Jon said, "Numair, I hear an odd noise."
Numair hastily tried to cover it up. "Uh, it's nothing, your majesty…"
Jonathan wrinkled his eyebrows. "No, I think it's coming from the privy." And before Numair could stop him, Jonathan went through the bedroom to open the door to the privy.
Inside, he saw Daine, sitting on the loo, laughing and laughing and laughing. Abruptly she stopped. "Numair shaves his pubies!" she said, and burst out laughing again.
Jon joined her, laughing so hard he fell down and clutched his sides, pounding the ground as tears came out of his eyes.
And Numair just stood there, blushing furiously.
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I hope that was mildly entertaining. It was sure as hell fun for me to write! Review!