The Three Little Bears Gruff
Once upon a time there were three bears living in a dumb little hut. They had left the hut to go find some grass to fix the dumb little hut, see earlier they had found the hut abandoned and half melted from the rain since it used to be made out of candy.
So Goldie Locks came in, and coincidentally, she had brown hair. She saw bowls of porridge on the table and took a sip of the first one and started swearing in howling pain.
"F*ck that's hot!"
Then she ate some porridge out of the next bowl, and instantly projectile vomited it onto the wall.
"Damn, cold porridge tastes nasty."
Then she ate a spoonful of porridge from the bowl owned by uber-goth suicidal baby bear, who had put cyanide in his. And she dropped dead.
When the bear family came home, they dragged her body into the woods and left it there.
So, one day, looking for grass to fix up HER dumb little hut, a fairy found Goldie's dead, rotting corpse in the woods. And she used her magical powers to summon Goldie Locks' spirit when she could have reversed the death or resurrected her.
Well, the spirit tells her a wild story about how the bears wearing leather cat suits hunted her down in the woods and forced poison down her throat. The Fairy left the spirit there swearing instead of putting the spirit back into Goldie Locks' body because to tell the truth, she was lazy. And laziness is why she went to the three little bears' house, not to avenge Goldie's death, but to steal their grass for her dumb little hut.
When she got to the bear's house she started ripping the grass out of their poorly constructed walls (they had forgot that walls should be made out of mud AND grass). The bears came out of their house to yell at her and to claim they were going to sue her ass off. Since she had to now obviously kill them to get the grass she decided she needed an alibi, well of course she could say that they had killed her best friend Goldie Locks.
But when she tried to kill them it turned out she used a lot of her powers bringing up Goldie's soul so she could only screw around with their bodies. Poor evil faerie. So she turned them into goats and put them into a field filled with hemlock. Since they were now just dumb goats they ate the hemlock and died. Then a troll from under the bridge ate their dead bodies and as a reward for the fairy for bringing him such a great meal, he gave the fairy a goat leg. So everyone lived happily ever after and full of goat meat...except Goldie who is STILL rotting in the woods
The End
Once upon a time there were three bears living in a dumb little hut. They had left the hut to go find some grass to fix the dumb little hut, see earlier they had found the hut abandoned and half melted from the rain since it used to be made out of candy.
So Goldie Locks came in, and coincidentally, she had brown hair. She saw bowls of porridge on the table and took a sip of the first one and started swearing in howling pain.
"F*ck that's hot!"
Then she ate some porridge out of the next bowl, and instantly projectile vomited it onto the wall.
"Damn, cold porridge tastes nasty."
Then she ate a spoonful of porridge from the bowl owned by uber-goth suicidal baby bear, who had put cyanide in his. And she dropped dead.
When the bear family came home, they dragged her body into the woods and left it there.
So, one day, looking for grass to fix up HER dumb little hut, a fairy found Goldie's dead, rotting corpse in the woods. And she used her magical powers to summon Goldie Locks' spirit when she could have reversed the death or resurrected her.
Well, the spirit tells her a wild story about how the bears wearing leather cat suits hunted her down in the woods and forced poison down her throat. The Fairy left the spirit there swearing instead of putting the spirit back into Goldie Locks' body because to tell the truth, she was lazy. And laziness is why she went to the three little bears' house, not to avenge Goldie's death, but to steal their grass for her dumb little hut.
When she got to the bear's house she started ripping the grass out of their poorly constructed walls (they had forgot that walls should be made out of mud AND grass). The bears came out of their house to yell at her and to claim they were going to sue her ass off. Since she had to now obviously kill them to get the grass she decided she needed an alibi, well of course she could say that they had killed her best friend Goldie Locks.
But when she tried to kill them it turned out she used a lot of her powers bringing up Goldie's soul so she could only screw around with their bodies. Poor evil faerie. So she turned them into goats and put them into a field filled with hemlock. Since they were now just dumb goats they ate the hemlock and died. Then a troll from under the bridge ate their dead bodies and as a reward for the fairy for bringing him such a great meal, he gave the fairy a goat leg. So everyone lived happily ever after and full of goat meat...except Goldie who is STILL rotting in the woods
The End