Invader Zim and all related characters are property of their respective owners.
Well this is my first Zim fic and I hope you enjoy it.
Gonzo Journalist
It was the usual routine at "Skool". Kids would come in sit down and listen to their teachers until the bell rang. Most kids didn't like their teachers and this no exception at Ms.Bitters class where most students not paying attention. Except for two of them. A strange looking kid named Zim and an unpopular paranormal fanatic named Dib.
As Zim was sitting at his desk with his hands folded and looking straight ahead at the board. Dib spent his time staring at him, trying to see what plans was he going to cook up next. He did this because Dib knew that Zim was an alien sent here to take over the Earth. Unfortunately no one believed Dib, not his father who was too busy to listen to his own kids. Not his sister, who wasn't interested in her brother's crazy escapades and accusations.
But unlike the time he accused the Easter Bunny at the mall of being a flesh-eating monster. Dib knew that Zim was an alien and that it would only be a matter of time before the truth would be revealed.
"Class I got a surprise for you." Bitters told from her desk. Anytime she had spoken, it always seemed she was talking down to her class. "Now enjoy because you won't get this often, in fact this will probably the last time you'll get something like this in class or even in your adult
lives. A former student of mine came by today to talk about what he's done with himself since he has graduated. several years ago." She turned to face the door as did the class.
The door slowly opened and a man walk inside and stood in front of the class. He was 5'10" and towered over everyone. He was wearing a blue shirt with an undone tie that hung loosely around his neck. He was wearing a hat that read "McMeaties". No one could see his eyes because of the dark sunglasses that covered them. He had on black work boots and his pants were gray slacks. His wardrobe could not be fitted into any one style. He had a notebook in one hand and a pen in his shirt pocket. He had a black cigarette holder clamped in his teeth. There was only a blank expression on his face as everyone in the class looked at him.
Bitters turned away from the visitor and to the class. "His name is Phil Cardona" She said pleasantly before turning back into her usual self. "You can ask him any question you like."
The class just stared at him before a little girl in the forth row raised her hand.
"Yes" Cardona said to her. His voice was deep like that of a Indian guide from a western movie.
"Um, what is it you do?" The little girl asked
"I'm a reporter."
"Oh okay."
When Dib heard that Cardona was a reporter he shot his hand high into the air. "Ooh, ooh"
"Yes" He pointed at Dib.
"What kind of reporting do you do?"
"I'm a special kind of reporter. One who searches for truth in this land."
"Really, uh I was wondering-"
"Dib you already asked your question." Bitters interjected. "Anyone else?"
A big kid who had the appearance of a bully raised his hand. Cardona pointed to him.
"Do you do Sports?"
"No" Cardona said flatly
Then the awkward silence came back again. "Does anyone else have a question for our guest?" Bitters asked
Time dragged on and only the sound of the clock ticking was heard. Until, Zim raised his hand.
"Yes"
"Mr. Cardona" He produced it Car-Do as in do and then Na
"Excuse me, it's pronounced Car-Do-na, like corona."
"Oh I see, anyway when you report do people follow what you say?"
"If the reader is smart enough to see that the world is not as it seems. So the answer to your question is yes."
Zim nodded and turned to look at Dib who was grinning sinisterly. That put fear into Zim. He knew that if Dib told the reporter what he knew. Then everyone would know about Zim being an alien and the plan for the Irkin invasion would be put into ruins. But he couldn't just get him now, he needed to know more about Mr. Cardona or in his mind "The Reporter".
Later that day Zim was at his home, actually it was a massive base under his house and buried deep under the Earth.
While working away at his computer, his robotic servant "Gir" was watching one of many tv sets up inside the base.
"Gir! Can you please lower that tv. I need to work."
Gir just sat there
"GIR!"
"Okay" He said as he got up and turned up the volume to an unbearably high level. The noise coming from the tv was so loud that Zim got frustrated. He walked over and broke the tv.
"Ooh, that was the best part of the monkey show."
"Not now Gir, I need to work." Zim then walked back to his computer. On screen were several images of Cardona flashing by an unprecedented rate.
As Zim was reading, Gir walked up behind him. He was clutching one of the many small rubber piggies that circulated around the house.
"What'chu doing?"
"I'm learning about a potential new enemy Gir."
"Who?"
"Someone who presents a serious threat to our mission."
"Why?"
"Because he can doing things that Dib cannot."
"What?"
"People listen to him."
Gir dropped his piggy and assumed the battle position. His eyes turned red from the usual blue and stood ready for orders.
"Ready for duty, sir"
Zim who didn't move his eyes away from the screen. "Not just yet Gir, but soon."
Gir's eyes returned to blue and he picked up his piggy. He looked at it and then threw it down on the ground as if he scored a touchdown. Then he began to a touch-down dance. All the while he hummed one his own little songs.
"I'm telling you Gaz. This might be it." Dib told her excitedly. "I may finally expose Zim once and for all."
Gaz, who was watching tv on the couch didn't want to hear about her brother's crazy schemes. Especially the one's involving Zim.
"Look I'm trying to watch tv."
"But Gaz, this is a chance for me to expose Zim to the world."
She was getting tired of this so she looked at Zim right in the eye. "If you think this it . Go find this guy and talk to him. Otherwise shut up." She then went back at the tv.
Dib stopped talking and thought about what she said., *She's right, If I want to expose Zim. I must find Phil Cardona before he does.*
He ran to the front door. "Tell dad I'll be back later."
Gaz just sat there and said. "Fine"
Dib then ran out of the house and into the city.
Inside of the a hotel suite. Phil Cardona was banging out a story his editor wanted by tomorrow. He had been sent here by headquarters to visit a comic book convention.
"People were dressed in garish clothing representing pieces of fiction conjure up by men who found reality dull and worthless. It was a site to be seen if a person was under the influence of illegal drugs. While it is a question wether this reporter took some of those drugs. I take the fifth amendment." Cardona continued to talk as he produced his story.
Then a knock on his door. He continued to write. Then another knock. "WHAT!" he screamed.
"Room Service, a voice called out."
"We got waffles" Another voice called out.
"Be there in a second."
Cardona came up from his chair and picked up a hunting knife he had won during a poker game in Las Vegas. He approached the door carefully, with the knife right by his side he opened the door.
"WHAT IS IT?" He screamed. When he looked down he notice the kid he had seen in the class earlier that day. There was a small dog who looked like he was dancing.
"Oh sorry" Cardona said to him. "I just get a little jumpy."
"That's fine"
"What is it you want?"
"I wanted to tell you that" The boy pulled out a gun. "THAT YOU'LL DO WHAT I SAY!"
Cardona was startled. He had seen some strange things in his career as a reporter. But never he had a child pull a gun on him.
"Inside the room, Mr. Cardona."
He moved back inside the room. The boy and dog followed, he closed the door behind him.
"Who are you?" Cardona asked
"My name is Zim and I'm not who you think I am." Zim then peeled off the wig and fake eyes. Revealing his true self to the reporter. Gir then revealed himself also
Cardona stared at the both of them.
"Why are you not screaming, Mr. Cardona?"
While there was a gun aimed at him. The creature holding the gun was not of the strangest things he had ever seen. The time he saw a bear recite Shakespeare and do pre-calculus. That was the strangest things he had ever seen.
"Who are you?"
"I'm glad you ask. I'm an Irkan invader sent here to conquer your planet."
"What about him?" He pointed to Gir
"Uh, I'm not sure."
Gir was eating an orange that had been left on old room service cart. However he ate the whole thing, peel and all. He then walked over and turned on the tv. He stood there entranced by the images of people doing things on an island.
"Oooh I love this show."
"Anyway" Zim said
"What do you want?" Cardona asked
"That you write every word I say so that people will listen and become my followers."
"All right" He said casually
Cardona then began to write every word Zim had to say. While working on the manifesto. Some of the stuff the little green alien had to say were interesting. But in the mind of Cardona, this was stuff he had heard come out of the mouths of many. But they just used bigger words.
This went on for what seemed an hour. Then Cardona stopped.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to the rest room. Drank a lot of Poop, and Diet Poop at the convention."
"All right, you can go complete your business. But be prompt."
Cardona got up and walked into the bathroom. He found Gir taking a bubble bath.
"Do you mind?"
"Oh, I'm sorry." Gir got out of the tub, wrapped a towel around his waist and walked out of the bathroom.
While Cardona was taking care of his needs. There was more knocking on the door.
"Gir, find out who it is?" Zim ordered
"Okay"
Gir walked over to the door. "Who is it?"
"Housekeeping"
"Okay"
Gir opened the door and standing there was Dib. He had some kind of weapon in his hand.
Gir screamed
"Who is it?" Zim asked
A stream of water poured onto Zim burning him.
"Why hello, Zim trying to get the first word?"
"Foolish Dib, it's only a matter of time before everyone learns of my words."
Dib laughed
"What's so funny?"
"This reporter."
"Yeah?"
"He writes for.." Dib pulled the magazine out from his pocket. "Sci-Fi monthly."
"Nooooo"
"That's right Zim, when he published your story. It'll just be another amusing read. Heh. Another failed attempt by you to take over the Earth. Score one for humanity."
Zim felt like an idiot. This whole trip had been for nothing.
"Come Gir"
Gir was now enjoying the bed's "Magic Fingers".
"IIIIII'LLLL BEEE THEEERRE INNN AAA SEEC." He said while the bed was shaking. It then stopped.
"Now Gir!"
"Oh, okay"
Gir got of the bed and he and Zim walked out of the room. Leaving Dib alone in the room. Just as he door closed, Cardona came out of the room.
"What happened? Where's that alien with the robot?"
"He's gone, sir."
"Who are you?"
"I'm Dib, I asked you that question as school."
Cardona thought about it for a second. "Oh yes, you wanted to tell me something. What was it?"
"Well, it was about what you just saw, basically. So you see, there are aliens out there. I was hoping you put that in one of your stories."
Cardona nodded. He saw the magazine on the floor. "Oh I see you found some of my old work."
"Yes I did."
"I guess you want me to write about that alien?"
"Yes. The public should know about this."
"All right, I'll see what I can do."
For the next couple of hours, Cardona wrote everything that Dib told him about and his own experience with Zim.
When he was finished Cardona read what he had written.
"So how long will it take before it reaches the public."
"Well it depends on what headquarters does. But this will defiantly go in the book.."
Dib was ecstatic now. He had his chance to show the world what Zim was all about.
"By the way who do you work for?" Dib asked
"A big magazine"
"Oh"
"Well it's late, you need a ride home?"
"Yeah I guess."
"Come with me."
Cardona and Dib went down to the garage and into a rental car.
"Let me tell you something I've seen a lot of things in my career. Zim's not the strangest thing I've seen." Cardona told him.
"How could you say that?"
"Well, when you see as much as my have. You kind of know where to put surprise. Trust me kid, you got something,"
Dib smiled and felt happy. It had been a long time since he had received praise from anyone.
"Why thank you, Mr. Cardona."
"Please call me Phil."
"Okay, Phil."
The car pulled up in front of Dib's house. "Here you are." Cardona said to him.
"Nice meeting you Dib."
"Nice meeting you too, Phil."
The two of them shook hands and Dib got out of the car.
"Dib!" Cardona called out
He came running back to the car.
"Yes"
"Take this." He gave Dib a slip of paper
"What is it?"
"My card. Call me if you hear anything."
Dib accepted the card and put into his pocket. He then watched the car drive away and into the night.
It was nice to know that he had ally in the fight against Zim.
The End
When you review let me know if you like to have Phil Cardona in further Invader Zim stories.