Smoke rose in huge billowing clouds from the remains of the dirty village. In all honesty, it wasn't in that much worse condition now than it had been when they arrived. Well, it was, actually, but it had been run-down when they arrived. They'd done these pathetic humans a favor when they destroyed it.
Now he had his forces occupied sorting through the villagers they'd flushed out when they burned the place, quickly setting aside and possessing the able-bodied, and killing the rest. Out of the corner of his host's eye, he noticed a few humans - one woman and a couple of very small ones - children, they were called - trying to sneak away into the woods, away from the burning village.
So far no one seemed to have noticed them - an act that he would have to punish someone for, but for now, it was enough to destroy them. He started funneling power into his host's body, preparing to strike.
He hesitated for a moment. Something was wrong - the magic wasn't flowing properly. He examined the body he'd taken, and back in his own world, he felt his lips curl into a smile, revealing jagged teeth beneath. His host's body mirrored that expression, although it wasn't nearly as effective. The host was attempting to stop him, to keep him from killing those humans.
How amusing.
Also not to be tolerated. He slammed up more walls around the mind of the human who had once controlled this body, sealing him off completely. Then he drew more of his own power and that stored in his world into the body, then sent it arching down towards the humans.
In seconds there was nothing left of them but a few ashes blowing in the stiff breeze.
He turned back to look at the destruction. They'd see how long those stupid mages stayed in their fortress now.
-------------------------
It had been almost a week since the last Oz attack, and Duo and Heero had put the free time to good use. It might not be a good way of using energy that might better be spent in fighting Oz soldiers, but it was also necessary. Duo was in one the deepest sleeps that he could ever remember when he was suddenly jolted awake by a scream, one both mental and physical, and the sound made his gut clench.
:Quatre!: he cried as he recognized the source, and without thinking about it, he conjured himself to the room that Trowa and Quatre shared, with Heero an instant behind him.
They arrived in the room, which was dimly lit by torches (mage-lights being deemed too much of a waste of energy for normal use), and Duo saw Trowa kneeling on the bed beside an unresponsive Quatre, cradling him in his arms. "What is it?" he asked, immediately moving to the bed.
"He's not here," Trowa replied quietly, his eyes fixed on Quatre's face. Now that he looked, Duo noticed that Quatre's eyes were wide open, but not seeing anything in front of him. Shit.
"Then where the fuck is he?!" he demanded.
Trowa only stared at him silently.
"Why him again?" Duo demanded next. He knew that the others didn't have any answers for him, but he needed to get this out of his system. It seemed like Quatre kept getting hit over and over and over again. What was it about him that attracted Oz's attention?
"He's the weakest," Wufei said shortly from the doorway as he stepped inside. He took one look at Trowa and raised a hand to forestall bloodshed. "I mean no disrespect, but it is the truth. He's been leading us, and is most vulnerable to attack - that makes him the logical target."
Heero grunted agreement to that statement, his eyes still fixed on the pair on the bed.
"It's not an attack," Trowa said quietly, his eyes never leaving Quare's face.
"What? I thought you said..."
"I said that I didn't know where he is, not that it was an attack," Trowa said, sparing Duo a glance. "He's having a vision."
"How do you know?"
Trowa hesitated for a fraction of a second, then answered, "I recognize the symptoms. This is what it usually looks like."
Duo stared at him, anger beginning to well up. "You mean this has happened to him before?"
Trowa shook his head. "It usually happens to me," he said unwillingly. "Quatre's been helping me through the worst of it, but I recognize what it looks like from his memories of me."
For a second Duo was just shocked that Quatre and Trowa's minds were linked at a level where their thoughts were automatically accessible to each other, and then what Trowa had just said actually caught up with his brain. "This... has been happening for a while?" he asked slowly, determined not to start cursing. Not yet.
"Since before we came here," Trowa responded, avoiding their eyes. "It's because of the Earth, he thinks. I see what will happen if the demons take over. Mostly what will happen to the world itself, but..." he swallowed, and closed his one visible eye for a second. "Quatre's been helping me with it," he repeated himself.
If it bothers Trowa enough that he's showing an actual reaction just thinking about it, it's probably pretty close to Hell, Duo thought, his anger building. "And neither of you thought that this was something we should know about? And if you tell me that Quatre didn't want to worry anyone, I'm going to rip your hair out by the roots and stuff it down your throat! You of all people should know that Quatre does not need any more on his head right now!" he shouted, his voice rising with every word. "Do you trust us or not?!" He felt Heero's hand on his arm and his presence in his mind, and with difficulty, calmed himself.
"Never mind," he said with a bitter frown and quick shake of his hand. He spun around so fast that his braid flew around to strike him in the face. With an unconscious reaction, he raised a hand to keep it from hitting his nose, tossed it back over his shoulder, and started for the door.(1)
"Duo!" Trowa exclaimed, actually abandoning Quatre as he jumped to his feet, reaching the door with a few long steps to grab Duo's shoulder. "It isn't like that!"
"Then explain what it is," Duo snarled. "Because it sure seems like that to me! Dark Lady, after all we've been through, you'd think we could trust each other! You I can understand, but I would have thought that Quatre would trust us, if for no other reason than we need to trust each other!"
"*I* trust you," Trowa said firmly, with no hint of hesitation in his voice. "So does Quatre. This isn't about trust."
"Then what is it about?" Duo asked darkly, glowering at the taller boy.
"Power."
"What do you mean?" Wufei asked, taking a step forward, closer to the bed where Quatre still lay, eyes still open and unseeing.
"We are our power. The longer we are... the more we use our powers, the more obvious it is. We start acting, not so much as ourselves, but merely as vessels for the powers. It's a very gradual process, but it's happening, to all of us." He stared directly at Duo and raised an eyebrow. "In fact, you just confirmed part of that theory."
"I did?"
"You swore by the Dark Lady."
Duo felt a chill run down his spine. In the religion (well, it was more a set of beliefs than any organized religion) of the faeries, most of the deities were either animals and plants. There were only two who weren't, and those were both female, since females were the creators of life. One was the Bright Lady, mother of life, and it was by him that he usually swore. The other was the Dark Lady, who escorted the dead out of this world. He'd avoided even mentioning her name before, because of an old and probably foolish superstition that mentioning her name brought her attention to you. He had enough problems with death as it was.
Duo rubbed his eyes wearily. This was all like some sort of nightmare. The next thing you knew he'd look like a skeleton and kill anyone he touched. "What does this have to do with Quatre?" he asked, trying not to look at Heero. He didn't want to see Heero's face, his eyes, not now. Not when Heero was the mage of life and he was Shinigami.
"He needs this, desperately," Trowa said, a hint of exasperation in his voice. "The same way that I need to be alone, away from people, he needs just as much to help people, protect them. I... let him think that some things were worse than they were - this helps him get rid of the demands his power is making without him sneaking out of the fort to go heal people."
Duo tossed his bangs out of his face and stared at Trowa. "Please tell me he hasn't done that."
"Not since we left Sank, I saw to that," Trowa said with definite satisfaction in his voice. "But his power took control of him totally before, it makes the power have more influence over him now. It's not about not trusting you - he trusts all of you with his life, he has no choice, but he needs to do these things. Please don't confront him about this."
Duo sighed, running a hand through his bangs. He could feel Heero pressing against his mind, but he didn't want to talk yet. He couldn't. Besides, what could Heero say? He was becoming an incarnation of Death itself. How much longer before they could barely stand to be around each other? "I won't. Sorry I yelled at you, I'm just tired of him hurting himself to protect us."
"I'm watching him," Trowa replied, then turned back to the bed.
"So what have you seen?" Duo asked, taking a few steps forward to look at Quatre. "What is he seeing?"
Quatre suddenly let out a shriek and sat bolt upright in the bed. He took a couple of panicked breaths, then his eyes automatically turned to Trowa, and he latched onto the taller boy like a leach, holding onto him with all his strength as his shoulders shook with dry sobs. Duo felt Trowa immediately begin projecting soothing emotions and murmuring quietly to Quatre, and blinked. He'd just felt more emotion from Trowa then he could ever remember actually seeing on his face.
:You OK, Q?: Duo asked quietly when Quatre had stopped sobbing. :What did you see?:
:Oh, gods, they're all dead,: Quatre said, the pain in his voice painful to listen to.
:Who? Is there going to be an attack?: Heero asked, but Quatre shook his head.
:Not here. Treize... or whatever is controlling Treize... took a good portion of his forces and made a portal to a small village at the border of my land,: he replied, apparently not even noticing when he called the Winner estate 'his land'. :They destroyed it, and killed everyone there, every man, woman, and child...: his voice caught as he turned his face away, tears still leaking out of his tightly closed eyes. :I saw it, the smoke, the blood... I heard their screams, and then...: he shuddered. :I got caught up *in* them. I felt them, every single one of them, as they died.: Trowa held him as he sobbed some more, but Duo was more interested in the aura, the cloud around Quatre. Normally Quatre glowed like a miniature sun, but now his aura was dimmed, as if it was clouded over.
Duo frowned, and reached with his power to Quatre, and felt a pool of his own unique power within the blond mage, where it absolutely did not belong.
:Guys?: There was a hint of panic in Trowa's voice. :He won't calm down. Something is wrong.:
:I think I know what it is,: Duo replied, reaching out and placing a hand on Quatre's head. He *pushed*, and Quatre slumped down again. :I don't know how the fuck he managed it, but he didn't just feel those people die, he actually experienced their deaths. It's almost like he took part in them. No mind, human, mage, or otherwise, is equipped to handle that, that's why he's having a fit now. I can remove what's causing the problem, and then there's a spell that will keep this from happening again. I think.:
:You think?:
:Even Gente was never so connected to the people that this happened. I'm making it up as I go along, guys.:
:That is not encouraging,: Trowa remarked, but he turned his body slightly to allow Duo better access to Quatre's head. That told Duo, more than anything else, that he had been completely honest before when he said that he trusted him. If he was trusting him with Quatre's safety...
Duo reached forward and lay his palm on Quatre's forehead, his own eyes narrowing in concentration. Quatre murmured silently in his sleep as he resisted the intrusion in his mind, but then his mind, even unconscious, recognized Duo's mind, and instantly Duo was granted access. Trust indeed...
Duo quickly drew the essence of death from Quatre's mind, leaving the memories and everything else untouched. The memories Quatre would have to deal with on his own, but he would be able to. It was the essence of death itself that he hadn't been able to handle. Duo withdrew from his mind and whispered the words to the spell that would seal Quatre's spirit from any further incursions of that sort. It would, in effect, keep Duo's power out of Quatre.
"All right, it's done, I think." Duo concentrated briefly and healed what little damage his intrusion had caused. Then he stepped back as Quatre woke up.
Although his arms were still wrapped around Trowa's shoulders, Quatre immediately turned to look at Duo. "Thank you very much," he said before disentangling himself. His face was still pale and there were tear-streaks remaining on his cheeks, but his expression was composed. "Come on, we have to go deal with this."
---------------------------------------------------
Wufei managed to keep his face composed as he stared at the devastation, although it was a struggle. The last time he had seen something like this, it had been when his clan was destroyed. He shoved back the painful memories as he surveyed the destruction. This was, if anything, worse than when his clan had been attacked, because it was so obvious that it was intentional. The way that each of the houses had carefully been burned to the ground, the way that most of the bodies were laid out in a straight line - all of it pointed to a very carefully planned, carefully orchestrated massacre.
He hadn't missed the fact that there was a decided lack of able-bodied men among the dead. Treize must have taken them all when he swept through here. More soldiers for his forces.
Wufei did not look at Duo, not wanting to see the whirlpool of energy as the power from this atrocity entered Duo. It wasn't Duo's fault, and he bore the other mage no ill will for it, but that didn't mean that he wanted to see it.
"Is there anyone..." Duo asked, then trailed off softly, probably knowing the pointlessness of his comment. If there had been any survivors at all, Quatre would have rescued them immediately. The fact that he had just stood there, looking around, since stepping through the portal was enough to tell them that there was no one left.
"Why did they do this?" Quatre asked softly, his eyes glazed and vacant. "Most of these people couldn't have held a sword for us, even if we wanted them to. They were just farmers."
"They're trying to draw us out," Heero said flatly, and Wufei agreed, although a part of him rebelled at the injustice, the weakness of using innocents this way. He didn't say anything out loud, though.
Months ago he would have. But he'd since come to realize that even though they didn't speak about it as much as he did, his companions were also aware of honor and justice, and that it would be bothering them, this use of innocents against them, even if they never said anything. Even more important than that, he'd learned that he could actually make things worse by always talking about it, reminding of the things that they were trying to forget. He could never forget them, but that did not make it right for him to hurt the others by reminding them.
"We can't possibly protect everybody," Quatre murmured quietly, leading Wufei to believe that he'd already known the answer to his question before he asked it.
"That's what they want," Duo said darkly, but without any expression on his face. "The bastards want us to run ourselves ragged trying to protect every single village, and when we're worn down..."
There was a short silence as they all thought about what would happen. Finally Duo looked at Quatre and said, "So what do we do?"
There was no mistaking it when Quatre stiffened, nor the fact that he refused to meet their gaze for several seconds. After what seemed like a very long time, he quietly said, "I... I don't know. I... I can't make this kind of decision."
Duo took a step towards Quatre, his expression sympathetic. "Come on, Q. You know that we'll go along with whatever you say."
"No, you don't understand, my power..."
Suddenly Wufei understood. "Your power won't let you decide, will it?" he asked, and Quatre nodded his head frantically.
"I'm supposed to protect people, but whatever I do, they die," he said, and Wufei could see the power swirling around him as it responded to the conflict within. "If we try to protect the towns... it can't possibly work, and we'll lose the war, and then people die. If we leave the towns unprotected to fight the war, then those people will die. I... I just can't choose! It won't let me!" he said, his voice near hysterical, and Wufei realized that he was very close to cracking.
Without thinking about it, he took several steps to Quatre, grabbed his shoulders, and gave him a hard shake. "Don't let it control you!" he said harshly. "You have strength, use it!"
Quatre looked up at him, and for a moment their eyes met and Wufei felt the strangest sensation, as if Quatre was searching within him for something. Suddenly something within Quatre hardened, and his face because composed. "You're right," he said simply. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and Wufei saw the energy around him suddenly get jerked back into it's proper formations, flowing around him like a cloud but not sparking or flashing. "Come on," he said, opening his eyes. "We might as well get back. We've got to decide what to do, and there's nothing we can do here."
Duo gasped and stumbled, and Heero only barely managed to catch him. His eyes were wide as he stared into space. "The fort! It's under attack!"
------------------------------------------
Duo slashed at the Ozzies trying to get at the walls of the fort. He'd felt it when they started to assault the shields, not with human fighters, which was pointless and used up almost no energy, but with magic. He'd felt that attack almost as if it was physical blows, and it took a great deal of will power to muster the concentration required to cast a spell to return him to the fort.
They'd arrived to find the battle already underway. Trieze must have been waiting for them to go investigate the destroyed village, and launched his attack as soon as they left. The Manguanacs and Sally were already very busy fighting when they arrived, although the men gave glad shouts when they saw that Quatre was back. Duo conjured his magic scythe back from wherever it had been (he was getting very good at using it) and used it to cut his way through the troops nearest to him. This was absolutely ridiculous. Did the Ozzies really think that they'd get anywhere this way? All they were doing was getting their own troops killed.
He felt all of the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, and his wariness increased appropriately. Here was a sense completely unconnected with his magic, something developed and honed on the streets, integral to his survival. He wasn't exactly sure where it came from, but he trusted it and always listened to it. He'd felt it when a robbery was about to go bad, or when someone was on his tail. He'd felt it days before the plague struck, just when the rumors started, and he'd been trying to convince himself that it was nothing when the faery village had been wiped out.
Just thinking about it was enough to remind him that the faeries had died because of those he was fighting here, and he grimly kept his eyes open for the newest threat.
Suddenly he was in a bubble of calm in the storm of the battle. He looked around wildly at the circle of soldiers surrounding him. What the hell...
A tall figure stepped out of the battle, the soldiers seeming to melt out of his way. That alone was enough to set off warnings in Duo's skull. That was the way that witch Dorothy had moved in the battle, every soldier moving to facilitate her motion in a way no normal army could do. All of which meant that this was another of their mages.
His eyes widened as he recognized the long blond hair on the figure standing in front of him. "Zechs," he hissed, staring at the man without the mask, his eyes glowing that unnatural yellow color.
"Milliardo, please," the man said pleasantly, a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. One hand rested on an extravagantly decorated sword hanging at his waist, but he made no move to draw it. Duo kept his scythe in front of him warily as the circle of space around him became even bigger.
"Get the fuck out of him," Duo said, wishing that he knew of a spell that could force the demon out of Zechs' body.
Zechs... Milliardo... the demon controlling him threw back his head and laughed. "Oh why should I? This is a fine body... it has so much power, so much energy... so much more so than anyone else on this pathetic planet. Only the five of you would make better hosts." The slight smirk blossomed into a full-fledged smile, and Duo took an involuntary step back. He wasn't a coward, but he did have a very good sense of self-preservation, and right now all of his instincts were saying that he wanted to be very far from here. "A pity that we cannot use your bodies."
"Yeah, well I guess that just sucks for you," Duo commented sarcastically, glancing around. "Any reason that you called off them, other than you wanted to have a chat?" he asked, jerking his head at the circle around him. "Cause I'm a little busy right now and I don't really want to waste my time talking to you when I could be killing something." The sad thing was that was the truth - he'd much rather be killing Ozzies than talking to Zechs.
"As a matter of fact, I did. I have some visitors for you, and I wanted to make sure that they didn't get hurt in all of this."
"Really?" Duo drawled, eyes narrowing. "Like you care about anything except killing me."
He shrugged slightly and smiled again, then turned his head to look behind him. "They've been anxious to see you," he commented.
Duo's eyes widened and he paled slightly as he saw several figures come out of the chaos. They were very small, barely reaching Zechs' hips, and appeared to be guarded by a troop of soldiers. For a second he thought that they were children, but soon realized he was mistaken. There was no mistaking the bluish skin and wings.
Oh, no. Please, no.
----------------------------------
Heero walked around, carefully stabbing the soldiers left lying on the ground. As usual, when the enemy had sounded their retreat, they'd left the majority of their wounded behind, taking only the few that they considered worth saving. The rest they left behind to the mercy of the defenders. Heero always made sure to kill every one of them before Duo burned the bodies. In his experience, loose ends tended to come back to haunt you.
Normally it was almost automatic, but today he was having trouble concentrating on his mission. Something was wrong. With Duo.
Something had been wrong since early in the battle, but he hadn't been able to figure out what, since they'd been on opposite sides of the fort and Duo refused to answer his mental calls. All he got in return for his questions had been a few vague comments about some 'trouble' that Duo had 'taken care of'. The very fact that Duo had been so close-mouthed was causing Heero no little alarm. It had been in the middle of a battle, but Duo still usually managed to keep up a steady stream of cursing and shouting at the 'Ozzies' that was audible on a number of levels. Even when he fell silent, it didn't usually feel like this.
Something was wrong.
Heero joined the others at the gate of the fort as the Manguanacs and Sally were moving inside, looking around for Duo to perform the ritual burning of the bodies.
Duo was nowhere to be seen. Heero was about to find him and demand some answers when Quatre spoke directly into his mind. :Heero, go to Duo. He needs you. He's in your room.:
Heero felt a stab of alarm but refused to let it show on his face. He grunted and then flicked his eyes towards the field of corpses questioningly.
:We'll take care of it,: Quatre told him. :Go! Duo needs you now!:
Heero didn't waste any more time, conjuring himself directly to the room that he and Duo shared. It was located deep within the walls of the fort, safe from any attack, but that also meant that there weren't any windows, and it tended to get very dark if there weren't enough torches lit. Duo hadn't lit any, and the only light in the room was that filtering in through the crack under the door.
Heero frowned slightly, looking around. He could tell that Duo was here, but his mate was shielding his presence, so he couldn't feel where he was. And, of course, it was too dark to actually see anything.
He had conjured himself to stand directly in front of the door. There ought to be a torch right there, and in a few seconds his outstretched hand found it, waiting in its socket in the wall. He touched the end and concentrated, and it caught fire. The sudden light was harsh to his eyes, and it was several more seconds before they adjusted enough for him to look around. He didn't light any more torches - something told him that Duo needed the darkness right now.
It took him another few seconds to locate his love. Duo was crouched in one of the corners, hiding in the deepest shadows, hugging his knees to his chest with his braid hanging over one shoulder. He seemed to sense when Heero's attention fell on him, and lifted his head to give Heero a weak smile. "Heya Heero, how ya doing?" he greeted him.
Heero stiffened as he got a good look at Duo's eyes. They were one of the things he loved most about Duo, right behind his sense of humor, his love of life, his cheerfulness, and his braid. He had been secretly fascinated for a very long while by Duo's eyes. He wasn't sure if it was because of his power or something else, but Duo's eyes didn't reflect light of any kind, not mage-light, not fire, not even from the stars overhead, and it seemed to him that if his eyes reflected anything, it would be the stars. But they never did - his eyes were always just inky pools without anything to disrupt the dark color.
No, the light in Duo's eyes always came from within, and sometimes it made something in Heero ache. He knew what his own eyes looked like - dead, almost reflective surfaces that never showed anything of how he felt. Duo's eyes were the windows to his soul, and Heero loved them.
But as he stood here in the dim room, he could quite clearly see the flickering light from the lone torch reflected back towards him from Duo's eyes.
The moment of shock was quickly followed by a white-hot rage that threatened to consume all rational thought. What had they done to him! What had they done to Duo? He was going to find out who had hurt his love, and he was going to *annihilate* them.
Duo must have seen the change of expression on his face (slight as it was) because he slowly got to his feet, a worried expression on his face. "You all right, Heero?" he asked. "Did anyone get hurt?"
"You did. What happened?" Heero asked flatly.
Duo tried and just barely failed to hide his wince. "Nah, I'm fine," Duo said with a careless shrug. "See?" he held both of his hands out to the side. "No injuries even."
Heero didn't even bother to respond to such an obvious falsehood. "What happened?" he repeated.
"Damn it, Heero, do the words 'let it go' mean anything to you?" Duo asked, dropping his head so that his bangs hid his eyes.
Heero considered briefly, then said, "No. They hurt you. I want to know what they did, and who did it, so I can help you and kill them."
Duo chuckled softly. "Always the efficient one, eh Heero? What if they aren't the problem? What if the problem's with me? What if it's been with me all along?"
Heero frowned in confusion. "What?"
Duo sighed. "It's nothing. Hey, you up for a go-round in bed?" he asked with a leer, running his hands down his sides suggestively. "I got a lot of energy right now."
Alarmed, Heero took a step back. They'd never slept together right after a battle, it always seemed like tainting something sacred with something so incredibly dirty... for Duo to suggest that they... now... things were worse than he ever could have imagined. Something had happened that had made Duo... not care.
"No," he said firmly, pushing Duo away. Duo always looked good to him, and if he managed to get his hands on him, he'd never be able to concentrate on the important thing, which was helping Duo. Heero wasn't very good at dealing with other people, but he knew that sleeping with Duo right now would be the absolute worst thing that he could do. It would cement whatever was in Duo's mind right now, convince him that he was right, if he wasn't talked out of it. "I want to know what happened. What did they do?"
Duo gave up his half-hearted attempt at seduction just as quickly as he'd started them and turned away, crossing his arms across his chest and facing that dark corner. "Let it go, Heero, I really don't want to talk about this."
"You need to talk about this," Heero stated with certainty.
Duo didn't answer.
Heero waited for several minutes, then went over to Duo and grabbed his arm, roughly turning him around. "What happened?!" he demanded.
"Damn it, Heero, let go of me!" Duo said, easily freeing himself and retreating back another couple of feet. His eyes were wide and they flicked back and forth like those of a trapped animal as he flattened himself into the corner again. "Heero, I can't..." he said before cutting himself off. He turned his head away with a wince and then sank back down into a crouch, hugging himself. He stared into space, and Heero got the distinct impression that he wasn't seeing the room at all.
There were times that he was grateful for Odin for training him the way he had, teaching him to set aside his emotions to get the mission done. It made him stronger in many situations where others faltered because they let their emotions get the best of them - Quatre had this problem more frequently then any of the others. Other times he wished that Odin was still alive so that he could kill him slowly and painfully for what he'd done. This situation fell into the latter category. He didn't know how to help Duo - Quatre would have known, would know how to get Duo to talk and help him get better, but Quatre had said that Duo needed *him*.
Here he'd been treating Duo roughly when that was probably the opposite of what he needed.
Silently Heero moved forward and crouched on the floor next to Duo, who gave no indication that he saw or noticed Heero in any way.
Moving slowly, carefully, so that he didn't startle Duo, Heero slid up next to him and put his arms around the other boy, drawing him in close until Duo was sitting in his lap. He felt Duo stiffen as soon as his arms touched him, but he refused to let go, even when Duo struggled weakly to free himself.
"I have you," Heero told him firmly. "I won't let anything happen to you. Just tell me, whenever you're ready." Then he fell silent. Heero had never been good at just talking, even if it was to comfort Duo. He maneuvered Duo until Duo's head was resting against his chest, figuring that the sound of his own heartbeat could help soothe Duo until he could talk.
After a very long time, Duo relaxed slightly, so that he was no longer a bundle of knotted muscles. Some time after that, he finally whispered, "I'm a killer."
"What?" Heero asked, trying not to stiffen himself, being careful to keep his voice soft. Inwardly he frowned. He thought that Duo had finally gotten past the point where he was punishing himself because of what had happened before, because of what his power happened to be.
"I'm a killer. That's the problem."
Heero hesitated for several seconds, then said slowly, "What did they do to you?"
Duo stiffened again, and Heero's arms unconsciously tightened around the other boy. "I told you, it wasn't what they did, it's what I did. I killed them," he whispered.
Heero was beginning to get the hang of this, and waited several seconds before asking, "Who?"
By now Duo was one big pile of knotted muscles and tension, but with a suddenness that alarmed Heero, he relaxed. "I killed the faeries," he said softly.
"The faeries?"
Duo shook his head slightly against Heero's chest. "I know it can't really have been them - they've been dead for years, and they would never try..." he cut himself off. "But it looked like them, it sounded like them... I almost believed, for a second, that it really was them. Right up until they tried to kill me."
Heero shifted his head slightly so that he could stare down at Duo's face. Duo smiled sadly. "They didn't have a choice. Zechs created them. Remember why they called us 'master'?" He paused for a few seconds, then continued, "A mage, like us, first made the faeries. We could probably make some more of them, too, if we really wanted to. Zechs must have created them - they had to do what he wanted. And he created them to get to me." Duo let out a short, bitter bark of laughter. "And it worked."
"No," Heero said, tightening his arms around Duo. Duo couldn't leave him.
"Look at me, Heero," Duo said, sounding tired. "You saw it when you came in. They finally got to me. They didn't kill me, but... having to kill those faeries... it did something to me. They were innocents, and they looked so much like my family... they screamed as they died. They begged me not to do it."
"They were the enemy," Heero told him.
"It doesn't matter, Heero," Duo responded wearily. "I know this is kinda tough for you, but it really doesn't matter. I kill everyone. I *am* Death, moreso with each passing day. And I just don't care anymore. I used to hate it, but now..." he shook his head slightly. "It just doesn't matter. I'm broken."
"No, you're not!" Heero told him.
"Heero, I lived on the streets for most of my life. You think I don't know the signs? It's just a matter of time until I die."
"No. You can't give up."
"Heero, this isn't exactly something I have control over," Duo complained, sitting up slightly and pushing Heero away so that he could look into Heero's eyes. Heero noted that he could now see his reflection in Duo's eyes. "It's just the way it is. I'll keep fighting, but you better tell Quatre not to depend on me too much."
"No."
"No? Heero, I thought we already had this discussion. It's just the way it is."
"No. I need you."
Duo opened his mouth, then shut it. "What?"
"I need you here," Heero said, putting a little emphasis on the last word to make his meaning clear. "With me. I can't have that if you give up."
Duo scrambled to his feet. "Damn it, Heero! You don't understand! I *am* Death! That's the way it works! People close to me die! You didn't see me today... see what I did to them - how I am when I fight..."
"Do you love me?"
"Of course I do, you big idiot! That's not the point! I don't want you dead!"
"Yes it is," Heero said slowly. "If you love me, then you're not allowed to give up. I need you here, with me. You're Death, I'm life. You took care of people, I killed them. It's obvious that fate was a little confused about us. So what? This is a war - we kill people or they kill us. Don't let him get to you."
"It's not him. It's them." Heero didn't have to ask who 'they' were.
"They were being used for evil. There was nothing you could do. If you hadn't done it, they would have killed you. Or one of us - we would have had no way to know that they weren't on our side."
"Quatre wouldn't have been able to do it," Duo said quietly.
Heero snorted. "And look what it's doing to him," he retorted. "It's tearing him apart that he can't make the decisions he knows he should. Besides, that's his power, not necessarily him. He would have known what he should do, the question is whether his power would have allowed it. But it had to be done."
"Heero..." Duo abruptly broke off, sinking down on the bed and holding his head in his hands. Heero decided that the fact that Duo hadn't gone back into the corner was a good sign.
He waited a few minutes, then stood up and joined Duo on the bed, silently linking their fingers and pulling Duo in for another hug. "You do know that I love you, right?" he asked with a slight frown, afraid that Duo might have gotten that impression because he hadn't said it earlier.
Duo's only response was to sigh and sink deeper into the embrace. After a few more minutes he said, "You know Heero? You're absolutely impossible to reason with. I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not."
Heero snorted.
"What are we going to do now?"
"There shouldn't be an attack for a few hours. You should get some rest."
"What about you?"
"I need to talk to Quatre for a few minutes first."
Duo's arms tightened around Heero's waist. "Don't leave me yet, please?" he pleaded. "I... I just need you here. Just for a little while."
"I'm going to kill Zechs," Heero muttered under his breath, and was rewarded with a low chuckle from Duo.
"You say the nicest things, Hee-chan," Duo murmured. "You are impossible, though."
Heero grunted, just to make sure Duo knew he wasn't ignoring him.
A few more minutes passed, then Duo straightened up slightly, turning in Heero's arms to face him. His bangs still shading his eyes, he murmured, "Yup, definitely impossible. But you might be manageable yet." He tossed his bangs out of his eyes, and then leaned in to kiss Heero, who found himself lost in their inky depths.
-----------------------------------
A few hours later, Heero emerged from his rooms and went in search of Quatre. He found him and the other two studying a diagram of the enemy camp.
"Is he..." Quatre trailed off worriedly.
"He's sleeping," Heero informed them. "I'm going to kill Zechs and Treize, and the rest of them too."
Quatre nodded mildly in response to his announced intentions of homicide. "They're attacking us individually now, trying to strike at where they think we're weakest," he said simply.
"What are we going to do?"
Quatre swallowed. "We can't... waste resources by trying to protect the villages. But we have to stop this. So far our efforts have had little to no effect. We've got to drive them out. We've got to attack."
1. Believe it or not, I actually have a braid that's over three feet long, and I've done that several times. This is actually something that happens when you have long hair long enough - you start to react automatically to protect your nose and face from getting beat up.
Well, here's the next section. That last section with Duo was a little rough, but I think I'm pleased with the way it turned out. That's the way I picture arguing with Heero, an odd combination of tactical arguments combined with bizarre leaps of logic.
Sorry this one took so long, but RL has been... interesting. I actually had a lot more time to write after I got a concussion, because I couldn't go to work or do anything, although that's not a preferable way of getting out of work. I've tried it, and it's not too much fun. Anyway, the good news is that I don't think that my writing style changes much when I'm writing with a head injury.
I think that I'm almost done - probably one more section left (maybe two if it gets too long) and then a couple of epilogs. I know where I'm going, so it shouldn't take too long (knocks on wood).
Marika 7/24/01
Now he had his forces occupied sorting through the villagers they'd flushed out when they burned the place, quickly setting aside and possessing the able-bodied, and killing the rest. Out of the corner of his host's eye, he noticed a few humans - one woman and a couple of very small ones - children, they were called - trying to sneak away into the woods, away from the burning village.
So far no one seemed to have noticed them - an act that he would have to punish someone for, but for now, it was enough to destroy them. He started funneling power into his host's body, preparing to strike.
He hesitated for a moment. Something was wrong - the magic wasn't flowing properly. He examined the body he'd taken, and back in his own world, he felt his lips curl into a smile, revealing jagged teeth beneath. His host's body mirrored that expression, although it wasn't nearly as effective. The host was attempting to stop him, to keep him from killing those humans.
How amusing.
Also not to be tolerated. He slammed up more walls around the mind of the human who had once controlled this body, sealing him off completely. Then he drew more of his own power and that stored in his world into the body, then sent it arching down towards the humans.
In seconds there was nothing left of them but a few ashes blowing in the stiff breeze.
He turned back to look at the destruction. They'd see how long those stupid mages stayed in their fortress now.
-------------------------
It had been almost a week since the last Oz attack, and Duo and Heero had put the free time to good use. It might not be a good way of using energy that might better be spent in fighting Oz soldiers, but it was also necessary. Duo was in one the deepest sleeps that he could ever remember when he was suddenly jolted awake by a scream, one both mental and physical, and the sound made his gut clench.
:Quatre!: he cried as he recognized the source, and without thinking about it, he conjured himself to the room that Trowa and Quatre shared, with Heero an instant behind him.
They arrived in the room, which was dimly lit by torches (mage-lights being deemed too much of a waste of energy for normal use), and Duo saw Trowa kneeling on the bed beside an unresponsive Quatre, cradling him in his arms. "What is it?" he asked, immediately moving to the bed.
"He's not here," Trowa replied quietly, his eyes fixed on Quatre's face. Now that he looked, Duo noticed that Quatre's eyes were wide open, but not seeing anything in front of him. Shit.
"Then where the fuck is he?!" he demanded.
Trowa only stared at him silently.
"Why him again?" Duo demanded next. He knew that the others didn't have any answers for him, but he needed to get this out of his system. It seemed like Quatre kept getting hit over and over and over again. What was it about him that attracted Oz's attention?
"He's the weakest," Wufei said shortly from the doorway as he stepped inside. He took one look at Trowa and raised a hand to forestall bloodshed. "I mean no disrespect, but it is the truth. He's been leading us, and is most vulnerable to attack - that makes him the logical target."
Heero grunted agreement to that statement, his eyes still fixed on the pair on the bed.
"It's not an attack," Trowa said quietly, his eyes never leaving Quare's face.
"What? I thought you said..."
"I said that I didn't know where he is, not that it was an attack," Trowa said, sparing Duo a glance. "He's having a vision."
"How do you know?"
Trowa hesitated for a fraction of a second, then answered, "I recognize the symptoms. This is what it usually looks like."
Duo stared at him, anger beginning to well up. "You mean this has happened to him before?"
Trowa shook his head. "It usually happens to me," he said unwillingly. "Quatre's been helping me through the worst of it, but I recognize what it looks like from his memories of me."
For a second Duo was just shocked that Quatre and Trowa's minds were linked at a level where their thoughts were automatically accessible to each other, and then what Trowa had just said actually caught up with his brain. "This... has been happening for a while?" he asked slowly, determined not to start cursing. Not yet.
"Since before we came here," Trowa responded, avoiding their eyes. "It's because of the Earth, he thinks. I see what will happen if the demons take over. Mostly what will happen to the world itself, but..." he swallowed, and closed his one visible eye for a second. "Quatre's been helping me with it," he repeated himself.
If it bothers Trowa enough that he's showing an actual reaction just thinking about it, it's probably pretty close to Hell, Duo thought, his anger building. "And neither of you thought that this was something we should know about? And if you tell me that Quatre didn't want to worry anyone, I'm going to rip your hair out by the roots and stuff it down your throat! You of all people should know that Quatre does not need any more on his head right now!" he shouted, his voice rising with every word. "Do you trust us or not?!" He felt Heero's hand on his arm and his presence in his mind, and with difficulty, calmed himself.
"Never mind," he said with a bitter frown and quick shake of his hand. He spun around so fast that his braid flew around to strike him in the face. With an unconscious reaction, he raised a hand to keep it from hitting his nose, tossed it back over his shoulder, and started for the door.(1)
"Duo!" Trowa exclaimed, actually abandoning Quatre as he jumped to his feet, reaching the door with a few long steps to grab Duo's shoulder. "It isn't like that!"
"Then explain what it is," Duo snarled. "Because it sure seems like that to me! Dark Lady, after all we've been through, you'd think we could trust each other! You I can understand, but I would have thought that Quatre would trust us, if for no other reason than we need to trust each other!"
"*I* trust you," Trowa said firmly, with no hint of hesitation in his voice. "So does Quatre. This isn't about trust."
"Then what is it about?" Duo asked darkly, glowering at the taller boy.
"Power."
"What do you mean?" Wufei asked, taking a step forward, closer to the bed where Quatre still lay, eyes still open and unseeing.
"We are our power. The longer we are... the more we use our powers, the more obvious it is. We start acting, not so much as ourselves, but merely as vessels for the powers. It's a very gradual process, but it's happening, to all of us." He stared directly at Duo and raised an eyebrow. "In fact, you just confirmed part of that theory."
"I did?"
"You swore by the Dark Lady."
Duo felt a chill run down his spine. In the religion (well, it was more a set of beliefs than any organized religion) of the faeries, most of the deities were either animals and plants. There were only two who weren't, and those were both female, since females were the creators of life. One was the Bright Lady, mother of life, and it was by him that he usually swore. The other was the Dark Lady, who escorted the dead out of this world. He'd avoided even mentioning her name before, because of an old and probably foolish superstition that mentioning her name brought her attention to you. He had enough problems with death as it was.
Duo rubbed his eyes wearily. This was all like some sort of nightmare. The next thing you knew he'd look like a skeleton and kill anyone he touched. "What does this have to do with Quatre?" he asked, trying not to look at Heero. He didn't want to see Heero's face, his eyes, not now. Not when Heero was the mage of life and he was Shinigami.
"He needs this, desperately," Trowa said, a hint of exasperation in his voice. "The same way that I need to be alone, away from people, he needs just as much to help people, protect them. I... let him think that some things were worse than they were - this helps him get rid of the demands his power is making without him sneaking out of the fort to go heal people."
Duo tossed his bangs out of his face and stared at Trowa. "Please tell me he hasn't done that."
"Not since we left Sank, I saw to that," Trowa said with definite satisfaction in his voice. "But his power took control of him totally before, it makes the power have more influence over him now. It's not about not trusting you - he trusts all of you with his life, he has no choice, but he needs to do these things. Please don't confront him about this."
Duo sighed, running a hand through his bangs. He could feel Heero pressing against his mind, but he didn't want to talk yet. He couldn't. Besides, what could Heero say? He was becoming an incarnation of Death itself. How much longer before they could barely stand to be around each other? "I won't. Sorry I yelled at you, I'm just tired of him hurting himself to protect us."
"I'm watching him," Trowa replied, then turned back to the bed.
"So what have you seen?" Duo asked, taking a few steps forward to look at Quatre. "What is he seeing?"
Quatre suddenly let out a shriek and sat bolt upright in the bed. He took a couple of panicked breaths, then his eyes automatically turned to Trowa, and he latched onto the taller boy like a leach, holding onto him with all his strength as his shoulders shook with dry sobs. Duo felt Trowa immediately begin projecting soothing emotions and murmuring quietly to Quatre, and blinked. He'd just felt more emotion from Trowa then he could ever remember actually seeing on his face.
:You OK, Q?: Duo asked quietly when Quatre had stopped sobbing. :What did you see?:
:Oh, gods, they're all dead,: Quatre said, the pain in his voice painful to listen to.
:Who? Is there going to be an attack?: Heero asked, but Quatre shook his head.
:Not here. Treize... or whatever is controlling Treize... took a good portion of his forces and made a portal to a small village at the border of my land,: he replied, apparently not even noticing when he called the Winner estate 'his land'. :They destroyed it, and killed everyone there, every man, woman, and child...: his voice caught as he turned his face away, tears still leaking out of his tightly closed eyes. :I saw it, the smoke, the blood... I heard their screams, and then...: he shuddered. :I got caught up *in* them. I felt them, every single one of them, as they died.: Trowa held him as he sobbed some more, but Duo was more interested in the aura, the cloud around Quatre. Normally Quatre glowed like a miniature sun, but now his aura was dimmed, as if it was clouded over.
Duo frowned, and reached with his power to Quatre, and felt a pool of his own unique power within the blond mage, where it absolutely did not belong.
:Guys?: There was a hint of panic in Trowa's voice. :He won't calm down. Something is wrong.:
:I think I know what it is,: Duo replied, reaching out and placing a hand on Quatre's head. He *pushed*, and Quatre slumped down again. :I don't know how the fuck he managed it, but he didn't just feel those people die, he actually experienced their deaths. It's almost like he took part in them. No mind, human, mage, or otherwise, is equipped to handle that, that's why he's having a fit now. I can remove what's causing the problem, and then there's a spell that will keep this from happening again. I think.:
:You think?:
:Even Gente was never so connected to the people that this happened. I'm making it up as I go along, guys.:
:That is not encouraging,: Trowa remarked, but he turned his body slightly to allow Duo better access to Quatre's head. That told Duo, more than anything else, that he had been completely honest before when he said that he trusted him. If he was trusting him with Quatre's safety...
Duo reached forward and lay his palm on Quatre's forehead, his own eyes narrowing in concentration. Quatre murmured silently in his sleep as he resisted the intrusion in his mind, but then his mind, even unconscious, recognized Duo's mind, and instantly Duo was granted access. Trust indeed...
Duo quickly drew the essence of death from Quatre's mind, leaving the memories and everything else untouched. The memories Quatre would have to deal with on his own, but he would be able to. It was the essence of death itself that he hadn't been able to handle. Duo withdrew from his mind and whispered the words to the spell that would seal Quatre's spirit from any further incursions of that sort. It would, in effect, keep Duo's power out of Quatre.
"All right, it's done, I think." Duo concentrated briefly and healed what little damage his intrusion had caused. Then he stepped back as Quatre woke up.
Although his arms were still wrapped around Trowa's shoulders, Quatre immediately turned to look at Duo. "Thank you very much," he said before disentangling himself. His face was still pale and there were tear-streaks remaining on his cheeks, but his expression was composed. "Come on, we have to go deal with this."
---------------------------------------------------
Wufei managed to keep his face composed as he stared at the devastation, although it was a struggle. The last time he had seen something like this, it had been when his clan was destroyed. He shoved back the painful memories as he surveyed the destruction. This was, if anything, worse than when his clan had been attacked, because it was so obvious that it was intentional. The way that each of the houses had carefully been burned to the ground, the way that most of the bodies were laid out in a straight line - all of it pointed to a very carefully planned, carefully orchestrated massacre.
He hadn't missed the fact that there was a decided lack of able-bodied men among the dead. Treize must have taken them all when he swept through here. More soldiers for his forces.
Wufei did not look at Duo, not wanting to see the whirlpool of energy as the power from this atrocity entered Duo. It wasn't Duo's fault, and he bore the other mage no ill will for it, but that didn't mean that he wanted to see it.
"Is there anyone..." Duo asked, then trailed off softly, probably knowing the pointlessness of his comment. If there had been any survivors at all, Quatre would have rescued them immediately. The fact that he had just stood there, looking around, since stepping through the portal was enough to tell them that there was no one left.
"Why did they do this?" Quatre asked softly, his eyes glazed and vacant. "Most of these people couldn't have held a sword for us, even if we wanted them to. They were just farmers."
"They're trying to draw us out," Heero said flatly, and Wufei agreed, although a part of him rebelled at the injustice, the weakness of using innocents this way. He didn't say anything out loud, though.
Months ago he would have. But he'd since come to realize that even though they didn't speak about it as much as he did, his companions were also aware of honor and justice, and that it would be bothering them, this use of innocents against them, even if they never said anything. Even more important than that, he'd learned that he could actually make things worse by always talking about it, reminding of the things that they were trying to forget. He could never forget them, but that did not make it right for him to hurt the others by reminding them.
"We can't possibly protect everybody," Quatre murmured quietly, leading Wufei to believe that he'd already known the answer to his question before he asked it.
"That's what they want," Duo said darkly, but without any expression on his face. "The bastards want us to run ourselves ragged trying to protect every single village, and when we're worn down..."
There was a short silence as they all thought about what would happen. Finally Duo looked at Quatre and said, "So what do we do?"
There was no mistaking it when Quatre stiffened, nor the fact that he refused to meet their gaze for several seconds. After what seemed like a very long time, he quietly said, "I... I don't know. I... I can't make this kind of decision."
Duo took a step towards Quatre, his expression sympathetic. "Come on, Q. You know that we'll go along with whatever you say."
"No, you don't understand, my power..."
Suddenly Wufei understood. "Your power won't let you decide, will it?" he asked, and Quatre nodded his head frantically.
"I'm supposed to protect people, but whatever I do, they die," he said, and Wufei could see the power swirling around him as it responded to the conflict within. "If we try to protect the towns... it can't possibly work, and we'll lose the war, and then people die. If we leave the towns unprotected to fight the war, then those people will die. I... I just can't choose! It won't let me!" he said, his voice near hysterical, and Wufei realized that he was very close to cracking.
Without thinking about it, he took several steps to Quatre, grabbed his shoulders, and gave him a hard shake. "Don't let it control you!" he said harshly. "You have strength, use it!"
Quatre looked up at him, and for a moment their eyes met and Wufei felt the strangest sensation, as if Quatre was searching within him for something. Suddenly something within Quatre hardened, and his face because composed. "You're right," he said simply. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and Wufei saw the energy around him suddenly get jerked back into it's proper formations, flowing around him like a cloud but not sparking or flashing. "Come on," he said, opening his eyes. "We might as well get back. We've got to decide what to do, and there's nothing we can do here."
Duo gasped and stumbled, and Heero only barely managed to catch him. His eyes were wide as he stared into space. "The fort! It's under attack!"
------------------------------------------
Duo slashed at the Ozzies trying to get at the walls of the fort. He'd felt it when they started to assault the shields, not with human fighters, which was pointless and used up almost no energy, but with magic. He'd felt that attack almost as if it was physical blows, and it took a great deal of will power to muster the concentration required to cast a spell to return him to the fort.
They'd arrived to find the battle already underway. Trieze must have been waiting for them to go investigate the destroyed village, and launched his attack as soon as they left. The Manguanacs and Sally were already very busy fighting when they arrived, although the men gave glad shouts when they saw that Quatre was back. Duo conjured his magic scythe back from wherever it had been (he was getting very good at using it) and used it to cut his way through the troops nearest to him. This was absolutely ridiculous. Did the Ozzies really think that they'd get anywhere this way? All they were doing was getting their own troops killed.
He felt all of the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, and his wariness increased appropriately. Here was a sense completely unconnected with his magic, something developed and honed on the streets, integral to his survival. He wasn't exactly sure where it came from, but he trusted it and always listened to it. He'd felt it when a robbery was about to go bad, or when someone was on his tail. He'd felt it days before the plague struck, just when the rumors started, and he'd been trying to convince himself that it was nothing when the faery village had been wiped out.
Just thinking about it was enough to remind him that the faeries had died because of those he was fighting here, and he grimly kept his eyes open for the newest threat.
Suddenly he was in a bubble of calm in the storm of the battle. He looked around wildly at the circle of soldiers surrounding him. What the hell...
A tall figure stepped out of the battle, the soldiers seeming to melt out of his way. That alone was enough to set off warnings in Duo's skull. That was the way that witch Dorothy had moved in the battle, every soldier moving to facilitate her motion in a way no normal army could do. All of which meant that this was another of their mages.
His eyes widened as he recognized the long blond hair on the figure standing in front of him. "Zechs," he hissed, staring at the man without the mask, his eyes glowing that unnatural yellow color.
"Milliardo, please," the man said pleasantly, a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. One hand rested on an extravagantly decorated sword hanging at his waist, but he made no move to draw it. Duo kept his scythe in front of him warily as the circle of space around him became even bigger.
"Get the fuck out of him," Duo said, wishing that he knew of a spell that could force the demon out of Zechs' body.
Zechs... Milliardo... the demon controlling him threw back his head and laughed. "Oh why should I? This is a fine body... it has so much power, so much energy... so much more so than anyone else on this pathetic planet. Only the five of you would make better hosts." The slight smirk blossomed into a full-fledged smile, and Duo took an involuntary step back. He wasn't a coward, but he did have a very good sense of self-preservation, and right now all of his instincts were saying that he wanted to be very far from here. "A pity that we cannot use your bodies."
"Yeah, well I guess that just sucks for you," Duo commented sarcastically, glancing around. "Any reason that you called off them, other than you wanted to have a chat?" he asked, jerking his head at the circle around him. "Cause I'm a little busy right now and I don't really want to waste my time talking to you when I could be killing something." The sad thing was that was the truth - he'd much rather be killing Ozzies than talking to Zechs.
"As a matter of fact, I did. I have some visitors for you, and I wanted to make sure that they didn't get hurt in all of this."
"Really?" Duo drawled, eyes narrowing. "Like you care about anything except killing me."
He shrugged slightly and smiled again, then turned his head to look behind him. "They've been anxious to see you," he commented.
Duo's eyes widened and he paled slightly as he saw several figures come out of the chaos. They were very small, barely reaching Zechs' hips, and appeared to be guarded by a troop of soldiers. For a second he thought that they were children, but soon realized he was mistaken. There was no mistaking the bluish skin and wings.
Oh, no. Please, no.
----------------------------------
Heero walked around, carefully stabbing the soldiers left lying on the ground. As usual, when the enemy had sounded their retreat, they'd left the majority of their wounded behind, taking only the few that they considered worth saving. The rest they left behind to the mercy of the defenders. Heero always made sure to kill every one of them before Duo burned the bodies. In his experience, loose ends tended to come back to haunt you.
Normally it was almost automatic, but today he was having trouble concentrating on his mission. Something was wrong. With Duo.
Something had been wrong since early in the battle, but he hadn't been able to figure out what, since they'd been on opposite sides of the fort and Duo refused to answer his mental calls. All he got in return for his questions had been a few vague comments about some 'trouble' that Duo had 'taken care of'. The very fact that Duo had been so close-mouthed was causing Heero no little alarm. It had been in the middle of a battle, but Duo still usually managed to keep up a steady stream of cursing and shouting at the 'Ozzies' that was audible on a number of levels. Even when he fell silent, it didn't usually feel like this.
Something was wrong.
Heero joined the others at the gate of the fort as the Manguanacs and Sally were moving inside, looking around for Duo to perform the ritual burning of the bodies.
Duo was nowhere to be seen. Heero was about to find him and demand some answers when Quatre spoke directly into his mind. :Heero, go to Duo. He needs you. He's in your room.:
Heero felt a stab of alarm but refused to let it show on his face. He grunted and then flicked his eyes towards the field of corpses questioningly.
:We'll take care of it,: Quatre told him. :Go! Duo needs you now!:
Heero didn't waste any more time, conjuring himself directly to the room that he and Duo shared. It was located deep within the walls of the fort, safe from any attack, but that also meant that there weren't any windows, and it tended to get very dark if there weren't enough torches lit. Duo hadn't lit any, and the only light in the room was that filtering in through the crack under the door.
Heero frowned slightly, looking around. He could tell that Duo was here, but his mate was shielding his presence, so he couldn't feel where he was. And, of course, it was too dark to actually see anything.
He had conjured himself to stand directly in front of the door. There ought to be a torch right there, and in a few seconds his outstretched hand found it, waiting in its socket in the wall. He touched the end and concentrated, and it caught fire. The sudden light was harsh to his eyes, and it was several more seconds before they adjusted enough for him to look around. He didn't light any more torches - something told him that Duo needed the darkness right now.
It took him another few seconds to locate his love. Duo was crouched in one of the corners, hiding in the deepest shadows, hugging his knees to his chest with his braid hanging over one shoulder. He seemed to sense when Heero's attention fell on him, and lifted his head to give Heero a weak smile. "Heya Heero, how ya doing?" he greeted him.
Heero stiffened as he got a good look at Duo's eyes. They were one of the things he loved most about Duo, right behind his sense of humor, his love of life, his cheerfulness, and his braid. He had been secretly fascinated for a very long while by Duo's eyes. He wasn't sure if it was because of his power or something else, but Duo's eyes didn't reflect light of any kind, not mage-light, not fire, not even from the stars overhead, and it seemed to him that if his eyes reflected anything, it would be the stars. But they never did - his eyes were always just inky pools without anything to disrupt the dark color.
No, the light in Duo's eyes always came from within, and sometimes it made something in Heero ache. He knew what his own eyes looked like - dead, almost reflective surfaces that never showed anything of how he felt. Duo's eyes were the windows to his soul, and Heero loved them.
But as he stood here in the dim room, he could quite clearly see the flickering light from the lone torch reflected back towards him from Duo's eyes.
The moment of shock was quickly followed by a white-hot rage that threatened to consume all rational thought. What had they done to him! What had they done to Duo? He was going to find out who had hurt his love, and he was going to *annihilate* them.
Duo must have seen the change of expression on his face (slight as it was) because he slowly got to his feet, a worried expression on his face. "You all right, Heero?" he asked. "Did anyone get hurt?"
"You did. What happened?" Heero asked flatly.
Duo tried and just barely failed to hide his wince. "Nah, I'm fine," Duo said with a careless shrug. "See?" he held both of his hands out to the side. "No injuries even."
Heero didn't even bother to respond to such an obvious falsehood. "What happened?" he repeated.
"Damn it, Heero, do the words 'let it go' mean anything to you?" Duo asked, dropping his head so that his bangs hid his eyes.
Heero considered briefly, then said, "No. They hurt you. I want to know what they did, and who did it, so I can help you and kill them."
Duo chuckled softly. "Always the efficient one, eh Heero? What if they aren't the problem? What if the problem's with me? What if it's been with me all along?"
Heero frowned in confusion. "What?"
Duo sighed. "It's nothing. Hey, you up for a go-round in bed?" he asked with a leer, running his hands down his sides suggestively. "I got a lot of energy right now."
Alarmed, Heero took a step back. They'd never slept together right after a battle, it always seemed like tainting something sacred with something so incredibly dirty... for Duo to suggest that they... now... things were worse than he ever could have imagined. Something had happened that had made Duo... not care.
"No," he said firmly, pushing Duo away. Duo always looked good to him, and if he managed to get his hands on him, he'd never be able to concentrate on the important thing, which was helping Duo. Heero wasn't very good at dealing with other people, but he knew that sleeping with Duo right now would be the absolute worst thing that he could do. It would cement whatever was in Duo's mind right now, convince him that he was right, if he wasn't talked out of it. "I want to know what happened. What did they do?"
Duo gave up his half-hearted attempt at seduction just as quickly as he'd started them and turned away, crossing his arms across his chest and facing that dark corner. "Let it go, Heero, I really don't want to talk about this."
"You need to talk about this," Heero stated with certainty.
Duo didn't answer.
Heero waited for several minutes, then went over to Duo and grabbed his arm, roughly turning him around. "What happened?!" he demanded.
"Damn it, Heero, let go of me!" Duo said, easily freeing himself and retreating back another couple of feet. His eyes were wide and they flicked back and forth like those of a trapped animal as he flattened himself into the corner again. "Heero, I can't..." he said before cutting himself off. He turned his head away with a wince and then sank back down into a crouch, hugging himself. He stared into space, and Heero got the distinct impression that he wasn't seeing the room at all.
There were times that he was grateful for Odin for training him the way he had, teaching him to set aside his emotions to get the mission done. It made him stronger in many situations where others faltered because they let their emotions get the best of them - Quatre had this problem more frequently then any of the others. Other times he wished that Odin was still alive so that he could kill him slowly and painfully for what he'd done. This situation fell into the latter category. He didn't know how to help Duo - Quatre would have known, would know how to get Duo to talk and help him get better, but Quatre had said that Duo needed *him*.
Here he'd been treating Duo roughly when that was probably the opposite of what he needed.
Silently Heero moved forward and crouched on the floor next to Duo, who gave no indication that he saw or noticed Heero in any way.
Moving slowly, carefully, so that he didn't startle Duo, Heero slid up next to him and put his arms around the other boy, drawing him in close until Duo was sitting in his lap. He felt Duo stiffen as soon as his arms touched him, but he refused to let go, even when Duo struggled weakly to free himself.
"I have you," Heero told him firmly. "I won't let anything happen to you. Just tell me, whenever you're ready." Then he fell silent. Heero had never been good at just talking, even if it was to comfort Duo. He maneuvered Duo until Duo's head was resting against his chest, figuring that the sound of his own heartbeat could help soothe Duo until he could talk.
After a very long time, Duo relaxed slightly, so that he was no longer a bundle of knotted muscles. Some time after that, he finally whispered, "I'm a killer."
"What?" Heero asked, trying not to stiffen himself, being careful to keep his voice soft. Inwardly he frowned. He thought that Duo had finally gotten past the point where he was punishing himself because of what had happened before, because of what his power happened to be.
"I'm a killer. That's the problem."
Heero hesitated for several seconds, then said slowly, "What did they do to you?"
Duo stiffened again, and Heero's arms unconsciously tightened around the other boy. "I told you, it wasn't what they did, it's what I did. I killed them," he whispered.
Heero was beginning to get the hang of this, and waited several seconds before asking, "Who?"
By now Duo was one big pile of knotted muscles and tension, but with a suddenness that alarmed Heero, he relaxed. "I killed the faeries," he said softly.
"The faeries?"
Duo shook his head slightly against Heero's chest. "I know it can't really have been them - they've been dead for years, and they would never try..." he cut himself off. "But it looked like them, it sounded like them... I almost believed, for a second, that it really was them. Right up until they tried to kill me."
Heero shifted his head slightly so that he could stare down at Duo's face. Duo smiled sadly. "They didn't have a choice. Zechs created them. Remember why they called us 'master'?" He paused for a few seconds, then continued, "A mage, like us, first made the faeries. We could probably make some more of them, too, if we really wanted to. Zechs must have created them - they had to do what he wanted. And he created them to get to me." Duo let out a short, bitter bark of laughter. "And it worked."
"No," Heero said, tightening his arms around Duo. Duo couldn't leave him.
"Look at me, Heero," Duo said, sounding tired. "You saw it when you came in. They finally got to me. They didn't kill me, but... having to kill those faeries... it did something to me. They were innocents, and they looked so much like my family... they screamed as they died. They begged me not to do it."
"They were the enemy," Heero told him.
"It doesn't matter, Heero," Duo responded wearily. "I know this is kinda tough for you, but it really doesn't matter. I kill everyone. I *am* Death, moreso with each passing day. And I just don't care anymore. I used to hate it, but now..." he shook his head slightly. "It just doesn't matter. I'm broken."
"No, you're not!" Heero told him.
"Heero, I lived on the streets for most of my life. You think I don't know the signs? It's just a matter of time until I die."
"No. You can't give up."
"Heero, this isn't exactly something I have control over," Duo complained, sitting up slightly and pushing Heero away so that he could look into Heero's eyes. Heero noted that he could now see his reflection in Duo's eyes. "It's just the way it is. I'll keep fighting, but you better tell Quatre not to depend on me too much."
"No."
"No? Heero, I thought we already had this discussion. It's just the way it is."
"No. I need you."
Duo opened his mouth, then shut it. "What?"
"I need you here," Heero said, putting a little emphasis on the last word to make his meaning clear. "With me. I can't have that if you give up."
Duo scrambled to his feet. "Damn it, Heero! You don't understand! I *am* Death! That's the way it works! People close to me die! You didn't see me today... see what I did to them - how I am when I fight..."
"Do you love me?"
"Of course I do, you big idiot! That's not the point! I don't want you dead!"
"Yes it is," Heero said slowly. "If you love me, then you're not allowed to give up. I need you here, with me. You're Death, I'm life. You took care of people, I killed them. It's obvious that fate was a little confused about us. So what? This is a war - we kill people or they kill us. Don't let him get to you."
"It's not him. It's them." Heero didn't have to ask who 'they' were.
"They were being used for evil. There was nothing you could do. If you hadn't done it, they would have killed you. Or one of us - we would have had no way to know that they weren't on our side."
"Quatre wouldn't have been able to do it," Duo said quietly.
Heero snorted. "And look what it's doing to him," he retorted. "It's tearing him apart that he can't make the decisions he knows he should. Besides, that's his power, not necessarily him. He would have known what he should do, the question is whether his power would have allowed it. But it had to be done."
"Heero..." Duo abruptly broke off, sinking down on the bed and holding his head in his hands. Heero decided that the fact that Duo hadn't gone back into the corner was a good sign.
He waited a few minutes, then stood up and joined Duo on the bed, silently linking their fingers and pulling Duo in for another hug. "You do know that I love you, right?" he asked with a slight frown, afraid that Duo might have gotten that impression because he hadn't said it earlier.
Duo's only response was to sigh and sink deeper into the embrace. After a few more minutes he said, "You know Heero? You're absolutely impossible to reason with. I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not."
Heero snorted.
"What are we going to do now?"
"There shouldn't be an attack for a few hours. You should get some rest."
"What about you?"
"I need to talk to Quatre for a few minutes first."
Duo's arms tightened around Heero's waist. "Don't leave me yet, please?" he pleaded. "I... I just need you here. Just for a little while."
"I'm going to kill Zechs," Heero muttered under his breath, and was rewarded with a low chuckle from Duo.
"You say the nicest things, Hee-chan," Duo murmured. "You are impossible, though."
Heero grunted, just to make sure Duo knew he wasn't ignoring him.
A few more minutes passed, then Duo straightened up slightly, turning in Heero's arms to face him. His bangs still shading his eyes, he murmured, "Yup, definitely impossible. But you might be manageable yet." He tossed his bangs out of his eyes, and then leaned in to kiss Heero, who found himself lost in their inky depths.
-----------------------------------
A few hours later, Heero emerged from his rooms and went in search of Quatre. He found him and the other two studying a diagram of the enemy camp.
"Is he..." Quatre trailed off worriedly.
"He's sleeping," Heero informed them. "I'm going to kill Zechs and Treize, and the rest of them too."
Quatre nodded mildly in response to his announced intentions of homicide. "They're attacking us individually now, trying to strike at where they think we're weakest," he said simply.
"What are we going to do?"
Quatre swallowed. "We can't... waste resources by trying to protect the villages. But we have to stop this. So far our efforts have had little to no effect. We've got to drive them out. We've got to attack."
1. Believe it or not, I actually have a braid that's over three feet long, and I've done that several times. This is actually something that happens when you have long hair long enough - you start to react automatically to protect your nose and face from getting beat up.
Well, here's the next section. That last section with Duo was a little rough, but I think I'm pleased with the way it turned out. That's the way I picture arguing with Heero, an odd combination of tactical arguments combined with bizarre leaps of logic.
Sorry this one took so long, but RL has been... interesting. I actually had a lot more time to write after I got a concussion, because I couldn't go to work or do anything, although that's not a preferable way of getting out of work. I've tried it, and it's not too much fun. Anyway, the good news is that I don't think that my writing style changes much when I'm writing with a head injury.
I think that I'm almost done - probably one more section left (maybe two if it gets too long) and then a couple of epilogs. I know where I'm going, so it shouldn't take too long (knocks on wood).
Marika 7/24/01