Author's Note: Did you see that coming? You probably did. I'm such a freak.
No more lime here. Sorry. But it'll be as scandalous as ever. Since Kamiya Tetsuro is a mystery to all of us, I can pretty darn well have a free hand at him. He'll be the girlfriend's father every boyfriend has nightmares about.
Standard disclaimers apply.
On with the story.
Heart of the Woman
Part II: Daddy's Girl
"Oro!" I cried in surprise. Then I set my face into an angry frown directed at the man in front of me. "You'll pay for that, I say!"
"Me?!" Cried the man incredulously. "You had your tongue shoved down my daughter's throat! I should be beating the crap out of you!"
Daughter? Daughter he says? Why, I ought to…
"Who are you?" I asked the man in a calm voice. "Why have you come impersonating Kaoru's father? He has been dead for years."
"I am aware of that," replied the man wearily. "I was slashed front and back. I was there! How could I forget?"
I growled. Smart aleck, are you? Well, I'll just let him know how "un-smart" it was for him to come here, pretending and what not. "Whoever you are, I won't let you do this to Kaoru. Get out of her house!"
"It's my house too, you know," he said off-handedly.
He's going to see this to the end. He really will. This guy's nuts!
He rolled his eyes around and sighed, shaking his head. "Look, I'm not exactly thrilled to catch my daughter in the middle of foreplay. And I had certainly not expected her to see me. You were the only one who was supposed to see me and get spooked. So for the life of me…that is…for the death of me, I couldn't figure out how the after-life struck Kaoru off the spooking list but forgot to strike her off the seeing list."
He's…He's insane. "You're crazy," I said with some measure of disbelief. "Get out. Before I throw you out."
"Goodness…Tomoe wasn't kidding when she told me you're overprotective of Kaoru," he said with a chuckle.
So now he's adding Tomoe into the mix, is he?
He stepped forward.
"Stay back," I warned him with an angry glare.
And boy am I pissed to the high heavens. Not only is he a complete stranger inside our home, impersonating Kaoru's father, he had also managed to barge into her room unnoticed, thus interrupting a perfectly good start to what would have perhaps been the most spectacular lovemaking I have had the privilege to be part of!
Am I being judgmental? No. I don't think so.
"I couldn't possibly hurt you even if I want to kick your ass right now," he told me with a scowl. "Do you realize that my hime-chan is a pure and virtuous…"
All right, that's it! I, of all people, know perfectly well how pure and virtuous Kaoru is and I don't need some weirdo lecturing me about it! "Very well then, I shall escort you out. And you better come quietly, or I will be forced to use my sword on you."
He didn't step back as I walked towards him. He merely smiled and crossed his arms over his chest, folding them one above the other and waiting for me to do what I promised.
I gave him a look of suspicion.
"Well?" He asked. "I thought you said you were going to escort me out? So, escort already."
I sighed in annoyance and grabbed his arm.
There was cold. Bitter cold, like unrelenting ice, as my hand passed right through him. I think even the hair on my head stood on end that very moment.
I looked at my hand, my eyes widening and then I looked at him in disbelief.
It couldn't be. This must be a dream. But that cold! No dream could be this real.
Am I to understand that I am standing in front of a ghost?
I shut my eyes and opened them again. He's still there.
Cautiously, I reached out to him one more time. The tips of my fingers dipped into his phantasmal form and the numbing chill spread through me so quickly that I instantly pulled back my hand.
I couldn't say anything. Couldn't think anything.
He grinned and bent over to me. Our faces were so close that I could feel the freezing temperature emanating from him.
"Boo!" He said, pulling back and laughing heartily, palms at his sides.
He shouldn't laugh like that. He shouldn't. What if his head falls off or something…I'd have a heart attack.
I imagine that I had gone so deathly pale that the two of us, the ghost and I, would have been mistaken for buddies by the other spooks.
And then it occurred to me. Something he's been telling me from the very beginning. This man…this ghost…is Kaoru's father…
Kamiya Tetsuro…the daddy…and he caught us…no, me having it out with his baby girl…
"HOLY DE GOZARU!!!" I shrieked, falling to my knees and palms before him, touching my forehead to the floor over and over. My fear of having to talk to a ghost overcome by my fear of having to talk to Kamiya Tetsuro's ghost. "A thousand apologies! I am very, very sorry! I didn't mean to touch your daughter! Well, I did, but I love her very much and I wasn't thinking with my head!"
"Oh? Seemed like you had a lot of head into it," he said sternly.
"Oro!" That was so nasty I could die! But I think kissing daddy ass is the best option at this moment. Antagonizing him will do me no good whatsoever. "I-It will never happen again! I swear it on my honor!"
The feral smirk on his face would have reduced me to oblivion if smiles could do that. "You better believe it! At least, not while you haven't married her! You will marry her, won't you? You're not just going to pick up and leave after you've had your way with her, are you?"
"Of course not!" I responded, shocked that he would even think me capable of doing such a horrible thing. "I will marry Kaoru-dono…"
"So it's back to 'dono' now that I'm here?"
Why is he making this so difficult?
Well, duh! Caught in bed with his daughter? I dunno about you rurouni, but…figure it out!
Alright, Battousai makes sense, as usual.
"Unless you want her to beat you to a pulp," began Kamiya Tetsuro, pointing to Kaoru's passed out form on the futon. "I suggest you drop the honorific."
"Yes sir. Of course," I responded, still keeping my head low.
"What I wouldn't give to materialize right now and Kamiya Kasshin you…" he growled.
Great first impression here, Himura. Why don't you just tell him you've killed a hoard of people, not to mention your ex-wife, remained jobless for more than a decade, and made his daughter miserable for two years of it? Then again, he probably knows that…
"This unworthy one…"
"Oh, you better believe you're unworthy!" Kamiya Tetsuro barked. "Taking advantage of my little princess like that! You ought to be thankful I'm a ghost!"
He wouldn't believe how grateful I am about that.
"Now," he said, straightening his clothes and squaring his shoulders. "Let me just fix some of the confusion…"
Lightning and thunder blared from above, enveloping the already eerie atmosphere with lights and sounds. Could he be any scarier?
"There! Now when Kaoru-chan wakes up in the morning, all you have to do is convince her that what happened was all a weird dream," he ordered me.
"Oro! How am I suppose to do that?" I asked him in wonder.
He gave me an annoyed scowl. "Well, I don't know. Am I supposed to do every damn thing around here? When she wakes up, she won't be able to see me anymore. As much as I want to talk to her, the after-life committee thought it wouldn't be wise. I think so too. It wouldn't be progressive for her. I came here to teach you a thing or two, and thank goodness I came just in time. You and your hormones…like a teenager! I had expected more from a thirty-year-old swordsman like yourself."
Like a teenager, he says. I refrained from saying that Kaoru would have the same effect from men of all ages. No need to get him angrier. "I will try Kamiya-sama…"
"Try? There isn't an option, Himura. I expect results," he told me.
Jeez! Who died and appointed him king?
Well…he died. And I'm romancing his daughter. Also, he caught us in the most uncompromising position…
"Now let's go someplace else. I'm here on a mission. Unfinished business, you see," he said, snapping his finger. "Chup-chup! I can't stay here forever, you know. God knows…I'm not waiting up for the honeymoon."
I groaned and looked over my shoulder at Kaoru. Well, she didn't look comfortable, but she certainly looked delectable with her half-open robe…
Kamiya-sama gave a cough. "Your eyes are roving."
Lowering my head almost instantly, I made an appeal, which I swear has nothing to do with my teenage hormones. "Umm…could I at least make Kaoru more comfortable? It's a cold night and if I don't fix her, she'll have a bad neck in the morning."
He squinted lopsidedly, one eye directed at me as if he were peering into my very soul.
I almost busted a vein trying to do the rurouni innocence deal flawlessly.
"I'll give you three minutes," he conceded. "I'll be outside. Longer than three minutes and I'm coming back in, and if I catch you doing something fishy again…so help me!"
"This unworthy one promises to be good!" I cried, turning red in the face. "Thank you, Kamiya-sama, for your trust."
"Hmph! Trust…I thought I did. You didn't touch her for two years, and a month after admitting your feelings for her, you start doing the horny-monkey thing…"
Horny-monkey? Please, Kamiya-sama…CUT ME SOME FRIGGIN' SLACK!
Kamiya-sama evaporated through the door like any self-respecting ghost. I think that gave me a whole new bunch of heebie-jeebies.
As soon as he was gone, I skittered to Kaoru's side and tried to be as virtuous about the task as possible. Knowing Kaoru's father was outside gave me enough motivation to hold fast to my promises without much effort.
Finally, I tucked the blanket snuggly around her.
She shifted a bit but did not wake up.
I looked at her peaceful face and I sighed wearily.
The entire after-life is breathing down my neck for the sake of Kaoru and me. First Tomoe and now Kamiya-sama. I know I've never lived a normal life, but…man, this takes the cream.
I bent down to place a tender kiss on Kaoru's forehead.
"Sleep tight, my love," I whispered. "Your father has come back from the grave to haunt me and has promised to make my life a living hell if I stay with you tonight…"
"I heard that!" Kamiya-sama cried from the hallway outside.
I shook my head slightly then brought my gaze back to Kaoru. "You understand, don't you dearest?"
"Hmm," she grumbled, snuggling a bit more into the sheets.
I smiled and sat for a few more moments just to watch her sleep.
"Alright, time's up," Kamiya-sama said, poking his spectral head through the door.
I rose to my feet and walked to the door.
This is going to be a long night.
The mayhem continues…