Forward Yolie's thoughts of why she started writing this.
Forward: I'm writing this because my shrink suggested it,
but mainly because I think I need to asess my thoughts and
wants. I once heard that the only reason why a person
writes a diary or journal is because somewhere deep down
inside they want it read. Maybe I do, I just don't know
anything anymore.
Intry #1
I really like Ken, I would even say I love him.
I don't know what he thinks of me. He hardly talks to
me anymore. But, today was a bit different. I was
sitting outside and he runs up to me out of breath.
I stand up quickly and ask him if he's alright.
He doesn't say anything, just looks at me with
his eyes. He inches closer to me. I'm really
hoping he'll kiss me. Well, he does. And not
just a regular peck on the lips. He probed my
mouth with his tongue, I can still taste the
wintergreen from his mouth. We talked for a
while, but soon he had to go home. I still
fill dizzy from the way his eyes never left
mine. I getting tired, I'll try to write
more tomorrow.
Intry #2
Ken had practice today so I was really bummed.
He promised to go to the movies with me later tonight,
though. Meanwhile I had to find something to do to
keep me busy and entertained. I start walking.
Where? I don't know. I find myself in front of
Kari's door. I knock. I hear some footsteps,
then a loud fall. I listen intently. Finally,
the door opens. Tai is standing in front of me,
shirtless! Talk about embassement. I think I
must have turned about a million shades of red.
Tai chuckles and runs a hand through his spikey
hair. I ask if Kari's there and he stutters no.
I shrug my shoulders and turn to leave. He asks me
if I want to come in. His voice changes when he
asked me that. Like he was trying to seduce me
or something. I quickly say no and run back to
my house. When I get back here, my heart is racing.
I think I'm going to explode. I must have been imaging
things. I run to my room. A few minutes later my mom
knocks and opens the door. She tells me Tai called and
wanted to know if I was okay. I told Ken I wasn't feeling
well, but promised to make it up to him later. This is just
weird. Well, I'm going to study, write in you later.
Intry #3
It's been a week since I wrote to you. I've been busy
with school and Ken. I absolutely adore Ken, but something's
up with me or guys, I don't know. First, Ken tells me how he
really feels, second, Tai kind of comes onto me, and now, Matt
did something really weird today. Sora asked if Ken and I
wanted to go out on a double date with her and Matt. We
went to some kind of fancy restraunt, Ken had to order for
us all, the entire menu was in French. I didn't mind though,
he was really sweet when he helped me first. He was even more
cute when he started blushing. The meal was good, I've had better,
but Ken was paying for me, so I didn't complain. Right in the middle
of desert, Matt started rubbing my thigh with his foot. He winked at
me and didn't do it again. Maybe I'm imaging things, maybe Matt just
accidentally bumped my thigh. Yeah, that has to be it.
Intry #4
Tai came over today. He said he wanted to borrow some sugar.
I went to the kitchen and spooned some sugar in a bowl. I turned around
and he was standing right behind me. I dropped the sugar all on the floor.
I wasn't really scared, just startled. Tai stared deep into my eyes.
I tried to say something, but he cut me off by kissing me. It took a
few seconds to register in my mind. I pushed him off and told him he
better go. He nodded his head and left quietly. I cleaned up the sugar
and ran up to my room. I fell on my bed and buried my head into my
pillow and cried. See, I didn't hate the kiss. I repeated to myself
over and over, "I love, Ken."
Intry #5
Ken is going off to college tomorrow. I hate it, absolutely
hate it. He told me he'd finish in a year or two and then we could
move in with each other. Oh, yeah, a few years away at college,
meanwhile I'm mauled by all these guys. Cody has been away for a
few years. He has changed. Really changed. He came to visit
today. I think both, Kari and I were drooling over him. His
hair is spiked with frosted tips. And he's so tall, I think
he said five foot nine. While I was staring at Cody, trying
to listen to him talk about studying with a great Kung-Fu master,
Davis, I think, but I'm not sure was smelling my hair. I mean
I know the Jasmine I use is strong but really. Davis insisted
on walking me home. Of course Kari wouldn't give my a break and
beg him to walk her home. We came to my door and he kissed me.
I pushed him off quickly and ran inside. I saw a message scribbled
on beneath the phone, Matt called, really wanted to talk to you.
I screamed and ran up to my room.
Intry #6
I can't believe Kari. She laughed at me today. I really
poured my heart out to her. She giggled and said that Tai had been
metioning me a little more. She said she had to go out and get some
food and left me alone. I'm playing a computer game in her room when
the door opens. I say something, trying be a jackass. I don't realize
it's Tai until I hear the door slam. I gasp. He must have just gotten
out of the shower. Ken's been gone for a month, but that doesn't change
how I feel about him. Tai drops the towel from his waist. I quickly
turn to the computer and shut my eyes. "Tai, you seemed to drop your
towel," I said. The door opens and Tai hides behind it. Kari says
she's making chicken and wants me to stay. She shuts the door. Tai
casually grabs the towel and wraps back around him. He winks and I
think I whimpered.
Intry #7
I've been extremely busy. Kari and T.K. are getting married.
I'm so happy. I'm helping her plan the wedding and a bachlorette party
on the side. I moved into my own apartment today. But, I still think
they should wait until we graduate, we only have a few months left. I
had to invite Matt over to arrange what songs his band would play. He
flirted with me for the few hours he was over. I screamed at the top of
my lungs. "Why the hell does everyone like me all of a sudden?!!"
I yelled. He only smiled and the phone rang. I picked it up. It
was Davis, he wanted to go out tonight. I yelled no. Then, I pushed
Matt out of the door. I hate my life!
Intry #8
It is now two months since Ken's been gone. We exchange e-mails
every other day, but there coming less frequent. He's really busy with
school and soccer. It was early this morning, about two a.m. I was woke
up by a knocking at my door. I clumsily walked down the stairs and opened
the door. Davis was standing, leaning againt the doorway. I attempted to
shut the door but he pushed his way through. He was tall, really tall.
Kind of cute. I scolded myself for thinking such a thing. He caught me
by both of my wrist and kissed me. I tried to push him off at first, but
then gave in. He picked me up and carried me upstairs.
Intry #9
I think I'm becomming a doorknob. Today, Matt was waiting in my house.
I was really freaked out, but T.K. had let him in. He said he wanted to play a
song for me. I wanted to ask about Sora, but decided against it. He sat down
in a chair and I sat on the couch. Matt played Follow Me, by Uncle Cracker.
I think I almost cried. That's one of my favorite songs. Well, I kind of did
stuff with him on the couch. I won't write any details, but it was really good.
Intry #10
I hadn't left the house in a week. Tai knocked on the door today and as
soon as he saw me, he mauled me. I let him. I don't know what's happening to me.
Mimi and Tai are suppose to be trying to do the long distant relaionship thing.
Tai's laying in my bed now. I rolled out of his arms just a few minutes ago.
I can't belive I've been with three guys in two weeks. I am a doorknob.
Intry #11
Kari and T.K. are married now. The bachelorette party was really great.
Davis was the male stripper. I think I even saw a bit of second thoughts in Kari's
eyes as she watched Davis dance. I couldn't stand it, all the girls gawking at Davis.
I guess I kind of got possesive. That night I went over to Davis' house and didn't
come home until two days later, which is when I'm writing this now.
Intry #12
Matt and Sora eloped. I'm happy for them, really. I know I was with
Matt before, but we haven't mentioned it. The e-mails from Ken come almost
once every two weeks. I think I'm falling in love with Davis. I mean it's
Davis. Spikey haired, goggled head, jack ass, cute, Davis. I've been spending
more and more time with him. I haven't told Kari, yet.
Intry #13
I told Kari I was sleeping with Davis. She said she knew. Davis had told
T.K., his best friend now, T.K. had told his wife. I asked Kari if she was mad.
She said she was a bit peeved but could never stay angry at me for long. Davis
has practically moved into my apartment.
Intry #14
Ken surprised me by coming to my apartment. Davis was louging on
the couch watching soccer. I came out of the shower naked. My jaw dropped.
Davis was stuttering like and idiot. Ken tackled Davis and they started fighting.
I quickly found a shirt and pulled it on. I tried to break them apart. I couldn't.
Ken through Davis through my aqarium. Ken then slapped me and called me
names, which I deserved.
Intry #15
Davis got out of the hospital today. I took him back to his home
and left for mine. When I got back to my apartment, Ken was waiting for
me. I was scared. He had a dark look in his eyes, like when he was the
Emperor. I asked him what he was doing. He didn't answer. Suddenly,
he stood up. He backed me up against the counter. He asked me if I ever
loved him. I said yes. He started to cry. I held him. I still loved him.
I still wanted him. But, I love Davis, too.
Forward: I'm writing this because my shrink suggested it,
but mainly because I think I need to asess my thoughts and
wants. I once heard that the only reason why a person
writes a diary or journal is because somewhere deep down
inside they want it read. Maybe I do, I just don't know
anything anymore.
Intry #1
I really like Ken, I would even say I love him.
I don't know what he thinks of me. He hardly talks to
me anymore. But, today was a bit different. I was
sitting outside and he runs up to me out of breath.
I stand up quickly and ask him if he's alright.
He doesn't say anything, just looks at me with
his eyes. He inches closer to me. I'm really
hoping he'll kiss me. Well, he does. And not
just a regular peck on the lips. He probed my
mouth with his tongue, I can still taste the
wintergreen from his mouth. We talked for a
while, but soon he had to go home. I still
fill dizzy from the way his eyes never left
mine. I getting tired, I'll try to write
more tomorrow.
Intry #2
Ken had practice today so I was really bummed.
He promised to go to the movies with me later tonight,
though. Meanwhile I had to find something to do to
keep me busy and entertained. I start walking.
Where? I don't know. I find myself in front of
Kari's door. I knock. I hear some footsteps,
then a loud fall. I listen intently. Finally,
the door opens. Tai is standing in front of me,
shirtless! Talk about embassement. I think I
must have turned about a million shades of red.
Tai chuckles and runs a hand through his spikey
hair. I ask if Kari's there and he stutters no.
I shrug my shoulders and turn to leave. He asks me
if I want to come in. His voice changes when he
asked me that. Like he was trying to seduce me
or something. I quickly say no and run back to
my house. When I get back here, my heart is racing.
I think I'm going to explode. I must have been imaging
things. I run to my room. A few minutes later my mom
knocks and opens the door. She tells me Tai called and
wanted to know if I was okay. I told Ken I wasn't feeling
well, but promised to make it up to him later. This is just
weird. Well, I'm going to study, write in you later.
Intry #3
It's been a week since I wrote to you. I've been busy
with school and Ken. I absolutely adore Ken, but something's
up with me or guys, I don't know. First, Ken tells me how he
really feels, second, Tai kind of comes onto me, and now, Matt
did something really weird today. Sora asked if Ken and I
wanted to go out on a double date with her and Matt. We
went to some kind of fancy restraunt, Ken had to order for
us all, the entire menu was in French. I didn't mind though,
he was really sweet when he helped me first. He was even more
cute when he started blushing. The meal was good, I've had better,
but Ken was paying for me, so I didn't complain. Right in the middle
of desert, Matt started rubbing my thigh with his foot. He winked at
me and didn't do it again. Maybe I'm imaging things, maybe Matt just
accidentally bumped my thigh. Yeah, that has to be it.
Intry #4
Tai came over today. He said he wanted to borrow some sugar.
I went to the kitchen and spooned some sugar in a bowl. I turned around
and he was standing right behind me. I dropped the sugar all on the floor.
I wasn't really scared, just startled. Tai stared deep into my eyes.
I tried to say something, but he cut me off by kissing me. It took a
few seconds to register in my mind. I pushed him off and told him he
better go. He nodded his head and left quietly. I cleaned up the sugar
and ran up to my room. I fell on my bed and buried my head into my
pillow and cried. See, I didn't hate the kiss. I repeated to myself
over and over, "I love, Ken."
Intry #5
Ken is going off to college tomorrow. I hate it, absolutely
hate it. He told me he'd finish in a year or two and then we could
move in with each other. Oh, yeah, a few years away at college,
meanwhile I'm mauled by all these guys. Cody has been away for a
few years. He has changed. Really changed. He came to visit
today. I think both, Kari and I were drooling over him. His
hair is spiked with frosted tips. And he's so tall, I think
he said five foot nine. While I was staring at Cody, trying
to listen to him talk about studying with a great Kung-Fu master,
Davis, I think, but I'm not sure was smelling my hair. I mean
I know the Jasmine I use is strong but really. Davis insisted
on walking me home. Of course Kari wouldn't give my a break and
beg him to walk her home. We came to my door and he kissed me.
I pushed him off quickly and ran inside. I saw a message scribbled
on beneath the phone, Matt called, really wanted to talk to you.
I screamed and ran up to my room.
Intry #6
I can't believe Kari. She laughed at me today. I really
poured my heart out to her. She giggled and said that Tai had been
metioning me a little more. She said she had to go out and get some
food and left me alone. I'm playing a computer game in her room when
the door opens. I say something, trying be a jackass. I don't realize
it's Tai until I hear the door slam. I gasp. He must have just gotten
out of the shower. Ken's been gone for a month, but that doesn't change
how I feel about him. Tai drops the towel from his waist. I quickly
turn to the computer and shut my eyes. "Tai, you seemed to drop your
towel," I said. The door opens and Tai hides behind it. Kari says
she's making chicken and wants me to stay. She shuts the door. Tai
casually grabs the towel and wraps back around him. He winks and I
think I whimpered.
Intry #7
I've been extremely busy. Kari and T.K. are getting married.
I'm so happy. I'm helping her plan the wedding and a bachlorette party
on the side. I moved into my own apartment today. But, I still think
they should wait until we graduate, we only have a few months left. I
had to invite Matt over to arrange what songs his band would play. He
flirted with me for the few hours he was over. I screamed at the top of
my lungs. "Why the hell does everyone like me all of a sudden?!!"
I yelled. He only smiled and the phone rang. I picked it up. It
was Davis, he wanted to go out tonight. I yelled no. Then, I pushed
Matt out of the door. I hate my life!
Intry #8
It is now two months since Ken's been gone. We exchange e-mails
every other day, but there coming less frequent. He's really busy with
school and soccer. It was early this morning, about two a.m. I was woke
up by a knocking at my door. I clumsily walked down the stairs and opened
the door. Davis was standing, leaning againt the doorway. I attempted to
shut the door but he pushed his way through. He was tall, really tall.
Kind of cute. I scolded myself for thinking such a thing. He caught me
by both of my wrist and kissed me. I tried to push him off at first, but
then gave in. He picked me up and carried me upstairs.
Intry #9
I think I'm becomming a doorknob. Today, Matt was waiting in my house.
I was really freaked out, but T.K. had let him in. He said he wanted to play a
song for me. I wanted to ask about Sora, but decided against it. He sat down
in a chair and I sat on the couch. Matt played Follow Me, by Uncle Cracker.
I think I almost cried. That's one of my favorite songs. Well, I kind of did
stuff with him on the couch. I won't write any details, but it was really good.
Intry #10
I hadn't left the house in a week. Tai knocked on the door today and as
soon as he saw me, he mauled me. I let him. I don't know what's happening to me.
Mimi and Tai are suppose to be trying to do the long distant relaionship thing.
Tai's laying in my bed now. I rolled out of his arms just a few minutes ago.
I can't belive I've been with three guys in two weeks. I am a doorknob.
Intry #11
Kari and T.K. are married now. The bachelorette party was really great.
Davis was the male stripper. I think I even saw a bit of second thoughts in Kari's
eyes as she watched Davis dance. I couldn't stand it, all the girls gawking at Davis.
I guess I kind of got possesive. That night I went over to Davis' house and didn't
come home until two days later, which is when I'm writing this now.
Intry #12
Matt and Sora eloped. I'm happy for them, really. I know I was with
Matt before, but we haven't mentioned it. The e-mails from Ken come almost
once every two weeks. I think I'm falling in love with Davis. I mean it's
Davis. Spikey haired, goggled head, jack ass, cute, Davis. I've been spending
more and more time with him. I haven't told Kari, yet.
Intry #13
I told Kari I was sleeping with Davis. She said she knew. Davis had told
T.K., his best friend now, T.K. had told his wife. I asked Kari if she was mad.
She said she was a bit peeved but could never stay angry at me for long. Davis
has practically moved into my apartment.
Intry #14
Ken surprised me by coming to my apartment. Davis was louging on
the couch watching soccer. I came out of the shower naked. My jaw dropped.
Davis was stuttering like and idiot. Ken tackled Davis and they started fighting.
I quickly found a shirt and pulled it on. I tried to break them apart. I couldn't.
Ken through Davis through my aqarium. Ken then slapped me and called me
names, which I deserved.
Intry #15
Davis got out of the hospital today. I took him back to his home
and left for mine. When I got back to my apartment, Ken was waiting for
me. I was scared. He had a dark look in his eyes, like when he was the
Emperor. I asked him what he was doing. He didn't answer. Suddenly,
he stood up. He backed me up against the counter. He asked me if I ever
loved him. I said yes. He started to cry. I held him. I still loved him.
I still wanted him. But, I love Davis, too.