ABOVE BLUE MOON (An alternate ending to Lunar Eclipse)
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, the show isn't mine; I'm just a fan, this is just for entertainment and not for profit, etc....
(ABC has decided to cancel Moonlighting, and they are dismantling the Blue Moon office set. David, looking depressed, decides to leave. Maddie goes after him down the hallway.)
MADDIE: Addison!!!!
DAVID: Hayes!!!
M: David, I know things have been difficult, but can't we ride in the elevator one last time?
D: Look, Maddie, I know this show. It suffers from PTS.
M: PTS?
D: Plot Twist Syndrome. You know, about once a month, you're goin' about your business, thinking everything's peachy keen, when BOOM, an old flame shows up, or an unexpected husband, or a long-lost cousin. And it messes everything up.
M: You can't have a plot twist on the last episode of a show.
D: Look, you know what happens when we get in an elevator together. You'll button up...
M: Button up?
D: You won't say anything, I won't say anything, then we get stuck, you start crying, I get all sappy, and next thing you know, we're in a church exchanging vows. I just can't do this anymore, Maddie. It just won't work. I'd rather go out on my own this time.
M: Oh, come on, David. Just do this for old time's sake. We'll be totally formal.
D: Formal, huh?
M: Formal! No emotional displays, no spontenaitey. Me boss, you partner!
D: Well... Can't argue with the boss lady, now can we?
M: Wouldn't dream of it!
(The elevator door opens.)
D: After you, Ms. Hayes.
M: You're very kind, Mr. Addison.
(They ride in the elevator. No music.)
M: Nice weather we're having.
D (looks up at the elevator ceiling as if to check for rain clouds): Not bad for an elevator. Looks like I brought my umbrella for nothing.
(The elevator door opens, but instead of the expected ground floor, they find themselves surrounded by white clouds.)
D: Spoke too soon.
M: Where are we, David?
D: Looks like Candy Land. Smells like Candy Land.
(Suddenly, Albert appears. Albert was Maddie's guardian angel in the episode "It's A Wonderful Job".)
D: Oops, I take that back. You don't look like no Candy Land!
ALBERT: I don't smell like one either.
M: Albert!!!
D: You know this chump?
M: He's not a chump, David, he's my guardian angel.
D: Oh, I see. Miss I-Don't-Believe-In-The-Man-Upstairs has a guardian angel. I should know to expect these rediculous plot twists by now.
M: What is this, Albert? Why are we here?
A: If you'll forgive the fanfare... Maddie Hayes and David Addison, I would like to welcome you to TV heaven!
M & D together: TV heaven?
A: Well, when a TV show ends, it has to go someplace, right?
D: Wow, it IS heaven, just like I pictured it, fake white clouds and everything!
(He picks up a piece of phoney-looking "cloud", which is obviously made out of cotton, and chuckles.)
D: Hoo hoo!
A: Call it what you will, it's not perfect. But then again, neither are you. That's why you're here. You both have a lot of unresolved issues to work through, and now is your chance to decide if you will resolve them, or be stuck living in an eternity of reruns.
M (Making a face): Reruns??
A: Reruns, Maddie. Don't tell me you don't know about reruns.
D: We sure do. Been milkin' the reruns for all they're worth these past four years. A surefire solution to all your problems: Writer's strike, pregnancy...
M: David!
D: Just pop on those reruns and you're good to go.
A: Well, yes, but you can't go on like that forever. Let me show you what I mean.
(Albert takes Maddie and David to a soundstage surrounded by billowy white clouds. On the soundstage, they see Lucy and Ricky from "I Love Lucy". They are in black and white, and fighting with each other as if it was still the 1950s.)
RICKY: We've been through this, Lucy, you can't be in my show at the Babalu!
LUCY: But Ricky!!! (Starts crying.)
RICKY: (Goes into a tirade in Spanish.)
A (to M&D): The two of them have been fighting like this for almost 40 years. They could never resolve this issue. They just keep playing out the same scenes, hoping that they could get their relationship to work. Look, there's another one!
(On another soundstage, they see Mary Tyler Moore. Every five seconds, she throws her hat up in the air, and spins around gleefully to the tune of "You're Gonna Make It After All", the theme song from The Mary Tyler Moore show. The action pauses, then starts all over again, and repeats endlessly.)
M: Looks like she didn't make it after all.
A: I wouldn't laugh; you two have problems too. That's what I need to talk to you about. You see, you two are old souls. You've been playing the same scenes together for many lifetimes, for hundreds of years. You both love each other, but instead of being honest with each other, you bicker, you banter, you argue and act like you hate each other. Throughout all your lifetimes together, you always made the same mistakes, had the same bad timing. You were scared to just be honest and open with each other. And that's what got in the way of your happiness together.
You see, that's what life is really all about: happiness! Sure, people go to their jobs to make money, but what everybody wants at the end of the day is to be happy. What people don't realize is that they already have happiness within them, they're born with it! But people make mistakes, they're not honest with each other, and they don't follow their hearts. Pretty soon, they forget that they ever had happiness within them. They start living like you, from episode to episode, hoping that everything will work itself out. They're so filled with fear, that they forget that happiness is right there inside of them, and all they need to do is find it.
D (sits down): Ugh, my brain is hurting.
M: Why aren't I surprised? Don't you get what he's saying, David? All this time, we've been running around in circles with each other, making the same mistakes, when all we have to do is put aside our fears and be honest with each other. Then we'll be happy, we won't have to play this stupid game for another 400 years!
D (tired and overwhelmed): How about if I just go home?
A: You can go back down that elevator and go home if you want to, it's up to you. I'm just here to give you information, it's up to you to decide what to do with it. You can leave, and you won't have any memory of meeting me. But, I should warn you, if you DO go down that elevator, you'll suffer the worst fate a TV character can imagine!
D: I give up... getting pregnant?
M: David!!!!
D: Works every time.
A: No, SYNDICATION.
D: Cindy who?
A: Syndication. You'll be forced to relive every moment of the past four years, every excrutiating mistake you made, in vivid detail... except for five minutes of each episode that will be cut for commercials. You'll have to keep reliving everything, until you can put aside your fears and be happy together.
M: What if we just stay here?
A: If you're willing to commit to each other and stay here, you'll have all the comforts of heaven: pure happiness, eternal bliss, whatever your heart desires... you just have to get past your past!
M: I dunno, David, I don't like the sound of that syndication idea.
D: Well, I wouldn't mind reliving that night when commander Sammy flew the coop.
M: ughhh...David, you are the lowest... just when I think that everything is wonderful and great, you have to bring up something like that... you can't just leave well enough alone... no wonder I have to go through this with you lifetime after lifetime after lifetime... it's never going to end , is it? This is what I get for waking up in the morning. I should sleep more. Maybe if I slept long enough, they'd think I was dead and they'd bury me and I wouldn't have to come back and deal with this!!
D (shouting simultaneously with Maddie): Look, Miss Manners, while I was being the lowest poor excuse for a human being, you were running home to mommy and daddy and getting married to total strangers. Good job, Maddie. Or should I say, MS. Hayes? I forgot, we were being formal, weren't we?
M: Go to hell, Addison!
D: But I'm already in heaven, Ms. Hayes!
M: This isn't heaven. This is some kind of a sick---
(David presses the down button to call the elevator.)
M (cooling off): What are you doing, David?
D: Look, Maddie, we've been doing this for hundreds of years, I don't see how we can stop now.
M: Don't you think we can ever just be happy together?
D: I dunno, bears don't always bare.
M: But bees always be, ducks always duck, and doo-doo always does!
D (surprised that she's talking like him): It DOES?
M: It does, David.
D: Do you?
M: Do I what?
D: Do you wanna do... what I think you wanna do?
M: I do. Do you?
D: Well if you wanna do what I think you wanna do, then I'd say yeah, I wanna do it too, because if you're gonna do what you're gonna do, then we might as well do it together. Don't you agree?
M: I do.
M & D together: LET'S DO IT!
(They decide to stay in heaven, and they knock over the elevator which turns out to be a cheap cardboard set. They kiss passionately. Al Jarreau appears in a glittery lavender suit to serenade them with a live rendition of the Moonlighting theme song.)
D: But we're SICK of that song... don't you got anything a little more up tempo?
(Al Jarreau and his band go into a big upbeat medley of old faves, during which the entire cast appears and forms a conga line in the clouds. The shot freeze frames on Maddie finally doing the limbo. Over the freeze frame, we see captions explaining what happened to each character after Moonlighting:)
BURT and AGNES have had a very happy and passionate marriage. In the 1989-1990 season, they made an attempt at a spinoff series called "Burt 'N Agnes: Not Yo' Momma's Detectives", but unfortunately, their sexual exploits were deemed "too hot for prime time" and they were banished to the nether regions of satellite cable. However, they became very successful authors, with Agnes publishing a well-loved series of poetry books for children, and Burt publishing a controversial 3,000 page treatise on The Ultimate Destruction of The Human Race And The Joys of Manhood.
MACGILLICUDDY is president of a paper cup manufacturing plant in Van Nuys, CA. His motto: No work AND pay!!!
ANNIE was brought before a judge in January 1990 after accusations that she was a bigamist (In truth, she had six husbands). She got married to the 70-year old judge that afternoon, and they fled to Antarctica, where she says she wants to "live a quiet life and maybe save some whales. Isn't that enough for you people?"
TERRI is a successful music teacher, and she now drives an '88 Toyota Minivan, so that she can STILL fit everything into her car.
SAM moved to a far-off galaxy, where he is trying to turn alien women on by singing Frank Sinatra tunes. It's not working.
WALTER still goes on his business trips, and refuses to ever get married again.
MADDIE and DAVID lived happily ever after in TV heaven. They went to counseling and got better at communicating with each other. Now they live together, share the same bed, and solve cases of missing dead tv characters during the day. Hey, It's a living!
and... ALBERT and JEROME are still doing their jobs for you-know-who....
THE END.