Temporary Complications in the Life of Draco Malfoy
Chapter Two:
In Which Ron Makes A Nuisance of Himself and Hermione Obliviates Herself
A/N: I got positive reviews, so I'm posting another bit. This is mostly humor, no real slash yet. But be patient, my strangelings. Oh, BTW, I strongly suggest that if you get squicky easily, you may want to stop reading this story. Even though this bit is only PG-13, things will get down and dirty. Fast. So, pick your poison. I'm just the author.
::slaps a sign on Neville and sends him running across the screen:: SLASHY WARNIN! That would be, two boys who just happen to ::gasp:: like/love/want/etc. each other in (yes, i'm afraid...) THAT way. So, if this isn't your forte`, kindly exit, stage left.
To the Flamers: I don't care if you flame me or not, that's your opinion. I'm going to have fun with your fragile little minds, no matter what you tell me. THUS: in saying that, it is completely redundant of you to tell me off in the first place. SECONDLY: if you're the religious type (not to stereotype christians, whom I have nothing against) yes, I know what Romans says, YES I know what Leviticus says. But guess what- I'm an atheist! Bwahahahahaaha
::ahem:: Sorry if I pissed anyone off. Gah I'm being too politically correct...I feel so dirty...
( * )
A whisper. "Hermione."
Sigh. "What, Ron?"
"He's doing it again."
"Eh? Who-what?"
*poke* "Malfoy."
.....
"Her-MY-one."
::hiss:: "What, Ron? I need to take good notes on this trinivartum potion- you know, exams are in two weeks, you could use some studying."
"He's staring, Herm. At Harry."
Quick glance. "Well, what do you expect me to do about it?
Eye roll. "Herm-IONEEE!"
"WHAT?!?!"
"Granger, Weasley! I suppose your little romance is more important than my *highly* complex potion, which will in fact be on the OWLS?"
Hermione fumbled desperately for her quill, a blush slowly creeping up her cheeks. "Erm...No, Professor.."
The dungeon erupted in mocking laughter from the Slytherins, mixed with the regretful giggles from her fellow Gryffindors. Ron leapt up immediately. His face and neck had turned bright red, one of his unfortunate attributes which emerged when he was embarrassed. He closely resembled a beet wrapped in a black sheet.
"Not to say that there IS a romance to speak of," Ron squacked. Another even more unfortunate attribute of Ronald Weasley made itself evident in the shrill squeak of adolescence that escaped his lips.
It was instant uproar. Draco Malfoy fell out of his desk, cackling wildly. Millicent Bulstrode choked on her Double-Trouble Bubble Gum, and began to hiccup small pink bubbles between giggles. The Gryffindors were stuck in a limbo of sorts, trapped between outrage and hysterics: outrage at yet another display of Snape's Slytherin favoritism, and hysterics over Ron's pitiful squeak. As Hermione desperately attempted to melt down into her seat, Ron sat down with an air of utter defeat and humiliation.
Snape swooped down on them, grinning. "Sadist," Ron thought bitterly. Oh, he could practically *feel* his face changing from shades of fuscia to scarlet.
"Well, well, well.." Snape hissed, placing a slim hand on Ron's shoulder. "A temperament like that will get you nowhere. Ten more points for your childish squalling, Weasley. And detention tommorow night" His gaze swept over the class with some satisfaction. Snape:10, Gryffindor: 0. "Class dismissed!"
Ron shoved his books almost violently into his bag, muttering vague phrases about the questionable nature of Snape's mother's honor and heritage. "That son of a flea-ridden boggart...smarmy bastard..son of a bi-"
Harry padded over as the majority of the class spilled out into the hallways, the Slytherins climbing all over each other in trying to be the first to spread the humiliation of "that friend of Potter's." Oddly enough, Draco Malfoy was taking his time putting away his things and remained silent in the back of the class. Harry's mouth twitched vainly as he approached his friends.
Poking his head under the desk, he addressed the cowering Hermione. "Come on out, then. All clear." Draco couldn't hear her muffled reply, but he did see Harry sigh in exasperation and crouch down. "Her-MIONE...."
"All clear? No it's not."spat Ron, jerking his head to the back of the room. Malfoy halted in mid-pack. Stupid weasel..going to start a fight, then? Fine.
"What, Malfoy, care to give us another dose of Slytherin ettiquette so your Daddy can be proud of you keeping up the family heritage of blatant arrogance?"
Malfoy's eyebrow raised slightly at the comment, but he wasn't baited. Stupid vain git. It was all his fault that Ron was once again the laughingstock of Hogwarts, and on top of that had lost 30 points for Gryffindow, and on top of that was once again going to be cleaning out bedpans with Filch and Mrs. Norris, and on top of that...er...Well, he did something else rotten, Ron was sure.
Draco turned, slowly, his eyes reminiscent of a deer in the headlights. Heh, no Crabbe and Goyle here to help you then, eh Malfoy? His gaze furtively shot to the front of the class, where Harry continued to coax Hermione, who was attempting futiley to Obliviate the memory of the events of Potions class from the entire student body from out under the desk. A mask of indifference comfortably settled on Draco's face. Ron's hand twitched. Oh, what he wouldn't give to smash right through that slimy git's face and find the mewling brat behind that stupid mask..
"What do you want, Weasel? Looking for handouts?" sneered Malfoy. Ron's ears turned bright red again. Really, it was too easy to upset the good-ol' one-dimensional Weasel. Ron was livid, but not over the too-typical snide comment Malfoy had thrown his way. Unbeknownst to Malfoy, Malfoy had continued to keep his eyes trained on Harry, who was trying to help Hermione. In her zeal for a quick-fix memory charm, she had succeeded only in Obliviating herself.("Harry Potter,eh? You're in *all* the books, never thought I would meet *you*. I'm...er..oh, dear.")
"MALFOY!" snapped Ron. Draco returned his gaze to the Weasel's face, which had faded in vibrant colors to a tinges of rose-pink.
"Yes, Weasel?" sighed Draco. Ah, this was *so* dull, this game they played.. His gaze lazily drifted back to Harry, who was fumbling with notes. ("Damn it all, I *KNOW* there's a counter-charm in here...Hold on, 'Mione.")
Ron rolled his eyes. This was just plain unbearable. Hell, he was used to people looking straight through him, to Harry. But *Malfoy* was always up for a good one-on-one. What, was Ron fading into vague lines in Harry's shadow? So, Ron did the first thing he could thing of. Which doesn't necessarily mean it was the smartest thing, nor the most inspired. Ron smacked Draco Malfoy across the face. Hard.
Malfoy stared at Ron vaguely, a flicker of amusement crossing his lips. His eyes didn't smile. Across the room, Harry and Hermione had frozen. "Oh dear..." murmered the still-oblivious Hermione. "The red-haired one is going to catch it...My.."
Stupid. Weasel. Stupid, stupid Weasel. Draco's cheek twitched, and Ron stared at him. The bastard looked downright predatory..Well, more than usual, anyway.
Harry spoke up. "Malfoy, if you're looking for a fight-"
"Brave little Potter," thought Malfoy. "Always putting his noble little butt on the line for his sorry little friends."
Ron had other ideas. "Harry, you take Hermione up to Madame Pomfrey. This is between me and-" he jerked his head in Malfoy's direction. "This no-good bastard."
Harry cast one last withering glance at Malfoy and hurried out the door, Hermione in tow. Ron turned to Malfoy and began to walk a slow circle around the desk, looking Malfoy up and down.
"Take a picture Weasley, it'll last longer," sighed Malfoy, shouldering his bag. "You can put it under your pillow for when you-" Malfoy wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Ron's expression was akin to that of a house elf faced with a day off. "More likely to make a dartboard out of it, but your slimy puss would scare off anyone who came in the room."
Malfoy merely glared at Ron in response.
"Well, aren't you going to say anything? Do anything?" Ron had been tightly clenching his wand for the past five minutes and had been going over some choice curses in his head, saved for such an opportunity.
Oh the temptation, mused Malfoy. I could so easily send this poor little weasling up to the infirmary for weeks, so I wouldn't have to see his pathetic little scramblings about this school...
"No. I'm not. The only obvious reason I have to talk to you is to put you silly poor Potter-worshippers in your places. I see no Potter, therefore, you don't exist. Don't you understand, Weasel? You're nothing but Harry Potter's best friend. Without him, you're just another Weasel your parents have to scrape pennies off the street to feed." with that, Malfoy shut his mouth and stalked out of the classroom, leaving Ron too furious to move.
( * )
Minutes later, there was a shreik from the Pink Lady outside the common room.
"Young man it is ENTIRELY unnecessary for you to BANG on me like I'm a...a door for goodness sakes just give me the password and..OWCH! All right all right!"
The portrait swung open, and in tumbled Ron, red-faced and twitching slightly. He didn't give the Pink Lady a second glance, which didn't matter considering two Hufflepuffs had quickly came to her aid and comforted her (I feel so...so VIOLATED and he treated me like a DOOR, how horrible, oh I'm so ASHAMED. Is that all I am? A DOOR?!)
Harry looked up from his copy of BroomBash magazine. "Um, Ron? What was that all about?"
Ron clenched his teeth and stumbled up to the dormitories, Harry following close behind. "Well, um. 'Mione's still in the infirmary, but she should be getting out in about an hour. Really funny, the stuff the girl says when obliviated..I mean, you should have heard- Ron?"
Ron turned and stared at Harry hard. "Harry, I do not want to speak to you or anyone else for the rest of the night." He slammed the door.
Harry blinked. What the hell could Draco have said to get Ron like that? Ron was the type who would fume and rage and swear eternal revenge upon Malfoy for about 20 minutes, then lapse into a conversation about Quidditch or sulk into a mug of pumpkin juice. This time though, it seemed that Malfoy had really gotten to Ron. Harry sank back into an easy chair, and sighed.
What the hell was wrong with Malfoy?
( * )
A/N: all right, that one sucked. it's short and dull, but i felt like getting another bit posted up. don't worry you all, the nice slashy bit will be coming up within two chapters. however, guess what what happens next?
IN THE NEXT CHAPTER:Draco Comes Out to Certain Insipid Beings, and there is Confusion Over the Nature of Flunkies and Homosexuality
(basically, draco comes out to crabbe and goyle, with amusing results. will be posted tommorow)