Title: Love me or Hate me?
Author: Cherry
Pairings: Aya/Ken
~~~
Here I am. In the middle of snow, away from the flower shop, away
from the person who I loves the most. I shivered as I remembered
those violet eyes. Why? Do I care about him that much?
/ No, Ken he don't deserve you. Why don't you forget about him and
move on? Look at the time! It's almost over but even the tip of his
nose couldn't be seen anywhere. / I thought sadly.
But then I made no move to go from here. The time hasn't over yet. I
will wait `till the time is truly over. The snow trailing from my
head to my cheek. Staring at the sky, I opened my arms wide apart to
embrace the snow. To embrace the coldness it has. Cold… like him but
as much as I want to I couldn't hate him. He's the only reason for me
to live.
Tears trailing down from my eyes as I remember those day. The day I
confessed to Aya. He stayed silent for a moment and I sure as hell he
didn't love me back. But when I made a move to go, he grabbed my
wrist and kissed me. I was sure that he loves me too back then. How
stupid I am…
I always gave everything and anything for him. But look what I got
from him! He's as cold as ever. At first time I thought he needed a
time to change. But now I don't think so. Not that I want him to
fully change but…at least I want him to smile at me once a day, to
show me that he really cared about me. Now I learned that he just
take an advantage from me. Which is made me surprised. I never
thought him that way. I never understand him and he never told me
about him either.
He never stayed after we made love. He never answered anything that I
asked him. He never smiled to me. He never cared about me. Still…Oh,
damn!! Why can't I get over him? I have every reasons and right to
hate him. What have you done to me, Aya??
And now here I am holding all of my hope. If he comes to me then he
really cares to me. Or ...at least he wants me back. And if he
doesn't come, my heart will shatter to pieces but at least I can
hopefully move on.
My memories fly back to that time.
// Aya sat silently at the table, arranging the roses. I watched him
from the counter. I always liked to see him arranging the flowers.
His face look serious as his hand moved gracefully. I think he
realized that I watching him but I don't care. Nobody at the shop
now. Only two of us.
Then he stood and moved closer to me. His dagger eyes watching me as
I watch him back. He sighed. " Ken can you stop watching me like
that?"
I blinked. " Why? I like to see you. There nobody else here, you
know."
" That's not the point, Ken! I tell you once more. Don't you dare to
do that again, understood!?" he blurted out.
This made me mad. He knows that I love him. Would it harm so much if
I watch him? For God sake I'm just WATCHING nothing else. " What's
wrong with that? I'm just watch. I didn't do anything to bother you,
am I?" I almost yelled at him.
" THAT'S bother me" his voice cold.
" Okay!! Listen, Aya. I can't take it anymore. I'll go from here. And
you KNOW where to find me right?" It's more like statement than
question
" That if you care or want me back. But if you don't just ignored me,
Okay?? I'll wait three days from now. I don't care what will you tell
about Omi and Yohji about my disappearance and I don't fucking care.
Remember, three days!" after that I back to my room to pick some
clothes and money and then I go to abandoned house that I and Aya
found.//
That's made me think again. Why the hell he so mad at me just because
I watched him. It's not a big deal, isn't it? And I just to carried
to think clearly. Now I regretted it. What if Aya really doesn't
come? I'll never can touch him anymore…
The thought of it made my heart ache. I took glance at my watch. It
says 11.43 p.m. 17 minutes again the time is over. I had been here
almost three days now. And each day I always back to the shop. No one
knew about that of course.
Aya doesn't seem about my disappearance. He work as usual as nothing
bothered him. Am I that meaningless to him? Does anything we shared
doesn't affect him?
And now back to the question. Why? I know one or two person that
wants me. One is the older brother of one of my soccer kids and one
is the clerk at the supply shop. But no one interested me. Neither of
them has crimson hair and violet eyes.
My eyes fell across the road I watched many people brought a plastic
full with toys and chrismast things. Oh, yeah it's almost Christmas
and today is my birthday. How ironic… I'm twenty years old now and
this is my worst birthday ever.
I wondered if Yohji and Omi remembered my birthday. Nah, I'll bet no.
They too busy recently. Doing something I don't know. I wish I could
talk to them about Aya. But Aya told me once not to tell anybody
about our relationship.
Maybe I destined to always failed at love department. Think of it,
Kase betrayed me, Yuriko went to Australia, away from me, and now
Aya. I just want someone to love me. Is that too much?
15 minute more and this day is end. Standing here not a good idea.
That just make me froze. I walked back to the abandoned house. I'll
go home as soon as the time passing. I don't want to stay at this
house any longer. It just brings back memories about Aya, Aya, and
Aya.
I entered the house. It's just a small wood house with one room.
There's nothing left in here except for the bed and the cupboard,
along with the old furniture. Some old pictures nailed on the wall.
Me and Aya found this place accidentally when we were shopping last
summer. It not too far from the flower shop. If it not because the
snow, flowers must be growing everywhere around the house. Sometimes…
just sometimes me and Aya went here to relax and doing things.
I entered the room and pick up my clothes. Then I went out the house.
Before I left, I turn to glance back to the house for the last time.
Sayonara…
I turn back and surprised to see Aya infront of me. Tears fall from
my eyes. He came! He came for me!
He brushed my tears and cupped my face. " I've been thinking a lot
since you left." He said softly. " Maybe you think I'm too cold or
cruel…but I just too scared to get attached to someone. To love and
be loved." He tilted my chin. " I'm scared if I'll lost them again
like I lost my parents and sister. Every time you looked at me,
touched me, hug me, kissed me, I fell more to you that's why I told
you to stop watching me. But without you at my side, I felt something
is also missing from my heart. I…I don't want to feel that way
again. All I want to say is…" he stopped for a moment, staring into
my eyes. I can felt my heart beat faster.
Is he…?
"…that I love you too."
Yes, he is.
I can felt tears again at the corner of my eyes and he kissed it. " I
always loves you, everything about you. Your innocence, your
kindness, hey I even like your clumsiness" he chuckled a bit. "I'm
just too scared to tell you. I'm sorry.." he caressed my cheek.
I made a face. " I'm not clumsy!" I pouted. " it just a bad luck"
" Oh? You always has bad luck then" he smirked.
My cheeks felt warm, " Ayaaaa…" I whined.
Aya hug me and laughed. A real laugh!! I smiled and gave a quick kiss
at his lips. He looked at me again and this time he smiled, a genuine
smile. Oh, God he looked so damn beautiful.
" Oh, that's right…I almost forget." His hand searching something in
his pocket and took a small box. " This is from me, Yohji, and Omi.
Happy birthday" he handed the box to my hand.
Inside the box there's a necklace made from black leather with a
silver cross as the pendant. A sapphire located at the center of the
cross. I looked the necklace, admiring it when he took it from my
hand and circling it around my neck.
" It's fit you " he murmured, made me blushing. He smiled again at
me. " For information, we made it by ourselves" he said.
I raised one eyebrow. " So this is what Omi and Yohji been doing
lately? You know about it?" I asked in disbelief. I never thought
about it.
" If I don't would I let them off often with me cover their shift?"
he smiled again and kiss me passionately. Then he led me back to that
abandoned house. I took again what I've said about worst birthday.
Today is the best birthday ever!
~Owari~