Disclaimer: Oh... Just check the previous pages regarding the whole-disclaimer thing.
Logan's Place I sit here in my wheelchair, as always, recounting this morning's event with Max. I think back to the days where we'd sit opposite each other having a nice candle-lit dinner or a playful game of chess. I'm still at awe that she beat me every time. My mother taught me to play chess. She always told me that it wasn't just about strategy, it's the way you see the game, kind of like your life. We never know what will happen until it does. And when it's here, that's when the hard work begins. I never really understood her until the pulse hit.
"Bling," I call out.
As I see him I ask him a very important question. "Yeah Man," he replies.
"I got to ask you something,"
"Shoot."
"What's your perception of me?" I ask
"What kind of question is that?"
"The one's you got to be honest with," I say. "So don't hold back." I know he's my friend, and I know he'll probably say something that's meaningful, but it won't help how I feel, so I got to know.
"Well," he begins. "You're driven that's for sure." He pauses a bit and I notice by his impression that there's something else he's trying to say. "You know what, besides the fact that your loyal to your friends, your cause, and being the guy that always 'do the right thing,'" quoting him, "your emotionally screwed up," he concludes.
"Thanks," I say in my sarcastic manner.
"No, you are man," Bling says. "You've been for a long time, probably even before we've met."
"What makes you say that?" I ask.
"Because..." Bling looks away from me. "You don't talk about it."
My mind shifts gears, not understanding exactly what he's trying to say. "I don't talk about it," "No, Logan you don't," he replies. "You got shot in the back and now your paralyzed," adds Bling.
"I'm pretty much aware of that Bling,"
"Yeah, I know. But you don't talk about it. You don't talk about how much it kills you not to walk. And it hurts you to see Max doing the things she does and you not being able to equal her."
"It has never been about equaling her," trying to be as calm as I can. Bling's sudden confession took me off guard.
"You're doing it again," Bling becomes tense. "You're making excuses, why don't you for once say what your feeling, what you're thinking?"
"I can't," I say in a deep desperate tone.
"Why?"
For a brief moment, I see myself being cradled in my mothers' arms as she reads me to sleep. I miss her I miss her a lot. Then, I slowly drift back into reality. "Logan," Bling says, "Why?"
I remove my glasses and my hand brushes against my head, "I don't know," I yell out. The anger in my voice was the reaction Bling has been hoping for this past year and a half. A reaction I try not to reveal, because it's something I don't want to deal with. But it's too late, and a small part of me felt relieved. I quickly put on my glasses and wheel myself into my study.
Author's Notes: OK, I this chapter only involves Logan and his lack of openness towards anyone, even to himself. I wanted desperately to explore that part of him and the time couldn't be better.