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Amiboshi was getting completely and
utterly mixed up about everything. There was a part of him that completely
loathed and detested Nakago, blaming the shogun for everything that was
going wrong in his life , after all, if he had never met him, then he would
never have encountered the Emperor in the first place, but then there was
that other part of him that nagged at him, told him that despite of Nakago's
cold exterior and seeming detachment, he really was truly concerned about
him and his welfare and this was what puzzled him most. He just didn't
understand why he should start caring all of the sudden.
He remembered the day that he had
first encountered the Emperor Shoukitei and how Nakago had hurried him
out of the room. He knew. He had somehow figured out what the
man was thinking and had tried to spare him, though he hadn't been able
to. Still...He had cared enough to try and Amiboshi wanted to know
why.
He soon found out.
Tomo, observant as always, had noticed
for the past few days the way that Amiboshi had been acting around the
shogun but had thought nothing of it thinking that it didn't really mean
anything, at the moment. His interest was piqued once more, though,
that day when Nakago came seeking him out to talk to him about some matter
involving the Suzaku Shichiseishi that they were currently holding captive.
Amiboshi happened to have been in the same room as them ( Tomo had been
telling him about his twin's latest incredible acts of stupidity, thinking
that they would amuse him, and once in a while complaining about 'that
little slut', though Amiboshi hadn't really been listening.) and Tomo had
not missed the way that his bright blue eyes had been fixed on Nakago the
whole time, an unusual expression in them that he couldn't quite decipher
but which reminded him uneasily of the look of complete adoration that
Soi got in her eyes whenever Nakago was around.
He hadn't really been bothered, after
all, Amiboshi was just a child. What could Nakago possibly
want with the scrawny little thing? He had remained unperturbed until
Nakago had finished his business with him and turned his attention on Amiboshi,
seeming to have completely forgotten that there was another person in the
room with them as he inquired after the boy's well being. The sudden
softening in the man's tone of voice, no matter how slight, and the fact
that he didn't treat Amiboshi like some sort of annoying little nuisance,
which was usually the way that he addressed those worthless twins, to quote
his words, had surprised and slightly alarmed him.
He cleared his throat after Nakago
had left the room, bringing the boy back from his reverie.
"Do you think you've stared at Nakago-sama for long enough now?" He asked
in an overly sweet voice.
Flushing a bright red, Amiboshi turned
to face his fellow seishi. He hadn't thought Tomo had noticed him
watching Nakago.
" He's one piece of work, isn't he?"
Tomo asked, a dreamy smile on his lips. Even Akito of the Imperial
Guards came nowhere near Nakago.
" Wha...?" Amiboshi was flustered,
not knowing how he should reply to this.
" He's handsome, don't you think
so?" He demanded, delighted at the obvious discomfort of the boy.
Amiboshi merely shrugged. The
truth was that he had been thinking that a lot lately, despite of constantly
reminding himself that despite of Nakago's outer beauty, he was still a
cold and heartless monster inside. This was something that he had
found harder and harder to believe as time progressed and Nakago still
continued to tend to him each morning even though by now he really had
grown quite used to his nightly affairs with the Emperor and had mastered
the art of letting his mind drift to other matters so as to keep his attention
off the disgusting, grunting pig that pinned him down on the bed.
" Oh, come now, Amiboshi!"
Tomo let out one of his unpleasant cackles which always managed to put
Amiboshi on edge. " Don't tell me you haven't noticed, what with
all the time that he's been spending with you!" He doubted that anybody
else had noticed Amiboshi's newfound devotion to the shogun besides himself.
Suboshi was just too dense to get anything like that, and as for Soi, she
was too concerned about Amiboshi to really care about such things anymore.
" I-"
" I've noticed how close the two
of you have become." Tomo commented and added suddenly, as off handedly
as he could, " It must be because of the experiences that the two of you
share and all."
" What experiences?" Amiboshi
asked timidly, finally finding his voice and curious to find out what the
man was talking about.
" Why, your experience with the Emperor,
of course!"
Amiboshi's cheeks colored at this
sudden reminder. Was Tomo serious? Had Nakago really had to go through
all of that too? Somehow he couldn't picture the tall, well built
shogun ever being weak enough to allow somebody to take advantage of him
in such a way.
His fellow seishi had noticed the
skepticism on his face. " Hard to believe as it may be, I assure
you that I am only telling you the truth. The Emperor has had his
way with many of the attractive young men in the Palace, therefore, I am
sort of puzzled as to why he chose you to be his little plaything of all
the people here, not that I'm saying that I find the prospect of being
with the that slob appealing at all. He has no delicacy whatsoever,
as I'm sure you know by now. One of his past lovers, and I believe, his
absolute favorite, is our esteemed shogun himself. It's common knowledge
around here and I'm actually surprised that you didn't know about it..."
After a while, he realized that Tomo
actually was being serious and that he was telling the truth, hard as it
was to swallow. " But Nakago-sama would never allow something like
that to happen to him!" He pointed out. It was too ridiculous, the
thought of that fat, slob of a man getting the better of somebody
like Nakago.
Tomo shrugged as he examined his
long, perfectly manicured nails. " What could an eleven year old
Hin boy, who just had the rest of his people brutally slaughtered do against
a big, all mighty Emperor?" He answered.
Amiboshi could feel his chest constricting
at the thought of an eleven year old Nakago going through what he was doing
at that moment. He could understand the terror, the confusion that
must have overwhelmed him and the shame. That was the worst part
of all. The feeling of shame that you had been unable to do anything,
that you had allowed yourself to be dirtied. "Nakago-sama..." He
whispered softly, his eyes downcast.
" It's nothing to be sorry about,
Amiboshi. Look at Nakago now. His past only managed to make him stronger.
Desire for revenge does that to people. As for you, I see that you've
finally managed to wean yourself away from that twin of yours ,which is
good. It isn't a good idea to be too emotionally attached to
anything, or anybody. That will be your downfall." Amiboshi
felt a twinge of guilt at this. He had been avoiding his brother
lately and had hardly seen him for the past week. He knew that Shun
was hurt and confused by this and he wished he could just tell him what
was troubling him but he just couldn't bring himself to. He knew
that his brother was likely to go crazy if he found out and when he was
consumed with blood lust, Suboshi lost what little he had in the way of
rational thinking. " That's why I think it would be wise for you
to forget whatever it is that you may be feeling for Nakago-sama."
What he was feeling for Nakago...What
exactly was he feeling about the man? Gratitude, certainly,
for being there for him every morning, a little anger and...He forced his
thoughts to trail off on this subject, fearing what else he might find.
" I am grateful to Nakago-sama and I-"
" You feel more than gratitude for
him, I believe. I know about these things. You think that just
because the man is paying you some attention, that that means that he likes
you." Tomo leaned closer to the boy, his elaborately painted face only
a few inches away from Amiboshi's now, " I am sorry to burst your happy
little bubble, Amiboshi, but you couldn't be further from the truth.
That man cares for nobody. Not even that bitch that he beds every
night. Everything he does, he does for his own benefit. That's
what makes him so strong..."
" You're wrong!" Amiboshi protested
hotly, though he didn't exactly know whether he was denying ever having
had any feelings for Nakago or whether he was disagreeing to the statement
that Tomo had made about the shogun caring for nobody.
" Am I, Amiboshi?" The older seishi
asked archly, settling back down on his chair. " If you think that
Nakago is doing what he is out of concern for you then you are seriously
delusional. He is only looking out for you because you are needed
if we are to summon Seiryuu. If something untoward happened to you,
it'd be a major setback to him. That's why he's been so damn concerned
about you so stop fooling yourself kid! To Nakago-sama, you're nothing
more than a worthless, annoying little child."
Unable to take any more of what Tomo
was saying to him, Amiboshi pushed his chair back from the table and stormed
out of the room, telling himself that what Tomo had said had had no truth
to it whatsoever.
~**~
He had been standing there for a
while now, listening to the boy playing his flute and still he had not
noticed him, engrossed as he was in the haunting melody of the tune that
he was coaxing out of his rather battered reed instrument. It wasn't
until Nakago had turned away to move off that the sound of his cape rustling
against the floor made Amiboshi look up, slightly startled. "Nakago-sama!'
He exclaimed, his cheeks flushing with pleasure, quite unbeknownst to himself.
Nakago's first thought was to ignore
him, to proceed on his way to his intended destination and yet, he still
found himself turning around to face the boy sitting on the railing, his
back facing out into the Imperial Gardens. After a short, uncomfortable
silence where both of them didn't know what to say, he finally spoke up
with first thing that came to his mind. " You're brother is very
irritating."
Amiboshi just blinked at him uncomprehendingly,
not understanding what he was getting at.
" He has been asking us all about
you constantly. I think it best that you spend some time with him.
Before he begins to act even stranger than he's doing now."
" I can't." He muttered, looking
down at his hands which were twisting restlessly on his lap. " He
might-"
" Find out?" Nakago finished for
him, " I hardly think he will. He's gone for this long not noticing
anything. He is only being suspicious because of the fact that you've
lately been avoiding him. Once you allow yourself to settle back
into your normal routine, he won't worry any more about you."
" I guess that makes sense."
Amiboshi admitted.
" Besides, I hardly think it would
affect the way that Suboshi looks at you even if he did find out."
Nakago pointed out.
" I know that but Shun would get
so angry..."
" He's a very angry person.
That's all the more reason for you to be with him." He wasn't used
to giving out advice like this. He was more comfortable snapping
out orders. He was just surprised that the younger seishi actually
appeared to be listening to his opinions about this personal matter.
He had expected Amiboshi to tell him to stay off his personal business.
" I guess I'm actually lucky to have
Shun-chan with me, aren't I? At least with me, I have my brother
and...and you to help me through all of this..." He blushed slightly and
risked a glance up at Nakago through his shaggy bangs to see how he would
react to this but his expression was unreadable as ever. " But you...
I don't know how you could have cope with all the things that the Emperor
did to you on your own..."
" What?" Nakago's lips pulled down
into a frown.
" Oh...Nothing." Amiboshi bit
his bottom lip agitatedly. He had never considered the possibility
that Nakago might not want anybody to know about the secrets of his past.
" So the bastard told you all about
me, did he?" He could see immediately from the boy's discomfiture
that he knew pretty much everything but why should he mind? The past
was the past and held no relevance to his life now.
The bastard. Deciding that
he was referring to The Emperor and not Tomo, who Amiboshi did consider
a bastard too, as a matter of fact, he corrected him. " No.
It wasn't him. The Emperor didn't tell me anything about you.
It's just that, well...everybody around here knew that already and..."
Gods. Wasn't he doing just
great?
" Is that so, Amiboshi?" His tone
had suddenly turned cold, the way it used to be before.
" Nakago-sama! I'm sorry I
mentioned it. Really." He took hold of Nakago's sleeve, wanting to
apologize, to try to make it up to him for being so stupid and not thinking
before blurting things out but the shogun just pulled away, taking no heed
of his sincere apologies.
~**~
What the hell is going on here?
Suboshi watched as his brother sank back down onto the railings, shoulders
slumped, his eyes trained on Nakago's retreating back.
" Stupid. Stupid. So
damn stupid!" He could hear Amiboshi fuming at himself as he beat
his balled up fist against his thigh.
Why the hell was his brother all
worked up over Nakago-sama, of all people? And in the first place,
what had he been doing acting all friendly towards the man? The shogun
had never been one of Amiboshi's favorite people, he knew that. He
had often complained to Suboshi about how much he disliked the man so what
was he doing having such an intense conversation with him?
Weird things were going on.
The night before, feeling lonely
and wanting the company of his twin, Suboshi had sought out Amiboshi at
his new room and had found nobody there, despite of the late hour.
He had even checked the Maiden's chambers to see if maybe his brother was
in there but he hadn't been so where had he spent the night then?
" What's happening to you, aniki?"
He murmured softly as Amiboshi once more raised his flute to his lips and
began to play a hauntingly beautiful tune to calm himself, " What are you
keeping from me?"
