Waiting Forever? Not When It Comes to Love!

As I carry the tray of contents to the temple I am only half concentrating on walking slowly while the other half of my brain wanders to the one person I am having trouble communicating with. My mind begins to wonder…

Is forever really that long? To wait for the one you love and cherish in your heart the most. To me forever doesn't seem long though. I know this because the one I wait for will come eventually, I just don't know when. I shall wait for him though. I know that when he is ready, the first person he shall open up to is I, and I can't wait. I do notice the looks and worried glances I receive from the other members of the Aoiya. They just don't seem to understand that he needs someone around to protect him. I know he is alone and I am here to take that away from him. I finally have realised he needs guidance. Guidance for him to find his way home. I laugh silently at this statement as it sounds awfully strange coming from the youngest member of the Oniwabanshuu. The others just don't really understand what I am doing. They think I am still going on my childish infatuation for "my" Aoshi-sama. That is not true by my standards though. Yes I love him dearly but as a woman loves a man. Everyday I go to the temple to keep him company just to make sure he knows that someone is around when he wants them, just in case he wishes to finally talk. Sometimes I wander why I do this to myself. Yes, I am strong when around him because I do not wish for him to notice my sadness. I feel my being with him should send him some comfort. Although everyday seems pointless as I try and smile for him and talk about the daily happenings around the Aoiya, and yet I get nothing in return, no reaction at all. Yes, I cry in my room at night. I hope no one can hear my cries, especially him, as they are soaked into my blankets. I can admit that I am hurt that Aoshi has not yet come back to us, but especially to me. Every morning I wake to help around the Aoiya and I am at Aoshi's side constantly only to be let down and all my work to be thrown out the window. That is why I cry. I rise every morning and force myself to be patient, to not give up on him because I know he is in there somewhere. I force my anger back into the pit of my stomach because I know Aoshi is in a lot of pain. I don't mean physical pain either. Yes he may bare the many scars that he has obtained over the battles he has had to fight in, but they are not as huge as the one that lies inside him. Mentally and emotionally Aoshi is dead. He seizes to exist in himself. Everyone may see him physically but emotionally he is no where to be found except locked away in his own mind. That is why he goes to the temple to meditate everyday. He wishes to find peace within himself. I know he curses himself silently inside for our comrades' deaths. That he thinks it was his entire fault. He was their leader and they died protecting him. I desperately miss them and yet I am so thankful that one of them has survived. That may seem harsh, but better one survive then none. I pray that the others and myself never forget who they are and what they have done for us. I wish for Aoshi to find peace so they may finally rest. Sometimes I receive a glance from Aoshi as I feel his eyes turned on me. I know he stares at me with his stone-face showing nothing and yet I have a feeling that he is silently thanking me for staying with him all this time. Don't ask me why though, It's just a feeling I receive, as I know in some weird way we have been bonded together as one. That is why I believe that we are destined to be together. As I gazed into his green-blue eyes the one time I "caught" him looking at me, there was no emotion. I can tell that he isn't like that at all. He is not cold and emotionless, for behind this so-called emotionless mask is a man quivering inside, fearing been left alone. That is why I stay with him and come to the temple over and over again. I am there to drive away his darkness, his fear of being left alone. I hope I am slowly giving him the reassurance that I will not leave him ever and that I will always be here to love and care for him like no other. I know he isn't the same man as he once was and yet that makes me love him even more. He may think I am a nuisance for wasting my time around him, but I know better. I have faithfully sat by him for years now and yet have asked for nothing in return. All I silently wish for is Aoshi to come back. I don't want some huge miracle, like for Aoshi to chat away, as if we have become the oldest and dearest friends. I just want him to find his peace and then I shall wait again for him to begin his next step in coming back to the others and especially me. As I sit with him and try to strike up many conversations, even just a nod of his head would be fantastic but this doesn't happen. I finally realise that maybe silence is what he really wishes to have. Yes I may come to the temple and keep him company but for once I shall not talk at all.

I have now reached the room in which Aoshi is meditating in. I take a deep breath and enter the room silently not announcing to him that I have arrived. My mind recalls to me of what I must do for him. Silence is what he wishes to have. Well silence is what he shall get. He must be deep in meditation as his eyes haven't even opened and he hasn't registered the fact that there is another presence in the room. I silently place the tray on the floor and kneel behind it in my kimono. Okon and Omasu thought it would be funny to steal all my clothes, to wash them all, in which the only thing I had left to wear is this dark blue kimono. I scowl silently as the kimono is quite annoying for me to sit down in. I place my legs out to the side so I am sitting half on my legs and half on my bottom. The side of the kimono drapes open to show off one of my legs and I am unable to place it closed. I cast the thought aside as it doesn't bother me at all. I look up to find that Aoshi is merely a couple of feet away and he still doesn't know I have arrived.

I decide to watch him for the moment. His mouth is slightly ajar and his breathing is calm and regular as I can see the rise and fall of his muscular chest. His facial features are soft and almost boyish like. Beautiful, I blush faintly at what I have inwardly discovered. The thought has been cast aside as my face is now etched in concern as Aoshi's body language and facial features have changed. He is now biting his bottom lip and his eyes are closed tightly, his eyebrows scrunched in frustration. I look down to notice his fists clenched and turning a pale white. A pained moan comes out of his throat as he has clenched his teeth at whatever he is thinking about. My heart pounds in my chest looking over at him and I immediately crawl towards him and place my small hand on one of his cheeks.

My hand had contact with his skin for a mere second when his eyes snapped open as he gazed at the "intruder" with utter hatred. A muffled gasp came into my throat as in that split second; I was knocked over by his powerful force as the pressure of his body kept me under him. My kimono was now parted at my legs even more showing off my lower thigh region and the rest of my legs. The sleeve up the top fell done off my shoulder as Aoshi had placed one of his hands there to hold me down, making sure I was unable to escape. The other hand was suddenly occupied by one of his kodachi's which was now pressed at my throat. My eyes had stayed open the whole time through this turn of events, hoping he'd notice it was I. His hot breath cascaded down my neck as I could do nothing but wait for him to return. To say I was frightened for my life isn't true. I little scared yes, but I knew he wouldn't harm me. I knew that a part of him could tell that it was I, as I never struggled like an intruder would and the fact that he should have killed me already.

My efforts for trying to stay silent for him have backfired on me. It was my fault after all. I had intruded on his privacy in his meditation and not confirmed that I was in the room. I silently stared up at Aoshi having lost my voice from the sudden turn of events that had occurred moments ago. I watched his clouded green-blue eyes come back into focus. I stared up wide-eyed at the expression held in those beautiful eyes. Fear was now vivid in that gaze as he finally registered who was lying under him. Aoshi had stumbled into a standing position and was now stepping away from me. His back hit the wall behind him nearly the opened window. I sat back up not worrying about the condition my kimono was in and just watched the emotions that flickered through the man in front of me. I couldn't believe he was finally showing emotion. Except this was not the emotion I wanted to see coming from him. His usual expressionless face now looked like a frightened child and as much as he wished for it not to happen, his body shook violently. His kodachi slipped through his fingers and landed loudly on the floor. I watched wide eyes as Aoshi too fell to his knees as he placed his hands over his face in utter horror. I clenched my hands to my chest where my heart lay and realised now was the time for me to truly help Aoshi. I ran to where he kneeled and sank to my knees and wrapped him up in a powerful hug. As he felt my embrace he tried to fight his way out of it but I dare not let up. In the next few seconds he ceased his movements. One low rugged sob came to his throat and he fell limply into my embrace. I closed my eyes tightly to fight back my own tears from all the emotion he showed from nearly hurting me. All I did was hug him tighter, if that was even possible.

Hours seemed to pass as I stayed in that position to comfort Aoshi. I shifted my head and realised that the sun had sunk past the horizon. I was glad at this moment that everyone still thought of me as Misao-chan and would just think that I am staying with my Aoshi-sama and that they need not worry any further.

As I looked down at Aoshi resting in my embrace I realised that his eyes were closed as if all the emotion he had shown had worn out his entire body. His head rested under my chin and his cheek lay on my bare shoulder. I faint blush came to my cheeks as I realised I had completely forgotten about the state of my dress. The look that Aoshi made at this moment was all I needed to not disturb him from his peaceful slumber.

After awhile I decided I needed to switch positions as my legs had fallen asleep as I had been supporting my entire body and Aoshi's as well. I shifted so that my back was against the wall and sat half on my bottom while my legs were curled out to the side gleaming in the moonlight that fell in through the window. I turned Aoshi around so that his back lay across my chest and his head lay limply between my bare shoulder and neck. I placed my arms around his shoulders and held him close, protecting him from himself. I was quite surprised that he hadn't woken up at all. He must have been quite exhausted after all. My arms were wound around his shoulders and rested on his chest. I could feel his steady breathing through my hands. I couldn't believe this. Here I was hugging Aoshi to me, protecting him from his darkness. Through my thinking of all the events that occurred that day I had absently slipped my hand into his yukata and began caressing his chest. I blushed faintly when I had finally realised what I was doing. His skin was so nice and warm but the amount of scars I could feel under my fingertips sent tears to my eyes. I began to pull my hand out of his shirt as I knew this was something I had not been given permission to do but before I could Aoshi unconsciously placed his larger hand over mine and contently sighed. I could do nothing but stare at his peaceful face as his larger hand held mine dearly to his heart. I placed my cheek on top of his beautiful silky black hair, smelling his scent of incense and rain. I began to cry silent tears of joy as I stared down at our hands on Aoshi's chest. The next words slipped past my mouth before I could stop them.

"I love you so much Aoshi and I'll wait for you forever." My eyes opened wide at my confession and I held my breath for quite sometime until my brain decided to kick in and tell me that he had not heard a word I said. Although when Aoshi's hand gripped mine tightly I felt he knew exactly what I had spoken even though he was fast asleep. I let out a sigh of relief but when I heard him mumble in his sleep more tears came unbidden.

"Please don't go…Pleas don't leave Misao." Even though I knew he was asleep and hadn't realised he actually said that out loud I only reassured him with hugging him tighter and saying five words, which I knew he heard me say as he sighed contently yet again.

"I will never leave you." Silence fell into the room once more as our breathing became like one and I too had fallen asleep with the one I hold dear to me cradled in my arms.

* * * *

My fogged up mind portrayed to me the events of the other night. I had nearly hurt Misao and that crushed my soul and shattered my heart into a thousand pieces. My body began to awaken from its slumber and that is when I felt the most comforting aura and could smell the most beautiful scent surround me and protect me from all my inner darkness. As my eyes focused around the room I notice I was still in the room at the temple. A tea tray lay further away from us. US! My body stiffens as I finally realise that there is another presence in the room. This is the one that is shielding me from my inner demons. My fogged brain has come to the conclusions that I am resting against there soft body and they are holding me in an embrace. This person's head is limply laying on mine with their hot breath trickling down my ear to my neck. I look down to notice that their hand is in my yukata and is placed over my heart. I feel shocked at this as I notice I am holding it there with one of my own hands. I shift my head to have a look at this person and my eyes widen as I finally realise it is Misao. What is she doing here? Why hasn't she run for dear life after what I nearly did? My heart beats wildly as I feel a little hope has been placed back into me as she has stayed with me the whole night. She is holding and comforting me like a loved one and I do nothing but relax in her embrace once more. As if she has sensed my movements she tightens her embrace around me and softly mumbles into my ear. Although she doesn't realise I am awake I can clearly make out what she has said and a bright light explodes in my chest because of what she shared with me.

"I'll love you like no other Aoshi." My eyes closed as my mind worked through those words. She loves me. She loves me and only me. The tiny voice kept saying this over and over again. After that I frowned at what I had done over the years. I had ignored her completely and yet all she wanted to do was show me love. She brought me tea, kept me company and always tried to strike up a conversation about anything and everything. She would always give me that beautiful smile that lit up her eyes and yet I gave nothing back in return. I was too worked up in my own darkness, hiding away from everything, especially her. She stirred emotions in me that I didn't want. I was only thinking of myself and never thought about how much she was hurting inside. Every night I came back to the Aoiya late and yet as I passed her room I could hear her cries. Those beautiful ocean-blue eyes filled with sadness for not being able to pull me back from my demons. She has given me everything and asked for nothing in return. My mind came back into focus as Misao had begun to absently stroke my chest with her free hand and this provoked emotions within me, the heat rising in my body. I left her embrace struggling with what her small hands did to me. I immediately hated not being comforted by her anymore as all the warmth I felt around me was now replaced with coldness. Misao was my warmth, my shelter and my protection from all the evil within me. I took a deep breath and turned to stare at her beautiful face. What surprised me the most was a soon as I left her, she instantly woke and looked over at me. She gave me a tired yet shy smile and began to talk.

"You're awake…" I could only nod at her as my eyes traced over what she was wearing and the way she lay limply against the wall obviously exhausted from holding me. Misao was dressed in a dark kimono that showed her body off nicely. I could clearly see her long pale legs as the kimono gapped open and were my head rested before was were I could see her small shoulder as the kimono had fallen off. I realised that was my fault when the image of what occurred the other night flashed through my mind. My eyes returned to hers, but she was now looking at the floor and a slight blush spread over her cheeks. I guess it was from me staring at her and waking up to find that we were in an embrace only loved ones shared.

"I'm sorry Aoshi." I stared silently at Misao for what she had said to me. First of all she was calling me Aoshi. That's not what bothered me though. I actually liked being called Aoshi, especially when it was coming from her. What was she sorry for? Was she sorry that she has wasted all her time on me and wishes to leave and not care for me anymore because I don't give her anything in return? I shook those thoughts out of my mind and decided to ask her what that meant.

"Sorry for what?" Misao clearly looked shocked when I had replied to what she had said. It took her a few minutes to tell me what happened.

"I-I…I'm sorry to have embraced you without your permission. I mean you looked so lost, so hurt that I thought you needed comfort. I'd never seen you so frightened before. I just wanted you to know I was still here. I was still here to take care of you. Even though you tried to fight my embrace because it seemed like you didn't deserve it, I knew you needed it. You didn't want me to go so I stayed and protected you from your darkness." As I sat in front of Misao my head bowed taking in everything she had said. I looked up to see her hugging her knees to her chest and blushing prettily at what she had said. She stared off to the side after finishing her statement. She waited patiently for my reaction and yet all I could do was stare at how beautiful she looked right now. Her hair fell down onto the floor around her in a mess from the previous night and I still could see her bare shoulder.

I knew everything she said was true. Although she left out the part where she said she loved me. I'm guessing she didn't even know she said it to me. I couldn't help but smile. My emotions were coming out and I was more then happy to show them to her. I placed my hand on her knee to get her attention. I decided to observe Misao's emotions now. Her head jerked up and her eyes lit up at the sight I was making. One of her small hands reached to trace my bottom lip and I caught it in one of mine. I pulled her closer and even though her eyes grew wide at what was happening she came willingly into my arms where I held her for dear life.

"Thank you Misao. Thank you for not leaving me." I whispered this into her ear and all she did was tighten her embrace around me. What she said next confused me so I drew back and asked her with my eyes what this had meant.

"It didn't take forever…" As I looked into her eyes for some answer to that all she did was laugh and give me a bright smile and jumped back into my embrace. I was struck dump found at this. She fit perfectly in my embrace and we stayed that way for a few more minutes until she finally told me what she meant.

"When I was walking to the temple yesterday I was wandering whether or not you were ever going to show me something. I had asked myself a question if forever was really a long time to wait for the one you love. Clearly I was right that it wasn't. I convinced myself that no matter what happened I was going to wait for you forever. No matter what has happened and what is going to happen I am going to stay by your side. I love you Shinomori Aoshi." Misao had stated the last part with so much emotion that when she kissed me my whole body stiffened and I could do nothing but sit there like an idiot. She pulled away with tears in her eyes as I had not responded the way she hoped. She loosened her embrace around me and stumbled to get to her feet. Silent tears fell down her face, as all I did was stay in the exact same position. What surprised me the most were my next moves. She was backing away from me, but she had only taken one small step when I was now kneeling on my knees and hugged her around her waist and pressed my face into her stomach. She stiffened for a few moments but soon fell back down to the floor. Misao brokenly sobbed into my embrace and what she said next broke through the ice surrounding my emotions.

"Why? Why are you doing this to me? Can't you tell me what you want? Please tell me something." I held her tightly and blurted out what I wanted to her in one single word.

"You…"

"What?" She looked up at me with disbelief written all over her face and yet demanding silently to tell her more.

"All I ever want is you…my Misao." And with that I kissed her like she had me seconds ago. Only this time she returned it by wrapping her arms around my neck and pressing her body into mine. A low groan escaped my throat and Misao smiled against my lips in satisfaction. She pulled away for air and blushed lightly again at what she now confessed to me.

"I'll love you forever Aoshi." I stared into her beautiful eyes where her heart now lay hoping for me to return her feelings in which I greatly replied to her and earned myself another passionate kiss and a tight embrace. I tightened the embrace and lifted her into my lap. My mind reminded me to say this to her more often.

"I'll love you forever too Misao-mine."

THE END