Omikun
What I Want
Part six
I Need You
Things have quite changed here. The atmosphere is far friendlier, and now I almost don't despise my teammates. Well… there are some limits to that new feeling. Especially for Schuldig. He's still an asshole, a bastard that enjoys playing with his so-called friends' minds. But strangely enough, his mood has suddenly grown more cheerful. He's not really nicer… but he tortures us much less than usual. And I really appreciate the new situation. As for Farfarello, since that dinner we had together, he decided to cook eggs every morning. Yeah, exactly, Farfarello cooks. I thought it far more impossible than the return of his ability to sense pain. Maybe there's a God, after all… but I'm not of the kind to think there's a superior being above us all. And I'm only faithful to me and me alone. And that's unnerving our dear leader.
Actually, Brad is the only one here not to have changed. He's still always working. No. I'm wrong. He works much more. He hasn't stopped for two weeks, and the boxes that contain his reports are gradually filling the corridor. Thankfully we're due to move in 18 days, so everything will be ok then, I hope. Yet I don't like the idea of moving each month. I'd rather settle somewhere once and for all. Not that I hate doing my packs, but I have to do it just when I started to enjoy the place, and it's anyway far too frequent to my taste. I guess it's part of our job… I wish we had a cover job as Weiss. But I can't imagine the other members of Schwarz in apron, smiling and selling flowers… and I wonder if we could get customers…I think we would frighten them actually, especially Farfarello. That could be fun though. I enjoy the idea. Maybe I should quit Schwarz to join Weiss. But I don't really share Weiss' point of view; I'm closer to Schwarz, so I'd better stay here.
"Don't eat that fast! You'll strangle yourself to death!" Crawford always seems to take care of us. Part of his task: if we're not healthy, we can't do our job correctly. He's more likely spying on us, and Schuldig enjoys the game.
"And you would miss me, Brad-chan?" The German smiles broadly. Sometimes he really acts like a brat.
Brad snorts. He is reading the newspapers eating his eggs. Farfarello is silently observing his knife killing his eggs, while Schuldig is literally devouring them.
"I would miss your skills."
"My bed skills? Sure ya won't find better than me to…"
"Urusei! I enjoy quiet breakfasts!" Brad hides his faint blushing face behind his newspapers.
Schuldig wears a wide mocking grin. Still an asshole as I said. I hurry to eat my eggs and stand up.
"You finally decided to move?" Brad was looking at me from above his newspapers. I nod, take my plate and leave the table.
"Your koibito must be happy to have such a cute ass spending days waiting for him to phone…" That was Schuldig for you. He's playing with his fork, and gives me a lustful eyeing. I passed the week in my room, waiting for Ken to phone. But my mobile remained silent. I depressed. And I had to stay in the same flat than Schuldig for a whole week, since the psycho couldn't go out because of his troubles with heat. Thus I had to lock myself in my room, so that I couldn't be aggressed. If Schuldig had broken the door, Brad would have killed him, or at least bounced him from his bed. And Schuldig couldn't stand that. So he let me alone. Anyway he had the lunches to tease me, and I am quite stunned he didn't took more advantages of these short laps of time. He's changed.
Brad raises an eyebrow. He has been absent the whole week so he hadn't witnessed our previous arguments.
"Koibito?" He seems to be suspicious. I'm sure he's thinking about Tot. He had always disapproved of our relation partly because we all knew she was an enemy and had to die. If he knows about Ken, I'll live my worst hour. I mentally insult Schuldig, who smiles back at me as he hears the curse.
"Nothing serious, he only needs a fuck and dares not asking his friends."
"We'll have to talk about that later, Nagi. Anyway be back here by 5 for the appointment."
I bow and leave the room. I wonder why Schuldig didn't tell him everything. He's really strange. It gives me some time to sort out my feelings and find an excuse though. Or another interpretation of the reality. But anyway it's not what preoccupies me right now. Schuldig is right as usual, I'm going to see Ken. During this week spent cloistered in my room I had plenty of time to think about Ken. Even now as I walk I think of him. I can't help but thinking of him all day long, and I must admit I dream of him too. It's really disturbing. I hate being disturbed as well as being passive. So I'm on my way to see Ken in order to find a solution, or at least understand what's happening to me.
The heat attacks me as soon as I exit the air-conditioned building. It's as if I had walked into an invisible wall, and my head starts to bang slowly but surely. I've been used to the flat's cool synthetic air, and the return to reality is harder than expected. But I ordered myself a task, and I always achieve what I've begun. I decide to walk slowly though, I don't want to fall ill because I wouldn't have used my brain and avoid too many efforts with this weather. And I need to see Ken.
I remember him perfectly. We spend a whole afternoon together, and a part of the evening too. I had all the leisure to observe him, watch his beautiful face, admire the fluidity of his gestures. I learnt all the small features of his face and body, and passed them in my head again and again as I waited his call. I think I've never been so disappointed. Something inside me broke. And now Ken has to cure me.
Of course I'm aware it's dangerous for me, and for my relationship with Ken, to go and visit him at the flower shop. However I just can't imagine living in my present state of mind. I'm truly sick, so dangerous or not I'm going to see the Weiss bishounen. If the situation evolves badly, in the worst case I can use my telekinesis. I don't know if I could handle all of them, but it would allow me to escape. And I know Ken would never hurt me, or let his friends hurt me. So I guess everything's ok. But what if they learn about us? They could hold Ken a grudge… have a fight with him… I don't want Ken to lose his friends because of me… I don't know if he would forgive me, but anyway he would be depressed and I couldn't bear his sadness. I hope to see Ken and only him so that things would be easier.
For Weiss I'm part of Schwarz, their deadly enemy. I'm not Nagi. They don't know how I feel, how my mind works. They don't expect me to be a human being just like themselves. I'm just a Schwarz member. That's most likely what all of Weiss think. Except Ken. He saw me as myself, and not as the image he had of me. He accepted me as I am, and before him only Brad had done that. But Ken is not like Brad. Brad uses me for business. Ken isn't using me. If he had used me, he would have phoned. But maybe I'm wrong. I wonder why he didn't call. I hope I won't be too angry to hold myself. I don't wanna fight with him. I've been waiting for his call a whole week, and during all this time I've been anxious and unproductive. I've lived one of the worst weeks in my life. And it was my first time for such a matter of less importance. Pfffffff… I shouldn't think about it because it's exactly causing what I don't want. I don't wanna be angry with him. I'll see him, talk with him, and… I don't know. I definitely don't know.
Hum. I guess the shop is in this area, but I'm not sure. Maybe is should have checked on a map. I was in such a hurry I lost my ability to think it seems. I should take the time to think, such a behavior is dangerous in my job.
It's a very peaceful street. It must be pleasant to live here in the middle of a green atmosphere with very few cars passing by. There are not many people too, except the group of schoolgirls at the shop opposite to the street. They are very noisy, seemingly excited. Wait a min… it's a… flower shop…
I cross the street without watching for cars and walk slowly to the shop. Koneko no Sumu Ie. That's it. My heart begins to beat furiously. Oh God… I'm stressed now! And just because I'm about to see Ken! I hate that. I feel like one of those stupid girls facing their first love… hum… don't wanna think about love right now…
Now I'm just at the far end of the huge mass of giggling girls. I try to see above their heads and I wish I were taller. Damn! Kinda hard to see something. Those girls are literally invading the shop uttering small piercing screams that would scare any man. I wonder how Weiss can get customers if those fanatics prevent everybody from even seeing what's in the shop. I sigh. I'm forced to wait. At least I can hear their gossips.
To what I hear it's obviously Omi and Yohji's shift. I wonder who they are, but anyway that means Ken is free from duty… but he's probably not here.
"Yohji's so kawai, ne?" says one of the fans next to me jumping frenetically.
Her friend nods. "I wonder who's that kid…"
Kid? What kid?
I try to look in the shop once again. There's somebody at the table, the young blond-haired Weiss, their hacker. He's composing a bouquet with flowers I've never seen before. And on the right… I see the tall blond whose weapon is wire, Schuldig's fave toy. There's a young kid on his shoulders playing with his ears.
"The baby really looks like him. They've got the same eyes!"
"Now you're right. Do you think it's his son?"
A lively discussion breaks on the topic. I would have never thought one of my enemies to have children. A family never suits a killer, I found out that fact years ago. Yohji is quietly watering flowers with his always-stirring so-called son, paying no attention to what is being said. The other Weiss seems to be nervous, probably because of the situation. Sure it's unnerving me as well. I've got no information on where Ken could be. I decide to act.
"Sumimasen." I gently pat on some girl's shoulder. She looks at me, startled, and smiles broadly. Her friends throw me a glance too, and I'm temporary the center of their attention. They whisper some piercing "kawai" and wonder who I am. But I don't have the time nor the will to play. "Do you know where Ken is?"
More gossips. More screams.
"You're one of the kids Ken-kun is teaching soccer to?"
"…Ha…hai." I think I'd better lie. I don't want to find an explication for those hungry predators.
"Well… I guess he's in the park with the other kids for their lesson." They seem pretty sure of it actually. I guess they went spying on him just before going to the shop. I feel disgusted by such a behavior. They won't win the bishounen's heart this way. This thought quite relieves me. And anyway they're too occupied watching the Weiss playboy playing with the kid instead of working.
I walk away after uttering an arigatou. Now I've got to find that park. It wouldn't have been wise to ask her, for she would have doubted my fake identity. I don't care of what those crazy fans think, but i don't want to waste time with them in endless explications.
So here's a park. Quite a vast one, with grass and trees absolutely everywhere. It reminds me of the park we went together. He had asked me if I wanted to drink. I had been an idiot to deny the proposition, but at that time I didn't want to have anything to do with him. Actually I was afraid of my feelings. Now I am fully aware of that, and I'm aware that I need him too.
I step on the fresh grass, and I feel the urge to walk barefoot. I take off my shoes and feel the soft blades of grass under my foot. I can't help but smile at the simple pleasure it gives me, and as I smile, I hear the shouts of children behind a shield of trees. I walk towards the trees carrying my sneakers in my hands, and once there, I discover a new marvelous scene. From the safe shadow of the trees, I can observe the soccer lesson. There are maybe twenty children there, almost all younger than me, laughing and playing with the ball. And among them, taller than all, runs a cheerful Ken, all smiles. He shouts orders and advice to the kids, laughs with them, shows them how to handle the ball, supports them…the kids listen to him carefully and obey every order. All the kids are fighting to be next to him.
He's beautiful.
I sit down in the shade and watch the show with joy. I wonder how they can stand such a sportive activity with this heat. It seems they have been running for quite some time now, for all of them are exceedingly sweating and breathe hard. Even the glorious Ken is exhausted. But he's having so much fun he goes on playing.
Ken shouts something to the kids that automatically gather around him. they exchange a few inaudible words, and the group breaks. All of them are smiling as they pick up their clothes and bags. It's the end of the game.
Ken watches some of them leaving, waving and smiling. Then he walks slowly to his own bag, some meters below where I sit, takes a bottle and drinks. His clothes are tight around his body with the sweat. He drinks ravenously and some water flows on his already wet shirt. He uses the remaining liquid as a shower, spreading the water on his bent head. And as he raises his head, he sees me.
First he's puzzled. Then he smiles and comes without any hesitation. I feel relieved. This means he's truly happy to see me, and considers me as a friend. He walks the few meters that separate us hastily, and now stands just in front of me, his honest smile filling me with pleasure. I'm no longer stressed. I'm just wonderfully happy, and I even smile back.
"Ohayou! Nice to see ya!"
"You haven't phoned" A blunt accusation. I wish I had said something that showed my joy. But that's just me, to behave coldly. I've always been this way, first because I haven't been really happy in my short life, then because this way people don't want to be near me, and it prevents many unbearable situations. In my job, love and friendship is something that hurts badly. Very badly. I don't want to know that loss again. But in spite of that I like Ken, and that hurts.
Ken blushes. "I…forgot your number…"
Nani? He's stupid or he's lying?
No no no! Nagi! I told you not to be angry! Why would Ken call you? You don't deserve him. You're a killer, you deserve pain.
I don't have the time to reply. Some kids come to see Ken and try enthusiastically to get him into play again.
"Gomen, demo tsukareta da yo!" the young man sighs and resists as the kids try to drag him pulling his shirt.
"Hanase. It's my turn to spend some time with Ken-niichan."
Ken blushes once again, and the children look at me disapprovingly. They finally give up and leave, not without showing explicitly their disappointment.
His sparkling eyes meet mines, and my heart is filled with joy.
"You know, it's the second time you save me this way."
I blink. He's right. Only a few minutes after our first meeting last week, I had told those bastards to let him go. Maybe it's what we call fate…
Ken sits under the tree next to me. He's really exhausted and soon lies down on the grass. It gives me all the leisure to observe him once again. His blushing face, his jade eyes turned to the sky, his drenched chocolate hair falling on his forehead… his chest raises with his breath, gradually more gently and slowly as he's relaxing.
What am I doing? Why am I with the enemy? And why do I feel so good when he's close to me? This feeling is even not comparable with the one I have for Brad. I love Brad, but he's more like a brother to me… a brother that hurts me since he uses me as he would do with a toy…only for his business, as Schuldig would for his own pleasure. Yet I love him. But I never feel at ease with him. So why Ken? Why?
"Nagi?"
I wake up from my daydreaming at the sound of his voice. He's looking at me with a worrying glare. I suppose my face seemed quite stern with those disturbing thoughts. I smile at him reassuringly.
"I've got to go back home. Need a shower…"
I can't help being disappointed. He perceives my feelings and hurries to add: "But after we can do whatever you want!"
I never met such a concerned people. He doesn't want to hurt me. If only he knew how much he's disturbing me…
I nod and we start for the Koneko.
The walk is short, and almost speechless. I wonder if I'll be able to follow him in the shop. I guess I'll have to wait for him outside.
The girls are still gathered in and outside the shop, still screaming, still giggling. They are calling for Yohji. Ken sighs.
"Yohji is the tall blond with the kid?" Then I add at his stunned look. "I came to the shop. I didn't know where to find you. One of the girls told me."
"Oh, I see. Yeah, Yohji's the tall blond playboy… with the kid…"
"He's his son?"
"Aa. We found it out only 4 days ago. He decided to take care of him, and his mother can work more freely this way." He laughs. "He's a real mother-hen! He's spoiling the kid! I would never have thought that of him!"
"Same for me…"
We reach the street along the shop and Ken takes it. I follow him quite surprised because I thought he would enter through the shop's door, but I guess there's a backdoor. He stops at a garage door, takes his keys and opens it. He steps in, switches on the light and invites me in.
"Are you sure I can come? I mean, your friends…"
"No prob." He gestures me to follow him. "Aya's gone on his mystery tour and Omi and Yohji are too busy with the girls."
I wonder what he means with 'mystery tour', but I let it drop. I walk behind him in the Weiss headquarters. I would have never thought I would visit the place as a guest. We quite hurry upstairs but it allows me to evaluate the rooms as we pass them. They have enough room, but it's far smaller than the Schwarz headquarters. With all the room we have I barely can stand living with my roommates. How can Ken survive with three other people in such a tiny place? The corridors are really thin too, and quite gloomy as the window shades are shut to temper the atmosphere. I follow Ken's frame in the dark, but I collide in him as he stop at a door.
"Sumimasen…" We say in chorus. I smile, and I wonder if he's smiling too.
He opens the door. "Dozo" I step in. It's quite a small room. Square shape, a bed near a window, facing the bathroom. Near the bed there are wood shelves filled with soccer items and stuff that look like small toys. The last important detail is the mess. The ground is invaded with clothes and things… I try hard not to walk on them but it's kinda impossible.
"Errrr… sorry, I hadn't time to clean up…but feel at ease. I'll have my shower!" He enters the bathroom and shuts the door. Only a few seconds after I can hear the water pouring. I jump on the bed, the only empty place, and sit conveniently among the pillows. The sheets have his scent, and I think I could stay here and have a rest. The image of Ken haunts my mind, and I try to wipe it away, without much success. Maybe if I talk…
"Why did you enter Weiss?"
I wait for the answer. Nothing. Only the noise of the shower. Maybe he can't hear me. I go to the far end of the bed and knock on the bathroom's door and open it, peeping inside. Bad idea. Why had I to do that?
Ken is under the shower. I have never seen such a beautiful picture. The water running down his naked body, his hands stroking his drenched hair, his face lifted to face the violent flow, lips slightly parted and eyes closed…My heart pounds and my throbbing member hurts as I'm fascinated…
But Ken sees me, gasps, and hurries to grab the closest towel to hide himself behind it as if he was scared of me. I suppress a smile. He's seriously blushing.
"Do I make you feel nervous?"
"Quite yes" He's very shy.
"Why? Is it because I'm a man? Because I'm a kid? Or because I'm part of Schwarz?"
"Etou… all of them…"
I could force our relationship and join him. It is a strong desire growing inside of me. But Ken really seems to be disturbed, and I don't want him to regret what we could share. I shut the door and go back to the pillows, enjoying the day, and especially trying to calm my arousal.
Ken finally leaves the bathroom, towel round his hips. He notices me on the bed and blushes again. I love this blushing of his.
"I…I have to take clean clothes…" I wonder why he feels the need to tell me what he wants to do as if he asked my approval. He starts to search in the cupboard.
"What are you expecting from our relationship?"
He stops. "I don't know. I just want to be happy."
"It's the best answer I could have expected."
Ken smiles. Such an easy smile. Such a comforting smile.
"Do you wanna have a shower too?"
I refuse. I had rather have the shower with him. I wish Schuldig and Farfarello hadn't interrupted our kiss last week…
"You told your friends about… me?" I almost said 'us'. But I'm not sure enough of his feelings, maybe there's no 'us'. I envy Schuldig. Telekinesis is of no use in such situations.
"No"
"You won't tell them?"
"Well, I don't think so. Not yet. I don't know how they would react." He hesitates and sits down on the bed with sloping shoulders, a sad look fixing the clothes on the ground. "A week ago, Schuldig phoned." My heart stops to beat. I insult Schuldig mentally.
"He threatened you?"
"No"
I can't believe it. Sure Schuldig has quite calmed down in the past days, but…
"He wanted us to deliver flowers"
NANI? HANA?
"We thought it was a trap. I hadn't told them about you. And finally we met this woman with her son, an old girlfriend of Yohji's."
"That's how Yohji discovered his son? Thanks to Schuldig?"
Ken nods, then adds shyly:
"At the Koneko…the others didn't see u?"
"I'm not a baka. And all those girls hid me. You've always had so many fans?"
Ken blushes once more, yet laughs. "We're famous, it helps to get some money."
I'm jealous. What he just said has so many unpleasant meanings. I'm overwhelmed with anger.
"You should create a boysband and start touring."
Ken didn't notice the harsh tone in my voice. He smiles at the idea. "No way! It would get worse!"
"Good. I want you only for me."
He freezes. He looks at me and I look at him.
"Nagi…"
"That's what I expect from our relationship. I want to be your koibito."
I have just realized it. I love Ken. And the feeling both makes me happy and hurts me.
"But I…"
"Tell me if you don't want me, and I leave."
"It's not that, but… I'm in love."
I raise an eyebrow. "With someone else I guess." He nods. "Does she love you?"
"He…he's rather cold with me…"
"He? Then you don't mind if I'm a man." Ken's glance is really sad now. We both love somebody who doesn't love us in return. We both suffer from love. I wonder if it's a member of Weiss, and which one… if the bastard can't even love him and make him happy, I don't see why I should let him Ken. He really needs help, and I'm here for him. I guess he never confessed his love.
I could be his, even if it's temporary. The fact that he loves another man hurts me, even more than what I expected, but provided I can be with him, I'm satisfied. But for how long? As I sit on the bed close to him, I think I could strengthen our relationship right now. There's just this towel between us…
"What about staying here this afternoon? Your room is so cool, when it is so hot outside…"
I stretch my hand to touch his back. He shivers at the caress. His skin is still wet and soft from the shower, and I can feel his muscles under my fingers. I see in his eyes his silent plead for help. He's got a decision to make, and he doesn't know what to do. I'll choose for him. I come closer and put my arm around his waist. He doesn't move. He doesn't invite me to go further, nor he turns me away. He just watches me right in the eye, probably torturing himself with his feelings. Such a sad look. I feel the need to ease his pain, to wipe his doubts, yet I still hesitate. He loves another man. And when I'll hold him, he'll think of him, not of me. Hatred invades me as desire does. His scent drives me crazy, I don't know if I could resist him much longer.
"Let me make you happy…"
He smiles. A slight smile for an important decision. He took the good one. And as I kiss him gently, I throw that annoying towel among the clothes on the ground.
I want Ken, and right now.
-Part Six_owari-
Yaaaaay! Ken and Nagi are such a lovely couple! It's a pairing we don't see often, and I thought it was a shame! They're so cuuuuuuuute! ::shifted on crazy fangirl mode:: Hum… tell me what you think of them ne? I want comments!!!!!!!!!! :thinks many readers must curse her not to have described what came after between the 2 brunettes::