Author's note: This is my first Phantom phic so please be kind.
Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Erik, Christine, or Raoul (of course I don't want him).
Summary: This is for everyone who read Phantom of the Opera and didn't like Raoul.
cast:
Erik- himself (audience cheers)
Christine- herself (mixed cheering and booing)
Raoul- her... I mean, himself (laughter)
Audience members- themselves
Author- me
(Erik and Christine are taking a walk. Suddenly Raoul runs into view, dressed as superman.)
Raoul: Christine, I have come to rescue you!
Christine: (trying not to laugh) From what?
(Erik and the audience aren't nearly as polite, they simply drop to the ground in hysterics)
Raoul: (ignoring them) Why, from the Phantom, of course.
Christine: What makes you think I need rescued?
Raoul: (seriously) My invisible goblin friend told me so.
Erik: (to himself) And they said Christine was insane.
Christine: (slowly, as if she were speaking to a crazy person. Which she is.) Your...invisible...goblin...friend?
Raoul: Yes. He said you needed saving, so here I am.
Erik: She doesn't need your help, we're engaged.
Raoul: Are you really?
Christine: Yes, you may leave now. Oh, Raoul there's just one more thing I'd like to tell you before you go.
Raoul: What is it my dearest, darling Christine?
(Audience is gagging and rolling their eyes.)
Christine: You are... the weakest link. Goodbye.
Raoul: (about to cry, trying to exit with dignity. Ha, like I'm really going to let him.) I guess this is goodbye. Farewell, my darling, I shall never love another.
Author: That's what you think.
Raoul: Who are you?
Author: I'm the one writing this screwed up story; and according to my notes, you will find a new girlfriend.
Raoul: I will?
Author: Yes, some woman named Carlotta. She says you look good in those tights. Personally, I don't see it.
Raoul: (imitating Charlton Heston's "it's a mad house" pose.) NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
(Audience laughs as Author drags the screaming Raoul off to *ahem* get better acquainted with Carlotta.)
My apologies to the audience and Erik for giving them such small roles.