A Little Too Much Snow…
I began walking again after falling over in the thick snow, which is now covering half my thighs. The sun was setting and I was loosing my trace on Misao. She was quite the ninja as she confused the hell out of me of were exactly she was. She must still be upset though, as there are a few give away signs that she had passed this way awhile ago. I began to remember what had happened and what lead me to be out in the snow.
* * * * * BEGIN FLASHBACK * * * * *
A full moon has risen in the sky and casts a glow over the Aoiya. I have walked into the back garden dressed in my sleeping pants with a sheet folded in my hands. It is a cool night and I welcome the breeze that floats through the air and caresses my bare chest. The breeze eases my tense muscles from the training I had completed early this morning. I descend to the garden bed floor and sit peacefully in the cool grass and rest my folded arms on my up-drawn knees. The folded blanket lies beside me as I watch the stars glittering in the night sky.
The years have gone past quickly and I can't help but think how grateful I am to watch Misao and the others grow and mature again. Okina has aged considerably but refuses to rest until he knows everyone is settled down properly. I recall going on outings with everyone and watching the looks that young men give Okon and Omasu. They are soon outdone though by Misao who was wearing a beautiful kimono and her hair was placed in a loose bun on top of her head. Obviously this was Okon and Omasu's idea as the face expression Misao showed was of most annoyance. She seemed to relax in her new outfit though. My breath caught in my throat everytime she laughed and smiled as this portrayed how beautiful she really was. The guys have grown into fine young men, which Okina is very proud of.
I now know that my hatred for myself was causing my comrades' to not be able to rest in peace. So I let them go. I don't fully feel peace within me as I know a part of me will always be blamed for their deaths.
I have done many things I am not proud of but I soon cast these thoughts aside as my eyes open to feel a welcoming presence behind me. I take a deep breath to smell her sweet fragrance. She has stayed with me and protected me from my darkness. I know I can never completely forgive myself for all of my actions and yet as I sit here and feel her comforting presence surround me again, I know she forgives me for everything.
It has been three years now and even though she knows I have found some peace she is still by my side. I don't greet her yet, as she knows I am not one for talking, as that isn't my specialty. Sometimes I smirk as I can still surprise her after so long when I finally answer her questions or reply to her statements. I know my replies aren't long and meaningful but I still see the joy in her eyes, as she believes I am finally opening up to her. My ignoring her has caused her so much pain and I don't wish to see those beautiful eyes shed anymore tears.
I look over my shoulder and my heartbeats wildly at the sight she makes. Misao is dressed for bed and with her arms folded over her chest she leans casually against one of the posts at the back entrance to the building. Her legs glow in the moonlight as she has crossed one of her ankles over the other. She stands there watching me from her place not wanting to disturb me and yet making sure I know she is there. I silently nod at her and she begins to walk towards me. I turn my head back around as the way she is walking and how she looks has stirred emotions within me that I am not quite ready for. My head jerks up as she has placed her warm hand on my cool skin so she can descend to the grass carefully. As she sits comfortably in the grass her hand slips from my shoulder and I can feel her fingertips brush down my back as she leans on her hands which are now out to her sides behind her while her long legs stretch out in front of her. I let out a rugged breath, which she has caused within me, and place my gaze back up to the heavens. Misao soon breaks the silence of the night.
"Ah Aoshi, its such a beautiful night. Okina said that there was a full moon tonight so I decided to come out and watch it. The days are getting cooler you know. I think Okina said something about it snowing tomorrow which is funny since it was a nice warm day today and…"
"Stop Misao-chan…" I had begun irritably. I just wanted some silence didn't she realise this. Her being here was playing havoc with the emotions running through my entire body. I had now turned my body to face her and immediately regretted snapping at her. Her mouth was parted slightly surprised at my outburst. I watched the emotions play over her features. Her beautiful eyes now frowned sadly at me and filled with unshed tears. She lowered her gaze and I was about to apologise when a gasp escaped her throat. I realised then that her eyes looked worriedly up at me and then back down to my chest. She could clearly see my many scars that portrayed how many fights I had been in. I felt ashamed that I had let my guard down so many times and I paid the price. I hadn't noticed Misao move closer towards me. She placed one of her small hands on the scar that was over my heart. Once I had felt her touch the first thing I did was slap her hand away from my body. I had never been touched so lovingly before, so that was the first thing that came to my mind. My emotions went chaotic and my heart broke when I looked up to see Misao hugging herself tightly and her body began to shake.
"Why won't you let me help you?" She had asked me brokenly.
"I don't need your help Misao-chan. I never asked for it." I had snapped back at her before I could even stop the words from coming out of my mouth. Inside I was breaking apart and yet when I looked at her I give her my most "icy" gaze.
"No! I am not Misao-chan! Why do you keep saying that? I am not a little girl anymore. I am a nineteen-year-old woman. I know you didn't ask for my help. I just needed to help you or I would never forgive myself. I am not the Misao-chan that you used to know Aoshi. I have grown up and I'm strong and independent. Why can't you see that? I'll prove it to you! I'll prove it to everyone!" I watched her retreating form run back into the building. I just sat dazed at what she had said. I bowed my head and placed my hands over my face. I had upset her yet again. I mentally began to kick the shit out of myself. My breathing had become uneven as I replayed the scene she made in front of me. Her face was streaked with tears and I had stolen all her hope that I was returning to her. Her eyes were now lonely and sad. I hated myself. I walked back into the household and up the stairs to her bedroom door. I was about to knock when I realised she had probably cried herself to sleep. I went to my room and fell into a restless sleep reminding myself to apologise when I see her in the morning.
My fogged brain registered the fact that I could hear muffled yelling coming from outside. My blurry eyes opened to the feel of someone shake me from my slumber.
"Aoshi-san quick its Misao-chan, she's gone!" Okon had said to me. GONE? What did that mean? I ran from my room to Misao's and yanked the door open. My heart sank when I realised that Misao's bed had not been slept in at all. I walked towards the cupboard to find that all her kunai's where gone as well. I looked to the window to see it open. She had obviously left from there not wanting anyone to know she had gone. I dressed quickly in my usual clothing and placed my black sleeping shirt in a small pack that was tied at my waist. I walked hurriedly to the kitchen were Omasu was and reached for the small packaged food she knew I would need for my travels. That too was placed in my pack. She looked up at me worriedly and I nodded to her silent question. Her shoulders relaxed so I swiftly turned around and headed for the front door. When I opened Okina was leaning heavily against a post and holding a cup of tea. I placed my hand on his shoulder and began to talk.
"When I find Misao, I'll bring her back Okina." I had stated determinedly. I descended the steps into the snow and could clearly see Misao's tracks. Once I got to the gate I paused at what Okina had said.
"I know you will find her Aoshi. I know you are both hurting about something, so please, sort it out." All I could do was nod silently at this and began to concentrate on Misao's footprints.
* * * * * END FLASHBACK * * * * *
Idiot! I can't believe you hurt her again! Have you no honor! The little voice inside my head began to argue with me as I trudged through the snow.
Hours seem to pass as the snow began to fall harder and it made seeing impossible. I needed to find shelter and fast. I began to walk faster through the forest but abruptly stopped when I heard a pained moan. I stopped walking to listen more but nothing came. Am I hearing things? I thought. As soon as I proceeded to walk the moans were getting closer. I now noticed a lone figured covered in snow. I rushed over hoping to the gods that it was Misao. Once I reached the figure I turned it over and sighed when I notice it was she. Thank goodness! My heart soon stopped in my chest at the sight of her. She was deathly blue and it seemed she had been attacked as blood fell from her head, arms and legs. I picked her up and held her to my chest tightly.
I had only walked a couple hundred meters when my eyes finally could make out a hut. The gods must have been looking down on us. In a matter of seconds we were in the hut. I rushed around attending to Misao. She needed to be dry and warm. I lit a fire from the logs, which miraculously had not been wet. I placed Misao in front of the fire and waited for her skin to turn back to its healthy pink colour. This didn't happen though. I gazed over at her emotionless body. Was she giving up? NO! My mind had screamed at me. I had to save her. Not only for the others but for me too. I now concluded that Misao was still wearing her outfit. That was not helping her get any better. I ripped all her clothes off and attended to her injuries first using the binding from her breasts as bandages. After this I dried the rest of her naked body with a cloth I had found in a small wooden cupboard. I opened my pack and thanked the gods that my black shirt had not been drenched from the snow. I placed her limp arms in the sleeves and did the frog buttons up at the front. A contented sigh leaves my mouth, as I look down upon Misao. I notice that I have not attended to her head and rummage around to find the rest of the binding I used before. I grab some strips and wipe the wound clean of blood. I shook at the coldness of my own clothing and realised it was time for me to look after myself. I threw everything into a pile and wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. I then turn to my clothing and place them around the fire so they would hopefully dry. I sat in silence and gazed over at Misao. I could not help but brush my cold fingertips over her soft cheek. She moaned at the contact and her ocean-blue eyes open to see me staring at her.
"What are you doing here?" I was struck at how cold she sounded. Had I really hurt her that bad and now she was becoming cold and lonely like me. I couldn't let that happen.
"Misao…" Was as far as I got as she stared up at me with an emotionless face and yet I could see the hurt and sadness in those eyes.
"No, I don't want to hear it. I know you came to get me because of Okina. That's what it always is. You never come because you want me to go back with you; it's always for someone else. Just leave me alone."
"Never!" I had stated abruptly and forced her into my lap and then into my embrace. The blanket that was around my shoulders had fallen down into my lap before I placed Misao there and hid my nakedness. I didn't want Misao to be like me. She tensed in my embrace but I did nothing except to tightened my arms around her small body and place my forehead on her shoulder. She had began to fight my embrace pushing her hands on my chest indicating she wanted to be let out, but I couldn't let her go, not this time.
"Stop! I don't want this! I hate this! I hate you for doing this to me! Why do you feel the need to keep hurting me all the time? Why can't you let me go?" Her pushing had ceased as her arms lay limply around my neck and she cried into my chest. I absently rubbed her back soothing her cries and blurted out what I was thinking at that very moment.
"You keep me away from my inner darkness and shield me from all the guilt I have been feeling for all these years. I can never let you go because I fear that if you leave I will die. I have broken all my promises to you and yet you stay. I am so sorry I have caused you so much pain. So sorry." Misao's cries had stopped as soon as I had begun to talk and now I have cast my head aside ashamed at what I had blurted out to her. I did not want it to be like this. Moments went by as I got the courage to look down at her and my eyes widened as she brushed her lips over the skin at my heart. She looks up and notices that I had seen what she did and blushes prettily. She lays her head against my chest and begins to talk in a small voice that breaks through my ice barriers protecting the rest of my emotions.
"Why did you keep pushing me away?" I breathed in a harsh gasp as her small hand was now lightly running over my many scars.
"You stir emotions within me that I am not quite ready to feel and I don't understand what they mean either." I state plainly.
"How do I make you feel though?"
"Wanted and loved. You make me feel like I am the most important person in your world. You stay with me to protect me from my demons and you dare not go anywhere without me." I couldn't believe I was saying this. I knew she loved me dearly but now I was trapping her into telling me exactly what she felt for me.
"So why are you so afraid then?" I was stunned into silence as she bypassed my question and replaced one of her own. What am I going to say to her? The truth you idiot! My mind berated me. So the ice had finally broken and I told her my fears.
"I fear that I would let you down. I have already broken the promises I made with your father. I fear that if I break any more promises to you or see you cry again because of me I know I would not be able to live with myself."
"My father? Promises? What were they? I…I mean" I placed my fingers over her mouth as she was going to apologise for being so straightforward. As she looked up into my eyes I shock my head and answered her question.
"I swore I'd watch over you and protect you like no other. I promised him that I'd take care of you for the rest of my life. I said I'd never leave you alone. I am so ashamed at breaking them. I have dishonored him and myself. I…" I was cut off by Misao crushing me in her embrace and kissing me fair and square on the mouth. I do nothing except stare wide eyed at her closed eyes. When she pulls away I notice that tears fall from her eyes and I brush them away while she talks.
"NO! Don't say that you have failed. Look at me Aoshi. I have not hated you for one second in my life! I know father sees that you have done an excellent job. I am happy. Yes, you had left, but you came back and your promises stayed. You saw me change and it was because of you! You did take care of me and protect me. Look you are here right at this moment protecting me even though you were sent after me. I forgive you for everything!" Misao had tightened her embrace on me trying to convince me that she was right. Was she right though? Have I been there for her after all? My mind takes a quick glance into the past and watches as a much younger Misao and Aoshi share many moments alone together. I sigh at these memories and for once Misao is right. I hold her in a loose embrace and caress her shoulders. '…Look you are here right at this moment protecting me even though you were sent after me…' those words run through my mind and this is the part she is so wrong about.
"You know you're wrong." I state plainly at her. Her head is close to mine and she opens her mouth but I stop her so she can understand what I have said.
"I didn't come because of the others. Do you realise how much I was hurting inside when I ran to your room and you weren't there? Yes everyone was worried to death, but I stirred with madness at myself, as it was my fault you had run away. Just like all the other times." I had stated the last part rather quietly to myself but Misao had heard me.
"That's because I ran away looking for you" She had laughed trying to ease away my pain. I nodded my head silently and closed my eyes feeling comforted by her aura. The room fell into silence until…
"Aoshi you're naked!" I looked down and noticed Misao blushing bright red as she had only now discovered the state of my dress even though she had been sitting in my embrace for quite sometime now. I removed her from my embrace and stood up with the blanket hanging loosely around my waist and walk to where my trousers lay. I notice this is the only thing dry and place them on. I look back to see that Misao's gaze has not left me once. This has sent a shiver through my entire body. I am still standing and looking down at Misao. I decide to ease the tension around the room by telling her how I found her.
"I found you unconscious and covered in snow. You were so blue I thought you had died. I noticed that you were bleeding but the first thing I needed to do was find shelter for the both of us. When I found this place I got a fire started and comprehended the fact that your skin wasn't changing back. I shed you of your outfit, bandaged your cuts with the binding that held your…well you get the idea and dried the rest of your body off with an old cloth I found."
"You saw me naked?" She had asked me weakly.
"Yes…" I had answered her truthfully. I didn't feel ashamed for looking at her. I know I did not have her permission but I'll take all her yelling and screaming any day because if I hadn't had done what I did, she'd be dead. I waited for her to explode.
"Are you disgusted?" She said weakly at me. Disgusted? What the hell was she talking about? I was about to ask her what she meant when I noticed her body language. Her head was turned away embarrassed and she hugged her knees to her chest. She was referring to her body.
"Misao, look at me." I had stated. I needed to see those eyes. Her head turned upwards and her eyes focused on mine and that gave me all the courage to say what I was feeling.
"Does it really matter Misao? I mean I was worried about your health I wasn't really thinking on the lines of what your body looked like. I just wanted for you to have opened your eyes and scowled at me for being so shallow. I know I hadn't asked your permission to do what I did, but I'll take all the yelling for a lifetime. I'd rather have a lifetime of you yelling at me for seeing you then not having you around at all."
Silence fell into the room once again. Stupid! I silently berated myself for giving into my emotions. I felt like such an idiot for opening myself up so much.
My body soon stiffened when Misao had placed her small hands around my waist and looked up at me smiling brightly. As I looked down at her small form the blanket had fallen off and she was only wearing my shirt. The shirt was loosely covering her body and fell open at the front so I could see her collar bones. As she hugged me to her I absently began to caress her collarbone with one of my hands. I noticed she shivered in my embrace and then stepped away. Fearing I had done something wrong I watched her move towards the fire and sit down.
"Will you sit with me by the fire?" She asked me sweetly. I nodded and descended to the floor crawling towards her. She giggled beautifully at this and I had to smirk.
"You look like you are hunting down your prey Aoshi" She smiled at me.
"Maybe I am Misao" I looked into her eyes and noticed that her mouth was moving but nothing came out. I smiled at the scene she made. It was priceless. Her hand moved towards my face and her fingertips traced my lips. Tears came unbidden and she leapt into my embrace. I hugged her to me and apologised for causing her pain once more.
"Misao, I'm sorry for what I've done to you. Please don't cry. Let me make it up to you" Misao had immediately stopped and looked at me. Her hand lay on my cheek as she shook her head.
"Oh Aoshi I'm not sad. I'm sorry for giving you that impression. I was just so happy you smiled at me. I have waited for that for so long"
She hugged me again and her body clung to mine. I wrapped my larger arms around her small frame and placed my head on hers. I looked out the small window and realised the snow had stopped falling. It was too dangerous to go out now and I preferred having Misao wrapped up in my embrace. I placed the blanket loosely around our forms and watched the fire. Moments later the room was filled with Misao's giggles. She moved her mouth closer to my ear so I could only her this once.
"So, how would you have made it up to me?" Misao had purred this into my ear. I loosened my hold and looked at her dumbstruck.
"I-I…" I couldn't believe this was happening. Misao was turning seductive on me and I could do nothing but fall into her trap.
"I'm only joking Aos-" I had cut Misao off when I placed my hands on either side of her face and kissed her possessively. Seconds later her arms where rapped around my neck and she pressed her body into mine.
I awake to notice the sunrays shining through the small window. I looked down to see Misao's head resting on my bare chest and one of her arms wrapped protectively around my waist. A contented sigh escaped her lips as she shifted to get closer, to find more body heat. I watch her movements as I feel her warm naked skin pressed against mine. Last night I had made a promise to her, that we would forever be together as one. This promise I knew I would never break. I strengthened my hold on her, as I realise within her lies our child. Now I must protect both of them with my life. Was I even ready to be a father? Or her a mother? I soon stop those questions as a slight pressure is placed over me. Misao is now above me looking down and she rests her head against her folded arms, which are lying across my chest.
"Hi" Is all she says to me as she blushes once more. I don't mind that though. I wish for her to never loose that as it makes her even more radiant then she is. I nod at her silently then begin to talk.
"We should be going soon. Okina and the others are worried sick about you" Although I don't wish to leave I know I must take her home. She pouts at me cutely and begins to talk.
"Only if you promise me one thing Aoshi, and then I'll go"
"And what is that Misao"
"Ah…Well I… I want us to be together like this forever" She had ended up blurting out to me. She hid her face in her folded hands and waited for my reply.
"Me too Misao. Me too" I stated quietly to her and she lifted her head and smiled down at me.
"Good" And at that she leapt out of my embrace and walked towards her clothes not feeling embarrassed about being naked. I watch her from my seated position and I realise I wanted to have the pleasure in dressing her. She had already placed her small shorts on and was about to place her top on when I stopped her from doing so.
"Will you let me?" I asked her with hope in my eyes and I knew she saw it. She blushed yet again but silently nodded her approval and stood before me. As I looked up and down her body a few times I knew I was making her feel uncomfortable even though I was the one standing butt naked in front of her.
"Well?" She had placed her hands on her hips and waited impatiently for me to dress her. I laughed at this and couldn't help but wrap her up in my arms and kiss her like I had the previous night. Once I pulled away she moaned in disagreement and I began to dress her. I finished dressing her in her usual outfit and placed my black shirt loosely over her again. I walked to where my clothes lay and tided my pants on and was rewarded with her dressing the rest of me. She had grabbed my coat to place over me but I stopped her from doing so as I wrapped her up in it. She looked up confused but then she understood that she was still only wearing her ninja outfit. I opened the door and the ground was covered in the glistening snow. It wasn't as deep as it was the other day as most had melted away because of the sun. I picked Misao up in my arms and began to walk back home. We were getting closer towards the Aoiya as I knew a shortcut and that's when Misao spoke.
"Aren't you cold Aoshi?"
"Not anymore Misao, not anymore" She nodded her head silently, as she knew that had two meanings towards it. A pressed on and realised Misao's body was becoming more relaxed as she was falling into blissful slumber. She said one last thing to me and then fell to sleep.
"I hope the first one's a girl Aoshi"
I looked down at her and silently agreed. I hope so too my Misao, so she'll look exactly like you.
(4 years have passed)
I rest in the garden and can hear my daughters' laughter come from the other side of the Aoiya. Yes we were right that Misao was having a girl. We just didn't know how blessed we were when she had given birth to two girls. I smile, as I know the other members are showing them their surprises that have been made for them. My thoughts are cut short when I hear my daughters' voices calling for me.
"Daddy come quick! Something is wrong with mummy!"
I ran around the side to come face to face with a crying Misao. My heart aches, as I have not seen tears like this since our daughters were born.
"Misao? Misao what's wrong?" I ask her alarmed. What have I done? Have I forgotten something? Misao begins to laugh and I look down at my daughters to see they have exactly the same confused expression I show on my face as they look up at us. Misao has now thrown her arms around my neck and hugs me. All I could do was hug her back. Misao has now pulled away again and is gathering her thoughts on what to say. I feel a tug on my pants as I notice my daughters looking up at me. I bend down to their height as they ask me their question together.
"Daddy? Has mummy gone mad?" I laugh at their little question and shake my head at them. I pick them up in my arms and we all wait for Misao to tell us what is happening.
"Would you girls like a little brother?" Is all Misao had asked. The girls jump from my arms excitedly and begin to run around us. I am frozen stiff, as my brain comprehends what she has said.
"A son?" She nods at my question and I hug her fiercely to me. I can still hear my daughters running around chanting about having a brother. That is when it hits me on what we should call him, so I ask Misao if she has any solutions.
"Misao what should we name him?"
"I have the best name already figured out." She says to me.
"What is it?"
"Aoshi of course because I love it so much and I love you!" Once I hear this I tighten my embrace around her and reply back to her.
"I love you my Misao" I look back to her and realise after all this time I can still make her blush at my confession. I kiss her passionately until we run out of breath.
We walk to where our daughters are playing and sit on the grass. I hug Misao on my side as my daughters have jumped into my lap. Here our family sits waiting for the last member to come so our family can be completed. We watch the first lot of snowfall towards us and I couldn't be happier then I am right now.