Heres, um chapter 5, yes I momentarily forgot where I was up to ...Rightiho on with the authors notes. Thanks for reviewing, loved it. This chapter is very sad, tissues people tissues. No warnings. Just Angst, a little lime, well sort of. Please enjoy. A Lovely reviewer noted that I rushed it, especially the last bit. Yes I agree, I usually write these chapters late at night so at the end I just want to get straight to the point, post then sleep. I'll try to take my time.
On with the show ...
Chapter 5: You are the perfect drug.
It blazed through his head, those words smeared themselves across his vision. 'You have no choice' He wanted to kill her, but there were consequences. Grinding his teeth he stalked back inside, eyes gleaming like to black marbles. A cold breath of air tweaked the edge of his dressing gown as he closed the door. He couldn't, no he wouldn't tell her, should he kill her and still remain one of the most powerful or drop to hers, just for Kate? The Kate that he had slept with only once? yes, that Kate. His mind was humming with visions of a disremembered Mrs Lestrange, her smirking face twisted in a silent scream. he would find away, or lose everything but gain her love, but she wouldn't know, his little secret. Shaking his head he cleansed himself of all heroic thoughts.
He gently opened the door to his bedroom, she was still asleep. Her soft hair had fallen over her face, could he? He had this argument before, hours before. This wasn't good, he should be able to do this. She was just a one night stand, who was he kidding? She was more, it was like she had somehow burrowed her way into his unyielding heart. But deep down, no matter what he told himself, he liked her in there.
Closing the door quietly he hopped back into bed, she stirred slightly but did not wake. Not wanting to sleep just yet, he pondered what little miss power hungry had said to him. God, why didn't he just push her away, wouldn't that have been the logical thing? No, what he had done was not logical, it was stupid but laying in that bed with her sleeping form so close to his, the doubts he had about Kate seemed to lift. Smiling slightly, he decided he'd wash his hair tomorrow, besides it was getting rather greasy. He didn't mind but he was sure Kate did.
Wrapping his arms around her a pulled her close, she moaned but settled as he brushed her hair out of her eyes. Contentedly smiling she snuggled into his shoulder, his long fingers gently trailed down the side of her face. Along her smooth forehead, to aquiline nose and across her sweet tasting lips. He let his hand fall down her to the small of her back, she did the same. It was so strange to feel this, this warmth, when he was still young he had dreamt of heat like this. It would creep up his back, up to his head then down like a rocket to the tips of his toes. Like sunshine it filled him with happiness. But his adolescent dreams had been blown away by his ambition for power. The feeling of power was like a drug, but this -this was more. A perfect drug.
Their bodies pressed close, Severus finally began to fall asleep. Like the devils pitchfork, a stabbing, burning sensation prickled across his arm, Kate flinched away,
"Ow!"
She reached up at to see if her back was okay, it was like fire to touch. She gave Severus a confused look, eyes shinning in the darkness.
"What was that?"
She flick on the light, Severus was out of bed clutching his arm where a ugly, vicious looking mark burned against his pale skin. It was so clear, to clear. She turned her head away, his eyes widened.
"No Kate its no-"
Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes, the sparkled in the dim light of the lamp.
"Not what is seems Severus? Your a MURDERER, you sick and twisted bastad, I shouldn't even be near you! How-"
Her voice began to rise, Severus was beginning to panic, what should he do? She knew, was it to late?
"Kate please!"
He reached forward, trying to grab her shoulder she shrank back. Looking up at him with horrified eyes. The irrepressible confusion began to rise, it made her stumble, made her so very hurt.
"I can't believe, y-y-y ou let me sleep with you and you knew, you probably did it, all those people, dead. How could you?'
Her voice was choked with emotion, the look she gave him. So, so betrayed. I led her into this, Severus's heart sank. What could he say, nothing. All his hopes were beginning to deflate.
"What, what have I done?"
She moved further away from him, blankets pulled around her as if they were a barrier from his dirtiness. he couldn't answer this, for once in his life he was speechless and totally devoid of any comments. Standing there totally naked, clutching his arm he stared imploringly at her, begging to be understood without words.
"And I'm in your bed"
Breathing deeply she threw the covers off herself , head held high with a strength that he did not know she possessed. She began to pick up her clothes off the floor, putting them on as quickly as she could.
"I should report you, you know? You fucking bastad, how could you!"
Her voice was strained with the use of so much volume, he couldn't let her go like this, he couldn't.
"You don't know what its like there, we live our li-
Those deep blue eyes stared hard into his, rivets of tears streamed continuously. You should have kept quiet, muttered a tiny voice in his head.
"I don't want to know and I never do, how could you? You killed her, for some worthless cause.
He flinched internally, deep down he knew it was worthless. He couldn't tell her why he did it, the power. The drug like power that made his senses heighten, eyes roll back into his head. That power.
"I will never see her again, she's dead Severus, dead. My only true friend killed by a band of people who don't even know why their doing _what_ their doing. -
her voice grew slightly in volume, eyes widening in anger.
I SHOULD report you, hand you over to the ministry where you can rot in Azkaban for the rest of your miserable life.
Severus shuddered, waiting for the onslaught.
"But I can't.
Severus looked up, the confusion apparent in his eyes. Any normal human being would have, why not her? he deserved it, but didn't want to go. She SHOULD be dragging me to the ministry head quaters by now.
Why?"
She took a tentative step back, not sure what to do. She knew what to say but, voice so tiny and afraid.
"Because, because
-her voice became very quiet-
"I love you"
Her eyes met his, his insides squirmed. Her love me? She bit her lip, expecting him to roar like a charging rhino, but it never came. All was silent, Severus was to shocked to speak. Now was the time, leave.
Then. like a breath of wind she left the room.
It hit Severus hard, she loved him and she was leaving. Tiny jets of warmth began to shoot to the tips of his toes to the top of his head. It was like that scrawny Adolescent boy had sprang into life, the hopes and dreams were so clear. He could have it, love. She couldn't leave, he had to tell her
"Kate, come back!"
Cried a half naked Severus, pulling on his dressing gown. He didn't want her to go, she loved him, he wanted to let her know that HE returned it! ... Flying down the hall way, she was just closing the door.
"KATE!"
Flinging open the door he was met with an empty porch, she had gone, forever. He stared at the spot which he thought she would have been. Hanging his head he bit his lip. The jets of warmth disappeared, the boy that was so vivid moments before withered back into that clump of darkness the walked the halls of his heart, staining the carpet with its despair. The warmth was once again replaced by that familiar icy feeling. He was broken for the second time in his life, and he knew that it was all his fault.
"Kate..."
You make me hard, when I'm all soft inside
I see the truth, when I'm all stupid eyed
The arrow goes straight through my heart
Without you everything just falls apart
My blood wants to say hello to you
My feelings want to get inside of you
My soul is so afraid to realise how very little there is left of me.
I want you.
I want you
I want you
I want you
You are the perfect drug
O O O what did ya think. God i'm a bitch. Liiiike? Please review. That was so sad, poor Sevi, don't worry things get worse. *Evil grin* I think that nine inch nails song fits, but I like it anyway :)
On with the show ...
Chapter 5: You are the perfect drug.
It blazed through his head, those words smeared themselves across his vision. 'You have no choice' He wanted to kill her, but there were consequences. Grinding his teeth he stalked back inside, eyes gleaming like to black marbles. A cold breath of air tweaked the edge of his dressing gown as he closed the door. He couldn't, no he wouldn't tell her, should he kill her and still remain one of the most powerful or drop to hers, just for Kate? The Kate that he had slept with only once? yes, that Kate. His mind was humming with visions of a disremembered Mrs Lestrange, her smirking face twisted in a silent scream. he would find away, or lose everything but gain her love, but she wouldn't know, his little secret. Shaking his head he cleansed himself of all heroic thoughts.
He gently opened the door to his bedroom, she was still asleep. Her soft hair had fallen over her face, could he? He had this argument before, hours before. This wasn't good, he should be able to do this. She was just a one night stand, who was he kidding? She was more, it was like she had somehow burrowed her way into his unyielding heart. But deep down, no matter what he told himself, he liked her in there.
Closing the door quietly he hopped back into bed, she stirred slightly but did not wake. Not wanting to sleep just yet, he pondered what little miss power hungry had said to him. God, why didn't he just push her away, wouldn't that have been the logical thing? No, what he had done was not logical, it was stupid but laying in that bed with her sleeping form so close to his, the doubts he had about Kate seemed to lift. Smiling slightly, he decided he'd wash his hair tomorrow, besides it was getting rather greasy. He didn't mind but he was sure Kate did.
Wrapping his arms around her a pulled her close, she moaned but settled as he brushed her hair out of her eyes. Contentedly smiling she snuggled into his shoulder, his long fingers gently trailed down the side of her face. Along her smooth forehead, to aquiline nose and across her sweet tasting lips. He let his hand fall down her to the small of her back, she did the same. It was so strange to feel this, this warmth, when he was still young he had dreamt of heat like this. It would creep up his back, up to his head then down like a rocket to the tips of his toes. Like sunshine it filled him with happiness. But his adolescent dreams had been blown away by his ambition for power. The feeling of power was like a drug, but this -this was more. A perfect drug.
Their bodies pressed close, Severus finally began to fall asleep. Like the devils pitchfork, a stabbing, burning sensation prickled across his arm, Kate flinched away,
"Ow!"
She reached up at to see if her back was okay, it was like fire to touch. She gave Severus a confused look, eyes shinning in the darkness.
"What was that?"
She flick on the light, Severus was out of bed clutching his arm where a ugly, vicious looking mark burned against his pale skin. It was so clear, to clear. She turned her head away, his eyes widened.
"No Kate its no-"
Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes, the sparkled in the dim light of the lamp.
"Not what is seems Severus? Your a MURDERER, you sick and twisted bastad, I shouldn't even be near you! How-"
Her voice began to rise, Severus was beginning to panic, what should he do? She knew, was it to late?
"Kate please!"
He reached forward, trying to grab her shoulder she shrank back. Looking up at him with horrified eyes. The irrepressible confusion began to rise, it made her stumble, made her so very hurt.
"I can't believe, y-y-y ou let me sleep with you and you knew, you probably did it, all those people, dead. How could you?'
Her voice was choked with emotion, the look she gave him. So, so betrayed. I led her into this, Severus's heart sank. What could he say, nothing. All his hopes were beginning to deflate.
"What, what have I done?"
She moved further away from him, blankets pulled around her as if they were a barrier from his dirtiness. he couldn't answer this, for once in his life he was speechless and totally devoid of any comments. Standing there totally naked, clutching his arm he stared imploringly at her, begging to be understood without words.
"And I'm in your bed"
Breathing deeply she threw the covers off herself , head held high with a strength that he did not know she possessed. She began to pick up her clothes off the floor, putting them on as quickly as she could.
"I should report you, you know? You fucking bastad, how could you!"
Her voice was strained with the use of so much volume, he couldn't let her go like this, he couldn't.
"You don't know what its like there, we live our li-
Those deep blue eyes stared hard into his, rivets of tears streamed continuously. You should have kept quiet, muttered a tiny voice in his head.
"I don't want to know and I never do, how could you? You killed her, for some worthless cause.
He flinched internally, deep down he knew it was worthless. He couldn't tell her why he did it, the power. The drug like power that made his senses heighten, eyes roll back into his head. That power.
"I will never see her again, she's dead Severus, dead. My only true friend killed by a band of people who don't even know why their doing _what_ their doing. -
her voice grew slightly in volume, eyes widening in anger.
I SHOULD report you, hand you over to the ministry where you can rot in Azkaban for the rest of your miserable life.
Severus shuddered, waiting for the onslaught.
"But I can't.
Severus looked up, the confusion apparent in his eyes. Any normal human being would have, why not her? he deserved it, but didn't want to go. She SHOULD be dragging me to the ministry head quaters by now.
Why?"
She took a tentative step back, not sure what to do. She knew what to say but, voice so tiny and afraid.
"Because, because
-her voice became very quiet-
"I love you"
Her eyes met his, his insides squirmed. Her love me? She bit her lip, expecting him to roar like a charging rhino, but it never came. All was silent, Severus was to shocked to speak. Now was the time, leave.
Then. like a breath of wind she left the room.
It hit Severus hard, she loved him and she was leaving. Tiny jets of warmth began to shoot to the tips of his toes to the top of his head. It was like that scrawny Adolescent boy had sprang into life, the hopes and dreams were so clear. He could have it, love. She couldn't leave, he had to tell her
"Kate, come back!"
Cried a half naked Severus, pulling on his dressing gown. He didn't want her to go, she loved him, he wanted to let her know that HE returned it! ... Flying down the hall way, she was just closing the door.
"KATE!"
Flinging open the door he was met with an empty porch, she had gone, forever. He stared at the spot which he thought she would have been. Hanging his head he bit his lip. The jets of warmth disappeared, the boy that was so vivid moments before withered back into that clump of darkness the walked the halls of his heart, staining the carpet with its despair. The warmth was once again replaced by that familiar icy feeling. He was broken for the second time in his life, and he knew that it was all his fault.
"Kate..."
You make me hard, when I'm all soft inside
I see the truth, when I'm all stupid eyed
The arrow goes straight through my heart
Without you everything just falls apart
My blood wants to say hello to you
My feelings want to get inside of you
My soul is so afraid to realise how very little there is left of me.
I want you.
I want you
I want you
I want you
You are the perfect drug
O O O what did ya think. God i'm a bitch. Liiiike? Please review. That was so sad, poor Sevi, don't worry things get worse. *Evil grin* I think that nine inch nails song fits, but I like it anyway :)