Dust Will be the Serpent's Food, Chapter 4 - Remus Lupin, Part II
By: PepperjackCandy
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: Everyone, and everything, in this story, belongs to J.K. Rowling.
Warning: Slash ahead!
==========
After graduation, my Defense Against the Dark Arts grades, as well as my extra-curricular tutoring of Severus, allowed me to take a job as an Auror. My partners and I brought down innumerable Death Eaters together. And through it all, I kept my preternaturally-keen ears open for mention of Severus. I felt in my bones that I'd *know* if something happened to him, but the lack of news of his death or arrest was still reassuring.
The next time our paths crossed was nineteen years after that fateful night in the Shrieking Shack, when Albus Dumbledore hired me to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts.
I took the position, hoping that something would intervene to take Severus far, far away. Something good, something wonderful. For as much as I'd like to have been able to wish harm on him for the hurt he caused me, he was still my Mate, and I couldn't.
We avoided each other fairly successfully for nearly a full month. But September 30 was a full moon, and Severus had a wolfsbane potion that would allow me to stay on-campus during the full moon.
That night was the only time all year that Severus addressed our history. And for a moment, that hole in my heart was filled.
"You know." He said as he set the potion down in front of me. "The only reason I have this potion is because of you."
I snorted humorlessly. "That stands to reason." The potion had a biting, bitter taste, and I was only able to drink a little bit of it at a time.
"No. I invented it because of you. It's based on our research."
I winced as I took another draught. "Don't suppose you could do anything about the taste. I seem to remember we were discussing almond oil?"
"There is almond oil in there, Lupin. If it weren't a full moon, you'd be able to taste it. It's actually got a very pleasant taste to someone who isn't . . . ." I could hear the unspoken words a monster.
But then Severus shut down again, and we stayed estranged for the rest of our year as co-workers.
After He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was resurrected, Albus called me back to Hogwarts for a meeting.
Severus stayed hidden in his dungeon for the first few days, but then he came up to the Great Hall during breakfast. He walked into the room, not meeting anyone's eyes, and hurried up to the dais, where he grabbed a handful of fruit and cheese, and walked out of the room.
But seeing him again did something to me. I found I couldn't live like this anymore. I had to act. Now.
I stood from my place at the table, and followed Severus out into the corridor. It wasn't difficult to catch up to him, for he was walking slowly, almost like he hoped someone would catch up to him. Almost like he hoped *I* would catch up to him.
I placed a hand lightly on his shoulder. A ripple of electricity shot up my arm and into my wounded heart at that meager contact.
"Sev?" I asked softly. "Can we talk?"
"It's a free country." He said, echoing the words he'd said to me so long ago, as he turned to face me.
I looked into those black eyes. Eyes I could drown in. And I said, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Severus."
Confusion graced his features. "Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for?"
"For not telling you about . . . ."
"Yes. Well," he broke eye contact with me, looking at the floor beneath his feet. "I'm sorry, too."
"Sorry for what? I'm the one who wronged you, remember."
He shook his head and looked up at me. "For not trusting you. For not loving you enough."
"You loved me?" I'd hoped, but I'd never really believed it before.
"Yes. I . . . loved you." He emphasized the past tense, but looked like he wanted to say something different.
"I love -d you, too." I almost forgot to put it in past tense.
We stood there, looking at each other. "There's no way to go back," I said.
"We'll have to go forward, then." He completed my thought.
I was seized by a wild impulse then. "Sev?"
"Hmm?"
"For old time's sake." I put my left hand on his shoulder and my right hand on the back of his head and pulled him to me for a kiss.
A kiss that changed everything.
He moaned as his arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me closer to him. I felt that piece of my heart, the piece that I'd been without for twenty years, click back into place as if it had never gone.
And I heard the wolf growl low inside me, "My Mate. Mine."
I pulled away from him. "Sev. I have to know. You're not just playing with me. You won't leave at the first sign of trouble."
"How could you think --? Never mind. I know how you could think that of me. But I won't. I promise."
We moved in, then, for another kiss.
And then it was his turn to pull away. "But this time I have something to say. My own secret, if you will." He reached down to his left sleeve to pull it back and reveal the Mark on his arm.
I placed my hand over his. "I know about that." I told him simply, pulling up the sleeve and kissing his blighted flesh.
When I looked at his face, tears were streaming down his cheeks. "You're a good man, Remus. So much better than I am. . ."
I knew what he was getting at. He felt that my acceptance of his shortcomings had come to me more easily than his acceptance of mine. I smiled. "No. We were only fifteen, Sev. We're grown now. I'm no better than you. Just older."
Then we moved, no, not to his room. Get your minds out of the gutter, people.
We moved to sit on the steps leading down to the dungeons. "Anyway, if we're going to go forward with this, I've got a confession of my own."
Severus reached out and took my hand in his. "Whatever it is, we can handle it."
"I only hope so." I sighed.
"That bad?"
"Maybe."
He gave me a minute to collect my thoughts.
"What do you know about werewolves?" I asked.
"Not much other than that they're blood . . ." He stopped.
"Blood-thirsty killers?" I asked with what I hoped was the right amount of humor in my tone. "Well, that's certainly true of some, but there's only one immutable law of werewolves, Severus. We mate for life."
His face fell. "Oh."
He doesn't want this. He wants to know that he'll be able to get out if it he wants to, the voice of self-doubt chanted in the back of my mind, but I squashed it down long enough to say, "Yes."
"So." Was that sorrow I saw in his eyes? Was he that reluctant to bind himself to me for the rest of our lives?
"So."
We sat in silence for a minute, and then I stood. "Just thought you should know." Feeling tears stinging the corners of my eyes, I headed for the front door of the castle.
Where am I going? I asked myself. Away. I answered. Maybe all the way to Hogsmeade, if I need to, and then I can get nice and pissed at the Three Broomsticks.
I reached the bottom of the steps and started out on the path towards the gates when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"At least have the common decency to tell me who it is, Remus." Severus said in an intense whisper.
"Who what is?"
"Who you can't get out of your heart. Who I'll be sharing you with." He grimaced. "It's Black, isn't it?"
I felt all of the blood in my body run down to my feet. "What?"
"Your Mate. It's Black."
I shook my head dumbly, suddenly unable to say more than, "No."
"Oh. Who, then?"
"You."
He acted like he couldn't understand me. "What?"
"You, Sev. You're my Mate. You always have been."
"But we've never . . . I thought that . . ."
I shook my head. "No. Consummation isn't required. I wish it had been. My life these past twenty years would have been much more peaceful."
"But, you tried to kill me. Isn't that sort of counterproductive? To try to kill your Mate?"
The tears that had threatened earlier spilled down my cheeks. "You idiot," I whispered. "I didn't try to kill you. I was going to greet you."
"Greet me?"
He looked confused, so I demonstrated, stepping towards him and nuzzling his neck. "Like this." I inhaled the aroma that said Severus Snape. "And this."
"Oh." He said weakly. I had my hands on his arms beneath the sleeves of his robe and could feel goose-pimples rising on his skin.
"But since we're both human right now," I said, and I closed my eyes and kissed him with all of the love and passion I felt for him.
"I suppose we should go forward from here, then." Severus said, taking my hand.
"I suppose we should."
We walked into the castle, and Severus directed me towards the dungeon stairs.
"Oh, no you don't." I said.
"No?" He sounded infinitely disappointed.
"No. I've waited twenty years for this, and I'm not going to consummate our relationship in the faculty residences here. I've lived in one of those shoeboxes, remember. Have you ever seen the guest facilities?"
"I've never had occasion to."
I steered him towards the stairwell leading up to my rooms. "Then you're in for a very pleasant surprise." We stopped and kissed.
"Though," I said once we separated again, "first thing, we're going to wash all of this . . .stuff out of your hair."
"But my hair's unmanageable without it." He whined.
I sighed melodramatically. "I guess a Mate with unmanageable hair is one of those sacrifices I'm going to have to make . . ."
By: PepperjackCandy
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: Everyone, and everything, in this story, belongs to J.K. Rowling.
Warning: Slash ahead!
==========
After graduation, my Defense Against the Dark Arts grades, as well as my extra-curricular tutoring of Severus, allowed me to take a job as an Auror. My partners and I brought down innumerable Death Eaters together. And through it all, I kept my preternaturally-keen ears open for mention of Severus. I felt in my bones that I'd *know* if something happened to him, but the lack of news of his death or arrest was still reassuring.
The next time our paths crossed was nineteen years after that fateful night in the Shrieking Shack, when Albus Dumbledore hired me to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts.
I took the position, hoping that something would intervene to take Severus far, far away. Something good, something wonderful. For as much as I'd like to have been able to wish harm on him for the hurt he caused me, he was still my Mate, and I couldn't.
We avoided each other fairly successfully for nearly a full month. But September 30 was a full moon, and Severus had a wolfsbane potion that would allow me to stay on-campus during the full moon.
That night was the only time all year that Severus addressed our history. And for a moment, that hole in my heart was filled.
"You know." He said as he set the potion down in front of me. "The only reason I have this potion is because of you."
I snorted humorlessly. "That stands to reason." The potion had a biting, bitter taste, and I was only able to drink a little bit of it at a time.
"No. I invented it because of you. It's based on our research."
I winced as I took another draught. "Don't suppose you could do anything about the taste. I seem to remember we were discussing almond oil?"
"There is almond oil in there, Lupin. If it weren't a full moon, you'd be able to taste it. It's actually got a very pleasant taste to someone who isn't . . . ." I could hear the unspoken words a monster.
But then Severus shut down again, and we stayed estranged for the rest of our year as co-workers.
After He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was resurrected, Albus called me back to Hogwarts for a meeting.
Severus stayed hidden in his dungeon for the first few days, but then he came up to the Great Hall during breakfast. He walked into the room, not meeting anyone's eyes, and hurried up to the dais, where he grabbed a handful of fruit and cheese, and walked out of the room.
But seeing him again did something to me. I found I couldn't live like this anymore. I had to act. Now.
I stood from my place at the table, and followed Severus out into the corridor. It wasn't difficult to catch up to him, for he was walking slowly, almost like he hoped someone would catch up to him. Almost like he hoped *I* would catch up to him.
I placed a hand lightly on his shoulder. A ripple of electricity shot up my arm and into my wounded heart at that meager contact.
"Sev?" I asked softly. "Can we talk?"
"It's a free country." He said, echoing the words he'd said to me so long ago, as he turned to face me.
I looked into those black eyes. Eyes I could drown in. And I said, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Severus."
Confusion graced his features. "Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for?"
"For not telling you about . . . ."
"Yes. Well," he broke eye contact with me, looking at the floor beneath his feet. "I'm sorry, too."
"Sorry for what? I'm the one who wronged you, remember."
He shook his head and looked up at me. "For not trusting you. For not loving you enough."
"You loved me?" I'd hoped, but I'd never really believed it before.
"Yes. I . . . loved you." He emphasized the past tense, but looked like he wanted to say something different.
"I love -d you, too." I almost forgot to put it in past tense.
We stood there, looking at each other. "There's no way to go back," I said.
"We'll have to go forward, then." He completed my thought.
I was seized by a wild impulse then. "Sev?"
"Hmm?"
"For old time's sake." I put my left hand on his shoulder and my right hand on the back of his head and pulled him to me for a kiss.
A kiss that changed everything.
He moaned as his arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me closer to him. I felt that piece of my heart, the piece that I'd been without for twenty years, click back into place as if it had never gone.
And I heard the wolf growl low inside me, "My Mate. Mine."
I pulled away from him. "Sev. I have to know. You're not just playing with me. You won't leave at the first sign of trouble."
"How could you think --? Never mind. I know how you could think that of me. But I won't. I promise."
We moved in, then, for another kiss.
And then it was his turn to pull away. "But this time I have something to say. My own secret, if you will." He reached down to his left sleeve to pull it back and reveal the Mark on his arm.
I placed my hand over his. "I know about that." I told him simply, pulling up the sleeve and kissing his blighted flesh.
When I looked at his face, tears were streaming down his cheeks. "You're a good man, Remus. So much better than I am. . ."
I knew what he was getting at. He felt that my acceptance of his shortcomings had come to me more easily than his acceptance of mine. I smiled. "No. We were only fifteen, Sev. We're grown now. I'm no better than you. Just older."
Then we moved, no, not to his room. Get your minds out of the gutter, people.
We moved to sit on the steps leading down to the dungeons. "Anyway, if we're going to go forward with this, I've got a confession of my own."
Severus reached out and took my hand in his. "Whatever it is, we can handle it."
"I only hope so." I sighed.
"That bad?"
"Maybe."
He gave me a minute to collect my thoughts.
"What do you know about werewolves?" I asked.
"Not much other than that they're blood . . ." He stopped.
"Blood-thirsty killers?" I asked with what I hoped was the right amount of humor in my tone. "Well, that's certainly true of some, but there's only one immutable law of werewolves, Severus. We mate for life."
His face fell. "Oh."
He doesn't want this. He wants to know that he'll be able to get out if it he wants to, the voice of self-doubt chanted in the back of my mind, but I squashed it down long enough to say, "Yes."
"So." Was that sorrow I saw in his eyes? Was he that reluctant to bind himself to me for the rest of our lives?
"So."
We sat in silence for a minute, and then I stood. "Just thought you should know." Feeling tears stinging the corners of my eyes, I headed for the front door of the castle.
Where am I going? I asked myself. Away. I answered. Maybe all the way to Hogsmeade, if I need to, and then I can get nice and pissed at the Three Broomsticks.
I reached the bottom of the steps and started out on the path towards the gates when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"At least have the common decency to tell me who it is, Remus." Severus said in an intense whisper.
"Who what is?"
"Who you can't get out of your heart. Who I'll be sharing you with." He grimaced. "It's Black, isn't it?"
I felt all of the blood in my body run down to my feet. "What?"
"Your Mate. It's Black."
I shook my head dumbly, suddenly unable to say more than, "No."
"Oh. Who, then?"
"You."
He acted like he couldn't understand me. "What?"
"You, Sev. You're my Mate. You always have been."
"But we've never . . . I thought that . . ."
I shook my head. "No. Consummation isn't required. I wish it had been. My life these past twenty years would have been much more peaceful."
"But, you tried to kill me. Isn't that sort of counterproductive? To try to kill your Mate?"
The tears that had threatened earlier spilled down my cheeks. "You idiot," I whispered. "I didn't try to kill you. I was going to greet you."
"Greet me?"
He looked confused, so I demonstrated, stepping towards him and nuzzling his neck. "Like this." I inhaled the aroma that said Severus Snape. "And this."
"Oh." He said weakly. I had my hands on his arms beneath the sleeves of his robe and could feel goose-pimples rising on his skin.
"But since we're both human right now," I said, and I closed my eyes and kissed him with all of the love and passion I felt for him.
"I suppose we should go forward from here, then." Severus said, taking my hand.
"I suppose we should."
We walked into the castle, and Severus directed me towards the dungeon stairs.
"Oh, no you don't." I said.
"No?" He sounded infinitely disappointed.
"No. I've waited twenty years for this, and I'm not going to consummate our relationship in the faculty residences here. I've lived in one of those shoeboxes, remember. Have you ever seen the guest facilities?"
"I've never had occasion to."
I steered him towards the stairwell leading up to my rooms. "Then you're in for a very pleasant surprise." We stopped and kissed.
"Though," I said once we separated again, "first thing, we're going to wash all of this . . .stuff out of your hair."
"But my hair's unmanageable without it." He whined.
I sighed melodramatically. "I guess a Mate with unmanageable hair is one of those sacrifices I'm going to have to make . . ."