A New Beginning - Chapter 1
Hitomi sat staring at her window at her desk late that night. Her memories in Gaea—she had missed it all so much. She knew that she would, but the question remaining is whether she could let it go. Especially Van.
"Van…" She said absentmindedly, looking at the moon. She wanted to bear his happiness, bear his pain. It was so impossible and different back on Earth. She had realized that once she returned to Earth, what made her who she was, the most happy moments in her life, was probably spent on Gaea, even though she lived in fear and loneliness. Sometimes pain can be happiness too.
Quite ironic, I spent most of the years in my life here. How much is that now? 15. Only 15.
All she could hope for now is that Van is happy with Merle, and her memory will never falter, just as much as she'd hoped to store them together forever in a cage inside her own mind. So unlike her Grandmother's visit. Fate--what is fate? If the fate-altering machine was defeated by the love between Van and Hitomi, why didn't fate mean for her to stay in Gaea? Fate. Fate is destiny. And then, what is destiny?
"I can change destiny."
In her hand was an angel's feather, maybe just about the only proof that Gaea was not a dream—not just any feather, but his feather. Maybe in Van's hand at the very same moment is my necklace, and maybe he's feeling the same way about me. Hey, a girl can dream. But she was wondering about that fact herself. Will he still remember her? It's not fair, just the way they chose it to be, whoever they are. Why? Why can't she have been simply the princess of the fairy tales? The prince returns Cinderella her glass slipper? The handsome prince marries a mermaid of a warring kingdom? Too much thinking. She fell asleep under the moonlight through her shades, and the invisible planet Gaea's watch…
*****
Hitomi woke with a start, and looked around at the mass of pitch-black darkness. Boy doesn't this feel familiar.
"Another vision? Can't be…" Confusion etched her face.
"Why not?" replied a young familiar voice behind her.
She spun around quickly to see who had sneaked up on her. It was, surprisingly, her Grandmother, dressed in the same kimono, and the small windmill in her hands. "This dream has a purpose."
"Yeah, you mind telling me?"
"Hitomi, this dream won't last long. I don't have much time. Do you or do you not believe that the threads of fate cannot be altered simply because they are woven ahead of time, or can it be changed?" the young voice said. Kinda funny, having a kid's voice tell you philosophy. And teaching you something. Heh.
A moment of silence passed by. "Well…no…I had altered fate before…" Hitomi quietly responded.
"Then tell me, dear: do you not want to see Gaea?" And the kid calls me "dear".
"Listen, you and I both know the answer to that—"
Her Grandma cut her off. "But why do you still remain on Earth? Why did you come back? I had come back, and I do truly not regret it. I married your Grandfather, because I love him. But if you believe you love Van Fanel, why not follow your instincts? You will regret some day…"
"Maybe I already have. I don't know. Can you answer my questions? Why did I come back? Because fate made me come back. Fate is the one to blame."
"No. You're pushing away your responsibility, and making up excuses, though I don't know why. Fate is not the one to blame. You are the one to blame, for ever letting him go."
"Then how? How do I go back? I can't go back without the Energist…or the pendant that you gave me for that matter! Those were the main items in tranfer!" Hitomi brought her hands to her forehead in frustration.
"It is not the pendant that brought you to Gaea. Destiny awaits upon your door…all you have to do is turn the knob." And as the girl's voice fainted, her body faded along with it into the darkness, leaving Hitomi alone once again in the darkness.
"How? Answer my question! No, don't leave! Don't leave me!"
*****
"DON'T LEAVE ME!!!" Hitomi woke screaming. The sparrows were already singing their morning song outside. The rays of sunlight shone through the window, and that was when she realized that she had fallen asleep on her desk all night long, and hadn't done any homework at all.
"Shoot, I'm late!" She quickly washed up, changed, and grabbed her bag, dashing out the door without even saying bye to her parents or eating. By the time she had gotten to school, classes had already begun. She burst into the door gasping for air, and her feet were wobbly from running. The class stared at her, some muffled giggles were heard, and she quickly sat down next to Yukari. "Late? Let me guess, Ms. Kanzaki. You had a blackout last night, so that your alarm clock didn't work. Your dog ate your homework in his hungry struggle for food in the darkness. You feel like you have a headache all of a sudden, and you feel like going to the nurse, am I right? So therefore you won't be taking the test?"
The class burst into laughter. Out of quick acting without a moment of common sense, she picked up her bag and stomped out of the room. Screw this load of crap. No one made much of a comment.
*****
It's different, very different. The pain on Earth causes serious pain…whilst the pain on Gaea causes happiness. Is it because he is on Gaea? She was right. Why was I stupid enough to let go of my only chance of love? Hitomi sat on the sidewalk, feeling sorry for herself. The bell inside the school rang and all the students rushed out of the school. Noticing two pairs of legs standing by her side, she looked up to find Yukari and Amano looking down at her, holding hands. Even they were a couple! I'm the only one alone. It seemed like those who meant well actually meant to laugh at her. Everyone has someone, she thought. Maybe my someone…
"I heard what happened," Amano said, "and it's not that big a deal, happens all the time. You have no idea how many times I've skipped."
"I didn't."
"I know it's hard for you to see the class laughing at you, but it'll be over in a day. Everyone will have forgotten about it already, trust me." Yukari smiled and placed a hand on her shoulder. Obviously not working.
"Thanks for trying, but that was not what I was actually thinking about." She sighed. "I really need some time alone to think things out, and—" She nodded towards their hands, and forced a smile. "…I see you guys have taken my advice." Yukari stared confused at the both of her friends, and they merely smiled. There was an awkward pause, and for a moment no one knew what to say. Finally Hitomi stood up and started walking away.
"Hitomi!" They really do make a good pair, thought Hitomi, chuckling inwardly to herself. They even react at the same time.
"Don't worry, I'm fine. I'll see you guys tomorrow." She waved a hand to tell them to back off, and they took a clue. The young couple stood there staring as the image of their friend disappearing down the horizon of the road as other students buzzed around them in activity. They turned their heads to look at each other and smiled. After a kiss, they bid their farewells to their other classmates, and walked off together. The sun set and the traffic outside the school calmed.
*****
She came home and fell straight to sleep, and this night there was no dream. She didn't care to do anything either. Her parents also respected her feelings after her unknown disappearance. Hitomi never wanted to tell them, never told anyone what happened. It had been a secret that she had decided to keep and remember for life.
She wasn't disturbed until her phone rang. With a sleepy mumble, she elbowed up a little and read the clock. 7:19.
With a groan, she sat up to pick up the phone.
"Hello?" Clearing her throat, she tried again. "Who is it?" she said in a sleepy, still cracked voice.
There was silence on the other end. "Hello?" Rub eyes. "Hello? Anyone there?" she cried into the phone, mad at the same time for it disturbing her sleep. Finally, a few sobs could be heard.
Hitomi jumped to alertness. "Hello?" She waited for a response, but there was none, and tried again. "Who is this?" She asked in a softer tone. "What's wrong?"
Finally, after a few more sobs, a soggy and cracked voice said, "It's Sakura. I'm calling from the hospital."
Hospital?…something happened. I have to be the cause of it.
The speaker continued talking. "Yukari had just suffered from a car accident." She almost fell of her bed.
Oh…my God…I have to be dreaming again… She felt like screaming. The whole world was caving in.
Suddenly, Hitomi found herself also sobbing. "What happened? How could she have suffered from a car accident? Her mom is still at work, and her mom has the frickin car! How could she have been in a car?"
"It was Amano's car. After they walked back to his place, they decided to come to your place." Sob, sob. "I don't know, but…"
"But WHAT?" Hitomi screamed to the phone in anger. She should've been there. She should've. And she could've. But wasn't.
"Just come here! Yukari's in a coma, and Amano is in surgery. Hurry!"
The phone hung dead. The flat tone of the phone didn't exactly sound pleasantly comforting at the moment.
*****
After she had come back from the hospital, she looked downtrodden. She was so tired no tears come when she summons them. No emotion hit her but defeat by fate and anger at herself. She had lost everything. First Van, and now Yukari and Amano…
Thinking of these things, she fell into her pillow, squeezing the soft fabric as hard as possible, as if it were the pillow's fault. Why do you have to take away everything I have? Correction, not everything I have. Everything I value! What the fuck is this gay shit? I don't give a shit what happens anymore!
"I don't give a shit, you hear me?" She threw the pillow to the far end of the room. "I DON'T!"
She fell asleep lying on her stomach while trying to cry.
*****
"Another dream?"
"Yes."
"Who's there?"
"Look for yourself."
Hitomi squinted at the figure in white. "You're…Van's…you're Varie Fanel, aren't you?"
"Smart girl."
"What is this about? No more! I don't want any more visions!"
A smile hit the white cloaked figure's face. "Oh, you don't?"
Once again, Hitomi was defeated. She broke down and sobbed in the darkness. "Shut up, please…" she begged the lady. She covered her ears, shaking her head slowly. "I don't wanna know…I don't wanna hear…"
"Van's missed you…"
That sentence seemed to make Hitomi even sadder rather than happy. Something that isn't meant to be cannot be. She sobbed even harder, and started wailing and taking deeper breathes, her sorrow hitting her square in the face.
"Your anxiety is causing bad things to happen. It is your fault that they got in that accident. You left Gaea to save Gaea from destruction, from you, but you didn't ever think that the same thing would happen to Earth, did you?"
"No…" She said between sobs. "No…it's not…it's not me."
"Your anxiety in Gaea caused great destruction, but the pain from leaving my son has caused the world pain. I am only speaking the truth, and it is up to you what to do. Only you…" The figure materialized, leaving Hitomi along, still sobbing.
"…can't be…" Hitomi opened her eyes slowly. Her face itched from dried layers of tears glued to her skin. So she did cry after all. She didn't bother getting up for school. She didn't care about school. Not anymore.
*****
Again, like every other night, Hitomi sits at her table, motionless and paralyzed in thought, staring at the feather. I must try hard to go back to Gaea. I must, for everyone's sake. The words danced in her head. "It is your fault the world suffers…"
"But how?" said Hitomi. Maybe there is no hope between Van and her after all. Suddenly, Hitomi stood up. Hope! The Atlanteans used hope! She rejoiced in joy for a second, and another problem arose. But the Atlanteans did it with the pendant, and Van has my pendant… But if Van has her pendant, and she has Van's feather, then…damn I'm good! The Atlanteans had used the power of wishes in their hearts! And now she has to make the final decision, Earth, or going back to Van. Staying on Earth will cause suffering. "Amano-sempai, Yukari, I hope you're gonna be okay after I'm gone. Mom, forgive me." She grasped the feather and closed her eyes, repeating in her mind that she wants to belong in Gaea again. Nothing. Damn!— A blue flash of light appeared, and she yelped at the unexpected event. She realized what was happening, and closed her eyes, smiled. "Here I come…" she whispered. She clenched the feather, and steadied herself. "Van…I'm coming…"