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Of course, all characters (except for one) are copyrighted
by Kevin Smith. I hope you enjoy these
chapters as they appear and please review at your leisure. Thank you.
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Finding Amy
Chapter 1:
In The Beginning . . .
(As the scene opens up, you are flying through the
clouds. Eventually you come upon a
figure with large white wings standing on a cloud with his side towards
you. He has on a long coat with a
hooded jacket underneath it. He has an
impatient look on his face and seems to be talking out loud. You land on the cloud next to him, but he doesn't
seem to notice you yet.)
The figure looks aside to someone unseen. (In a British drawl) "Why do I
have to tell this ridiculous story?"
The figure stops as if he's listening to an answer. "But why is it that I'm the one who always
get stuck doing these sill . . ." The
figure finally notices you with a surprised look on his face. "Oh, hello!
Ah, yes, I am the Metatron. Of
course, I don't expect you to know who I am since I've never been on your
sacred television or movie screen.
Anyways, apparently I've been given the wonderful task of
telling you a story, though I can't imagine why this story would be appealing
to anyone. But the Lord seems to have a
soft spot for these kinds of tales, so I guess this won't be the last one I
will tell. Well, come on then! I haven't got all eternity, so let's get
this over with, shall we?"
(You follow Metatron as he takes flight and travels down
from the clouds. Down you go towards
Earth, getting closer towards the east coast of the United States, then towards
New Jersey. You come upon a little
town, then eventually upon one white building.
As you land on the ground in front of this building, you look up to see
a sign on its façade: Quick Stop.)
"NOOCH!!!!"
(You quickly look down from the sign to see none other than
Jay and Silent Bob! Of course, Jay is
dancing about like an idiot while Silent Bob just watches him, smoking his
cigarette and shaking his head.)
"Well, here we are then." explains Metatron. "Don't worry, this is like that Christmas
Carol thing. They can't see us, they
can't hear us, yada yada yada . Think
of it like we're watching a rerun on Nick-At-Night, only with a lot
more swearing! Especially from that
little hooligan!" Metatron points
toward Jay, who now has his pants down and is pressing his butt against the
window of the RST Video store, pissing Randal off to no end. Silent Bob has a laughing expression on his
face.
"That was f**king funny, huh Lunchbox?!" asks Jay as he
pulls his pants back up. Silent Bob
nods back in agreement with a smile on his face. A voice in your mind out of nowhere says "You do the craziest
s**t, Jay."
"Oh, sorry, forgot mention that huh?" asks Metatron as he
notices the startled look on your face.
"That voice you heard came from the mind of that quiet fat one over
there. Unfortunately, he's the main
focus of our little fable. Since he
hardly ever says anything, hearing his thoughts from time to time will be the
only way to understand what's going on.
Don't worry, even your limited human mind will eventually
get use to it."
Jay then says, "Yeah, I know you liked it, Tons of Fun. You're always checking out my stuff, 'cause
you're into that kind of s**t." He
starts to feel up his butt. "Yeah, I
now how much this turns you on." Bob
just shakes his head in disgust. "Don't
worry, Tubby B***h, I don't blame you.
If I were you and had to look at me, I'd probably be all gay too. But sorry man, I be all about the
ladies! So no head job for you, 'cause
I know that's what you be cravin' from me."
Silent Bob covers his eyes in shame as Jay starts dancing seductively
around him. Suddenly a car screeches
up, and out pop's a very angry middle-aged man holding a baseball bat.
"You little s**t!
How dare you f**k my daughter at that party last night! I'm gonna kill you!!" he screams as he runs
towards Jay with his bat.
"Oh s**t, the old guy's flipped! Make like The Flash, Silent Bob!" exclaims Jay as both he and
Silent Bob make a mad dash for the alley on the side of RST Video. As he's running around the corner back
toward Quick Stop, Silent Bob pulls out his trusty Batman Grappling Hook and
loads it. He quickly grabs hold of Jay
and launches the hook straight up onto the roof of the convenience store. With a mighty jolt both Bob and Jay are
lifted onto the roof and they quickly duck out of sight, only peeking up
slightly to see the perturbed father confusingly look around and run off to an
adjacent building. Bob, with a stern
look on his face, turns and slaps Jay's chest.
"Owe! What?! I thought she was eighteen, honest! You saw her, man. Like you wouldn't have done her either?" Bob thinks about it for a second, and then
nods his head in agreement. As they sit
there on the roof resting, Silent Bob hears a voice that makes everything
inside him stop at once.
"Do you know where he went?" the voice asks. Silent Bob jumps up and rushes to the other
end of the roof at the front of the store and peeks over. There he sees Dante and a lady talking
outside the store.
"No. Him and Jay
were here in front of the store just a second ago. They must have just left." explains Dante. "Why, what do you want with him? If it involves violence, please try to do it
to him somewhere else. I don't want to
have to be the one to clean it up."
"No, no, no! I'm an
. . . old friend. I haven't seen him in
a while and I know he usually hangs out here.
Well, if you see him, could you tell him that Amy was looking for him? I'm staying with my parents if he wants to
talk."
"Yeah, sure, whatever." replies Dante in a less-than-interested
tone. As Dante goes back inside the
store and the lady gets in her car and drives off, Silent Bob is frozen like a
living statue with an empty expression on his face. Jay walks up to him looking extremely confused.
"Yo, Chubby Burger?
What's up? Hey, come on, what
are you looking at?" Jay looks over the
edge and then back at Bob. "What? I don't see anything. Is that psycho old guy back? Answer me, you sloppy b***h!" Bob can't hear a word Jay is saying. You suddenly hear a voice from Bob's mind
enter yours.
"This is a dream, right?
I mean, this can't be real. But
it is! She's really back! But why?
I thought she hated me. But who
cares, she's back now and looking for me!
I can't let her get away this time!
I don't want to have to chase her again. This time I'm gonna do it right!
No more fears, no more doubts, no more stupid questions. Oh thank you, God!"
Jay and Silent Bob will
return in:
Chapter 2
What Do I Do Now?
