Finding Amy
Chapter 2:
What Do I Do Now?
(A sudden white flash transports you instantaneously to the inside of an apartment. The apartment looks kind of fancy and upscale. It would probably look even better if there wasn't clothing, pizza boxes, and all other kinds of miscellaneous junk strewn about everywhere. Jay is sitting on the couch with an annoyed look on his face. Every once in a while he'll look towards the bathroom, which is closed but has the light on inside.)
"I bet you're wondering how these two little stoners can afford a place like this." states Metatron. "Well, they were pretty much set after they got all the royalty checks from the Bluntman and Chronic movie. The movie ended up doing a lot better than anyone ever expected, staying in the top ten for four months! But as you can see, just because one's surroundings are refined doesn't mean the occupants will be."
"Damn it, Lunchbox! How long you gonna be in there? I swear, it's like living with a f**king chick!" complains Jay, who then walks up to the bathroom door and starts to pound on it. "What the hell are you doing in there? Come on man, I'm gonna crap my pants if you don't hurry your lard a** up!" After a little more banging on the door, Jay turns to go back to the couch. Just then, the door opens and out emerges Silent Bob. He's outfitted in fancy black shoes, black slacks, a gray turtleneck shirt, and a tasteful sports jacket. His hair is slicked back and in a nice tail. Most surprising of all, Silent Bob is clean-shaven! For the first time in his entire life, Jay is speechless! Silent Bob just grins as he walks by Jay and goes into his room. He comes back out with a bouquet of one-dozen long-stemmed red roses. "Man, Silent Bob! You look like you're going to a photo-shoot for an issue of 'GQ for Fat Guys.' You did all of this for that Amy chick? You've been watching too many John Hughes movies, you f**king softy!" Bob just glares at Jay for a second, then turns and heads out the front door with roses in hand.
"I don't now about you, but I could go for an unexpected flashback scene right about now." jokes Metatron as another white flash takes you to a dream-like area, filled with white clouds and brilliant colors. "This is a place where time literally has no meaning. This is where we take people to relive their past experiences after they get to Heaven. Or, as the Lord has so lovingly named this place: 'The Happy-Colored Flashback Room.' Isn't that cute? Well, we're here because you need to understand why Bob loves Amy so much, and how their relationship got to the way it is now. Just watch the screen and you'll understand." Something like a giant movie screen appears out of one of the clouds and you watch as it begins to play something for you. You see Bob by himself at a party.
"'Where's Jay?' you ask?" questions Metatron. "His mother fell ill a few days earlier. He may be a crude, hyperactive hellion, but Jay does have some morals and values within him. He stayed at his mother's bedside while Bob went to this party. Bob wanted to help Jay, but Jay wanted to be by himself with his mother. That's why Bob's by himself in the corner looking downtrodden."
"Uh, hello? Are you okay? What's with the sad face?" asks a familiar-sounding voice from Bob's side. Bob lifts up his head to see and very pretty young woman staring back at him in the most caring way. You can tell by the expression on his face that Bob is totally taken back by this woman. Bob makes a facial expression and body gesture to convey as if he is doing just fine. The lady doesn't buy it for a second. "Come on, I know something's bothering you. You want to talk about it?" You hear Bob think, "Why is she so concerned about me? She doesn't even know me?" Bob shrugs his shoulders. The lady looks at him funny. "You don't talk much, do you? Too bad, I bet there's a handsome voice that matches that handsome face." Bob tries everything to keep from busting a smile, but it doesn't work. "A-ha! That's what I was looking for! Feeling better?" she asks. Bob nods to her in affirmation. "By the way, my name is Amy."
In a surprise even to him, Bob answers out loud, "I'm Bob."
Amy smiles and says, "I was right, you do have a handsome voice. Hey, would you like to dance?"
Bob answers, "Absolutely." The scene fades out with Amy and Bob walking out to the dance floor, arm in arm.
The screen proceeds to show a collage of different scenes featuring Bob and Amy together. Scenes of them talking to each other for hours on end. Scenes of them watching 'Sixteen Candles" and "The Breakfast Club" over and over again. But as happy as those scenes are, the mood changes quickly as the scenes start showing tension between Bob and Amy. "Bob really blew it." states Metatron. "He asked Amy about her past, which as we all know is the stupidest thing you can do. Amy had a couple of threesomes with her previous boyfriend and another woman. Amy eventually grew out of that boyfriend and that lifestyle. Bob, however, was unable to handle this aspect of her. Bob didn't know how to deal with his feelings, and he lashed out at Amy because of it. What's worse, Jay's mother got worse during this time, so Bob didn't have Jay for support. In the end . . . well, see for yourself."
The screen now shows Bob and Amy sitting on a bench at an empty park at night. Bob has an extremely serious look on his face. So does Amy as well. "Why did you let yourself be used like that?" asks Bob. "I mean, he treated you and that other girl like common whores. Don't you even feel bad about you did?"
Amy just stares back at him and calmly replies, "Listen, it was that time and that place. It was my decision and I feel that I shouldn't have to explain myself or apologize for anything."
"So I guess you have no have no problem knowing that you acted like a slut?" Bob viciously asks.
Amy glares at him angrily. "And what's it to you, Robert? It's my past, those were my choices, and I haven't done anything wrong that deserves this interrogation of yours."
Bob is furious with her. He looks Amy straight in the eyes and says, "It's over! You maybe okay with what you did, but I'm not. Goodbye!" Bob gets up and walks away. Tears swell up in Amy's eyes as she lays her head in her hands.
The screen disappears as Metatron begins to talk. "Bob spent the next few months mulling over his decision in his mind. With a little help from a certain unseen muse, he eventually realized that he was afraid of his own inadequacies. He was scared that he could never live up to the kind of life Amy had led. He realized that Amy was no longer interested in that type of life, and that their relationship had been a testimony to that. But these epiphanies were too little too late for Bob, I'm afraid. By the time he came to these conclusions Amy had moved away from New Jersey and went on with her life. Now that Bob has the second chance he's been praying for, he's determined to not make the same mistakes twice. He just hopes Amy will forgive him for what he said. Well, now that we've wasted enough of my precious time, how about we get back to our story, huh?"
(With a snap of his fingers Metatron transports you to the front of a nice suburban home. It has a freshly mowed lawn, and white picket fence, and a lovely rose garden next to the front door. You turn just in time to see Silent Bob coming down the front walkway.)
Bob knocks on the door. After a while a middle age woman answers the door. "Hello? Oh, it's you." she says in a disappointed tone. She turns and yells into the house, "Amy, that fat stoner jerk has oozed onto our porch. Hurry up and talk to him so he can leave." You hear Amy yell back from inside, "MOM!! BE NICE!!" Amy's mom gives Bob an icy stare and says, "You hurt her again and I'll personally rip out your prostate with rusty pliers." The lady goes inside and slams the door in Bob's face.
The door opens again and Amy steps out onto the front porch. Bob hands her the bouquet of roses. "Thank you, Bob. You shouldn't have." She smells the bouquet and then looks at Bob. Amy says in a solemn voice, "I'm surprised you wanted to talk to me again after how we last treated each other." Bob smiles at her. He grabs her hand and holds it in both of his.
"Amy, I want to apologize for what I did to you. I acted so immaturely. It wasn't my place to judge you for anything. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I was a fool for pushing you away. I've spent everyday since that night regretting my comments. I haven't been as open with another person before you or since you. I would be forever grateful if you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I'm sorry."
Amy blushes back at Bob. "Of course I forgive you. I'm glad you were brave enough to ask." Amy's expression suddenly turns nervous as she tries to tell Bob something. "Um . . . Bob? There's something I need to tell you . . . and . . . I'm kind of scared that you'll feel differently about me again if I tell you."
"What are you trying to say?" Bob asks.
"Well . . . hold on sec." Amy rushes back into the house. At this point Silent Bob is extremely confused. Amy comes outside again a minute later holding a little girl about three years old in her arms. "Bob, this is my daughter, Salina Kyle. Salina, this nice man is Bob." Salina shyly waves at Bob. If Bob's lower jaw could reach the pavement, it would be there right now. Amy can tell that Bob doesn't know what to do. "Are you okay Bob?"
"Uh . . . yeah . . . I guess." Bob answers nervously. "Uh . . . I'm . . . gonna go . . . for now. I'm . . . sorry."
"That's okay, I understand. I'm sorry I threw this on you so suddenly. I hope you'll come by again later."
Bob nods and starts to slowly walk off down the walkway. A small voice says, "Bye!" Bob looks back to see Salina waving goodbye. Bob waves back at her with a nervous smile. You follow Bob as he walks off down the street. You hear Bob's mind fluttering with questions.
"A daughter? Nobody said anything about a daughter! This changes things a lot. Before it was just me and Amy. But now there's a child as well. I love Amy to death, but I'm no role model for her little girl. What if Amy and I go out and decide we want to get married? Would Salina ever accept me as a dad?" Bob stops and stares up into the sky. "What do I do now?"
Jay and Silent Bob will
return in:
Chapter 3
I Get By With A Little Help
From My Friends