The Wizard of Oz
Ala WWF
Brought to you By The Ripperette
Bringing you more and more wackiness, one story at a time...
Part One: "What Does Everybody Want? BILLION DOLLAR HIGH HEELS!!!"
Molly Holly awoke to see that the room no longer appeared to be spinning, and the dull, bland fields of Alabama were no longer there, the scenery replaced by colorful fields of flowers, with what seemed to be no two flowers that were alike, and a warm, friendly sun, that seemed to smile upon everything, gracing it with natural beauty. She lightly placed a hand on the back of her head, where a bump seemed to be.
Molly: Where...where am I? Oh...I remember... that horrible snowstorm, and..Huh? Jeff?!
Yes, Jeff Hardy was the Jeff she spoke of. He lay curled up at the foot of the bed she was on, mumbling about 'RVD' and 'Hardcore Titles', and how 'walking under the ladder wasn't a very good idea'. Molly quickly shook him awake.
Molly: Jeff, wake up!
Jeff: Mmm.. gonna get'm..climb the ladder, Jeff, get the Hardcore title back... huh? *sits up, shaking his head* Molly? Whu?
Molly Jeff, where are we?!
Jeff looked out the window, and gasped. He took Molly by the hand, and started explaining matter-of-factly.
Jeff: Molly, don't you see? We're over the Rainbow! *Molly looks at him strangely* It's so colorful here, we must have found that magical place everyone in the Skittles commercials goes to!
Molly: Umm..Jeff, I think you hit your head again... how many times have we told you there's no such place as 'Skittles-Topia'?
Jeff: But, Molly!! There is!! We're here right now!
Suddenly, Jeff broke into song..
Jeff: When all the world is a hopeless jumble
And the raindrops tumble all around
Heaven opens a magic lane
When all the clouds darken up the skyway
There's a rainbow highway to be found
Leading from your window pane
To a place behind the sun
Just a step beyond the rain
Molly: Umm...Jeff, I think maybe...
Jeff:Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
There's a land that I've heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true....
Molly: JEFF!! We're not over the Rainbow, and we're not in Skittles Land!!
Jeff: *somewhat indignantly* Well, one thing's for sure.
Molly: Really? What's that?
Jeff: We're not in Alabama anymore.
Molly: Hmm...well, I guess you're right. Well, we may as well go find out where we are.
Jeff and Molly then procede to find their way outside of the small house, and into the radiant, colorful, magical place they've found themselves in. As they walk around, they notice that the flowers seem to move about, with people hiding under the tall stalks. Suddenly, they notice a bubble floating towards them. They both watch as it grows to the size of a basketball, and suddenly pops. They both gasp, for, standing before them, is Al Snow in a frilly, pink dress, smiling ear to ear. Head is wearing a pink hat that looks a bit like Glenda's from the Wizard of Oz. Coincedence?
Molly: What in the..
Jeff: Al..?
Al Snow: Tell me... *looks at Molly very seriously* Are you a good witch, or a bad witch..?
Molly: Um...I'm not a witch at all, Mr. Snow... I'm Molly Holly! Remember me?
Al Snow: Nope, wrong!! You're Trish Stratus, of course you're a witch! Or was that someone else...? I don't know.. too many cute blond divas.
Molly: *blushes* Um, well, anyway, I'm not a witch, and I'm not Trish Stratus! Like I said...
Al Snow: You're Terri? Sorry about that whole mop thing...
Molly: No! I already told you! I'm Molly Holly... I'm from Alabama.
Al Snow: ...so you're not the witch?
Molly: *shakes head*
Al Snow: *points at Jeff* Is he a witch, then?
Molly: Oh, no, sir. That's Jeff, he's my friend.
Al Snow: Well, I'm a little muddled, then... as I always am.... The Munchkins called me because a new witch has just dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the East. And there's the house, and here you are, and that's all that's left of the Wicked Witch of the East. And so, what the Munchkins want to know is - are you a good witch or a bad witch?
Molly: But, I already told you....I'm not a witch at all! Witches are old ladies. *someone is heard mumbling, and Molly looks about suddenly* What was that?!
Al Snow: Those are the munchkins...*smiles brightly* They're laughing because I am a witch.. I am Al Snow, the Good Witch of.... some direction...up, or something... *suddenly turns his attention to Head, and acts as though he's listening* Oh! Thanks, Head... I'm Al Snow, the Good Witch of the North!
Molly: *Looks nervously at Jeff* Um.. I beg your pardon, but I never knew that there was such a thing as a male witxh before.
Al Snow: Ha! Then you apparently never researched the Salem Witch Trials!! Now, anyway, about those munchkins... They're happy, because you freed them from the Wicked Witch of the East.
Molly: Oh! Well, if you don't mind, then... what is a munchkin?
Jeff: Are they like midgets?
Al Snow: Yes! They are the little people who inhabit Munchkin Land!! And you are their national heroine, my dear. It's all right - you may all come out and thank her...*begins to sing in high, shrill voice*Come out, come out, wherevever you are,
and meet the young lady, who fell from a star. *Man different wrestlers come out of the bushes*
She fell from the sky, she fell very far and Kansas, she says, is the name of the star.
Kansas, she says, is the name of the star.
Jeff: Aren't they a little big to be midgets?
Chris Benoit: I'm a Canadian Midget...
Test: Yup, me too.
Bradshaw: I'm a Texan midget, and so is Faarooq.
Molly: *continues song* It really was no miracle.
What happened was just this.
The wind began to switch - the house to pitch and suddenly the hinges started to unhitch.
Just then the Witch - to satisfy an itch went flying on her broomstick, thumbing for a hitch.
V\Bradshaw and Faarooq: And oh, what happened then was rich.
The house began to pitch. The kitchen took a slitch. It landed on the Wicked Witch in the middle of a ditch,
Lance Storm and Test:Which was not a healthy situation for the Wicked Witch.
Who began to twitch and was reduced to just a stitch of what was once the Wicked Witch.
Steve Blackman: I'm not Canadian or from Texas... *Al gives him a look that screams 'Guilt Trip', and Steve says, in tune to the song:* We thank you very sweetly, for doing it so neatly.. *Molly and Jeff are helped into a Horse-drawn carriage*
Trish: *kisses Jeff on the cheek, causing him to blush* You've killed her so completely, that we thank you very sweetly.
Al Snow: *gets everyone's attention* Let the joyous news be spread, that wicked old bitch is finally dead!!
Benoit: *with little emotion* Ding Dong! The bitch is dead.
Faarooq: Which old bitch?
Bradshaw:The Wicked bitch!
All the Munchkins:Ding Dong! That stupid bitch is dead.
Undertaker:Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Wake up, that stupid bitch is dead. She's gone where the goblins go...
Benoit:Below - below - below. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, *a midget runs by and hits him in the genitals with a hockey stick* Argh! Low Blow!!
Let them know
The Wicked Witch is dead!
The cart is pulled around Muchkinland. Finally, Molly and Jeff hop out of the cart, and walk up some steps, until they come to Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Stone Cold: As Mayor of the Munchkin City, In the County of the Land of Oz, I welcome you most regally.
Bradshaw: But we've got to verify it legally, to see..
Stone Cold: Whut?
Bradshaw: If she...
Stone Cold: Whut?
Faarooq: Is morally, damndambly.
Bradshaw: Spiritually, physically...
Faarooq: Positively, absolutely
Bradshaw: Undeniably and reliably Dead.
Lance *music pauses* If I can be serious for a minute...*music starts back up* As Coroner I must aver, I thoroughly examined her. And she's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead.
Stone Cold: Well...I'm so proud.... lookit at ya... You all make me so proud... Now, I say *pauses*...what? I SAID, Then this is a day of Independence For all the Munchkins and their descendants...Let that goddamm news be spread, that stupid old bitch at last is dead!
The dancing continues into the square, where they all form a circle and start singing. Lita, Trish, and Jacqueline suddenly dance out.
Lita, Trish, and Jackie: We represent the Lullaby League,
The Lullaby League,
The Lullaby League
And in the name of the Lullaby League,
We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland. *each diva hands Molly a rose*
And, now, Matt, Spike Dudley, and Hurricane Helms dance out. Spike is carrying a huge-ass Lollipop.
Al Snow: Please ignore that none of those men are Canadian or Texan.
Matt, Spike and Helms:We represent the Lollypop Guild,
The Lollypop Guild,
The Lollypop Guild
And in the name of the Lollypop Guild,
We wish to welcome you to Muchkinland. *Spike hands Molly a Lollipop, and Molly hugs Spike. Awwww.*
Beniot, Blackman, and Test, all in off-key voices:We welcome you to Munchkinland, Tra la la la la la la
From now on you'll be history.
You'll be history, you'll be history, you'll be history.
And we will glorify your name.
You will be a bust, be a bust, be a bust
In the Hall of Faaaaaaaaaaaame!
Ala WWF
Brought to you By The Ripperette
Bringing you more and more wackiness, one story at a time...
Part One: "What Does Everybody Want? BILLION DOLLAR HIGH HEELS!!!"
Molly Holly awoke to see that the room no longer appeared to be spinning, and the dull, bland fields of Alabama were no longer there, the scenery replaced by colorful fields of flowers, with what seemed to be no two flowers that were alike, and a warm, friendly sun, that seemed to smile upon everything, gracing it with natural beauty. She lightly placed a hand on the back of her head, where a bump seemed to be.
Molly: Where...where am I? Oh...I remember... that horrible snowstorm, and..Huh? Jeff?!
Yes, Jeff Hardy was the Jeff she spoke of. He lay curled up at the foot of the bed she was on, mumbling about 'RVD' and 'Hardcore Titles', and how 'walking under the ladder wasn't a very good idea'. Molly quickly shook him awake.
Molly: Jeff, wake up!
Jeff: Mmm.. gonna get'm..climb the ladder, Jeff, get the Hardcore title back... huh? *sits up, shaking his head* Molly? Whu?
Molly Jeff, where are we?!
Jeff looked out the window, and gasped. He took Molly by the hand, and started explaining matter-of-factly.
Jeff: Molly, don't you see? We're over the Rainbow! *Molly looks at him strangely* It's so colorful here, we must have found that magical place everyone in the Skittles commercials goes to!
Molly: Umm..Jeff, I think you hit your head again... how many times have we told you there's no such place as 'Skittles-Topia'?
Jeff: But, Molly!! There is!! We're here right now!
Suddenly, Jeff broke into song..
Jeff: When all the world is a hopeless jumble
And the raindrops tumble all around
Heaven opens a magic lane
When all the clouds darken up the skyway
There's a rainbow highway to be found
Leading from your window pane
To a place behind the sun
Just a step beyond the rain
Molly: Umm...Jeff, I think maybe...
Jeff:Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
There's a land that I've heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true....
Molly: JEFF!! We're not over the Rainbow, and we're not in Skittles Land!!
Jeff: *somewhat indignantly* Well, one thing's for sure.
Molly: Really? What's that?
Jeff: We're not in Alabama anymore.
Molly: Hmm...well, I guess you're right. Well, we may as well go find out where we are.
Jeff and Molly then procede to find their way outside of the small house, and into the radiant, colorful, magical place they've found themselves in. As they walk around, they notice that the flowers seem to move about, with people hiding under the tall stalks. Suddenly, they notice a bubble floating towards them. They both watch as it grows to the size of a basketball, and suddenly pops. They both gasp, for, standing before them, is Al Snow in a frilly, pink dress, smiling ear to ear. Head is wearing a pink hat that looks a bit like Glenda's from the Wizard of Oz. Coincedence?
Molly: What in the..
Jeff: Al..?
Al Snow: Tell me... *looks at Molly very seriously* Are you a good witch, or a bad witch..?
Molly: Um...I'm not a witch at all, Mr. Snow... I'm Molly Holly! Remember me?
Al Snow: Nope, wrong!! You're Trish Stratus, of course you're a witch! Or was that someone else...? I don't know.. too many cute blond divas.
Molly: *blushes* Um, well, anyway, I'm not a witch, and I'm not Trish Stratus! Like I said...
Al Snow: You're Terri? Sorry about that whole mop thing...
Molly: No! I already told you! I'm Molly Holly... I'm from Alabama.
Al Snow: ...so you're not the witch?
Molly: *shakes head*
Al Snow: *points at Jeff* Is he a witch, then?
Molly: Oh, no, sir. That's Jeff, he's my friend.
Al Snow: Well, I'm a little muddled, then... as I always am.... The Munchkins called me because a new witch has just dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the East. And there's the house, and here you are, and that's all that's left of the Wicked Witch of the East. And so, what the Munchkins want to know is - are you a good witch or a bad witch?
Molly: But, I already told you....I'm not a witch at all! Witches are old ladies. *someone is heard mumbling, and Molly looks about suddenly* What was that?!
Al Snow: Those are the munchkins...*smiles brightly* They're laughing because I am a witch.. I am Al Snow, the Good Witch of.... some direction...up, or something... *suddenly turns his attention to Head, and acts as though he's listening* Oh! Thanks, Head... I'm Al Snow, the Good Witch of the North!
Molly: *Looks nervously at Jeff* Um.. I beg your pardon, but I never knew that there was such a thing as a male witxh before.
Al Snow: Ha! Then you apparently never researched the Salem Witch Trials!! Now, anyway, about those munchkins... They're happy, because you freed them from the Wicked Witch of the East.
Molly: Oh! Well, if you don't mind, then... what is a munchkin?
Jeff: Are they like midgets?
Al Snow: Yes! They are the little people who inhabit Munchkin Land!! And you are their national heroine, my dear. It's all right - you may all come out and thank her...*begins to sing in high, shrill voice*Come out, come out, wherevever you are,
and meet the young lady, who fell from a star. *Man different wrestlers come out of the bushes*
She fell from the sky, she fell very far and Kansas, she says, is the name of the star.
Kansas, she says, is the name of the star.
Jeff: Aren't they a little big to be midgets?
Chris Benoit: I'm a Canadian Midget...
Test: Yup, me too.
Bradshaw: I'm a Texan midget, and so is Faarooq.
Molly: *continues song* It really was no miracle.
What happened was just this.
The wind began to switch - the house to pitch and suddenly the hinges started to unhitch.
Just then the Witch - to satisfy an itch went flying on her broomstick, thumbing for a hitch.
V\Bradshaw and Faarooq: And oh, what happened then was rich.
The house began to pitch. The kitchen took a slitch. It landed on the Wicked Witch in the middle of a ditch,
Lance Storm and Test:Which was not a healthy situation for the Wicked Witch.
Who began to twitch and was reduced to just a stitch of what was once the Wicked Witch.
Steve Blackman: I'm not Canadian or from Texas... *Al gives him a look that screams 'Guilt Trip', and Steve says, in tune to the song:* We thank you very sweetly, for doing it so neatly.. *Molly and Jeff are helped into a Horse-drawn carriage*
Trish: *kisses Jeff on the cheek, causing him to blush* You've killed her so completely, that we thank you very sweetly.
Al Snow: *gets everyone's attention* Let the joyous news be spread, that wicked old bitch is finally dead!!
Benoit: *with little emotion* Ding Dong! The bitch is dead.
Faarooq: Which old bitch?
Bradshaw:The Wicked bitch!
All the Munchkins:Ding Dong! That stupid bitch is dead.
Undertaker:Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Wake up, that stupid bitch is dead. She's gone where the goblins go...
Benoit:Below - below - below. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, *a midget runs by and hits him in the genitals with a hockey stick* Argh! Low Blow!!
Let them know
The Wicked Witch is dead!
The cart is pulled around Muchkinland. Finally, Molly and Jeff hop out of the cart, and walk up some steps, until they come to Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Stone Cold: As Mayor of the Munchkin City, In the County of the Land of Oz, I welcome you most regally.
Bradshaw: But we've got to verify it legally, to see..
Stone Cold: Whut?
Bradshaw: If she...
Stone Cold: Whut?
Faarooq: Is morally, damndambly.
Bradshaw: Spiritually, physically...
Faarooq: Positively, absolutely
Bradshaw: Undeniably and reliably Dead.
Lance *music pauses* If I can be serious for a minute...*music starts back up* As Coroner I must aver, I thoroughly examined her. And she's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead.
Stone Cold: Well...I'm so proud.... lookit at ya... You all make me so proud... Now, I say *pauses*...what? I SAID, Then this is a day of Independence For all the Munchkins and their descendants...Let that goddamm news be spread, that stupid old bitch at last is dead!
The dancing continues into the square, where they all form a circle and start singing. Lita, Trish, and Jacqueline suddenly dance out.
Lita, Trish, and Jackie: We represent the Lullaby League,
The Lullaby League,
The Lullaby League
And in the name of the Lullaby League,
We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland. *each diva hands Molly a rose*
And, now, Matt, Spike Dudley, and Hurricane Helms dance out. Spike is carrying a huge-ass Lollipop.
Al Snow: Please ignore that none of those men are Canadian or Texan.
Matt, Spike and Helms:We represent the Lollypop Guild,
The Lollypop Guild,
The Lollypop Guild
And in the name of the Lollypop Guild,
We wish to welcome you to Muchkinland. *Spike hands Molly a Lollipop, and Molly hugs Spike. Awwww.*
Beniot, Blackman, and Test, all in off-key voices:We welcome you to Munchkinland, Tra la la la la la la
From now on you'll be history.
You'll be history, you'll be history, you'll be history.
And we will glorify your name.
You will be a bust, be a bust, be a bust
In the Hall of Faaaaaaaaaaaame!