The Wizard of Oz
Ala WWF
Brought to you By The Ripperette
Bringing you more and more wackiness, one story at a time...
Part Two: "We Could So TOTALLY Use a Brain!!" "Yeah, we could!!"
Suddenly, a huge puff of grey smoke appears, and Shanomac, the Wicked Witch of the West, is standing, with his face completely green, along with the rest of his skin. All the 'munchkins' scatter, hiding where they can. Test, being of little intellect, stands with a lampshade over his head. Chris Benoit jumps into a pond and pretends to be a frog. Matt holds up a big solid strip of nylon. Rhyno Gores Spike through a wall, quickly hiding in a broom closet with Perry and Moppy. Spike hides under a table, which is unfortunatly broken in two as Buh Buh and D-Von 'help' Dean Malenko find a hiding spot.
Shane: Stupid green mist...I'll get that stupid Tajiri! And his little boss, too! Er, ahem..
Molly: *huddled around Al Snow, along with Jeff, like a frightened child* I thought you said she was dead.
Al Snow: Ooooh, no, that was his sister... the wicked *coughs*BITCH!*coughs* Witch of the East... This is Shane McMahon, the Wicked Witch of the West. *pats Molly and Jeff on the head*
Shane: Who killed my sister? Who killed Stephanie? Was it you? *looks at Molly Holly*
Molly: No, no. It was an accident. I didn't mean to hurt anybody, much less kill someone... I'm sorry, I-
Shane: *cuts off Molly* Well, I can cause accidents too!! But, believe me, I won't be sorry!! *cackles*
Jeff: That sounds really dumb when you say it...
Al Snow: Aren't you forgetting the Billion-Dollar High-Heels?
Shane: The Billion-Dollar High-Heels - yes! *walks over to the house, and starts to try and take an awfully cute pair of high heels off of two legs which protrude from underneath the house, but the legs roll under, and the Billion-Dollar High-Heels disappear* The shoes! They're gone! The high-heels! What did you do with them, Snow? Give them back to me or I'll -
Al Snow:Ha, ha!! Too Late! Too late!! Nyah, Nyah!! *smiles like a big nerd and points at Moly's feet, which are now bearing the cute, shiny, pink high heels, which match much better with Molly's cute pink shirt and black flares than they probably ever will with anything Stephanie wears.*
Molly: Oh!
Shane: Give me my Billion-Dollar High-Heels! I'm the only one that knows how to use them...you, you ho!! You bitch!! They're of no use to you, you Holly-Harlot!! Mine!! Minemineiminemine-*gets cut off as he hops around in a temper tantrum, and his voice gets all raspy and sounds like Vince's*
Al Snow We are rubber, you are glue, whatever you say bounces off us and sticks to you!! Get that? All those nasty things you just called Molly are gonna getcha!! And, Molly, keep those Billion-Dollar High-Heels on! Their magic must be very powerful or Shane-o-Mac wouldn't wanna get them...although, one would wonder what the The "Boy" Wonder wants with High-Heels...
Shane: You stay out of this, Al, or I'll...er...
Al Snow: Ho, Ho-oh, Tanenbaum, you have no power here. Be gone before somebody drops a house on you, too! *sting music as everyone glances to the sky, anticipating a house-shaped hazzard*
Shane:: Very well, I'll bide my time-and as for you, Molly! I can't get rid of you here and now as I'd like, but just try to stay out of my way - just try! I'll get you, my pretty...*glances at Jeff* And your little dog, too! Er, I mean...you little, uh...And your little Hardy, too!!! *cackles, as another smoke puff booms out, and Shane disappears*
Al Snow: *loudly, as if making a speech* It's all right. You can get up. Shane's gone. It's all right. You can all get up. Pooh - what a smell of sulphur! *to Molly and Jeff* I'm afraid you've made rather a bad enemy of the Wicked Witch of the West. The sooner you get out of Oz altogether, the safer you'll be.
Molly: Oh, I'd give anything to get of Oz altogether, but - which is the way back to Alabama?
Jeff: We can't go the way we came.
Al Snow: Hmmm.....that's true.
Kurt Angle: Oh, it's damn true!!
Al Snow: The only person who might know would be the great and wonderful Wizard of Oz himself.
Molly: The Wizard of Oz?
Kanyon: Who better than Kanyon? Oz is actually better!!!
Jeff: Is he good or mean, or bad, or..?
Al Snow: Oh, very good, but very mysterious. He lives in Madison-Emerald Square Garden-City and that's a long journey from here. Did you bring your broomstick with you?
Molly: No, I'm afraid I didn't.
Perry: Moppy is beautiful, because broomsticks can fly!! You're Welcome!!
Al Snow: Well, then, you'll have to walk. The Munchkins will see you safely to the border of Munchkinland. And remember, never let those Billion-Dollar High-Heels off your feet for a moment, or you will be at the mercy of the Wicked Witch of theWest.
Molly and Jeff:But - how do we get to Madison-Emerald Square Garden-City?
Glinda: It's always best to start a the beginning - and all you do is follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Molly: But what happens if I -
Al Snow: Just follow the Yellow Brick road, Jeff Hardy and Molly Holly... may the force be with you....*goes cross-eyed and disappears*
Munchkins: Goodbye, Goodbye!
Dorothy: My! People come and go so quickly here! Follow the Yellow Brick Road...? *sees a yellow-brick road* Follow the Yellow Brick Road...
Stone Cold: Follow the-What? Follow the Yellow Brick Road!
Trish: *hugs Jeff quickly* Follow the Yellow Brick Road!
Rhyno: Follow the Yellow Brick Road...*smirks at Lillian Garcia, who curls a lip in disgust*
Benoit: Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Test and Lance and Benoit:Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Follow the Yellow Brick, Follow the Yellow Brick,
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Rhyno and Kanyon and Helms:You're off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was.
If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because.
Because of the wonderful things he does.
All of the Munchkins:You're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oooooooooooozz!!!
As Molly and Jeff are just out of hearing range, Lillian, being glomped around the waist by Rhyno, tries to run forward, shouting, "TAKE ME WITH YOU!! PLEASE!!!!"
Molly and Jeff have been walking for a while, but they've just now come to a fork in the road, with two scarecrows hanging right in the center front of the field of corn which starts to separate the two paths. Molly and Jeff look to either paths, confused as heck.
Jeff: Well...which way...?
Molly: I don't know...oh, how are we supposed to know which way is better and quicker!! *They both look down back the way they came, considering if they should ask the munchkins*
Suddenly, one of the scarecrows points in one direction, past the scarecrow to the left of himself with his right hand.
Edge: That direction SO reeks of awesomeness!!
Molly and Jeff turn around suddenly. Jeff points at the Scarecrow, and looks at Molly.
Molly: Jeff, don't be silly, Scarecrows can't...
Christian: And that direction totally rules all!! *points to his right, past Edge, with his left arm*
Jeff and Molly stare, as E&C are still pointing, and talk at the same time.
E&C: But both directions are pretty cool!!
Molly: ........
Jeff: Edge...Christian...y'know, can't you two make up our minds and give us one right direction?
Edge: But..we don't have a brain...not even between the two of us.
Christian: It's hard to make up your mind when you don't have one. You Hardy's should know all about that!!
Jeff: Then how come you two are stuck up there, while I'm free to walk around?
Molly: Jeff, be nice! They might be able to help us!!
Edge: Hey, we are TOTALLY okay with helping full-on scortch-cakes like you, Molly!
Christian: And if we can help you, then we can SO deal with Jeff...he's not as annoying as Matt, anyway!!
Edge: Totally! *Him and Christian slap each other a high-five*
Molly: Thanks!! Um...could you help us?
Edge: If you can get us off of these poles, then we can totally help you guys find a way to the right path!!
Molly: *smiles* Thanks!!
Jeff: But they have no brains-
Molly: *hushes Jeff and help Edge and Christian down*
Unfortunatly for Jeff and Molly, as they help E&C down, they both roll down the little hill that's below them, landing on their little tushes. Molly and Jeff quickly help them back up, and Edge and Christian lean on eachother for support.
Edge: Dude, if we don't get brains, we may never learn how to balance and walk and stuff! *Christian Nods*
Molly: Well, besides walk and balance and talk, what would you two do if you had brains?
Edge and Christian: Do? Why, if we had brains...We could while away the hours, winning titles with all our powers,
Causin' our opponents pain..
Edge: And my head I'd be scratchin' while my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain...
Christian: I'd unravel every riddle.. for any individ'le,
In Canada or in Spain.
Molly: With the thoughts you'd be thinkin', You could both be another Lincoln!
Jeff: If you guys only had some brains...
Edge: Oh, we could tell you why
The ocean's near the shore.
We could think of things we'd never thunk before.
E&C: And then we'd sit, *both of their legs give out, and they land back on their cute little bottoms* and think some more.
We would not be just some nuthins, our heads all full of stuffins...
Christian:Our hearts all full of pain.
We could dance, and be happy, life would be all about flash-photography...
Edge: Hey, that didn't rhyme too well.
Christian: Well... I could think of something better for our song if we... if we had...
Edge:: If we had what? *he suddenly realizes what Christian's talking about, and they both straggle to their feet, and lean on eachother, and sing out...*
E&C: If weeeee ooonlyyyy haaad a braaaaaaaaiiiiiiiin...
Molly and Jeff both look awfully touched by Edge and Christian's little song, but before they can break out their hankies, they both realize something.
Jeff: I don't know why I wanna help you guys...but we're going to see the Wizard of Oz.
Molly: He could get you a brain! We're gonna go ask him to send us back to Alabama... that's where our WWF gig was at last I checked. We were both hanging out at my older cousin Hardcore's ranch...
Edge: He could get us brains?
Christian: Two of em'? For both of us?
Molly: Yup!! Oh...but maybe you shouldn't...we have an angry witch after us...
Edge: We're not afraid of witches! We're not afraid of anything... er...except... Scissors! Someone might try and hack off our beautiful, long hair..
Molly: I don't blame you guys for that!
Jeff: Me niether...for once.
Edge: But...we'd face a whole salon full of 'em to get some brains!
Christian: Totally! But, if we turned into ugly, geeky computer nerds with bad complexions after we get em;...well, that's unlikely! There's tons of smart cute guys, I'm sure!!
Molly: Right!!! So, all of us!!
Christain, Edge, Jeff and Molly: Weeeeeee're, off to see the Wizard!
The wonderful Wizard of Oz!!
If ever if ever a wiz there was,
The wizard of Oz is one becuase
Becuase, because, because, because, becaaaaauuuuse..
Becouse of the wonderful things he does!!
Ala WWF
Brought to you By The Ripperette
Bringing you more and more wackiness, one story at a time...
Part Two: "We Could So TOTALLY Use a Brain!!" "Yeah, we could!!"
Suddenly, a huge puff of grey smoke appears, and Shanomac, the Wicked Witch of the West, is standing, with his face completely green, along with the rest of his skin. All the 'munchkins' scatter, hiding where they can. Test, being of little intellect, stands with a lampshade over his head. Chris Benoit jumps into a pond and pretends to be a frog. Matt holds up a big solid strip of nylon. Rhyno Gores Spike through a wall, quickly hiding in a broom closet with Perry and Moppy. Spike hides under a table, which is unfortunatly broken in two as Buh Buh and D-Von 'help' Dean Malenko find a hiding spot.
Shane: Stupid green mist...I'll get that stupid Tajiri! And his little boss, too! Er, ahem..
Molly: *huddled around Al Snow, along with Jeff, like a frightened child* I thought you said she was dead.
Al Snow: Ooooh, no, that was his sister... the wicked *coughs*BITCH!*coughs* Witch of the East... This is Shane McMahon, the Wicked Witch of the West. *pats Molly and Jeff on the head*
Shane: Who killed my sister? Who killed Stephanie? Was it you? *looks at Molly Holly*
Molly: No, no. It was an accident. I didn't mean to hurt anybody, much less kill someone... I'm sorry, I-
Shane: *cuts off Molly* Well, I can cause accidents too!! But, believe me, I won't be sorry!! *cackles*
Jeff: That sounds really dumb when you say it...
Al Snow: Aren't you forgetting the Billion-Dollar High-Heels?
Shane: The Billion-Dollar High-Heels - yes! *walks over to the house, and starts to try and take an awfully cute pair of high heels off of two legs which protrude from underneath the house, but the legs roll under, and the Billion-Dollar High-Heels disappear* The shoes! They're gone! The high-heels! What did you do with them, Snow? Give them back to me or I'll -
Al Snow:Ha, ha!! Too Late! Too late!! Nyah, Nyah!! *smiles like a big nerd and points at Moly's feet, which are now bearing the cute, shiny, pink high heels, which match much better with Molly's cute pink shirt and black flares than they probably ever will with anything Stephanie wears.*
Molly: Oh!
Shane: Give me my Billion-Dollar High-Heels! I'm the only one that knows how to use them...you, you ho!! You bitch!! They're of no use to you, you Holly-Harlot!! Mine!! Minemineiminemine-*gets cut off as he hops around in a temper tantrum, and his voice gets all raspy and sounds like Vince's*
Al Snow We are rubber, you are glue, whatever you say bounces off us and sticks to you!! Get that? All those nasty things you just called Molly are gonna getcha!! And, Molly, keep those Billion-Dollar High-Heels on! Their magic must be very powerful or Shane-o-Mac wouldn't wanna get them...although, one would wonder what the The "Boy" Wonder wants with High-Heels...
Shane: You stay out of this, Al, or I'll...er...
Al Snow: Ho, Ho-oh, Tanenbaum, you have no power here. Be gone before somebody drops a house on you, too! *sting music as everyone glances to the sky, anticipating a house-shaped hazzard*
Shane:: Very well, I'll bide my time-and as for you, Molly! I can't get rid of you here and now as I'd like, but just try to stay out of my way - just try! I'll get you, my pretty...*glances at Jeff* And your little dog, too! Er, I mean...you little, uh...And your little Hardy, too!!! *cackles, as another smoke puff booms out, and Shane disappears*
Al Snow: *loudly, as if making a speech* It's all right. You can get up. Shane's gone. It's all right. You can all get up. Pooh - what a smell of sulphur! *to Molly and Jeff* I'm afraid you've made rather a bad enemy of the Wicked Witch of the West. The sooner you get out of Oz altogether, the safer you'll be.
Molly: Oh, I'd give anything to get of Oz altogether, but - which is the way back to Alabama?
Jeff: We can't go the way we came.
Al Snow: Hmmm.....that's true.
Kurt Angle: Oh, it's damn true!!
Al Snow: The only person who might know would be the great and wonderful Wizard of Oz himself.
Molly: The Wizard of Oz?
Kanyon: Who better than Kanyon? Oz is actually better!!!
Jeff: Is he good or mean, or bad, or..?
Al Snow: Oh, very good, but very mysterious. He lives in Madison-Emerald Square Garden-City and that's a long journey from here. Did you bring your broomstick with you?
Molly: No, I'm afraid I didn't.
Perry: Moppy is beautiful, because broomsticks can fly!! You're Welcome!!
Al Snow: Well, then, you'll have to walk. The Munchkins will see you safely to the border of Munchkinland. And remember, never let those Billion-Dollar High-Heels off your feet for a moment, or you will be at the mercy of the Wicked Witch of theWest.
Molly and Jeff:But - how do we get to Madison-Emerald Square Garden-City?
Glinda: It's always best to start a the beginning - and all you do is follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Molly: But what happens if I -
Al Snow: Just follow the Yellow Brick road, Jeff Hardy and Molly Holly... may the force be with you....*goes cross-eyed and disappears*
Munchkins: Goodbye, Goodbye!
Dorothy: My! People come and go so quickly here! Follow the Yellow Brick Road...? *sees a yellow-brick road* Follow the Yellow Brick Road...
Stone Cold: Follow the-What? Follow the Yellow Brick Road!
Trish: *hugs Jeff quickly* Follow the Yellow Brick Road!
Rhyno: Follow the Yellow Brick Road...*smirks at Lillian Garcia, who curls a lip in disgust*
Benoit: Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Test and Lance and Benoit:Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Follow the Yellow Brick, Follow the Yellow Brick,
Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Rhyno and Kanyon and Helms:You're off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was.
If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because.
Because of the wonderful things he does.
All of the Munchkins:You're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oooooooooooozz!!!
As Molly and Jeff are just out of hearing range, Lillian, being glomped around the waist by Rhyno, tries to run forward, shouting, "TAKE ME WITH YOU!! PLEASE!!!!"
Molly and Jeff have been walking for a while, but they've just now come to a fork in the road, with two scarecrows hanging right in the center front of the field of corn which starts to separate the two paths. Molly and Jeff look to either paths, confused as heck.
Jeff: Well...which way...?
Molly: I don't know...oh, how are we supposed to know which way is better and quicker!! *They both look down back the way they came, considering if they should ask the munchkins*
Suddenly, one of the scarecrows points in one direction, past the scarecrow to the left of himself with his right hand.
Edge: That direction SO reeks of awesomeness!!
Molly and Jeff turn around suddenly. Jeff points at the Scarecrow, and looks at Molly.
Molly: Jeff, don't be silly, Scarecrows can't...
Christian: And that direction totally rules all!! *points to his right, past Edge, with his left arm*
Jeff and Molly stare, as E&C are still pointing, and talk at the same time.
E&C: But both directions are pretty cool!!
Molly: ........
Jeff: Edge...Christian...y'know, can't you two make up our minds and give us one right direction?
Edge: But..we don't have a brain...not even between the two of us.
Christian: It's hard to make up your mind when you don't have one. You Hardy's should know all about that!!
Jeff: Then how come you two are stuck up there, while I'm free to walk around?
Molly: Jeff, be nice! They might be able to help us!!
Edge: Hey, we are TOTALLY okay with helping full-on scortch-cakes like you, Molly!
Christian: And if we can help you, then we can SO deal with Jeff...he's not as annoying as Matt, anyway!!
Edge: Totally! *Him and Christian slap each other a high-five*
Molly: Thanks!! Um...could you help us?
Edge: If you can get us off of these poles, then we can totally help you guys find a way to the right path!!
Molly: *smiles* Thanks!!
Jeff: But they have no brains-
Molly: *hushes Jeff and help Edge and Christian down*
Unfortunatly for Jeff and Molly, as they help E&C down, they both roll down the little hill that's below them, landing on their little tushes. Molly and Jeff quickly help them back up, and Edge and Christian lean on eachother for support.
Edge: Dude, if we don't get brains, we may never learn how to balance and walk and stuff! *Christian Nods*
Molly: Well, besides walk and balance and talk, what would you two do if you had brains?
Edge and Christian: Do? Why, if we had brains...We could while away the hours, winning titles with all our powers,
Causin' our opponents pain..
Edge: And my head I'd be scratchin' while my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain...
Christian: I'd unravel every riddle.. for any individ'le,
In Canada or in Spain.
Molly: With the thoughts you'd be thinkin', You could both be another Lincoln!
Jeff: If you guys only had some brains...
Edge: Oh, we could tell you why
The ocean's near the shore.
We could think of things we'd never thunk before.
E&C: And then we'd sit, *both of their legs give out, and they land back on their cute little bottoms* and think some more.
We would not be just some nuthins, our heads all full of stuffins...
Christian:Our hearts all full of pain.
We could dance, and be happy, life would be all about flash-photography...
Edge: Hey, that didn't rhyme too well.
Christian: Well... I could think of something better for our song if we... if we had...
Edge:: If we had what? *he suddenly realizes what Christian's talking about, and they both straggle to their feet, and lean on eachother, and sing out...*
E&C: If weeeee ooonlyyyy haaad a braaaaaaaaiiiiiiiin...
Molly and Jeff both look awfully touched by Edge and Christian's little song, but before they can break out their hankies, they both realize something.
Jeff: I don't know why I wanna help you guys...but we're going to see the Wizard of Oz.
Molly: He could get you a brain! We're gonna go ask him to send us back to Alabama... that's where our WWF gig was at last I checked. We were both hanging out at my older cousin Hardcore's ranch...
Edge: He could get us brains?
Christian: Two of em'? For both of us?
Molly: Yup!! Oh...but maybe you shouldn't...we have an angry witch after us...
Edge: We're not afraid of witches! We're not afraid of anything... er...except... Scissors! Someone might try and hack off our beautiful, long hair..
Molly: I don't blame you guys for that!
Jeff: Me niether...for once.
Edge: But...we'd face a whole salon full of 'em to get some brains!
Christian: Totally! But, if we turned into ugly, geeky computer nerds with bad complexions after we get em;...well, that's unlikely! There's tons of smart cute guys, I'm sure!!
Molly: Right!!! So, all of us!!
Christain, Edge, Jeff and Molly: Weeeeeee're, off to see the Wizard!
The wonderful Wizard of Oz!!
If ever if ever a wiz there was,
The wizard of Oz is one becuase
Becuase, because, because, because, becaaaaauuuuse..
Becouse of the wonderful things he does!!