Chapter ten
Abi woke up early and saw Nick still asleep next to her. She freed herself from his embrace and went to check on her children. The two of them were already up playing with their grandparents.
"Hi grandma, grandpa." She said.
"Morning dearest. Sleep well?" asked Hanna.
"Yes, fine." She was looking at her grandparents with admiration and love in her eyes. "I love you guys so much. I can never thank you enough for your help."
"Oh, my dear child. It is our pleasure," said Joseph.
"May I take them off your hands for a while?" asked Abi, wishing she could spend some time alone with her babies.
"Sure Abi. They need to eat breakfast now. Can you handle it yourself?" asked Hanna.
"Yes. Thanks grandma." Abi picked up her children and left the room holding them close to her heart, as tight as she could. She took them out to the back yard, where she spread a blanket on the grass. She sat on it with the children and called out to her dogs. She remembered Nick telling her, just before she fell asleep, that they found the dogs and her car. She looked at them play on the blanket while she was fixing their bottles. How sweet they are, she thought. If only I could spend more time with them.
It nearly broke her heart not to be able to see them every day. But she knew. In the bottom of her heart she knew it had to be done. Nothing is more important then her children. Their safety came first. She knew there was no other choice. Taking her grandparents and children and bringing them to this house was the best solution for the time being. After all is resolved she'd have to figure out what to do next.
She finished her arrangements and sat down on the grass bent on her knees with her children, holding a bottle for each one. They both ate quietly looking at their mother. Suddenly Abi heard Sarah call "Dada" to someone behind her. She looked back. It was Ben.
She didn't realize he was standing there for a while staring at them.
"Hey Ben. What are you doing here so early?"
He moved closer to her and sat beside her on the blanket. "We have to talk Abi. It's very important," he said looking into her eyes.
Just then, Nick came out to the back yard looking for her, followed by Derek. "God Abi you had us worried," said Nick and Derek.
"Why is that, I'm right here!"
"Ben, hi, morning. What are you doing here so early?" asked Derek.
"Actually I was just telling Abi I need to talk to her," replied Ben, "But I think you should hear it too Derek."
Nick sat down beside the children and started playing with them, while Abi Ben and Derek moved over to the table standing there.
Abi purred them all coffee and then looked at Ben sitting across from her. "So what is so important Ben?" she asked.
"Well, I don't really know where to start." He took a deep breath then said "Remember yesterday when I was called while we were at your grandparents? I was called out to a suicide scene."
"Suicide?" asked Derek.
"Yes. It was Dr. Weis. He killed himself, and since it was in connection to you Abi I was called out there. He left you a letter."
"A letter, For me? Why would he do that Ben?
Ben looked at her not knowing how the letter will affect her. Then he finally handed the letter to her and said, "You better read it yourself," he said almost whispering.
She took the letter from him and read it quickly. She couldn't believe what she was reading. Derek seeing the look on her face took the letter from her and began reading it aloud.
"Dear Miss Hirsh" said the Letter.
"I wanted to apologize to you in person for the pain I caused you and your family. I had no choice in the matter. He told me if I wouldn't do as he says he'll kill my family. But I could not do all the things he asked. The most important thing is that I lied when I said to your father and friend that you can never have children again. I did not remove your ovaries as he ordered. I couldn't. I thought he'd never find out. Unfortunately he did. I only tied them, simple procedure, it is reversible. I hadn't realized that my family was already dead at the time. He was never gonna let them go. I can not live without them. I did not want to leave this world with out coming clean and telling you the truth. It is reversible as I said and you will be able to give birth, should you choose, in the future."
Nick was next to them and heard every word as well. His eyes darkened. He was so angry.
Derek kept on reading not realizing how upset his daughter was.
"Please forgive me for what I have done. I hope now I can join my family and be at peace. My deepest apologies. Dr. Donald Weis."
Abi didn't even notice how hard she was holding the coffee cup in her hand. Ben saw it and tried to release the cup from her hand. She was in shock, didn't feel a thing until the cup burst in her hand. Pieces of glass cut her hand and she was bleeding. Derek rushed in to get the first aid kit. When he came out he saw Abi standing up. She was holding the coffeepot then suddenly slammed it to the wall behind them. Sarah and Noah frightened by their mother's action began crying. Abi, startled by her own action looked at her frightened children and said "God what have I done?"
Derek saw she was shaking and about to fall, so he moved to catch her and helped her back to the chair. He bandaged her injured hand. Both he and Ben looked at her and were amazed by the look in her eyes. It was pure hate. Total rage. As soon as Derek was finished with her hand she looked at him "would you mind taking care of the children?" she asked.
"Not at all."
Abi got up and left the back yard running through the house.
"Abi" called Derek. "Where are you going? Nick go after her." Nick ran after her.
"I have never seen her so angry in my life" said Ben.
A few seconds later Nick came back, "She's gone," he said. "She took this big bike and disappeared before I could catch up with her. I'M sorry Derek."
Derek turned to look at Ben. "Ben, do you have any idea where she would go?" he asked.
"I'm not sure. I think so. I'll try and find her," replied Ben thinking of a place he might find her.
"I'll come with you," said Derek.
"I think I better do this alone," said Ben. "I don't think she'd like to see any of you at the moment. I'm not sure she'd be happy to see me."
"Are you sure Ben?" Derek looked at him concerned.
"If she is where I think, she would not be grateful to see anybody, probably not even me. And after what just happened I don't think she'll ever be able to look at me. God how she must hate me."
"Ben she doesn't hate you. It's the things that have happened to her she hates. You're her best friend. She couldn't possibly hate you. She'll get over this. These are good news. She'll come around," Said Derek.
"I'd hate to lose her. I can't lose her, it would kill me" he whispered.
Nick was standing by their side keeping an eye on the children. He was overwhelmed by the emotions exposed this morning. He was sitting there looking at the children and realized he's not ready for all this. As much as he cares for Abi he could never love her as much as Ben does. Derek was right he thought. I'm not ready for fatherhood, or marriage. He knew what he had to do.
Ben left in search of Abi. He was looking at some places he knew she liked, avoiding one the place he thought she'd be at. Eventually he had no choice he headed to the private Hirsh family graveyard. That was where he found her. Sitting next to her parent's graves. She came there when things got to hard for her. He feared she'd ask him to leave so approaching quietly not making a sound he came and stood behind her.
"Please don't hate me Abi," he asked. "I can't stand it when you're angry with me."
She was surprised by his words. After having some time to her private thoughts she was much calmer now. She raised her head to face him "Ben, what are you talking about? I could never hate you. You are my best dearest friend in this world."
"I was so afraid when I saw you earlier. You looked at me in such hate and rage I…."
"It wasn't meant to you. Oh god Ben. Here sit beside me." She waited till he sat next to her then rapped her arm around his waist. "I could never hateyou Benjamin Adler."
He turned to face her. His arms raised as if they had a mind of their own. He held her face in his palms and then lowered his lips to meet hers. To his surprise and pleasure she did not resist. She gave in to her confused emotions and kissed him back.
When the kiss ended Ben felt joy filling his heart. Abi on the other hand was confused. She didn't know what to say so she rested her head on his shoulder for a while.
"I should really get you back to the house Abi. Everyone is worried about you."
"Can you just call them and tell them you found me and I'm ok. I don't wanna leave here just yet."
"Sure." He called the house. Derek picked up the phone. "Hi Derek, I found her. She is ok," he said.
"Are you coming back?" asked Derek.
"Not just yet. She wants to stay here a little longer. I promise I'll bring her back safe later," said Ben then Hang up the phone.
"Thanks Ben." She looked at him then asked, "May I kiss you again Ben?"
He was surprised, but he lowered his head and kissed her again. He felt a great wave of passion goes through his body. Abi felt it too. She stopped the kiss and moved away from him. "I'm sorry," she said.
"Don't be Abi. I love you. I always have. I swore I'd never tell you because you always said we are such good friends. But I have to. I can't hide it anymore."
She looked at him surprised. "I don't know what to say Ben. I'm not sure how I feel right now. I liked the kiss but I don't think I can make any commitment just yet."
"That's ok Abi. But when this mess clears up we're gonna have to truly take a good look at our relationship and decide one way or another."
"I know that Ben. But I promise you that. No matter what we decide you will always and forever be my friend. The best friend I ever had or will ever have. Ok? Will you be able to live with that?"
"I guess I'll have no choice if that's what you'll want" he whispered looking into her eyes. "What about Nick?"
"What about him Ben?"
"Do you love him?"
"No. I don't think so. Which is why I'm so confused. Having his arms around me felt great. I felt safe. But I don't know if there is anything more to that."
He stood up and reached a hand to help her. She got up standing next to him. "I'm sorry if what I just said causes you pain Ben. I don't like hurting you."
"I'm ok my love. I will always be there for you. No matter what." He rapped his arms around her body and pulled her as close as he could. "Now Lets get you home" he said.
They decided to leave the bike at the graveyard and Ben drove her home. Derek and Rachel were standing at the door as soon as they heard the key turn in the lock. Derek spread his arms and Abi fell into them. He held her close kissing her head gently. "I was so worried, please talk to Rachel sweetheart," he whispered in her ear. "I can't stand to see you like this."
She needed someone to talk to. Someone objective who can help her see things more clearly so she asked Rachel to come with her to the library. She felt her office was not suitable for this kind of conversation. She and Rachel closed the door to the library behind them where they sat for more then two hours before emerging out.
Meanwhile, Nick and Alex were sitting talking to each other in the living room. He felt he had to tell someone how he was feeling. He knew Derek wasn't the right person to talk to. Alex sat there listening to his most inner thoughts. She tried as hard as she could to cover the relief she felt when he told her he is not in love with Abi or likely to be in love with her in the future.
"So why have you slept with her last night?" asked Alex.
"I did not sleep with her," he said. " Slept by her side. She needed to feel safe, that's all. There was no passion there Alex. At first I felt like I could fall head over hills for her, but last night when I held her it was like holding my baby sister, if I ever had one. It was safe. Sweet and innocent."
"Do you know how she feels about you Nick?" Alex continued to push.
"No. But I'll have to talk to her about it eventually. I do know I can't afford to spend another night alone with her. For her sake."
"I think you're doing the right thing Nick. I care for you very much wouldn't want you to end up with a broken heart. You or Abi. I think she's in love with Ben. I just don't think she is willing to admit it yet. Him being her brother's friend and about ten years older then her. She is still a child herself. I doubt you'll be happy together." Alex looked to see how her words were sinking in his consciousness. She then continued. "I doubt she'll give up her role as precept and move to San Francisco with us. Tearing her roots leaving her family, her friends and loved ones behind."
"No Alex. I doubt she will do that." Said Derek suddenly from behind them.