That Don't Impress Me Much
A Kitsune-onna production
Lyrics by Shania Twain

Author's Note and Disclaimer: This is a bit odd. I thought about this in the car on the way home from work (actually, I come up with all my songfics that way). The last two verses of the song are what caught my attention. I had to reach a bit for the first, but I think it worked in the end. Please read and respond. I love comments, they brighten my day.

The song belongs to Shania Twain. And Utena belongs to me...well not really. I wish. These charries belong to whomever. I'm only using them for my enjoyment. Please don't sue cause I have no money. All that will be gotten is a bit of pocket lint. And any flames I receive will be used for my harem's next weenie roast.

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That Don't Impress Me Much

The scene opens with Utena sitting on a bench outside Anthy's greenhouse. A thin blue-haired boy walks by reading a book. Utena looks up and starts to sing

I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart

Miki stops in his tracks and lowers the book, looking over at her curiously. He blinks several times and starts to walk again. Utena jumps up and stands in his path

But you've got being right down to an art
You think you're a genius--you drive me up the wall

Miki points to himself as if to say, 'Are you talking to me?' Utena moves closer and rests an arm on his shoulder

You're a regular original, a know-it-all

Miki tries to sneak away, but Utena puts an arm around him. His cheeks begin to glow crimson

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

She turns him so that he's facing her and she places her hands on his shoulders

Okay, so you're a rocket scientist

She pushes him backwards and he stumbles a bit

That don't impress me much

A question mark appears above Miki's head

So you got the brain she touches her head
But have you got the touch she runs her hands along her curves
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright

Miki mouths, 'You do?'

But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
That don't impress me much

Miki runs off and slams into Touga. He shakes it off, moves to the side and runs away. Touga straightens his duelist's uniform and then goes over to Utena. He puts an arm around her shoulders and she immediately shrugs out of his embrace

I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket

Touga pulls a mirror from his pocket

And a comb up his sleeve--just in case

He reaches up his sleeve and pulls out a comb. He runs his hand through his hair and acts all cool and Touga-like

And all that extra hold gel in your hair oughtta lock it
'Cause Heaven forbid it should fall outta place

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

Touga continues to stand there as if trying to get Utena to just fall for him

Okay, so you're Brad Pitt
That don't impress me much

His jaw drops and a sweatdrop forms. He can't believe she just said that. Although we all know it's true

So you got the looks she runs a finger along his cheek
But have you got the touch runs a finger along her own cheek
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright

Touga looks hopeful

But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
That don't impress me much

Touga sighs and walks away, feeling totally depressed. As he walks away, Akio drives up in his car. He sees Utena and he smiles, his teeth gleaming. Utena sees him and her eyes widen like a dear in the headlights. He pulls up beside her

You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine

Akio pushes the passenger door open and gestures for her to get in

You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in
I can't believe you kiss your car good night

Akio does a flip and lands on the hood of the car. Utena sweatdrops as she watches the chairman

C'mon baby tell me--you must be jokin', right!

Akio blinks several times.

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

Utena leans on the hood

Okay, so you've got a car

He nods and gestures to the car

That don't impress me much

Akio facefaults

So you got the moves Utena runs a finger along the hood of the car
But have you got the touch Again, she runs her hands along her curves
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright

Akio smiles widely

But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night

He sighs and hangs his head

That don't impress me much

Touga comes out and joins Akio, dragging Miki behind him. The blue-haired boy tries his best to escape

You think you're cool but have you got the touch
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm on the long, cold, lonely night
That don't impress me much

Akio flips into the driver's seat of the car. Touga opens up the passenger side, shoves Miki in, then climbs in himself

Okay, so what do you think you're Elvis or something...

Touga mouths, 'Who's Elvis?' The others shrug

Whatever

The door to the greenhouse opens and Anthy comes out. She smiles widely at Utena and goes over to her. Utena wraps an arm around Anthy's shoulders and turns back to the boys, smiling

That don't impress me

Utena winks at them and walks away with Anthy

~Owari~