Three days later, after an anxious wait, Liz finally called Max to
make the arrangements for his access to Lexie. It had taken much persuading
on her part but the boy was willing to spend an afternoon with his new-found
father. When Max found out, he didn't know what to do with himself
in his sheer excitement. He felt like a little kid on Christmas morning.
To further buoy his mood, Michael had phoned him earlier in the morning
with the long-awaited news that Maria was pregnant with the child they
had been so desperate for.
Yet, when he arrived to pick up Lexie later on, he found himself
having difficulty not allowing his son's evident dismal mood to weigh him
down. Max kept reminding himself the boy just needed to spend some time
with him before he felt comfortable. Still, it was hard not to be disheartened
as Lexie trudged reluctantly to his squad car and, with a heavy sigh, pulled
himself into the vehicle.
"Hi, Lexie," Max smiled, giving a quick wave to Liz, who was standing
at the doorway of the cafe watching them anxiously.
"Yeah, hi," mumbled the boy, pulling out his GameBoy and began playing
thus ending any further conversation. The sour scowl marring the boy's
cherubic face was enough to curdle the milk.
It was an extremely quiet journey to the small Pizza Hut where Max
had chosen to treat the boy. Lexie was entirely focused on his game, sparing
no time for his father, leaving Max to fidget in his seat. He had dealt
with children before in his line of work, many of them scared and had trouble
trusting strangers. But at the end of the day, he was able to hand them
over to social services or back to their parents. It was a completely different
situation when the child was his son, the pressure to make it work was
immense.
Inside the restaurant, the lull between them continued. There were
so many questions Max wanted to ask his son; what did he like doing, did
he play sports, did he like school, was he popular with his peers? But
the fear of scaring Lexie off kept the words from forming.
It was only when the waitress came over for their orders, forcing
Lexie to look up when Max noticed something different about the boy. The
thin-rimmed glasses so customarily gracing Lexie's face were missing and
the boy appeared slightly older in their absence.
"Where's your glasses?" Max asked.
"Mom says don't need them if I'm with you," was the muttered reply,
barely heard over the irritating music of 'Tetris'.
Max frowned at Lexie's odd statement. "Don't you have problems seeing?"
"No, I don't have vision problems. Mom makes me wear the glasses
as a reminder not to use my powers."
His Liz was always a smart one, Max would have to pass that idea
along to Michael and Maria. "It can't be easy hiding it," Max commented.
He himself remembered the self-restraint it took not to use his powers
as a child.
"Mmm..." Lexie replied, disinterested.
"I mean, there was three of us and it was difficult enough, especially
keeping my parents out of the picture."
At this, Max finally found something to pique the boy's attention.
Lexie, his brow furrowed, place his GameBoy down. "You never told your
parents? Why not?"
"I don't know." It was something Max considered after the whole
Tess-fiasco and something he deeply regretted. Maybe his life wouldn't
have become such a mess in the first place if he had confided in his parents
when young. "I suppose it was different for us because I was an adopted
child, but I should have told them as soon as I learnt they could be trusted."
"Do they know now?"
"Yes, Isabel and I finally told them...after an incident." It was
after Tess lost their son that he and Isabel plucked up the courage to
tell their parents but those weren't details he wanted to share with an
eleven-year-old boy. "But I'm glad that your mom has always known, you
don't have to tell the lies that I did. You shouldn't be afraid or ashamed
of who you are if you trust somebody, you should be proud of your powers."
"Yeah, Dad said that if Clark Kent could do it then I could do it
ten times better. That's where Mom got the idea of wearing the glasses.
If I had them on then I couldn't use my powers and I was only allowed to
take them off at home if it was just us."
It hurt to hear Lexie refer to his stepfather as 'dad' but Max kept
his opinions to himself. "Well, your mom was always the smart one out of
us."
"If you think she's cool then why did you go off with another girl?"
Lexie asked, his eyes fixed on Max awaiting his response. "I mean, you
act like you like my mom but you got married to that Tess girl, didn't
you?"
"Er..." He hadn't expected Lexie to know the events leading up to
his and Liz's breakup. "How did you know about that?"
"I know what you did, I have eyes and ears y'know..."
"Yes, so I noticed. Well, Lexie, I was young at the time and I did
some stupid things." Some *very* stupid things. "Leaving Liz was
one of them and marrying a woman I didn't love was another."
"You hurt my mom. You left her alone and she was pregnant. It's
bad when dads' leave their kids."
"It is." What could he say to that? In many ways, it was his fault
that Lexie grew up without knowing his real father. "I wish more than anything
that things could have been different when you were growing up, that I
could have known you as a baby."
Lexie shrugged, uncaring. "Doesn't matter really. Dad was great
and he did stuff with me just like he did with Josh and Nat. He said I
was his kid as much as the others."
"That's good then," Max said in a soft voice. He more than appreciated
the love David Delaney showed Lexie but picking his son up when he fell
and tucking him in bed at night were fatherly activities *he* had
the right to.
The conversation slowly drifted to baseball (Lexie, he learned,
was an avid player) and television with Max eagerly trying to soak in eleven
years worth of information on his new son. There was so much he had missed
but Liz had raised a wonderful child in Lexie and instilled a sense of
loyalty and confident in their son. Somehow, he couldn't see Tess coping
as well with teenage motherhood as Liz had.
As the afternoon came to an end, their table scattered with plates
of left-over pizza and bowls of melted ice cream, Max was already desperate
to do it again. He enjoyed Lexie's company as much as he did Josh and Nathalie's
and, Liz obliging, he was more than ready to repeat the afternoon some
time soon, perhaps with the rest of the Delaney Clan.
He smiled the smile of an amused father as he watched Lexie stir
his discarded bowl of melted ice cream and tabasco sauce (there was no
denying the boy's parentage now!) into a pinkish soup. "I was thinking,
maybe next time you could spend the night at my house-" Max was about to
include Josh and Nathalie in the offer when he noticed Lexie stiffen, the
familiar dubiousness once again creeping across his face.
"Mom was right," he spat out. The boy swiftly slid out from his
seat and jumped to his feet, his stance rigid but ready to split at the
first sign of trouble. "I know what you're planning! I spend the night
with you a few times then one morning I wake up on some far-off planet
surrounded by little green men with you and your Tess pretending to be
my parents."
Max was stunned by this sudden outburst just when things were going
so well. "I don't want to kidnap you." He tried to pull his son closer
but the boy backpedaled from reach.
"No, I heard Mom say she was scared you'd do this. Well, I'll die
before I let you take me to your damned planet." The boy had the sense
to keep his voice low but the sharp vehemence in his usually soft timbre
made Max wince as each word cut into him. "Take me home! Take me home or
I'll phone the FBI. I'd rather be stuck in some lab than let you have your
stupid destiny."
Max opened his mouth to protest against what he knew was spiel that
came from overheard conversations and bits of information pieced together
incorrectly by a frightened child. Lexie shook his head sharply.
"Just take me home. I want my mom."
When the boy spoke, his voice shook slightly, and his hazel eyes
were wide with vulnerability and fear...fear of Max. A father should never
have to look in his child's eyes and see the fear he saw in Lexie. He choked
back his own tears and nodded slowly.
"Come on, I'll take you home, Lexie. You don't have to scared of
me."
Lexie never answered, just followed his father back to the car,
the rest of the journey traveled in silence. Not the sulky silence of before
but a hush influenced by a deeply hurt man and his bewildered child.
*********************************
Liz knew instantly that the afternoon reunion between father-and-son
had not gone as she and Max had hoped when Lexie came rushing up into the
quiet cafe and sprinted off into the back without a word, Max stalking
in behind him.
"Why does my kid hate me?" he demanded, following as Liz moved into
the kitchen to avoid nosy eavesdropping customers.
"What?" Liz asked in confusion. Sure, Lexie could be as closed-mouthed
and recalcitrant as Michael used to be but the boy was never hateful.
"He seems to have me painted as some kind of child kidnapper in
cahoots with Tess. Tell me, Liz, where would be get such an idea?"
"I don't know but not from me. I never said anything of the such
to Lexie." If anything, Liz had always portrayed Max as a guy who was oblivious
to his son's existence, at least to Lexie. Although in the early days,
she admitted she did express her fear of what Max was capable of to David
and Nick. With a sigh, she confessed it to Max adding, "But Lexie was a
baby then, if he did overhear he wouldn't have rememebered. I don't know
where he got this whole kidnapping thing from."
He pulled a chair over from the desk and sat down heavily. "He doesn't
have a high opinion of me, does he? I don't know what's worse- you telling
Lexie that you think I would take him from you or that he has formulated
these thoughts all by himself?"
As much as she felt it was Max's own doing he never knew about Lexie's
birth, Liz wished relations between her son and his father could be smoother.
She couldn't blame the boy for being dubious though. While discovering
his new status as a father was hard for Max, Lexie found it difficult to
move past the concept of having any other man except David as his father.
"It isn't personal, Max, Lexie can be very stubborn. How can he
hate you if he doesn't really know you properly? Just think of him as a
bit like a little version of Michael."
Max snorted at this. "We all know what Michael felt about Hank,
don't we?" He paused. "Will you let me have him again? I need to speak
to him about this, he needs to know me properly." Liz wondered how to frame
her next answer and her hesitation didn't escape his notice. It was then
he took in the three full backpacks that lay under the desk. "Taking a
trip?"
Well, it had to happen sometime. She couldn't keep this from Max
much longer. "Max, we're going home the day after tomorrow," she explained
gently. "The girl my parents hired as manager can cope with things until
my folks get back. We've been here a while and it's time we were heading
back to Miami. The kids start back in school soon and I do have a job there
too."
His eyes betrayed his hurt and confusion. "But I thought we were
going to try and make a go of things...?" It wasn't a statement but a question.
Even as a teenager, Max always spoke with confidence and certainty of the
leader he was expected to be, now he sounded like a man who had his life
taken away from him.
"We live a thousand miles apart," Liz said, swallowing back her
own misery. "It would never work, however much we want things to."
"What about Lexie?"
"He'll be coming with me," she said, firmly. There would be no debate
on that and she just hoped Max wouldn't make her regret the decision of
bringing Lexie to Roswell. "Maybe for the holidays he could come and stay
with you but I'm his mother and he belongs with me in Miami."
Max stood up and edged away. "I'd better go." He seemed so lost.
"I'll come see you before we go, maybe Lexie will come too *if*
he wants."
He gave a baleful nod. "Mmm...I'll be seeing you."
When he was gone, Liz sank down into the chair, her head coming
to rest heavily in her hands. She wanted so much for them to pick off where
they left off, to become a couple then eventually a family. However, maybe
she was wrong and had expected too much. Perhaps, they had simply grown
apart and left whatever the close bond they had shared as kid twelve years
in the past, to remain forever untouchable.
Liz was surprised to feel a wetness running down her cheek, reaching
up to touch her tears. Finally, after weeks of forcing back her emotions
and suppressing them for the sake of the children, sobs shook her thin
form and a dam of emotions broke inside her.
*********************************
"So, that's it? You just give up and let Liz leave you again. Have
you learned nothing from the past?"
Max wondered if it was legal to kill one's best friend on grounds
of their irritating logic. He had come to Michael hoping for a beer and
some sympathy. Instead, Michael led him into the sanctuary of his large
backyard where he proceeded to ream Max out for being a coward when it
came to matters regarding Liz Parker.
"You want me to fight for custody of Lexie?" Max asked, like a little
schoolboy seeking his father's permission. He hated that he, a leader of
a planet, felt so powerless now.
In his anger, Max had considered forcing the issue with Liz. He
didn't want to lose either Liz, Lexie or the other two children yet, while
he had no say over what Liz did, he did have some rights over his son.
He could have a lawyer demand his legal rights of a father in court but
at what cost? Certainly Liz's friendship and perhaps even his and Lexie's
freedom. He didn't know if he was on the birth certificate and in order
to prove he was the father then he would need DNA tests, not an option
in this case.
Michael shot his best friend a withering look. "You know as well
I do you'll lose. No court is going to give you custody over an eleven-year-old
kid who wants nothing to do with you and while you might be given some
vacation access, you'll never see Josh or Nathalie again if you try. Anyway,
you know you would never do that to Liz...not after all she had done for
us."
It was true, he was indebted to Liz and truer still, he could never
hurt Liz again.
"Then what do you want me to do?" The fact that Max was asking Michael's
advice when previously he would have stubbornly done whatever he felt worked
was not lost on either man.
Michael regarded him with penetrative eyes. "Liz brought the boy
here for a reason, she let you into her family and allowed you close to
her. If you don't start letting go of our 'destiny', you're going to lose
both her and Lexie."
"This is a change, usually you were the one to keep on about being
different, that we have an obligation to Altar."
"Don't make this about me, Maxwell. Yes, I used to think that way
but things have changed. I have a life here, a wife and a baby on the way.
I won't ever risk them, not for Altar and not for some damned destiny I
didn't ask for." He moved forward to take Max at arms-length from him.
"What I have with Maria is something you can have with Liz and the kids.
You just have to want it enough to leave and let go of our past. Isabel
had to do it when it came to letting Alex rest and now it's your turn.
Whoever sent us here sure as hell let go and it's time you do the same."
"Grow up, Max," Michael said, not in his mocking tones instead stern
and serious, "grow up and fight for a stake in your own future."
*********************************
Early the following morning, Max marched over to the Crashdown filled
with resolution, determined to once and for all make Liz see he had changed
for the better and he wanted to make things work between them no matter
what. By the time he entered the cafe and faced a surprised Liz, all his
previous convictions oozed away leaving him exposed and feeling like a
stuttering adolescent on a first date.
"Max, what are you doing here?" Liz asked, setting down breakfast
for the three children.
Max glanced to where the children sat. Their eyes were fixed on
their plates but he knew their ears were pricked into the adult's conversations.
Still, what he had to say concerned them too.
"We need to talk," he said.
"This isn't the time, Max," Liz replied, her eyes darting to the
kids.
"If not now then when?" he pleaded. "Liz, it's time we get this
all out in the open. We've both been hiding in the past and, I don't know
about you, but I'm sick of it. We *need* to talk."
When Max raised his voice slightly, ever the protective son, Lexie
quickly jumped to his mother's defence. "Don't shout at my mom."
"Son, I wasn't shouting at your mother, I was-"
"Don't call me 'son'," interjected the boy, "I'm not your son, I
have a dad. Just 'cause he's dead, doesn't mean I don't love him."
Anything Max might have said died on his lips when he took in the
pallid small face of his son.
He looked at the boy properly and suddenly realized where all this
hostility and anger came from. When he himself was ten or eleven and just
beginning to comprehend what he was, Max's nightmare had not been that
of scientists experiment on him but of going back to his homeplanet, of
his real parents coming for him. For no matter what his DNA said, in his
mind and heart his parents were, and always would be, Diana and Phil Evans.
Nothing would change that and he would fight tooth-and-nail with anyone
who would try to convince him otherwise.
And just as Diana and Phil were his parents because they were the
ones who held him when he cried, picked him up when he fell and had ultimately
raised him to be the man he was today, David Delaney occupied that role
in Lexie's life.
It hurt him, like it would any loving father, to realise that his
son would never fully be his no matter what Max did. But he had to let
go, it was the right thing to do. Never let it be said Max Evans didn't
learn his lessons; twelve years ago, he had learnt the hard way that the
world didn't revolve around him when he thought his could put his godforsaken
homeworld before Liz. This time he would not put his selfish needs before
that of Lexie.
Kneeling down in front of the child, Max pursed his lips in thought.
"Lexie, I would never try to take the place of your father. I know that
you love him and that he loved you and I wouldn't take that away from you.
All I want is to know you a little, maybe spend a day with you. I don't
expect you to call me 'dad' or anything, that's a very special word but
I want you to know who I am."
As Lexie mulled over this, Nathalie timidly asked, "You aren't going
to try and take Lexie away?"
"Of course not, I love him and I know he would be hurt if I did
that."
"Where did you guys get this idea anyway?" Liz asked, curiously.
"We read it in your journals," Josh answered, matter-of-factly and
not in the least ashamed. "It said that you were scared Max would steal
Lex and take him away to Czechoslovakia, which must be code for Mars or
wherever he comes from."
"You shouldn't go sneaking in my old journals, those were private,"
Liz scolded lightly. "But since you have, you all have to remember that
I was very young when I wrote them."
"You were seventeen," pointed out Lexie.
Despite the intensity of the moment, both Max and Liz couldn't help
but exchange a smile at this. They had forgotten that to an eleven-year-old
kid being seventeen was of a vast age and maturity.
"Yes, I was but things are so different when you're a teenager,
Josh. I was scared when I wrote in the journals, I've learnt a lot since
then. I trust Max."
It felt good to hear Liz say that. She'd been so cool and unreadable
since she had come back to Roswell, he was never sure what she was thinking.
It was Josh who asked the all important question. "What's gonna
happen now?"
The adults turned to each other and it was Liz who responded, "Well,
you'll see Max when we come visit Grandma and Grandpa during the vacation
and maybe he can come visit us in Miami."
"But I'll miss him," Nathalie said, her sweet tone bringing a smile
to Max.
And it was Max's turn to spring the surprise on Liz. "They won't
have to miss me if I came with you." It was vaguely amusing to see Liz's
jaw drop to her knees as know doubt his had on more than a few occasions
during this impromptu reunion. "I'm not saying I'd move in with you, I'd
get my own flat and that, but this would give us a real chance to start
again what I wrecked twelve years ago and I'd get to see the kids."
"What about your job?" Liz asked, always the practical one, "What
would you do in Miami? And what about Isabel and Michael?"
"I am trained as a cop, I'd get a position in the Miami force and
I know Jim Valenti would give me a good reference. And as for Isabel and
Michael, we're not tied to each, we have our own lives to lead." He moved
closer to Liz, sensing she was beginning to crumble. "Please, Liz, I want
to do this, I want to try again. But I won't do anything if this isn't
what you want."
Liz gazed at him, her deep brown eyes reaching deep into his soul.
The silence in the room was deafening as even the children were hushed.
Max wondered what thoughts passed behind those brown orbs of his childhood
girlfriend.
Slowly, Liz bridged the gap separating them and clasp his hand.
"If you're sure about this, Max, then I think it's time we move forward...together."
She smiled warmly as she emphasized the last word.
Max grinned, pulling her into her arms. Over her shoulders, Josh
gave him a smile and Nathalie did a little dance of happiness. Lexie frowned
briefly then nodded faintly at his father, the blessing Max was dearly
hoping for. And after twelve years of cold loneliness, they both moved
forward, almost hesitantly. Liz slowly lifted her free hand to smooth
over Max's cheek. All their awkwardness and tentativeness flew out the
window as his lips grazed over Liz's...
It felt...wow! They had kissed many a time during their teenage
relationship nonetheless it felt different now. A typical adolescent boy,
Max had always worried he wouldn't come up to scratch, that he wouldn't
impress Liz with his kissing technique. Now he just enjoyed the intimacy
and sensation of being close to Liz after nearly losing her a second time.
However, if his inner child was still anxious about his 'performance'
then it was for nothing judging by the glowing tint and content smile gracing
Liz's beautiful face. Their gazes remained fused until the moment was broken
by Nathalie's giggles. Self-consciously, they both blushed and put some
space between them though neither made a move to release the other's hand.
"Uh, so are you sure you want to do this?" Liz asked, her eyes probing
as if trying to discern if he was ready for such a move. "You don't have
to do this just for me, I don't want you to be miserable."
"I would never be miserable if I'm with you," he reassured quickly,
"And this is something I should have done twelve years ago."
She flashed him another quick smile then nodded. "Then we'll be
seeing you in a couple of weeks."
"I'll be there," he promised.
Nothing would stop him from following Liz to Miami, nothing.
"Well, I'd better go," he said, grudgingly, as the cafe began to
fill up with the pre-school time rush.
"Don't stay away too long."
"Never." That vow wouldn't be too difficult.
Reluctantly, Max stepped back and made his way out of the Crashdown.
He could feel himself beaming like a man who'd won the lottery and, with
his mind preoccupied with thoughts of Liz and his impending relocation,
he accidentally bumped into an extremely beguiled Nick.
"Not bad, lover boy," he said with a wicked smirk, "one day and
already she has your heart."
Max had been so certain of Nick's opposition to his relationship
with Liz, given that his brother was Liz's husband and the man obviously
placed loyalty high on his priorities. Yet, now Nick's tone was almost
congratulatory not to mention when the situation regarding Lexie's parentage
had blown up, he had not beaten Max to a pulp like expected instead opting
for not interfering with the couple's problems. Perhaps, Max had pegged
him wrong and he was just looking out for Liz much as the way Max looked
out for Is.
"She always had my heart," Max replied honestly, taking a risk to
see how the other would react.
Nick seemed divided between goading Max for being such a romantic
and acting his age by complimenting the new couple. He decided on the latter.
"It's about time you both did something then, I've never met such a stubborn
pair in my life. Now there's no danger of little green men coming down
and beaming you both away, is there?"
Max arched his eyebrow at a question asked only half-jokingly. "No,
I don't see that happening, Nick."
"Good 'cause my jurisdiction doesn't extend to ET territory."
"And you won't be informing the Men In Black about my 'differences'?"
Max questioned, equally as serious as Nick's. This was the first time he
had actually referred to Nick's job with the FBI, an organisation he'd
come to fear, and he needed to know for sure that he could trust this man
with his life and the lives of the others, including his son.
"No," Nick said, now sober, "I wouldn't do that to Bethy, Lexie...or
you. You're gonna be looking out for my Godkids now and I need you intact."
He reached into his pocket, pulling out a laminated card which he handed
to Max. "A friend of mine is in the real estate, he's got some good deals
going, especially in the area Beth lives. Check him out when you come to
Miami."
"Thanks," Max said, truly grateful and not in the least surprised
that Nick knew of his intentions, "I really appreciate this." He tucked
the card securely in his breast pocket and strolled over his squad car
when Nick stopped him.
"Maxwell?" When he turned, the other man's lips upturned in a humourless
smile. "If you hurt her again, not even all the voodoo magic powers in
this world and all others will protect you from me and my Smith and Wesson."
Max didn't expect any less.
*********************************
As it was, Nick never found cause to use his gun. As a result of
Max's move to Miami, his relationship with Liz flourished with a newfound
devotion and a maturer love. Despite having his own flat a few blocks away,
he found himself spending more and more time at Liz's home not with any
objections.
Of course, it wasn't all plain sailing. He and Liz's first inclination
was to rush into their relationship but they soon found that such an approach
was doomed to failure. Much as changed and there were too many difficulties
in pursuing an adult relationship when they were basing their reconciliation
on the children they were. Instead, they allowed their bonds to re-grow
naturally and gradually they found what they were both looking for in each
other and their relationship.
Also, Max was now not only the parent to one son but the honourary
parent to teenage boy and one sweet-face little girl, a precarious role
for anybody especially when he was filling the shoes of the late David
Delaney, an exemplary husband and father.
The three children he'd met in Roswell were only the outer shells
of a very complex trio. In Miami, when the children began to see him as
a permanent fixture in their lives, he was treated to Nathalie's tantrums,
subjected to Josh's disruptive pranks and Lexie's tendency to use his computer
for illegal purposes. He coped with it all, treading the thin line
of being a father and fearing that in the childrens' eyes he was trying
to replace David completely.
Still, when Max was greeted with a warm hug or found them captured
in the innocence of sleep, he knew he wouldn't give up parenthood for anything.
When, on Father's Day, his efforts was rewarded when he was presented with
a huge card from his troop, a gesture so touching Max- alien leader and
hardened cop- felt the sting of tears in his eyes. Then, for the last month
or so, Nathalie had started to occasionally refer to Max as 'Dad', he felt
as if world peace had been declared. He knew it would be a long time before
the boys followed suit, if they ever did, but just hearing the word from
one child was enough.
And when things were bad, he always took perverse pleasure in the
knowledge he was not suffering alone. Back in Roswell, Michael and Maria
were delighting in the joys of dirty nappies, pre-dawn feeds and constant
howling courtesy of their two-month-old daughter Kasey Louise.
"What are you grinning at?" Liz asked playfully, entering the living
room carrying two mugs of hot cocoa.
Max's satanic smirk eased into a smile of sheer joy. "Nothing, just
thoughts," he replied, placing his arm around her as she snuggled down
beside him.
"What thoughts? Am I allowed to know?"
"About us, things like that."
"Any regrets?"
"No, no regrets," he replied, kissing her forehead.
How could he? His only regrets were that he left things for so long,
he could have been with his Liz for twelve years longer. But, Max had learned
not to live in the past and he just appreciated his second chance which
Liz had bestowed him. She had given him so much; her love, a family, a
life without isolation. And in return, he would remain with by her side
for eternity if he could.
Dnied for too long, Max had taken finally his destiny into his own
hands and he liked how things were playing out. He was determined to enjoy
every moment of his second chance with Liz and his family and this time
nothing, no-one would be allowed to interfere. It was true what they said,
'some bonds were never meant to be broken'...
