CHAPTER
FOURTEEN
On Courscant a few
days later, Zekk found himself wandering through the halls of the Imperial
Palace's medical center. He was heading
in the direction of the private rooms, which were used for those individuals
who were recovering from serious injuries or operations.
He had gotten the call from Ambassador
Organa Solo five minutes earlier, telling him the wonderful news that Jaina was
awake. He had just gotten out of the
shower when he had received the call and was still hurrying to get dressed when
he walked out the door.
Zekk had no trouble finding the room
the Ambassador had told him to go to, and when he got closer he could clearly
make out the voices of Han and Leia Organa Solo talking with their daughter
inside.
"The Raging Rancor, huh?" Han Solo said scratching his head, a
thoughtful expression on his face, "I don't think I've ever been there,"
"Too bad," Jaina said with a smile, "I
think you would have fit right in there, dad,"
Leia tried to fix her daughter with a
stern gaze, but her features ended up turning into an amused expression. "You would think that after all those
stories your father told you and your brothers, you would have the sense to
stay out of those places,"
"I'm the one you should blame," Zekk
said sheepishly from his spot in the doorway, "I brought her there,"
"Probably," Han said, getting that
fatherly protective look on his face, "but you brought her back in one piece,
so I'll let it go this time,"
"Come on, Han," Leia said, tugging on
her husband's elbow, "we have that thing to take care of, remember?"
Han
looked at his wife as if she had just grown a third eye. "What thing – ow! Oh that thing," he said when Leia elbowed him in the
ribs. "I had completely forgotten about
that. We'll see ya later, sweetheart,"
said Han, giving his daughter a hug from where she sat in her bed, propped up
by a bunch of pillows. "Just try not to
get into too much trouble while we're gone, ok?"
Jaina chuckled, something that still
hurt her head to do. "I'll try dad, but
I can't promise anything,"
"That's my girl," Han said, with his
usual lopsided smirk before following his wife out of the room.
Jaina noticed Zekk was hanging back in
the doorway, as if he was afraid to be alone with her.
"I don't have the Togorian flu,
Zekk. You can come closer, you know,"
Zekk relaxed a bit and strode into the
room, taking a seat on the chair that had been occupied by Jaina's father only
moments before.
"So…how do you feel?" He asked, deciding on a light subject.
"Well, either then this little bump on
my head," she said indicating to the skin graft bandage on the side of her
forehead, "I feel fine,"
Zekk eyed her dubiously. "The doctors said you had a severe
concussion,"
Jaina snorted. "Doctors.
They worry too much,"
She noted how Zekk kept averting her
gaze. She reached out for his hand, and
after a few long moments he reluctantly took it. It felt like ice.
"My parents said you were here the
whole time I was unconscious," Jaina said, "until the doctors finally made your
get yourself checked up and then forced you to go home to get some rest."
Zekk rolled his eyes. "I was fine. I didn't need any rest,"
Now it was Jaina's turn to eye him
skeptically. "My mom said you looked
like you were going to drop dead on your feet,"
Zekk shrugged. "I guess you didn't tell your parents what
really happened or else I seriously doubt they would have left me alone with
you,"
Jaina tucked a long, dark strand of
hair behind her ear. "I may have left
out a few details – "
Zekk pulled his hand away from
hers. "A few details? You saw what I did, how I lost control. Then Karsay put those memories in your head
and showed you what I really am. A
cold-blooded killer,"
"Zekk, that's not true,"
He flew out of his seat and started
pacing. "Jaina, you're the only one who
can't face the truth. You think I'm
some kind of redeemed Jedi who's finally found the right path, but I'm
not. I'm nothing but a failure,"
"You did what you did because you were
trying to save me,"
"Come on Jaina," he said in an
exasperated tone, "you know as well as I do that I can't keep using that as an
excuse. I made a choice, and if I had
to do it all over again I would do the same thing. You know why? Because it
felt good to give into my hate like that,"
"Don't say that,"
"Why not? We both knew the day would come where I would have to stop
pretending and just accept what I am,"
Jaina was silently shaking her head,
not willing to accept for a second that what he was saying was the truth. But even she had to admit that Zekk's
actions on Dundas had more than frightened her a little. She had felt him slipping away from her
then, and now when she reached out to him to try and figure out what was going
on in that head of his she came up empty.
It was as if he was purposely shielding his mind from hers.
"Jaina, I killed Karsay," he took a
deep breath, "and I enjoyed it," he dropped his gaze to the floor. "I don't know how you can even stand being
in the same room as me,"
"Zekk, I love you," she said softly.
He shook his head. "I don't deserve your love,"
"Zekk, can you stop your
self-recrimination for two seconds, and listen to what I have to say?" She said
in an irritated voice. "You were right
earlier when you said I don't understand your past. How can I, when I'm not you?
But I want to understand these images Karsay put in my head. You said
you would tell me everything when the right time came, and now's as good a time
as ever. I deserve to know about it
after everything that's happened."
Zekk hesitated. He had never talked openly about the worst
things he had done as a Dark Jedi with anyone.
It was something he had always thought he would have to keep hidden if
he wanted his friends to continue being his friends. But if anyone could understand or find it in their heart to
forgive him, it was Jaina. She had
proved that countless times by standing by him during his recovery from the
dark side and any other time someone had doubted his loyalties. He did owe her this. After all, she had almost died because of
him, and that was not the first time that had happened.
Composing himself, he sat back down on
a chair facing her, waiting for the words to come to him. And they did. Not holding back any gory details or explanations, he spilt
everything about his past as a Dark Jedi to her.
Holding
his breath, Jacen pressed the door chime to Tenal Ka's apartment. Actually, it was a suite that Prince Isolder
and his wife had purchased for the times when they had business on Courscant.
Jacen had been out when Tenal Ka had
called his home but she had left a message with Anakin, asking him to come by
to see her later.
The door to the apartment slid open
seconds after he had rung the chime.
Tenal Ka stood in the doorway, gesturing for him to come inside.
"Anakin gave me your message," he said
as he entered the apartment.
"He said you went to visit Jaina."
Jacen nodded. "Yeah, my parents called home and said she
was awake. Zekk was visiting her when
they left, and he was still there when I arrived. He and Jaina looked like they were having a pretty intense
conversation, so I decided not to bother them."
Tenal Ka raised an eyebrow, sensing
Jacen's slight resentment towards his friend.
"You are still angry with Zekk," it was a statement, not a question.
Jacen shrugged and flopped down on one
of the couches in the living area.
"He did save Jaina's life," she
pointed out.
"Yeah, I guess he did – after he
endangered it. But I'm sure you didn't
ask me to come over so we could discuss Zekk's heroics."
"This is a fact," she replied.
When she did not go on, Jacen said,
"are you going to tell me what's going on with you or would you prefer to
continue keeping me in the dark?"
"I thought it was best to keep it from
you or anyone else,"
That's a start. At least she's not denying there's nothing
wrong anymore.
"Tenal Ka,
what is it? You've been acting so
strange since you came back from Dathomir,"
"I was foolish to think I could hide
anything from you," she said, shaking her head, her long, reddish gold hair
swaying freely around her. She had
decided forgo her customary braids for one day.
"This is a fact," Jacen said,
attempting to lighten the mood. It
didn't last long, though.
Tenal Ka looked like she was trying to
find the right words to say next, but with little success. "This is difficult for me," she explained,
"because even I have not fully begun to accept it yet,"
Something in her voice disturbed
him. He got to his feet and stood in
front of her. "Accept what?" With a worried look on his face, he said,
"whatever it is that's got you this scared, you can tell me,"
If it had been anyone else suggesting
that she was actually afraid of something, Tenal Ka would have tackled
that person to the ground with a Dathomirian war cry, denying it. But lying to Jacen was like lying to
herself. She was tired of keeping
secrets.
"I'm sick, Jacen,"
"W-what?" He stammered, "sick, how?"
"It is called Sinapsisden. A disease that only those with a Dathomirian
bloodline can get, and even then it is still rare."
"You can't be sick," he protested,
"you look perfectly healthy to me,"
"The disease is in its earliest
stages," she informed him.
Bracing himself for the answer, he
asked, "is there a cure?"
"There is medication I can take to
help control it, but there is no actual cure for it,"
Jacen looked away from her. "No, I won't accept that,"
"Jacen, you have to. Just like I have to,"
Stubbornly, he said, "it's not fair,"
"Many people manage to live long and
healthy lives before the disease finally sets in," she said, as much to
convince herself as she was trying to convince him.
Jacen ran his hands through his thick
hair. "I feel like such a jerk for the
way I've been acting,"
"I should have been honest with you
from the beginning,"
Jacen grimaced. "I need to be honest with you about
something, too," he said slowly. "I
went through your bag when we were in the forest and found a bottle of pills in
there," he confessed.
Her expression quickly transformed in
to one of anger, but then faded away.
"I never thought you would go through my private belongings,"
"Neither did I, and I'm sorry I did
it. I should have respected your
privacy and waited for you to tell me what was going on when you were ready,"
A teasing look on her face, she said,
"perhaps you will fit in with Hapan society after all,"
"I don't know whether I should take
that as a compliment or an insult,"
"You may choose which ever one you
like," Tenal Ka said with a shrug, "I was merely stating a fact,"
"Let me state another fact for you,"
Jacen said, pushing away the strands of hair that had fallen into her
face. "This disease changes nothing
between us. I promise not to become an
obsessively over-protective boyfriend, as long as you promise to let me help
you and not push me away if the disease ever becomes too much for you to
handle. And," he added, pasting a
lopsided grin on his face, "don't expect me to go easy on you when we're
dueling."
Tenal Ka's lips curved upwards. "Does this mean I should no longer 'go easy'
on you as well?"
Chuckling, Jacen embraced Tenal Ka,
and for the first time since coming back from Dathomir she hugged him back with
equal force.
She rested her head on his
shoulder. "I love you, Jacen Solo," she
murmured softly.
"I know,"
There's still one chapter left!!!!!!
