alt12

Notes and mindless drivel:
Taran: thanks for the continued support!
Jazz: Ok, I think you'll like this; Lupin has stepped out for a bit....
Snape no Koibito: thanks for your continued williness to read
my stuff even without Harry.
Connie: oh my, this is going to disappoint you, but it is a Snape-
centered fic and Harry is a student so he doesn't involved
as much as you'd like.

Alternate Routes
Chapter 12

Returning

Shaking, Snape got out his wand and apparated back to the Forbidden Forest. This time when he vomited it was not from a curse. He threw his arms around his body and held back the tears. He felt dirty, defiled.
And there was no way in seven hells he could ride the broom back to the castle. He'd walk. At the least it was late and he could get to his rooms. Get to a shower and scrub that scent, that filth, off him.
It took him fully two hours to walk to the edge of the forest and see the castle before him. Well past midnight, too. No one would mark his passing.
Right.
He was a fool to even think that! When the great doors opened at his touch Dobby appeared out of thin air.
The Headmaster requires you now, Professor Snape, the elf intoned, standing by his knee. Snape's body sagged.
I just want to go to bed, Dobby. Surely it can wait, defeat in every syllable.
Requires you now, Professor Snape.
A bath, may I at least bathe? he begged. He was begging a house elf.
Now Professor.
The elf disappeared up the stairs before him. He could no more ignore this summons than the one for Voldemort. He dragged his tired body up and up to Dumbledore's rooms. What did he expect, anyway? That he could waltz back in and hide in the dungeons?
Well, that had been the fond dream.
He repeated chocolate cream' twice before the door would open. Probably the stink of Voldemort made it cautious. Then up the stairs and into the entry. The door was slightly ajar and he pushed it open and entered a darkened study. Maybe, just maybe....
He glanced at the desk. Empty.
Looked at the couch and chairs. Empty.
Surveyed the dining area. Empty.
He decided to check the lavatory next. Just in case. Especially the shower. gods, he had to shower, feeling the bile rise and touch the back of his throat. He looked in. Empty.
There was not enough hot water in the castle to wash away the disgust he felt. He scrubbed everywhere the dark mage had touched him, branding his skin.
He was going over his chest for the fourth time when a small yellow duckie floated into the stall. He froze momentarily.
a small voice.
came the reply, I for one think you are
clean enough. Come out, child.
And all the warmth and love that was missing from the endearment when the other profaned it was back, rich and comforting. Snape rinsed off all the soap and turned the water off. He reached out the curtain for his towel to cover himself, his filthy body, but he was met with a hand.
Out, child. Show me your hurts, the soothing voice that could not be denied. He stepped out, blinking in the bright light. The older wizard looked at his chest, nearly raw from scrubbing, the marks trailing down his throat, the panic in his eyes. He looked very carefully in those eyes. Some fear, yes, loathing, but no despondency. He was sorely mistreated but not destroyed. He held up the towel and gently wrapped it around the younger man's body.
The full flinch disturbed Dumbledore, as did the uncontrollable shivering when he touched the other's skin. He picked up a second dry towel and directed his Potions Master out the door and into the sitting area.
It was like trying to calm a panicked horse. Snape's breath tore in and out and every inch of him screamed flight. Dumbledore dried the man's hair carefully, pulling it gently back into a tie before running his hands over shoulders that sported smudged bruises as if grasped roughly and hard. Dumbledore used his energy feed judiciously, warming the shivering man.
Severus, you're safe. You came home to me. I will protect
you he continued the quiet litany as hands ran a healing line down the marked throat erasing the worst of the bites and bruising. He noted the younger man had finally ceased shaking like a leaf and continued to run the healing hand down over the raw chest.
He could see the teeth marks and blood; he suppressed his own shudder. Snape was in deep, no doubt about it. But Dumbledore meant exactly what he said, he would protect him from Voldemort if needs be.
Leggings and shirt were close to hand, Snape noted. The headmaster had thought of everything. As he allowed the shirt to come down over his body he saw Dobby return with a tray of tea and something that looked like a protein shake. His mouth actually started to water at the thought of the cool shake. Leggings came on next, tied loosely over his hips as he stood at Dumbledore's urging. Then he was tugged over to the table.
Something is going to happen here, Headmaster, in the
next few weeks, he began.
You're starting in the middle, Severus. Drink some shake
and start at the beginning. I need to hear it all, the cool drink found its way into his hands and he sipped at it. Vanilla with a little nutmeg and cinnamon. He took a deeper drink and felt the coolness fill him. Dumbledore poured out tea and prepared each cup. He was a patient man.
Snape hesitantly began, describing the small circle and curses. He wanted to skip the entire seduction but Dumbledore wanted to know everything Voldemort had said and done. Slowly he dragged every syllable out of Snape, every movement, every touch. As the memory was replayed Snape tightened up, long arms wrapped around his torso, pulled back into the chair.
When all had been spoken Dumbledore looked at his companion. Exhaustion lined his face and the trembling returned. Assured nothing was immediatly threatening the school he set down his tea and stood, holding his hand out to Snape. The younger man just stared at the hand, the fingers and he fought against the wave of nausea.
You will not be sick again tonight, came the ultimately calm voice. He tugged gently on Snape's arm, ignoring the flinch. He herded the man into the bedroom, to the bed and without argument pushed him under the covers, following him.
Roll over, Severus, he guided the Potions Master trembling up against him, head pillowed above his heart. A gentle hand ran up and down his back, a soft voice spoke soothing words. Tears spilled over and Snape found himself crying. Dumbledore pulled him closer still and held him until he fell asleep.

Lupin found them both still in bed the next morning. Dumbledore was awake, reading his ever-present mail and Snape was curled tightly against him hands fisted in the Headmaster's robes. He sat on the edge of the bed and ran his hand over the sleeping man's back.
Send a message to Dr. Barnes, said Dumbledore, he
needs to be looked over. Gently.
Lupin nodded and went out quickly. He wrote out a message to Dr. Barnes and set out for the owlery. On the stairs he found Harry.
Is he back? Harry asked quietly, smiled when he recieved the positive report.
I'm just going to send a message to Dr. Barnes, said Lupin.
I'm walking into Hogsmeade now, with Ron and Hermione.
I can deliver that for you, he offered. After a moment's thought, Lupin handed him the missive.
I don't know what he needs to check, Severus was
asleep. He looks tired so he probably over-exerted
himself where ever he went last night, Lupin said.
Harry went back down stairs while Lupin returned to the Headmaster's rooms.
Harry's taking it in, he said by way of explanation.
Do you want me to take over?
No, no, it's ok Remus. I need to be here when he wakes, Dumbledore did not feel comfortable retelling the night's events. He knew later, once Barnes was here, he would relate the important parts, enough to satisfy even Lupin's curiousity. But not now, Snape deserved to sleep as long as he could without having a lot of people about.
Why don't you walk the school for me, get the morning news
as it were. Most of the older students will be going into
town. I'm especially curious how Malfoy is and mail call.
I can tell you his eagle owl came in this morning with a
small box. Probably his sweets or some money for town, Lupin related. He turned and left the room.
Snape slept very late, being nearly noon when he slammed into consciousness, finally disturbed by dreams no longer contained by the Headmaster's simple charms. He would have launched himself off the bed entirely had his companion not been watching him intently. As it was he was seized by a tremendous jerk and barely contained his scream of NO' as his eyes flew opened.
The sharp stacatto of his heart hurt his chest and he struggled to breathe. He became aware of being clasped by strong arms and a soothing voice in his ear before he was totally in control.
a small, trembling voice.
I'm here, Severus, he replied, letting the man recognize him.
The struggling ceased and Snape relaxed into the older man's arms and worked on controlling his breathing. Dumbledore pulled him up onto his lap, letting Snape curl against him.
Bad dream? he asked as he felt the younger man's heart begin to slow down.
Bad dream, Snape said, don't like them.
Rocking slightly, Dumbledore curled over him, cocooning him in his arms and legs. Rarely did Snape seek such comfort willingly, but he needed it now and held tight listening to the older man's murmurings, breathing, heart beats.
Barnes and Lupin entered the room not ten minutes later and saw the two men tangled together. Barnes had to restrain his companion from bounding over to the bed and knocked on the door, causing Dumbledore to look up and smile. Encouraged, the doctor led the professor to the bed.
Severus? Doctor Barnes stopped by to see you, Dumbledore whispered to his companion.
said Snape.
said Dumbledore. The man in his arms shrank.
I just wanted... Snape didn't finish.
Child, let him see to you. You've been hurt and will
need treatment, the older man said gently, I will
care for you. Long fingers stroked hair back as Snape considered. He wanted to stay there, there in those arms safe, pretend he was a child again and Albus had come to rescue him. Silly. Stupid. There was no rescue. No safe. He was doomed either way. Sighing he pushed up.
I have to go to the loo, he said rolling off the bed and walking away. Completely and totally void of any emotion. Dumbledore waited until he cleared the door.
Too soon. I needed a little more time, he murmured then turned to the Doctor. Quietly and concisely he told Barnes and Lupin what had happened. He was concerned about both his mental state and the ripped flesh.
Barnes nodded and went out into the sitting room and sorted through his vials. He heard Snape walk in and stand silently beside him. Dumbledore and Lupin had gone for a short walk.
the Doctor began.
Dr. Barnes, Snape replied.
Barnes looked over the total of Snape; the man was standing firmly upright as though nothing was wrong. He would scan him first. The closeness would tear down the walls hurriedly erected by the Professor.
the doctor said shortly, "off." He turned and pulled the lounge into position then sat down facing his patient. The shirt slipped off without verbal comment, but the body language screamed loathing. Damn, they had come in too soon. He should have pushed Lupin out of the room and given them space.
He held out his hand and guided the man against him. Instead of beginning the scan he ran his hands over Snape's back and shoulder, feeling the flesh flinch beneath his hand.
You were hurt, Severus, he said quietly.
Nothing, it was nothing much, he replied equally quiet.
Show me this nothing, Severus, Barnes began to insinuate himself into his patient, searching through various systems. One of the bites was infected, some antibiotics would take care of that. Overall, energy was good, his systems were clear but Snape was too docile, not fighting, not giving, just a lump.
How do you feel, Severus? Barnes firmly asked, sending some healing energy through. Snape was silent; Barnes up the ante sending a stronger flow creating a cascading effect as different parts of the Professor's body reacted to the stimulation.
he moaned,
What do you feel, Severus? strong, probing. Snape shuddered convulsively.
I feel dirty. I am dirty. Don't, his action belied his words as he curled into Barnes' touch.
Slowing the feed the doctor turned Snape fully against him and held him close, both hands gently running up and down in a light massage.
I understand, Severus. Voldemort touched you, took from
you what didn't belong to him. I am going to come see you
for the next few days to talk with you. You are not dirty,
you are not worthless. Voldemort is vile, filthy, evil. You
are not. You are full of light and goodness, Severus. Let
Albus help you. Let me help you, Barnes slowed and stopped the feed, having healed the damaged flesh. He continued to touch the wounded man to reaffirm his worth. He felt Snape slowly melt against him finally taking comfort from the Healer.
When Dumbledore and Lupin returned they sat nearby without speaking for a time. Snape opened his eyes and remained unfocused. The Headmaster leaned forward and pushed hair out of his face, causing the man to look up at him. Realizing it was Dumbledore, he reached out to touch, assure himself he was safe.
Taking the Potions Master's hand, he helped him up and pulled him onto the couch next to him, letting him lean against him as he stroked his hair.
What about lunch? asked Lupin cheerfully. All three men looked at the DADA Professor. Sighing, Snape buried his face into Dumbledore's robes.
he said, send out for chinese. I'm up for some
hot and sour soup about now.
Then I get to chose the entres, replied Dumbledore, gently rocking his friend.
Oh gods, not moo goo gai pan again, groused Snape.
And sweet and sour pork, too, grinned the older man.
There'd better be sticky white rice, none of that fried
shrimp crap, he growled through his own smile.
Dumbledore replied.
Think the elves will get it right this time? Snape sneered unpleasantly.
Do they ever? came the reply. Dumbledore gently kissed Snape's forehead.
To Lupin they were arguing, Snape angry, Dumbledore taunting, but the slow intimate touches countered the voices. Somewhat confused, he settled back and was quiet.
Barnes, on the oither hand, was heartened. He could see the relationship borne of great adversity and suffering. As long as they had each other they would be ok.
And, he told himself, if anything happened to either he would step in. He was not Dumbledore, he was not Snape, but he was willing to give all his healing powers to help both men.