Disclaimer: I don't own these lovely creatures, JKR does.
Warning: We're finally getting to a bit more slashy material, meaning that there is some obvious relationship shite happening between two boys. If you don't sway this way or are disturbed by it for whatever reason, you may leave.
Note: Please don't send me a bunch of hateful shit if you find that I have made some words up (and here I am largely referring to the title of this chapter) I have a tendency to do this. That said, on with the show!
A Newfound Aestheticist
Confronts Old Realities
Over the months following his abrupt change of heart, Draco Malfoy had continued to gain personality and also became very close with Deanandseamus. He was rarely seen out of the company of the two Gryffindors, and almost never seen out of the company of Seamus, excepting classes. It was becoming increasingly evident that Draco was more than just a good friend, given the number of times they had been caught snogging in places they really shouldn't have been in the first place. Not that either of them were ever bothered by it. Draco, as he had gradually discovered, was a seriously hopeless romantic, thus enjoying the thrill of being discovered. He found it charming, the reactions they got. Dean thought them to be extremely amusing; he never thought Seamus would ever find another Seamus to compliment him so perfectly.
For the first time in his entire life, Draco was truly surrounded by people. One might say that he had lived the majority of his life overcoming one obstacle after another. Meaning that people were no more to him than obstacles. He was taught to always be aware of others' emotions but never to become sensitive to them. Everyone around him suddenly had a name and a face and a voice and a soul. Never did he realize how very vibrant and expressive people could be. This was partially a cause for his period of silence. He was so thrown by the sheer intensity of life itself that it seemed too beautiful for him to articulate, so he didn't even try. And it was the best thing he had ever done for himself. At long last, he understood humility.
Love was another of those emotions that had been trampled before it even had a chance to grow. Sure, he had had his share of lovers. But he'd never felt a single thing for any of them. None of them had names or even faces. Having Seamus was nothing like any of that. Not only did he have a face and a name, he had a heart and a soul as well. He'd fallen in love with everything that was Seamus; never had he ever known such a gorgeously peculiar creature as the one who was constantly at his side. Incapable for so long of actually having such feelings allowed to roam through his mind for indefinite periods of time, he finally understood concern for another. *His* other. Perhaps he had fallen too hard, too soon, some said later. Really, the case happened to be that he had just fallen very, very deep.
With the rapid approach of graduation, most students were talking of what they would be doing after they left the confines of school. Draco had not given post-Hogwarts life much consideration; he had been living day to day and taking what came to him all in stride. Now the realization that he would have to start thinking about his future was running at him full-force. Merely enjoying all the beautiful things around him, Draco never once considered that he would actually have to live for himself in a few short weeks. Whilst walking around the lake with Seamus one bright Saturday afternoon, Draco finally took it upon himself to discuss this with his lover.
"What are you going to do when you leave here?" he asked rather suddenly.
The other boy fell silent for a moment before responding. "Probably get a job and help my mum out. Why? What are you going to do?"
"I haven't the slightest idea." He lapsed into silence for a moment before continuing. "I can't go home. I don't want to go home." His voice cracked and he stopped, looking down at the ground.
"What's the matter, love?" Seamus cooed.
"I'm afraid of what he's going to do to me when I go home," he spoke in little more than a whisper as though he was ashamed of admitting his apprehension.
"Who?" The Gryffindor's voice had taken a harder edge to it.
"My father." He stopped and looked up at his lover's clouded face. "He's going to kill me when I tell him I don't want to be what he wants me to be."
"And what is it that he wants you to be?"
"He wants me to join Voldemort, you know." At that point tears started filling his silver eyes. "I can't do that, Seamus, I just can't. I'm not like that; I can't stomach the idea of becoming my father. Hell, I was already almost there before you knocked some sense into me."
"Draco?"
"Hmm?"
"How did I knock sense into you? I mean, why did it get to you? What did I say?" These were questions he had been dying to ask, but refrained because he didn't want to appear to be ignorant of the other's feelings.
Smiling, the petite blonde replied, "You know, that's a very good question. I've been wanting to tell you about it, but I'm still not quite sure how."
"If you don't…"
"I do," he interrupted. "I think I owe you a bit of an explanation. *deep breath* It's very difficult for me to explain what it was like to grow up being a Malfoy. When I was a very small child, my father told me I was special. He said that I had been chosen to take his place at the Dark Lord's side when he died. I was lucky, he said, to have been given such an honour," he spat, his voice dripping with sarcasm and disgust. "He made all of my decisions for me so that I forgot how to make my own decisions. I forgot what it was like to have free will. It got to the point that I didn't even know I ever had the choice to be my own person because he made sure to beat that part of me into the dirt. Basically, he had turned me into himself. It was like he took my soul, you know? And then when you told me about… what happened to you when you were growing up, it just… struck a chord in me, I guess. I guess I never knew that someone could be so affected by one event. I never really realized that a person could be so affected, period. No one ever told me anything with such intense emotion behind it like you did. No one ever fought back when I said things I shouldn't have said. At least, not like you did. Most everyone else either just cursed me or hit me. But you… you explained what it means to have a soul, I guess. Does that make any sense?"
Seamus stood silent for a moment before responding. "Yes, it makes perfect sense," he whispered, his brow furrowing into an expression of confusion. "I just can't believe that someone would actually raise their child like that…." He trailed off.
"Yes, well, when you've got a set of ideals that means nothing more than 'keep the family name popular and powerful' you tend to do warped things to make sure it happens. Frankly, I could give a fuck whether or not I keep the family name popular or powerful. All I really want is to be able to go anywhere with anyone and do anything without having to worry about the consequences for shaming someone else's ideal lifestyle," he sighed. "And I really thought that I could, with you, but I wonder if that's even possible anymore."
"With me?" the Irish boy asked, blushing. "You… you really think of me like that?"
Draco laughed. "Of course I think of you like that. How could I not? You're the best thing that has ever happened to me."
"Oh, Draco, I- I don't know what to say…" Seamus trailed off, grinning.
As he laced his fingers with his lovers' Draco pulled him closer and said, "I love you, Seamus. Without you… I'm nothing."
**
While drifting back to the Slytherin common room and his dorm, Draco was stopped by Professor Snape. "Dumbledore wants to see you in his office."
The Slytherin's expression darkened. "What about?"
A rare smile gracing his gaunt features, Snape replied, "I don't honestly know, but I can assure you that you're not in trouble."
Snape led his student to the gargoyle and, after giving the password, disappeared down the corridor. Draco ascended the stairs to the main of the Headmaster's office, wondering all the while what he was wanted for. N.E.W.T.s had been taken a week earlier. Perhaps this had something to do with his test results. But then why would he be called to see the Headmaster himself? 'Probably failed,' he thought.
He knocked softly on the door to the office itself, immediately hearing, "Come in, please." He entered the office to find Dumbledore seated behind his desk, a few sheets of parchment in front of him. A warm smile cracked his wrinkled face when he saw who had come to see him. "Ah, Mr. Malfoy, lovely to see you. Please have a seat," he gestured to one of the chairs on the opposite side of the desk from which he was seated. After Draco had settled himself, Dumbledore continued. "You may relax, I promise you are not here to be punished for anything."
Visibly relieved, the small Slytherin said, "Thank you, Sir."
"Nonsense. Now, before I get off on another train of thought, I would like to discuss with you the results of your N.E.W.T.s."
"I failed, didn't I?" he groaned.
At that, the headmaster had quite a laugh. "Not by far, not by far. You have scored higher than anyone else in your year on the Defence portion of the tests." Draco sat up straight, his attention grabbed by the throat. "You have, actually, earned one of the highest scores that I have ever seen."
Clearly taken aback, Draco sat stunned for a moment. "What does this mean, then, if you don't mind, Sir?"
"Before I get to that, I would like to know what your plans are for after you graduate."
"Actually…" he began to fidget. "I don't exactly have any concrete plans…" Dumbledore's smile broadened. "More like, concepts, really…"
"And those would be?"
"Where to go…" he trailed off.
"You're not planning on going home, then?" Dumbledore asked with mock surprise.
"Er… no, I wasn't."
"I see. Do you have any idea where you might want to go?"
"Not the slightest," he sighed. Regaining eye contact with his aged companion, Draco became very apprehensive. He was feeling extremely guilty for not at least making an effort to plan his future out.
"In that case, I think I've got a proposition for you."
"Oh?" His curiosity was piqued.
"With the proper training, of course, I think you would make an excellent addition to the staff here as next year's Defence Against the Dark Arts professor." Draco was stunned. "I know it's a bit short notice, but what do you think?"
He sat silent for a moment to collect his thoughts. "Well, Sir, I'm flattered to say the least, but what about Professor Rodian?"
"She will be leaving at the end of this year in favour of other opportunities," Dumbledore explained. "As I am quite sure you will need to think this through, I do not expect an immediate answer. Please give my offer consideration. There are few others I would offer such a position to."
"Not to sound ungrateful, but why me?" He was rather confused. "All I mean is that there have got to be more qualified people than me who've already applied."
"Very true, very true. However, Draco, over the course of this last school year you have made a very obvious transformation of spirit that leads me to believe that, were I to place my trust in you, you would become an invaluable asset here. I do not know what brought about this change in you, nor do I care to know. Some things are better left unsaid. But who you are now is exactly the kind of person I would be honoured to have fighting on my side," he said rather fondly. "Not to mention that you've got a stronger knowledge base than all of the applicants combined."
Incapable of stifling a grin and blushing at the same time, Draco found his voice. "Thank you, Sir. This really means a lot to me."
As if on cue, both rose from their seats. Dumbledore went to the other side of the desk and extended his hand. "I shall be expecting you to inform me of your decision within the next week."
"Of course! And thank you again. Really…" Draco was still shaking the headmaster's hand.
Removing his hand from that of his prodigy, Dumbledore laid it on his shoulder and led the way to the door. "Nonsense. But do get on your way, enjoy the weather while it lasts," he laughed.
"Sir, is it all right if I discuss this with Seamus? I mean, I'm sure you don't want me to-"
"Yes, I would naturally expect that of you. As far as anyone else is concerned, I would trust you to use your better judgment."
Grinning once more, "Thank you, Sir, thank you," was all he could muster before disappearing down the stairs.
Dumbledore smiled to himself, content in the knowledge that he had not misplaced his faith in the young Slytherin. Turning to the window that overlooked the Hogwarts grounds, he watched Draco literally run into Seamus, nearly knocking him down. Dean caught his best friend and righted him. The old man watched as Draco bounced around in excitement, followed not long after by his faithful companions. 'Yes,' he thought to himself, 'this is going to work out just fine.'
**
Several evenings later, Draco and Seamus were laying in the Gryffindor dorm when the former decided to voice his doubts concerning Dumbledore's offer. "Do you really think I could be a teacher?"
"Why not?" the half-asleep Gryffindor asked as he ran his fingers through the silken strands of his lover's hair.
"I don't know how to deal with kids," he replied, almost sounding panicked. "How am I supposed to teach kids that are my own age? They're not going to want to take me seriously."
"Sure they will. It's all in how you present yourself."
"So how would I present myself?"
"I don't know, love." Seamus was becoming increasingly exasperated. "You don't give yourself enough credit, is all. Just have some confidence in what you're doing, and you'll be able to do anything."
"You really think so?" There was a tinge of hope!
"That's what my grandmum always says. I haven't been able to prove her wrong yet, so that must mean it's true."
Draco couldn't stifle a giggle. How very like Seamus to use that sort of logic when trying to make him feel better. "All right, then," he said, jumping up.
"And where do you think you're going? I'm not quite done with you, yet."
"You're not?" Draco feigned being scandalized. His lover just grinned seductively and pulled him down, flipping him in the process so that said lover was now straddling him. "I thought you were asleep."
"Not me." A very deep kiss. "You'll do fine, love. You'll be the best Defence teacher Hogwarts has ever seen."
"You're sure you're not just saying that?" the pinned boy teased.
"Oh, shut up!"
"Make me."
Smiling fondly, Seamus told the boy beneath him, "I love it when you challenge me!" before attacking him with his lips.
**
On the Wednesday following his discussion with young Malfoy, Dumbledore entered his office as usual. As usual there were several Ministry owls waiting outside the window in addition to a very pretty eagle owl. After sending the Ministry owls on their way, he turned his attention to the odd arrival. The owl dutifully stuck its leg out for the parchment to be detached. Immediately, it flew off. Dumbledore unrolled the parchment to find the violet script of Draco Malfoy. It was a very simple message scrawled in the centre of the page:
When do I start training?
Not one of my better pieces, but I've been having a hard time being articulate. The next instalment will be better, I promise.
Thank you for all the lovely feedback, I have greatly appreciated it. Sprinkles of euphoria: thanks for the hint. I'll try harder next time; another rowan: wow! I'm chuffed, really! No one's ever said they like my writing style before. blushes thanks!; Gwen, you really are too sweet to me. I'll try and get UM updated soon, just for you. Kisses!; blackskye, this is totally for you, you made my world, you know. I'm wicked cool! Oh, that's just- WOW! Thank you so much, love, you flatter me more than is good for me. I do hope you will find this instalment up to par. And, of course, thanks to Rubicon for being my beta, without whom this chapter would suck worse than it already does. Thanks again, lovies! Cheers!