Leonardo tucked Erikas forgotten wrist watch back in the bag with an agitated snarl. There were still many hours until dawn. Against the wall he sat holding watch over his brothers, timing their subdued breaths against each other. For all it was worth- Mike was sleeping well. The first night on the stretcher he hardly got a wink of rest. All night complaining and prodding him for details about why he had to stay on the stretcher. Why he hurt so bad. Why there was blood in his urine. It hurt to watch as he began explaining things to himself, about how he was extra sore from not warming up before the fight, how still being able to go to the bathroom was a good sign. He was begining to buy into it himself. A nice cushion of lies to keep them all from admitting what they all suspected.
Then Mike stopped going to the bathroom all together. He slept harder and longer at night from talking about it all day. Don told him to save his energy. It was very quiet from then on.
This night was even quieter. Disquieting even. Any minute now he expected Lita to come stumbling in the door, frantic to catch her breath. Or be escorted in by a pair of officers. Maybe she would come in wet and weary. Rest beside him with her head settled upon his shoulder, too fatigued to quarrel, and fall into a deep sleep in his arm.
A stirring drew his eyes away from the door, back across the room where his brothers slept. Raphs scars were bleeding again. They needed to be treated.
Leo collected up the sagging bag and crawled over to him, winding around stacks of firewood. The medical supplies were almost totally depleted, save for some wraps that had been rinsed and rerolled. The water bottles were filled constantly and served as a the only topical rinse, if not the only sustenance they had left. There was no food left for them. Their stomachs, accustomed to being mostly satisfied lately, grumbled and turned in protest. Sleep was the only escape, if you could find it.
He knelt beside Raphael and patted the side of his neck to rouse him. A discouraging sneer responded and his hand was shyed away from. The bleeding continued, seeping out of the once adamant scabs, now crawling their way toward the floor. Leonardo wiped the rebel stream of blood from his brothers beak before it reached.
With a startling subtlely Raphael eyes opened even before he had taken his hand away. The enveloping blackness searched and strained in the dark, vaguely aware of familiar company. Still, Leonardo ceased to move, mindful his motions might alert him. Soon it seemed they found each others eyes and formed a silent agreement not to kill each other. Leo turned into the bag and fished out a clean cloth.
"I already went." Raphael mumbled, sitting upright to wake.
"I know." Spots of red began running down into his lips, onto his waiting tongue. Raph smacked his lips at the tangy taste and absently wiped it away. "Don't pick at them." Leonardo mumbled, gathering the wrap into a neat bundle. He could see his brother laying his finger over one of the scabs, careful not to remove it. One of eight, it came down from the side of his forehead, over, and resting upon the tip of his beak. Cut by thin razor like claws they had seemed not to have been noticed until remarked upon long after the battle was over. Trying several times to bandage them it was discovered that one could not wrap bandages around such a round head without a fair heaping of tape, and cutting off sight, sound, taste, and breath. Almost like wrapping an old basketball.
Now let alone Leonardo began blotting them off with the cloth. Raphael watched what he could of his face as he was mopped up. The dry flakes on his beak were trying to hang onto the worn fabric of the cloth, and pulled at his skin.
"What time sit." Raph managed beneath the muffling of the cloth.
"Oh, about twenty to two. Four hours dawn." A quiet grunt came from beneath. He wiped a straying stream of blood from the side of his face and pressed the cloth against his beak. Some quiet moment passed there in the dark, the musty dirt settling back down. The monotonous clicking of the watch was a constant reminder of all the time they had to go, maybe how little they had left.
"I'll take it." Raph watched his brothers eyes with mild interest. His eyeridge sunk down, then relaxed again. The side of his mouth quirked once and he ran his tongue over the front of his teeth.
"I got it. Thanks." He mumbled, patting the cloth again.
"When r'you going to sleep." It was true he had only barely caught the six hours rest in more than two days. He was first to volunteer for watch every night, and first to take point in the morning. Even for his own 'over-do-it-till-your-about-to-drop' attitude, it appeared he was going slowly overboard. At least to Raphael.
"I'll sleep when we get home." He checked the scabs and swiped away a drying smear across the skin. A water bottle was rifled from the bag, Leonardo settled bag on his shins to rinse the cloth in silence.
"Will ya," Raphael blurted out. His face contorted itself to a mildly distasted front as he turned away. The water in the bottle slowed and slowed. Eventually to a stop. Raphael pressed his tounge against the edge of his teeth, hard, and turned back. "Will you just... talk about it, already." Leonardos blank eyes bore into him. The subject was making them both stand-offish. Hopefully for different reasons.
"Talk about what." Leo continued to douse the cloth. Without watching water began diving off the saturated corner, raising the dust up from the floor tile. Raphaels burly arms crossed over his bare chest and he looked off, pressing his ragged nails into his sides. The cuticles began turning white and he let out a huff of breath.
"You know.... what you been ...all bothered about." Leonardo set the bottle upright and focused upon it. The rag, still soaked, went about drawing up the spilt water.
"Noth-"
"Don't fuckin' say 'nothing', ass. We all know you're actin' fucked up." Raph nearly glared at him out of the corner of his eye, arms tightening. His older brother eventually looked up at him. The usual calm countenance was misplaced. Now his face expressed a sort of quiet loss. His eyes at last reflected something more down to Earth than the modest cockiness of his boyhood. Something that was a softer side of manhood, which startled Raphael. His shoulders involuntarily spasmed on the sensation of some terrible excitement. Leo's eyes drifted away, resting their gaze on his still sleeping brothers. Raphael slowly lowered his arms and turned partly to face him. He pulled his leg up under him and waited for what an entertaining bit this promised to be.
"I had a fight with Lita." The words crumpled his hopes for something interesting. Raphael swallowed the urge to roll his eyes and let his mouth do the talking for once in his life.
"So..." The top of the water bottle was twisted on again absently.
"This time it was serious." The bottle top was twisted on almost to splitting and began to crack. "I... I was just venting."
"The way I see it, you 'vent' on her all the time." Leonardo set the bottle down, resting his hands around its neck.
"No. Not like that." Raphael couldn't see, but he guess Leo had closed his eyes to relive this. A displeased sigh passed from him. "God, I was such a jerk. I just...." The voice trailed off. Raph waited for it to continue before giving him a reluctant prompt.
"You just...." He mumbled.
"I couldn't see how far I was taking it. So fucking pissed about.... about this place. About Splinter.... about Maddie. Noriko."
"Mmn." Raphael added under his breath.
"I don't know why her. But I just broke when I got alone with her. 'N she snapped. And we fought." Donatello murmered and turned over. His voice softened and steadied itself. "She ran off. Crying."
"...yeah?"
"But she didn't.... I was... Shit Raph, I hurt her this time." His hands tightened around the bottle neck. "I knew what I was doing."
"why" Donatello mumbled and turned again. Leonardo paid no heed.
"I dunno. I just... couldn't...." The words were strained and painful to both their ears. Another drop of liquid fell into the puddle around the bottle. How long had he been thinking about this? Why was it so dificult to put it into words. Even if it was Raph. He was waiting here, patiently listening. And all he could do was bumble on about a fight he had lived hundreds of times before. But damn it, he needed to say it. To someone. He needed someone's ear for once. At any other time Raphael would be the one, but today. The week. Their fight. Raphaels growing insanity. He needed someone that could understand his own brand of pain. The pain of losing something so.... the pain of losing. Losing by one's hand. He knew of only one whom he could speak with. One he wished to speak with. One he wished who's hand would comfort his cheek, and mouth would utter empathetic murmers. "Oh god, Lita." And here he was with his brothers half opened ear, and a wound to be tended to. Right now just loving his brother wasn't enough. Something important was missing. Something he had been rangling with for several passed nights. And it wasn't here.
"Jeez... get a grip Leo." His shoulder was given a shake. He looked out from the palms of his hands and straightened his shoulders. He tried giving a cool confident gilding to his eyes, but failed. Raphael took his hand back and remained watching him for some time. Neither knew quite what to say. The watch kept ticking on. The sleeted rain continued to pound and hammer against the roof. Trying to get in. "Go..."
"Huh?" Raphael huffed a sigh, crossing his arms over again.
"Go find her. Idiot." It was so simple. 'Find her'. Those words he had wrestled with since she ran away. Could he? Yes. But no, his brothers. How could he leave them? That was answered for him as well. "I'll watch things." Maybe Raph didn't understand completely, but he very well knew his roles in the family. Bless his seared soul.
"Keep moving around onto the palace." He couldn't believe he was saying this. Leonardo gathered himself back to his feet, stowing the water bottle back in the bag. "Stay low, and take it slow."
"Fuck, I know what I'm doing." Raphael muttered.
"Watch the windows... and thanks." Their eyes locked. Raphael squinted in the darkness and held out a hand.
"Watter friends for." Leonardo didn't hesitate to grab it with his own.
"Family." He let the bag down beside Raphael. After a moment he was jerked into a vice like bear hug. Two punch like pats on the shell and he was pushed away. He was confused whether the hug was just an excuse to punch him or not.
"Now get the hell out." Raphael laid back down to relax while he took guard. He wasn't positive he'd ever see his brother again. That was what the hug was for. Leonardo stood up straight and regarded him for a moment. Raph wouldn't look back.
Donatello blinked his beady eyes at Leonardo, standing so tall above him. He had happened to catch the last end of their conversation. It appeared Leonardo was leaving them. For an undisclosed amount of time. And he was the only one that knew how to run things good and smooth here. This couldn't be good. But be couldn't let himself come between his brother and his needs. Not this one. Now Leonardo looked down at him, noticing at last they had woken him. He needed some encouragement perhaps?
"Well, get going. What are you wasting time here for?" He backed away toward the door, grabbing a waterproof sheet from the woodstack.
"I'll meet up with you later, till them, follow Raph. Take care'a Mikey for me." The sheet cloaked him like a great bed sheet and he disapeared out the door of the woodshed. In an instant he was swallowed up by the torrenting weather and left them. Three of them. Alone. With Raph. Donatello tried to pass his shudder off as the cold, but he didn't think he was believed. Raphael glared at him and he sunk back under the plastic sheet. Mike gurgled and bumped against the logs keeping him straight. And so the quiet returned. And the night continued.
So how long has it been. Awhile. At least three nights. Or four? Each feels like an eternity. When it's raining. These kinds of rains were so nice. Lita reached her hand out to feel the sleet against her fingertips. She had no desire to become any more wet tonight though. Her arm returned around her. Even colder when you're alone.
When had she felt this way before? It was a very distant memory that was returning. But was it really that distant? Now it was coming to her. It was.... the begining of this summer. When she was still living with Sandy. And even before that. How long? Since.... before she could remember. Being alone. That was the returning sentiment, was it not? It was trickling back inside of her and it hurt. Her heart was learning to ache again, now even stronger than before. What had changed that all before. What had made her forget it?
Lita leaned her head back against the wall and looked out onto the flooding street. Was it her friends, sure it was. Was it Splinter, Mr. Tagahasi, Uncle Joey, sure it was. But there was something more she knew.
The past, just as much as the present. What was in waiting in the future. They had all lived in a web of the three of these since they met. It had drawn them close. Almost inseperable. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe in all the fantastical and celestial lights they had just grabbed onto each other to survive. Maybe none of them would be friends under any other condition.
It was difficult to swallow for many reasons, but were her new friends just alliances of convienence? If they weren't special. Would they know each other still? Would she still have her companions? Lita bit her lip, wiping her cheek with the side of her arm.
She was only certain of one. It surprised her. But something rather distant inside her wasn't surprised at all. What had made her forget her loneliness. The one person she knew wouldn't change with or without the past. Who would be there with or without good times even. The one who had stood by her all summer. Even when she was too frustrated to learn. Even when she called him names and was as brash as she could be. Dispite what he said, he never left. He never left her. It was an event she never experienced in her life.
How she wished now she had been nicer. Could have studied harder. Could have learned faster. She could have smiled or laughed at his stupid jokes. Could have talked to him like a real person more. But it was too late.
Now she needed him. Wanted him. Not just for strength or swords. She just... needed him.
But it didn't matter now. It was time to give up. It was over. It would be soon. After she broke off with Erika the heat of the moment died. She was alone again, in a place dirtier and danker than the worst of the sewers. It was cold and scary alone. Then she lost whatever state it was that connected her with Donny, Raph, and Erika. Her mind became clouded. All she thought of was her fight. Leonardos words. They became a dull pain in her heart, and she lost her way.
It took her sometime before she found a way out. Long after the time she lost her orientation. Above ground she wandered the streets aimlessly, hiding in shadows when dragons passed. Nights were sleepless and long. Usually very wet. Tonight she had found refuge beneath a square meter of roofing used to protect drying bricks. Though they had become cool and damp over the past few nights. Wiping the moist dirt off her face she found she was crying. She had been doing that alot lately.
Alright. It's time to give up. You're lost. You're tired. You're hungry. And there's no way you'll ever get home. Your best friend's dead. As far as you know so is everyone else... So let's get it over with. Lita looked at the water that now sloshed over the edge of the road, nearing her feet. There were the beginings of rapids down in the valley she passed earlier. She could jump in. The current would bash her into some buildings. Maybe a statue. Then her body could settle in some street. She could sleep at last.
Well... why aren't you going? ....No time like the present. Lita couldn't even touch the brick stack to pull herself to her feet. Her arms just wouldn't respond. They knew more than she did. Stupid hope. Stupid no good rotten hoping. You know it doesn't do any good too! She crawled out, into the street. The water was already up to her ankles. She had to grab onto the roof to keep from being swept away before she could get used to it. Fierce rain caught in the wind stung her face and bare arms. Bits of dirt caught as well made each sting sear and itch.
Lita hung onto the roof and turned away from the winds, shifting her feet about experimentally under the water. She clutched the tiles and closed her eyes, begining to whimper. Tears began dropping into the water, floating above like diamond drops of oil. The rain and wind pounded against her back like slash after slash of whips. The street began spinning. It felt like she was about to pass out.
You must be alive. I know it. I can feel it. I'm going to find you now. Because.... I don't care if you're a turtle. I don't care. Lita took a step forward and was nearly knocked over. She took a second to right herself again before trying. Her next step she let go of the roof and made a skip into the water. She began running, never letting her feet stay in current too long.
The streets were dark as death. Without the light it appeared as if the roads
were completely liquid, and roared around Lita, trying to draw her in. Her feet
were too fast, and she ran passed. The feeling of nasuea left, soon all she
could feel was a heartbeat. It was all she heard, she ran toward it. Torrenting
rain pounded her back, but she kept running. It felt like she was faster than
the current, faster than the street.
The feeling grew stonger. Had it always been there? It felt so very familiar.
It drew her closer. Her shoes were swept off in the current. Bare feet took
longer to run in through the deepening waters. But she kept going, if not stronger
than before. Again she had lost her orientation, all direction. It was as if
she hadn't planned on using it at all though. Something else lead her on. Something
sturdy.
Around a corner she nearly fell, tripping on a fallen brick. Her hands caught her, kept her from being swept away. Something made her head snap up to see.
There ran Leonardo, far away, crossing the street, cloaked in a dark sheet. She didn't know how she picked him out of the darkness, she did know he was about to disapear down another street any second. Her voice caught in her throat and she squeaked. It took some time to swallow it down, he was almost gone.
She called out, waving a free arm. The rains were so thick, she knew he couldn't hear her. She could hardly see him now. Almost gone....
Something made him turn his head. Like he was slapped. And he thought he heard the word 'moron' whispered in the wind. It left as soon as he opened his eyes again. Down by the end of the road was Lita. At last.
Leonardo stopped in his tracks and looked at her. Down on her knees, completely
soaked. Hair stuck to her face. Clothes drench and ripped.
He could see those mocha brown eyes looking into his, even from afar. He saw
the way her lip quivered in the cold, dark and pouted. How the tear made its
way down from the apple of her cheek toward the bottom of her chin. God she
was beautiful.
He held his hand out to her, thinking he could somehow help her up from so far away. She climbed to her feet and began running, slapped from the side with sharp rain. He found his feet moving, slowly at first. Frozen from cold. They continued, going faster and faster. The sheet was released and flew away, flapping like crazy.
Shadows of buildings couldn't hid her completely from him, just as long as he kept his eyes on just her. He wouldn't lose her again out here.
Please, just let me get close to her.....
Please, just let me touch her....
Please.... please just let me hold her. I swear, just let me hold her. Because
if she disapears- if I run right though her.... I'll die right here. Please....
When he left he hardly knew what he would do when he found her. As he got closer
now there was nothing he questioned. He wondered about nothing.
They fell into each other in a swift movement. He closed his eyes and savored the feeling of her arms drawing around his neck. Pressing her close, his hands spread out against the arch of her back. She squeezed him so tightly it felt like she might suffocate him. It didn't matter though. He could die here, happy. A smile grew over his face, set against the side of her hair. She smelled heavenly.
He listened to the quickened whimpers of breath buried in the side of his neck. The heartbeat against his plastron. How her fingers curled around his bandana tails and pressed them against the back of his neck. Her cheek was cool against his hot skin. Eyelashes tickled his neck.
They both pulled back, touched nose to beak. He found his hand running through her hair. Her eyes were dark as shadows, he found a glimmer in them though. A relieved sort of smile filled her face. Daylight was breaking through the clouds above them. He wiped aside a lonely tear with his thumb and smiled for her.
"It's alright now." He felt her hand stroke the back of his head. Her breath warmed the hollow of his throat, sending delicious swirls to his core.
"I know." He drew her close again, holding the back of her neck. It's taken
me this long to find you.... I'm never letting go. He rested his beak down
against the side of her hair.