A/N Ok, this one was hard for me to get out I hope it is ok. Thank you for the reviews, they make me happy! Please continue them. I will try not to lose my muse again.

I've asked myself this before. 'How did I get here?' How the hell did I end up sitting in a circle on Joanne and Maureen's floor with a bottle spinning in center? How did I end up with it pointing at Roger? How is it that I am being encouraged to kiss him by almost everyone in the room?

Let me back up for a minute, as I try to figure this out.

We left the Life Café and we all started walking to Soho, where Joanne and Maureen live. Roger and Mimi tried getting a cab for us, but they all drove by so ended up walking. It was actually a very nice night, the kind where jeans and a long sleeve shirt are fine. We walked in a group, laughing and tickling and teasing each other. Things were relaxed and nice, the problems of the day were left behind. We were just enjoying being together.

Except for Maureen. She walked a few paces behind sulking. Joanne and Mimi both made attempts to include her in our romping, but she didn't seem interested. I did my best to ignore her, but I could feel her eyes on my back, and even Roger said something to me about it.

"Maybe you should talk to her, she seems really upset about everything."

"Nah, I'm good." I reached behind him and poked Mimi in the side and she came over and jumped on my back trying to tickle me. As we rounded the last corner, I felt someone tug at me, and I turned around quickly to see it was Maureen. I let Mimi down; I had been carrying her for about a block.

"Can I talk to you?"
"Sure!" I spread my arms out as I walked backwards. "What do you want to talk about?" My voice was purposely loud and chipper.

"Mark, stop walking, I want to talk to you alone for a minute."

"Maureen, this is New York," I looked from side to side and whispered ominously, "You are never alone…"

"Mark, I mean it. Stop." I turned to the others and they were already walking inside. She pulled me over to stoop in front of her building. "Look, I'm sorry, I don't want you to be mad at me anymore."

"Oh ok. Since you don't want me to be mad, I won't be! That simple." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Stop being so obnoxious! What the hell has gotten into you?"

"I told you before, I'm done taking your shit." I look at her, that inane smile stilled fixed upon my face.

"Mark, I'm so sorry about today, I'm sorry about everything. I never meant to hurt you."

"Bull. That is all you have ever done." I shook my head at her and she took my hands into hers.

"Sweetie, you are my best friend in the whole world. No one knows me like you do… not even…" She began sobbing and her words were breaking apart.

"Not even Joanne?" She nods through the tears.

"You have always been there for me, you can't just take your friendship away. Please?"

Was she begging me? Did I really mean something more to her than just some guy to use and abuse. One look in her green eyes and I knew. She looked at me the same way the first night we made love. It was a look of admiration and love and complete trust. I spent the rest of our relationship trying to find that look from her again. I dropped my hands, but remain silent.

"Mark, please, you don't understand. I love you. Don't you know that?" It occurred to me that she is the second person in just a few hours to tell me they love me and that I am their best friend. I nodded silently, trying to keep myself from glancing at her face, away from those eyes. She wouldn't let me though; she picked my chin up and looked me in the eyes. "I mean it, I love you. I never stopped."

I pulled back from her and stand up. The rage that I had felt earlier today returned in full force. "Don't… just don't go there."

She was crying openly now. "Why? I am just being honest."

"Because…" my voice was rising, "because you are not being honest. You are desperate because I won't be at your beckon call anymore."

"No! Mark…" She stood and stepped closer to me.

I hold up my hand to her, "No, I won't let you manipulate me. You have never done anything for me, all you do is take take take, and I am sick of it. That isn't a friendship, that is… that is… pathetic! I'm pathetic, and I won't be anymore." I turned my back to her, but I can hear her weep, as she approached my shoulders to turn me around.

"You are not pathetic, you are a giving, wonderful, patient person, and you are right, I don't deserve you."

"I didn't say that."

"Yeah, you did, but that is ok. You're right, I have never deserved you, and I knew it. That is why I had to let you go."

"Oh don't try going all noble on me, Maureen. You left me because after fucking half of the population in New York, you had to jump over to the other half."

"FUCK YOU!"

"Sweetie, we covered that this morning, remember?" I looked at her, and she was really sobbing. She had dropped back down onto a step, and her face was covered in her hands as she rocked back and forth. Regret filled me; I had never made anyone feel like that, especially not Maureen. I quickly sat next to her, and put my arm over her back and pulled her close to me. She cried into my lap, while I stroked her hair and back, whispering apologies.

After a few minutes she finally lifted her head, and I wiped away a few of her tears. "Mark…" She didn't say anything more; she leaned in and kissed me. It was as if time stopped still, and the years since our last kiss never occurred. Our movements were automatic. My mouth knew when to open and close, my hands knew when to move the back of her neck, my head knew when to tilt slightly to the side.

The kiss lasted longer than it needed to, and much longer than it should have. It was as if we both knew how wrong it was, and by prolonging it we could both savor it and at the same time, put off the ramifications for just a few seconds longer. Some point in the kiss, the realization that I was actually over her hit me. Yes, I was enjoying her scent, and the feel of her lips on mine, but the butterflies that once lived in my stomach, never resurfaced. We both understood it was the end of something. As Roger had said to me earlier, nothing from now on would be the same, and he was right. Maureen and I could never go back to what we were, and we both had to let that go.

We broke apart at the same time. She turned from me and I stood up. "Maybe we should go inside." She nodded silently, and I brushed my arm over he shoulder as I stepped up to the door. "Maureen, we're ok. Don't worry. It didn't mean any…" I stopped myself. For the second time tonight I was about to tell someone that kissing me didn't mean anything. When in fact, I knew both kisses meant everything. "Just don't worry." I walked into the building.

When I knocked on their door, Joanne opened it and wanted to know where Maureen was. I told her she was still downstairs, but things were ok. I also told her that Maureen needed her, and she quickly pushed me aside to go and comfort the love of our lives… I mean, the love of her life. I realized tonight, that the love of my life wasn't who I thought it was.

I walked in and Roger and Mimi were sitting on the couch. They looked so good together, a perfect fit. I took at deep breath and plastered that damn smile on my face; I was getting used to pretending, "Hey guys."

Roger put down the magazine he was reading, and Mimi sat up from his lap, "Hey, how did it go, what happened?" Normally, I would be dying to tell Roger what happened with Maureen. But for some reason, it didn't seem the right thing to do. For everyone's benefit, I decided to stay quiet.

"It went ok, we talked and yelled, but I think we have a new understanding."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Basically, she's not going to treat me like shit anymore, and I am not going to let her."

Roger laughs, "I give it a week. She'll call you and beg you to film her next protest and you will be right back where you were."

I plop down on the couch next to him, "Yeah, you are probably right." I wanted to change the subject. I pat the sofa, "Well this looks comfy, I'll calling the couch for tonight."

"No freakin' way. Mimi and I were here first."

"Yeah, but that was only because I was outside! Besides, I called it."

"You called it? Are we in Junior High suddenly?"
I smile, "Yup, we are. How did you know?"

Mimi was laughing and she reach over and patted my knee, "Sorry boys, I get the couch, you get the floor."

"Hey! I'm going to share!" Now it was my turn to laugh at Roger, and I stuck my tongue at him.

"He he, sucker…"

"Christ, you really think we are in Junior High, don't you?"

At that point, Joanne and Maureen entered the apartment. "We're in Junior High? Good to know…" Joanne was all smiles, and even Maureen seemed better. They had their arms wrapped around each other, but Maureen and I exchanged a quick look and smile.

"Oh, I know!" Mimi jumped up. "Since we are in Junior High, and this is a slumber party, let's play…" She looked around, taking a dramatic pause, "Spin the bottle!"

"You're kidding me right? Baby, I think you had too much to drink tonight."

"Yeah, Mimi, that is a…" Joanne's grin spread, "That is a great idea!" Mimi started clapping and jumping up and down, and she and Joanne were already moving the coffee table.

Maureen, Roger and I all stood there silent. Finally, Roger spoke up, walking behind Mimi and wrapping his arms around her small waist. "Look, I don't want to do this. The only person in this room I want to kiss is you." He bent down and nibbled her ear a little.

"Exactly!" Joanne yells as she pushes the couch away. "I want to see you and Mark kiss."

"Uh… Joanne…" That is all I could say.

"Yeah, not going to happen." Roger chimed in.

"What baby, afraid you may ruin your masculine image?"

"Or are you afraid you may like it too much?" That was Maureen speaking, finally joining the conversation.

"NO! It is just…" Roger couldn't think of an excuse, and I was useless. I was just thinking of the four people in the room, I had already kissed half of them tonight.

Mimi pulled Roger to the floor and I sat next to him, knowing that the bottle couldn't point to us like that.

"No way you two… Mark, you sit over there."

"Mimi, come on…"

"No arguments, Mark!"

I stand up, "I need a drink if we are going to do this…"

"There is beer in the fridge, help yourself."

I got up and went to the kitchen, grabbed a beer, and by the time I got back the rules had already been made. We take turns spinning the bottle, whoever the bottle is pointing to have to kiss, for 30 seconds, open mouth. I roll my eyes, "I can't believe we are going to do this. Can't we play duck, duck, goose instead?"

"No, we can't." Mimi added, "Now sit." I do as she said, "You guys ready?" We all nodded, as Roger and I swig our beers, purposely not looking at each other. She leaned over and spun the bottle and sure enough, it landed pointing between Roger and me. The girls all howled, clapped and cheered.

So here I am, on my hands and knees, crawling towards Roger. "Don't forget, Marky, 30 seconds."

I look over, "Yeah I know Maureen…"

"Roger, I shouldn't be jealous, should I?" Mimi chides in.

He glares at her and turns to me. He raises his eyebrows, as if to say, 'here goes nothing.' He leans and kisses me gently. It is a strange kiss, yet somehow familiar. To have a man's tough lips against mine, so soon after Maureen's moisturized lipstick dependent ones, feels strange. He is a good kisser, I can tell that. The thirty seconds seems to last forever, and I stop hearing the girls yelling and howling. I barely hear Joanne say stop, but I feel the coldness against my lips as Roger instantly pulls away. I unconsciously reach up and touch my mouth, which almost feel bruised from his strong lips against them.

I look up at Roger, but he won't look at me, or anyone. Mimi goes over to Roger and asks him if he is ok, he just nods. Joanne announces we should continue and we all sit back down, and she spins the bottle. This time it ends up pointing between Mimi and Maureen. Roger snaps out of his daze enough to hoot at his girlfriend about to kiss another girl. I sit back and watch him. Did he feel that too? Did he feel what? What did I feel? Why am I dwelling on this longer than I did the kiss with Maureen outside? Shouldn't that be on my mind still? Not Roger and his tender, but rough lips. Christ, Mark, stop it!

"MARK!"

"What?" I snap back to reality.

"It is your turn to spin." Joanne reaches out to me, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, oh, yeah, I'm fine. Tired…" I fake a yawn.

"Well it has been a long day, do you want to go into our room and sleep?" I shake my head.

"I'm ok."

"No, you should sleep Mark, I got you up really early, remember?" Maureen looks at me.

"Yeah, well, I never really slept last night." I don't sleep most nights, but no one knows that. "I'm fine, don't worry about me. I was just thinking about the loft and what I was going to do." Not the exact truth but the seem to believe it.

"Why don't we stop playing?" Mimi suggested finally.

"After only two rounds?" Joanne fakes a pout, "But I didn't get to kiss anyone."

"OH! I'll kiss you Pookie!" With that the two of them are making out.

I roll my eyes, "And they wanted me to sleep in their bed."

"Yeah, well you would have been kicked out." Joanne is tugging Maureen towards their bedroom. "I think we will see you tomorrow…"

Maureen stops before they enter and comes over to me and hugs me. "We're ok, right?"

"Yeah, we're good." She kisses me quickly on the cheek.

She whispers in my ear, "I meant what I said out there."
"Sure…"

She puts on a pout and walks back to Joanne.

I turn back to Roger and Mimi. Or I should just say Roger, Mimi is passed out on the couch. "Wow, that was fast."

"Yeah, she had a lot to drink tonight."

"I noticed."

"Look, Mark, you know me, I'm not one for talking. I just want to be sure we are ok, right? There are no weird feelings going on, right?"

Not if you don't think me being attracted to you is weird. "No, we're cool."

He nods, and goes to the sofa, and starts pulling off his boots. "This has just been a crazy day."

"You're telling me. I got arrested, lost my home and kissed my best friends… best friend today." I quickly cover my mistake, but he didn't notice, he is too busy laughing.

"I think you should just go to sleep before anymore disasters happen."

"Yeah, good idea."

I grab a pillow from the couch and a blanket and lay down on the floor, where we had just been playing the game. I stare at the ceiling and start thinking about everything that happened today, yesterday, last month, last year. I can't have feelings for Roger. It doesn't make sense. How come the butterflies came back though? I think I just must have been through too much today. It is the only explanation. Maybe I should get away. Get out of New York for a little while. This is the time after all. I don't really have a home.

I roll on my side towards Roger and Mimi, "Rog?"

"Mmm…" He is almost asleep.

"I think I'm going home tomorrow. To Scarsdale."

"Mmmm, ok…"

Ok, you all know what to do now… go forth and review!