A Pain That Would Never Be Forgotten

By: MysticalTenshi17

AN: Hey, this is a side story to Unforetold Feelings. It's also about Serena and her family. And these are her thoughts. Remember, side story and it happens like all the other times with her thoughts and hurt feelings. This is way before she decided to runaway.

Why do I always get blamed for everything? That's the first thing that comes to their mind. Me. Whenever there is a problem or trouble, it's me, I did it, I did it. That's all they ever think about. "Serena is the one who did it."But not all of them are my fault. Just because of somethings I did wrong when I was young, doesn't mean that I would be a rebel and cause trouble and havoc now. I know better than that. But they blame me for life. Everything would be my fault to them, my family, relatives, everyone. They don't always have proof that I was the one, but they don't care. They believe it was me and said that," It has to be, I know her, she has to be the one. I could feel it." Well, they don't. All that is just talk. How would they know. There's no proof. And what if I was not even there. Would it still be my fault? To them, yeah. They have this notion stuck to them no matter what. It's not fair, it's not. And being the oldest doesn't help either. With that, it gives the more benefit and excuse to blame me because I am responsible since I'm the oldest. That's their theory.

Even when I'm trying to do something nice, they either ignore it or turn it against me. Why can't they approciate the things I do? Why must they criticize everything I do? Am I such a disappointment to them. Well, sorry if I'm not perfect. But I am human, you know. And I am learning. But what is there to learn? Learn to be rejected, hated, to feel ugly unfit to be even alive, like I am nothing. Nothing I do would ever make them feel at least a bit loving, thankful.I know I am not perfect, I could never be; unlike them, your perfect children. But I do at least deserve a little bit love, afterall I am your child, too. Your first child to be exact.

Like my many failed attempts to be a good daughter to them, I woke up early today and did some of the chores for my mom. Such as cleaning and the laundry. But did she notice or give me one small appreciative smile. No. She woke up late in the afternoon, and came down to make lunch for us. I could of done that, too, if I knew how to cook. Or at least good. I'm not much of a chef, I know that. But I always wanted to learn, especially from her. Even so, she wouldn't bother to do anything with me. I went back up to my room to rest after lunch. I was really tired. I didn't exactly have enough sleep yesterday, since I stayed up late, really late. Then having to wake up around six, this morning, I was about to faint. As I was walking pass the living room to my room, the drier beeped. Sammy took the clothes out and started folding. Of course I had no intention to do anything but sleep right now. So went up to take a nap. I woke up about a couple of hours later and went downstairs to get a drink, and there she was. Seeing the first chance to yell at me, " Serena why didn't you help your brother with the laundry. You're so lazy, always moping around. Doing nothing, but sleep." That's it! I can't stand it. I have my pride afterall. Mother or not, but like she was. She never held me once in my entire life time, not even when I was a baby. She was never there when I star in my ballot or any of my other performances. Never was there when I rode my first bike, never there for any of the important events/occasion in my childhood. Never taken me to lessons. It was always me. Myself. "What! Mom!" I screamed, my anger enraged, "What do you call me today waking up so early in the morning and doing the laundry and cleaning, huh?" "Ha, you did no such thing." I can't believe it. I am going to explode. How could she! "I did." "Fine, even if you did, you were suppose to. It's your job to do some of the housework, afterall you're old enough and are oldest. And don't you dare smartmouth me. How dare you! Talking back to your mother." Talking back?!! Is defending myself, talking back? No way. And my job?!! Not even. She's the mother. I was the one who offered help. "I'm not!" "Why you!" she raised her hand at me and "SMACK" right on my cheek. I placed my over my cheek and looked at her square in the eye. There were no tears in my eyes now. I have endured much worse. I can't stand being there with her anymore. I ran up to my room, slam the door, and into my bed. I wanted to cry, but I wouldn't let myself. How could? No.

My dad walked in downstairs, I guess; cause I could hear them all the way up in my room. She's complaining about me again. I could catch some words. Like how could we have such a terrible daughter. She's lazy, and have such an attitude. And I could hear her reenactment of the whole incident. From the way she acted as me, she did make me sound like a snob ( a bitch ) I couldn't bear to hear the rest. I just layed my head on my pillow and hugged it closer. I bet my dad is believing it and adding to the conversation of complaints. From all the bad things I've done in the past and troubles I get into now sometimes, he sure hates me like mom. I'm sure.

If I'm such a burden to them, why don't they just throw me out. Kill me or put me up for adoption. I don't care anyomore. It's always the same. I hate this, feeling of being unwanted, hate, being criticized from my looks to the things I do. I hate it. Can't stand it anymore. I just want to disappear. Better yet, I wish my wish could come true. I wish I was never born. Why did they even have me, if they didn't want me in the first place. Am I some kind of toy. A toy they play with when it's new and nice, to their appeal, but get toss aside once they're bored and disappointing, not to their liking.

Why God?! Is this suppose to be some kind of punishment? Why am I born into this kind of family? Why can't I be in a family like all my friends and those on TV. Where they love and care for their children. Why can't I have a family who loves me, for me. I may not be perfect, but....oh they wouldn't care either way.

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AN: Hey fans, thanx for your reviews for chapter 1. I felt inspired by your persuasiveness that I'm working my very best on chapter 2. But sorry if you have to wait awhile. Oh, and this, I just wrote this when I was in a sad/bad mood. So it might not be THAT good, so sorry. But don't worry I'll make it up to you guys with chapter 2, ok? Until then...^_~