Disclaimer: Me not own FF8. Duh.
When It Hurts-eaglewing
I can't stand this. I don't want to feel this way
but there's nothing I can do about it. Not this time.
It used to
be so easy to pretend nothing mattered. Things would happen, as they will, any
efforts I made were just plain futile in retrospect; it was just easier not to
give a damn. If anything mattered at all, maybe they just didn't matter enough
to me.
Then she
comes along, she tries to get me to see I should care. Where does she get off
doing that, coming into my world, taking my hand, gets me caught up in her life
and just when I think I can find some sort of foothold, she leaves. No, I'm not
alone on the dance floor this time. It's just me, and my feelings with no
champagne to drink the shock away. She's here but might as well not be since
all that's left can't help me make sense of the noise she left in my head.
You don't
answer me when I say something, Rinoa. You used to badger me by asking me
stuff, chattering and getting all mad when you couldn't get me to open my
mouth. Oh how I wanted you to shut up then but if you just swore at me right
now, Rinoa, I'd be so damn happy.
They say
you don't know what you're missing until it's gone. I say you don't miss
something you never had. I'm missing you now and it hurts. I've pushed so many
people away but you always got past that, you kept coming back even after every
stupid thing I'd say to get you to go. You just walked by the barriers I put up
around me and here I am, disarmed and defenceless. You've won the battle but
I've lost the war since now I have nothing except my broken shell and your
lifeless body.
What would
you say if you saw me now? I guess it would surprise you as much me for I'm
finding it hard to cope with all this. Everybody else is too worried about me
being all worried about you to say much about all this. What is there to say? I
can't say much, I can't think much, all I can do is feel and that is getting
too hard to bear for someone who has never wanted to in the first place.
I'm going
to try and sleep now. Maybe I'll sleep as long as it takes for you to wake me
up, Rinoa. Wishful thinking but maybe wishes are all I have right now.
