A/N I guess I should say
the harassing from some people worked. But I don't want to encourage you. Thanks for voting for this fic as the best not yet finished… it may be… someday…
The grip he has on my arm is tight, and I shut my
eyes in an effort to hide my wincing.
"Look at me, you fucking faggot!" He shakes me violently, "What the hell do
you think you are doing?"
"Dad! Leave him alone…
"Mom… was Uncle Mark kissing
that guy?"
"Get your fucking hands off of him"
"Fucking Faggot…"
All their voices blend in together as I try and will
myself to disappear. I am able to
control my legs enough to try and sink down to the ground, but my father jerks
me straight up again. "I knew… I knew
it all along… the way you were always with that fucking camera, never playing
sports, and then… and then… Cindy told me you were living with some guy
who has AIDS… what the fuck do you think I am, stupid?"
I keep my eyes on the ground. The back of head is pounding and the blood circulating in my arm
has stopped. I am losing feeling in my
fingers.
"Let me go…"
He finally lets go of me and walks over to Roger, who is
being held back by Joe, my brother-in-law who is 6'6" and very big. Have I mentioned that he works with my
father, and is like the son he never had? Oh, except that he had me. Roger is sweating and swearing, and trying to
break free.
"So is this him? Is this the AIDS infected guitarist that I have heard so much about?"
"Come on kids, let's go see grandma." I watch my sister and shuffle the kids
inside, Stevie, the oldest stands and gawks at me. She grabs his arm and pulls him to the door.
My father approaches me again, pushing me repeatedly against
the wall. "So this is your life
now? This is what you decided to do,
huh? Talk to me… explain to me…"
"FUCK YOU!" The
words escape my mouth before I think about them. I don't care about him. I
feel nothing but despise for the man in front of me. He grabs my collar and slams me against the wall, pressing his
body weight against me, and pulling the collar so that I am choking. I feel my face get hot and I try and turn to
Roger, but that only makes things worse.
"I said talk to me, you faggot!"
"I… I… can't…" Each word is a struggle as his pull on my
collar becomes tighter.
I hear Roger screaming behind him, but I can't look at
him. I want to tell him to shut up, he
is only making things worse, but I can't. My father does though, actually, he tells Joe to shut him up, and suddenly
I hear a groan and no more words from Roger.
My father turns his attention to me, "I won't have a fag
for a son. How the hell could you do
that with him… in front of the neighbors… in front of the whole world… you disgust
me…" he pulls the collar tighter and I am gasping for air now. "So do you have it too? I'm sure you do… I knew it, you are going to
end up dying alone, just like you deserve." He gives me one last shove and
releases his grip. I fall to the
ground, choking and coughing, trying to find the air that I have lost.
I hear the door open, "Charles! What is going on here?" My mother rushes over to us, stopping near Roger, who I now see lying on
the ground, holding his groin. Looks
like my brother-in-law got in a cheap shot.
"Your son and his boyfriend here, decided to get it on in
front of the whole neighborhood, that's what." He walks over me, snarling. "I
was just telling Mark that he is no longer my son."
"Mark, is this true?" She looks at me concerned, and I just nod slightly. "Oh," she stands, straightening her
dress.
"Mom, let me explain."
"With the garage door open? What about the neighbors? They don't need to see that."
Typical, my mother, always concerned about what the
neighbors see and think. Never mind the
fact that they could have just seen her ex trying to kill their only son.
I'm
still struggling to find my breath, "Look, we were just kissing, it was no big
deal…" Maybe if I pretend it wasn't, they will be convinced. Uh, probably not.
"You
were just kissing? He had you
practically bent over about to fuck you up the ass." My father interrupts.
"Christ
no… just…"
"Look,
I love your son." Roger finally stands
up and walks over to me, bending down and rubbing my back, "I don't want to
hide it, but it is new… to both of us…"
"Oh
great, we'll fucking send out the wedding invitations!"
"But
Mark, what about…" my mother is crying now, "What about AIDS? Honey, do you… No, you can't be gay…"
"NO!" I yell, finally getting my full breath
back. "We haven't… look, it is none of
your business, ok?"
My
mother is completely hysterical; muttering how I was just punishing her while
my father is standing next to her glaring at the two of us.
"I
still own this house, and I want you out. Now. Don't come back, ever."
I
stand up, stepping away from Roger. "Don't
worry, I have no desire to."
"I'll
go get our stuff…" Roger starts walking away, but my father blocks him.
"Don't
worry about it. CINDY!" My sister peaks
her head out of the door. "Get your
brother's and his girlfriend's stuff together, ok?"
"Sure
dad," She looks at me and our eyes meet for a moment. We have never gotten along. She was popular and cheerful and did everything right. She worked extra hard at trying to impress
my father, where as I learned a long time ago, that I could never.
I go over to my mom, and try and embrace her, but she backs away, walking into the car. "Mom, I'm sorry, I don't understand why this matters."
She
just shakes her head through her tears and walks away from me. My father turns and follows her and before
he goes into the house, tells me that I disgust him.
Roger
and I are left standing inches apart alone. We look at each other, both afraid to touch, but needing the
comfort. Cindy comes out quickly with
our bags, and her car keys and offers to drive us to the bus station.
No one says a word during the short drive. She pulls in, we get out, and she pulls
away. Her job done, she got rid of me,
now she can go on being the perfect daughter, with the perfect husband and the
perfect children.
We stand on the sidewalk, not looking at each other. My body is still aching and my head still
reeling from the confrontation I sigh loudly and walk into the bus station. He follows me.
I go up to the ticket window, "Two tickets to Port
Authority, and when is the next bus?"
Roger grabs my arm, "No, remember, I can't go back there."
I look at him confused, and then remember. "Uh, nevermind…" I say to the kid behind the
glass. "Where should we go then?
He steps up to the window, "Uh
one ticket to Port Authority and one to wherever the next bus goes."
"Roger, what are you doing?" I turn to the kid again, "No, don't listen to him, hold on a
minute."
I pull Roger away and over
towards to the door.
"What's going on?" I ask him confused.
"Look, you need to get back to the city. Maureen and Joanne are worried about you,
you need to get back to working on your film and find a place."
"No, no, I don't. I can film wherever I am, and I want to go with you." I step closer to him and touch his arm, but
he backs away and holds up his hand.
"Don't…"
"Roger, what is going on?"
"Look, I wanted easy. Remember when I said that?" I
nod, "This isn't easy, I don't know how I could have been so stupid to think it
would be."
"Of course this is easy, you are my best friend, and we
love each other."
"No, it doesn't matter. It isn't easy. Look what just
happened. Your family just fucking
disowned you, doesn't that faze you in the least?"
"Yeah, in a way, but it doesn't matter. I have you, and that is what I care about." I feel like I'm whining, that I'm trying to
convince him of something he already knows.
"There will always be assholes bigots like your father,
and I don't have the energy to face that. I don't want to."
"Roger, you can't let them keep you from being
happy. You told me I make you happy."
"Just go back home, ok? That will make me happy."
"NO!" I raise my
voice, but we are the only ones there except for the kid behind the glass
window. "You don't mean that."
"I do. Please,
Mark, understand." I see a tear in his
eye start dripping slowly down his face, I reach up to wipe it away, but he
backs up another step. "This is how it
has to be. You and me don't make sense
after all."
Seeing him cry, causes my own tears to form. "I don't understand, I can't understand."
"Attention Please: The bus to Port Authority will be arriving in two minutes."
"There's your
bus."
"I won't get on."
"Mark, just do it. Please?"
"No, you love me, I won't leave you."
"I don't know if I actually do."
I look up at him, "What?"
"I thought I did, after what Mimi said and thinking about
it, I mean, I love you, but I don't think I am in love with you."
"Bullshit."
"Just get on the fucking bus." The bus pulls up, and Roger grabs my bag and walks over to the
bus. A few people get off, "I'll get in
touch when I know where I end up."
"No, Roger, please, come on,
this is ridiculous."
"I can't, Mark. Please, for me, just do this. Just let this go."
The driver looks over at us, waiting for us to get
on. I grab my bag from Roger and get on
the bus. I find a seat on the opposite
side of the road, so that I don't have to look at him when it pulls away.
A/N: Sniff sniff… again, I made myself cry… sigh…
