A/N -Welcome back!!! I missed you all so much
(more than I should admit) – so yay our beloved home is now back up and
running. Now I posted Chapter 14 the
day the site went down, so many of you probably haven't read it. I was going to hold off posting this, but I
decided in celebration of the ff.net's return, I would. I wrote three chapters while it was down and
there is an ending in site, so yay!
Keep reviewing!!!
I
spend the night on the couch staring at the ceiling. I fall in and out of sleep, but never for long. I notice the room grow lighter with the
rising sun.
"Here."
Suddenly a piece of paper with a number is shoved in my
hand. "What's this?"
"The number he called from."
"Huh?" I look up
confused.
"I have Caller ID. It may be a payphone, but it may be where he is staying."
I take the number, crumble it and throw in on the coffee
table. I resume my position of lying on
the couch staring at the ceiling. "Whatever." I turn to her slightly, "Why do you have Caller ID anyway?"
"When you have a girlfriend like Maureen, you want to
know who is calling the house." I smile
at that, but then the smile disappears when she adds, "Mark, he won't be at
that number for long."
I shrug and turn over so my back is to her. "Whatever. I don't care."
"Sure you don't." She sits down on the couch, pushing my feet off. What is it about him, anyway?"
"What?"
"What is it that has you and Mimi both so hooked? I don't see it at all."
"Of course not, you're a dyke." I scoot myself up so I am half sitting, but my feet are still on
the couch.
"I may be a dyke, but I see the appeal in you, and in
Collins. Roger, I just don't get. He is so fucking miserable most of the
time."
"That's just an act. He tries to play it tough, you know? So people won't see he cares. Inside him there is so much passion and so much life. He just doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve
like I do."
"Yeah, but he is always so brooding. It can make him so ugly some times."
"What?" I sit up
that, "Oh come on, he's gorgeous, and even you have to see that. Have you ever just seen his smile when he
writes the perfect lyric, or his eyes light up when you tell him good news?"
"Hmm, I never noticed I guess. Obviously you have though."
"Meaning?" I
raise my eyebrows, now understanding what she is doing.
"Meaning, for someone who doesn't care, you seem to think
of a lot of nice things to say."
"Joanne, you need to get out of the house. You have been watching too many Facts of
Life reruns or something."
"Mark, I'm just saying, you are allowed to care. You are allowed to stay sad for a minute,
even longer. But then, you need to pick
yourself up and move on."
"You're one to talk. Who's the one that has been watching Lifetime movies all week?"
"I'm mourning. I'm getting it out of my system. But I'm going to be ok. In fact,
tonight some of the girls from the firm are taking me out for drinks."
"Oh really? Are
they cute?"
"Yeah, why, you want to come?"
"No, I think female bonding may be the last thing I need
right now."
"Well, what are you going to do all day?"
"Lie here and mope?"
"No, you are not." She stands grabbing my arm and pulling me up. "You are going to get out of this house and find someplace to
live. I'm not going to have you taking
residence on my couch forever."
"But Joaannnnnne…."
"Don't 'but Joanne me', come on," She pushes me towards
the shower. "I have to leave in 10
minutes for work, and I'm not letting you stay here all day."
"Oh come on."
"Mark, this is for your own
good."
She practically turns on the water and forces me in with
my clothes still on.
After the shower, she hands me a bagel and a cup of
coffee.
"What
no cream cheese?"
She
glares at me, but smiles, "I'll be back around six. I'll meet you then, ok? If you need anything call." She hands me her business card, and twenty
dollars. We walk out together and she
grabs a cab, kisses me quickly and I before I know it, I am standing on the
street by myself.
I absently look at the card Joanne handed me, and point
my camera at it. Michie, Smith &
Jefferson. It seems so official; I
laugh, thinking that some of her clients wouldn't even talk to me, and here I
am one of her closest friends. I turn
the card over and notice for the first time the blue inked scroll that reads "Roger
717-555-9415"
I shove the card in my pocket and walk towards a
payphone. I pick it up, and then
realize I don't have change to make the call. I go into the first store I see open and buy a bag of Skittles. With the change, I go back to the phone and
pick it up and stare at the numbers for a few minutes.
I chicken out and plop in a quarter and call
Maureen. It rings about five times
before she answers. She was obviously
sleeping.
"Hey, it's me."
"Mark? Where are
you?" I hear her yawn, "Are you back in town?"
"Yeah, I got back last night. I stayed at Joanne's."
"Oh fraternizing with the enemy, huh?"
"Hey, I have no enemies." I laugh, "How are you?"
"Peachy keen, jelly bean." He voice is dripping with
sarcasm. "How do you think I am? I'm
devastated, my heart is broken, and I am lost."
"Well as long as you are moving on." I suddenly hear another voice in the
background and Maureen making a hushing noise. "Are you with someone?"
"No! Uh… It's just a friend."
"Nothing changes, does it?" I shake my head even though she can't see
me.
"Mark, she and I broke up. I can sleep with whoever the hell I like."
"Fine, whatever."
"So tell me, how did it go at your parent's place?"
"Not so great, but I really don't want to talk about it."
"Why, what happened?" I can hear shuffling and swearing in the background.
"Look, why don't I let you go?"
"Yeah, I need to get out of
here though. Want to meet up?"
"Sure, where are you?"
"Uh…. Where are
we?" I hear someone muddle an address,
"In Greenwich Village, want to meet at the Life?"
"Hm, how original?"
"Oh come on, I'm craving their vegetarian omelet."
"Fine Maureen, when?"
"I'll be there in a half hour."
I hang up the phone and trace the receiver with my
finger. I had forgotten for a few
minutes the real reason I was standing in that phone booth. I fish out the card from my pocket and stare
at it so long the numbers begin to blur. Finally I dial the number, drop in the correct amount of change and
wait, my finger lingering over the lever to disconnect.
"Motel Six…"
"Uh…" Just press the button… "Uh, Roger Davis' room
please, I don't know the number."
I hear a loud sigh, "Hold on…" I press my finger down,
but not hard enough to disconnect the phone. Why am I calling him? There was
nothing left to say. Or was there?
"I'm awake." He
sounded like he was anything but.
"Roger?"
"Huh? Mark?"
"Yeah, it's me." I block my other ear to hear him better, and huddle into the booth.
"What time is it? How did you get this number?"
"I don't know the time, just before nine maybe?"
"Oh…" I hear him yawn and moan and shuffle. "What's up?"
"Nothing, I just…"
"Just what?"
"Just miss you, I guess. I don't understand why it has to be like this."
"I thought we covered everything last night."
"Like what?" My voice rises. "We covered shit last night."
"Mark, I told you, I'll call you when I'm ready."
"Oh, so I'm just supposed to sit around waiting for you
to be ready, huh? That doesn't seem
very fair to me."
"Look, what do you want from me?"
"I want you to be honest." I take a deep breath. "I
want you to admit you need me."
He is quiet on the other end. "I don't need anyone."
"Bullshit."
"Well no one needs me."
"I do."
"No, you need someone better than me."
"Roger, there is no one better for me than you."
"I'll just hurt you."
"What the hell do you think you are doing now?" I raise my voice even louder.
"I'm stopping this before it gets any further."
"What gives you the right?"
"I wanted easy, remember? I told you, I realize this thing between us
will never be easy. Mark, look, you
will get over this. Just like you got
over Maureen. It is better this way, trust me." I can hear his voice breaking down, "We were stupid to think it
could work."
"No, I was stupid to put my faith in you!" I yell, not even trying to hide the torment
in my voice.
"I'm sorry, Mark… I don't know what else to do…"
"You are just a chicken shit."
"Yeah, I guess I am. Look, I got to get going."
"Where? What are
you running away to? Cause you know you
can't right?" The words come out broken
through my sobs, "You know …you can't hide… you can't hide from your feelings
for me. Wherever you go… wherever…they
will still be there."
"Mark, calm down, ok?"
"No! Fuck you!" I violently wipe the tears from my face,
as I force my voice to steady by yelling louder, "I won't calm down. You
can't give me the world and then take it away, that isn't fair! I shouldn't have let you…"
"That's why this needs to end now," he says firmly.
"Fine… great… you know what? You're right. Let's end
it now. Before someone gets hurt." I scoff into the phone.
"Mark…"
"No,
you know what? It is time for me to
hurt you for once in my fucking life." Another deep breath. Before I can analyze them, or think about
them, the next words are out of my mouth. "Don't bother calling me when you get wherever you are going. I don't care. You want it over? You got
it."
"Mark, don't be like that."
"Good-bye Roger." I press the lever. I hold it down for about 4 seconds. When I lift it, all that greets me is a dial tone.