A/N:
I decided to be nice and post another chapter today… just in case it goes down
again…
I
walk to the Life Café on autopilot. I
cross the streets without looking, turn corners without reading signs and
literally walk into people. Amazingly,
I make it there in one piece, and of course there is no Maureen in sight. I sit down at a table inside and stare at
the menu. I stare at it, reading each
item description carefully. Anything to
keep me from thinking about him. I'm
not going to dwell, I'm just going to move on. I can survive without him. I'm not going to let him hurt me.
I don't need him to survive. Just like I don't need my dad's approval or even love. I can endure on my own. I can prove to both of them I don't need
them, that I don't need anyone. A new
life… that is what I need… a new beginning… I'll go back to my obsessive work. I'll finish my film. I will make them both proud. Of course they will be too proud to tell me
so. I don't care though; cause the only one that I need to make proud is
myself.
I'm going to work hard and finally realize my dream. I'm going to succeed no matter who's toes I
have to step on, or how many sacrifices I have to make.
"Mark!"
I look up and there is the Diva herself. I stand and give her a hug. She sits down across from me and smiles.
"So… what did Joanne say about me?"
"Uh, hi to you to."
"Mark, come on, we did that on the phone. It is time to dish, what did she say? Is she pining away for me?"
"Actually, she is going out tonight with some women from
work." I smile at her turning the
camera on and filming her reaction.
"Get that thing away, Mark." She scowls.
"What, I thought you loved it when I filmed you." I try
and act surprised.
"Fuck off." She
folds her arms and looks at me, "Is it that Katrina chick?"
"Huh?"
"Who Joanne is going out with tonight? Is it Katriiiiina?" She drags out the name and sticks her nose
in the air.
"Oh, I don't know, she never said a name." I shrug, and order a tea when the waitress
comes over.
"Mark… what happened?"
I look up at her and she points to my neck. "Oh that… uh,
my dad and I had a fight."
"Oh my God, what happened?"
"Look I really don't want to talk about it."
"Mark, you can tell me." She reaches across the table and takes my hand, but I pull it away. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I am just trying to learn how to be
Roger. Not let others affect me or
touch me. That way I don't get
hurt. "So, you are still looking for a
place to live, huh? Me too."
"Great! We can
move in together."
I smile and nod, "Just friends Maureen. I got your message at my mom's. None of this 'we'll see what happens' shit."
"Fine, fine. As long as you don't mind me bringing
'guests' home."
"Whatever, I don't care." I shrug as I sip the tea that just placed in front of me.
"Mark, what is with you? You seem so… bitter… today."
Bitter? Yeah, perhaps
just a bit. "Nothing, I'm just tired,
haven't really slept in awhile."
"Mark, you need to take better care…"
"MARK!
MAUREEN!" At the sound of our names
with both look over at the door, and spot Benny walking towards us.
"Shit,
can we hide?" She asks me in all
seriousness.
"Uh, I think it is a little too late." He grabs an empty chair at our table, turns
in around and straddles it, leaning his arms and head on the back of the
chair.
"Hey guys! Long
time no see!"
"Not long enough I'd
say." Maureen rolls her eyes at me.
Benny ignores her comment, "Mark, I've been looking for
you, where have you been?"
"What? You mean
since my apartment was destroyed?"
"Uh… yeah… I guess… didn't Mimi explain what happened?"
"Yeah, she did, so?"
"Look, the bitch had me sign a pre-nuptial
agreement. There was nothing I could
do."
"Sure there was, Benny. You could have not slept around." Maureen states loudly.
"You're
one to talk, Maureen."
Maureen stands as she says this grabbing her
bag. "I'm suddenly not very hungry."
"Maureen, stay please." I beg her with my eyes, "We have to talk about finding a place."
"Well, Mark, that was why I looking for you." He turns to Maureen who is sitting back
down, her back towards Benny. "Why are
you looking for a place? You and Joanne
break up?"
She remains silent and just folds her arms glaring at
me. "Ok, Benny, why were you looking
for me?"
"Well, I know you don't have a place right now, and I'm
assuming Roger doesn't either, since he and Mimi broke up."
"Yeah,
and?" My body tenses at the mention of
Roger's name.
"And,
I don't either, but I found this place in Brooklyn. It is great, three bedrooms, and it's cheap. I'm going to take it, I can afford it on my
own, but I thought you guys would appreciate a place to stay for a while. You can just pay however much rent you can
afford."
"Yeah,
well right now that would be nothing." I drink my tea.
"No
problem, like I said, I can afford the entire rent on my own."
"So
it would be free?" Maureen's eyes light
up, but then darken, "What's the catch?"
"No
catch, I just miss you guys, and now that Alison and I are divorced, I want to
start seeing you more often. I feel bad
about how things went down with the loft."
"Well,
I don't know where Roger is. He took
off."
I
hear Maureen clear her throat. I look
at her and she smiles innocently. I
give her a questioning look and she mouths, "It's free" and I mouth, "It's
Benny" and she shrugs.
"Benny,
honey, I'll take Roger's room." She
turns herself around so she no longer has her back to him.
"But
it's Brooklyn." I say. "It's so… so… it's Brooklyn!"
"Mark,
honey," She grabs my hand and I pull it away again, "Time for you to move out
Alphabet City. Just think of all the
new footage you can get, and all the new homeless people you can harass."
"Yeah,
but…"
"Mark,
come look at it. Just think, no more
mattresses in the living room."
"You
mean I would have my own room?" I raise
my eyebrows.
"Yeah
you would, in fact it is a huge room. Definitely enough space for you to set up your equipment" Benny's smile
is huge; I can tell he is getting excited.
"Where
did you find this great place, anyway?"
"A
friend of a friend, come on Mark. Where
else are you going to go?"
"Come
on Marky…."
"Fine! Let's go look at it."
The next thing I
know we are on a subway train to Brooklyn. Maureen is blabbering to Benny about what happened with Joanne. Typical, as soon as he has something she
wants, she forgets that she is supposed to hate him. I just stare out at the blackness that whizzes by, and then, when
we hit Brooklyn, the strange unfamiliar neighborhoods below me.
Roger and I could have gotten a place together, a small
crappy walkup, with a bathtub in the kitchen and one bed. We could have come home to each other
everyday, filling each other about our day. We could have spent days in bed, just talking and laughing with each
other. We could have gotten take-out so
often that the Chinese Food delivery guy knew our order by heart. He could have written songs for me, while I
filmed the entire process. We could
have locked ourselves up from the world, knowing that we were safe because we
were together.
But no, I'm about to look at a place with Maureen and
Benny. I know before we get there that
we are going to move in. I can't stay
on Joanne's couch forever and the idea of living in Brooklyn in
intriguing. A new location for a new
life… but will Roger find me? No, it doesn't matter. I'm finished with him I
remind myself. Living with Roger
wouldn't have been late mornings snuggling in bed, it would have been constant
fights over jealousy and drugs and trust. It would be scraping every month to pay the rent. It would be sour notes and bad footage.
Benny
indicates our stop and we get off. I
look around, turning the camera on and taking in the first view of our new
neighborhood. The apartment is exactly
as Benny described, better even. Again
I question his motives and he explains to me that he just doesn't want to live
alone and figured he would try and make up for the past few years. I get his
oath/apology on film so that I am able to use it against him in the
future. He shows us the bedrooms and
the one that will be mine seems to be the same size as the old loft. Perfect for Roger and me. Shit… Perfect for me and my equipment.
Maureen is leaping around the apartment, checking out
closet space, pretending to be really debating if she wants to move in. She says that she was hoping on finding a
place in Chelsea, but she guessed it would be ok. So it is decided. Maureen, Benny and I were going to be roommates. In Brooklyn.