Title: Past The Mission
Author: Cherry Blossom
Warnings: None so far. Eventually shounen ai/yaoi. This is a Relena friendly fic but there is NO Rx1.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Gundam Wing. I just borrow them and make their lives a living hell. ^__^
Summery: Now that the war is over, Heero must find a reason to keep on living. Will he succeed in this one last mission or will the pain finally push him over the edge?
Archive: Those who already host my fics are certainly welcome to post this new one. Everyone else, please ask first. I'm not likely to say no. ^__^
Dedications: To Kaze-chan…something mildly depressing for you (don't worry it gets worse) ^__^, CJ and Corazon-kun for giving support when I needed it and green-chan for making me smile when I thought I never would again. ::sniffle:: I love you guys! ::bawls::
Past The Mission
"Miss Relena? You go on in five minutes."
The young girl turned to the source of the voice and smiled nervously.
"Thank you. I'll be out shortly," she said and watched as the curtain was pushed closed once more. She turned back to the mirror and studied her face intently. She didn't look that much older. Her face was still childishly round but her eyes looked more serious, wiser, as if the last couple of years had taken their toll all too soon. Her hair was pulled back in a professional manner and her dress, although simple, was elegantly tailored. A presentable picture, but more like a plastic doll then a real person. Relena made a face at her reflection spitefully.
"If you do that too often your face might freeze that way," a voice behind her said.
Startled, Relena whirled around to find herself staring into a pair of dark cobalt eyes. She put a hand to the base of her throat, feeling the rapid pulse beat there.
"Heero! Don't do that! Are you trying to scare me half to death?"
An eyebrow quirked delicately.
"Would you believe me if I said yes?"
Relena took a moment to observe her friend and bodyguard Heero Yuy. He had not changed much either. But then again, it had only been three years. Three years…it seemed an eternity since they first met on that beach, since operation meteor began, since the Gundams came to earth. Three long years.
'I wonder if I'll ever be able to look at things like I used to. War, peace, love…everything used to be so clear cut, black and white. And now I'm surrounded by gray. These people expect me to lead them. But how can I when I don't even know which direction my own life is taking?'
A soft touch on her shoulder woke Relena from her thoughts and she blinked at the concern that showed itself on Heero's normally impassive face.
"Are you okay?"
She smiled. "I'm fine. Just a little nervous, I guess. It's funny…I've spent the last three years of my life making speeches and I still get stage fright for every one."
Heero nodded and removed his hand, stepping back a bit. "You'll be fine. I've read your speech and its message was clear. You don't have to worry about that."
Relena sighed and looked back at the mirror. "I know. But that's only partly what's bothering me. I just don't want them to see me as the spoiled little doll I'm made out to be. When they look at me, I don't want them to see the princess, the pacifist, the little brat who went around preaching peace without knowing what the word truly meant. I want them to see me as I am now, Heero. I want them to see me."
"I see you."
The words were simple and blunt but they made Relena smile all the same. She put a hand out and after only a moment's hesitation, Heero clasped it with his own.
"Thank you," she said. "For everything, Heero."
"Miss Relena," a young woman pushed aside the curtain once more and poked her head into the room. "It's time."
Relena nodded and stood up, smoothing out the wrinkles in her dress. "Let's go then," she said.
'You'll be fine,' Heero mouthed as he moved into his position, just out of the audience's line of sight, but close enough to Relena to protect her from any sudden attacks.
Relena tossed him a grateful smile and then pushed back the curtain and followed the woman on stage.
"Members of the board, may I present Vice Foreign Minister Dorlian."
The applause was polite but hardly earth shattering as it had been when she was Queen Relena Peacecraft, the ruler of the earth sphere. But that was all right. She preferred it that way, having no wish to be blindly idolized for a name that no longer had a founding, and an idea that no longer had a place in the world. Pacifism, although a lovely sentiment, would never be realized as a way of life for humans. Trieze had known that fact far before Relena learned it. It had taken a near disaster with the rise of Marimeia to make her see the error of trying to create a pacifist society. Man is a fighting creature.
"Council member, I have come here tonight to share with you a vision, a vision of a peaceful future for all of mankind…"
But wars and weapons like the Gundams had no place on the earth either. Senseless battles created for and by the soldiers who had never known anything but the cruelties of war had no place here anymore. The crimes of the past must not be repeated.
"…that we must work together to change the hearts and minds of those who would keep us from our long deserved peace. We must always remember the cost of our freedom…"
Relena let her eyes wander around the room. She had practiced this speech so often she could do it in her sleep and she paid no attention to it now, choosing instead to read the audience for their understanding. They were interested, nodding at all her points. But were they actually thinking about what she was saying? That was what concerned her.
Just above her and to the right on a curtain-covered platform stood Heero Yuy, eyes attentively sweeping the audience for any signs of disturbance. But of course, there was none. There hadn't been for a year now. Realizing, suddenly, that Heero had no reason to remain here as her bodyguard, Relena took a moment to consider the soldier.
They had become good friends during the past year. Friends, but nothing more. Heero had never shown any interest in her as a lover and, after a while, Relena had come to accept it…even appreciate it. She had more need of a trusted friend then a lover after the Marimeia incident. He'd surprised her, Heero did. She had expected him to disappear into the sunset after his injuries were all healed. But he stayed, offering his protection, and Relena never questioned it. Maybe she should have.
Heero's cold blue eyes swept the room once more, finger tensing on the trigger of his gun…and then he looked down at Relena. Their gazes connected for an instant and for the first time, Relena saw past his defenses, saw past the perfect soldier into the real Heero. And what she saw made her voice thick with sorrow.
'He hasn't accepted it. He hasn't accepted that the war is over. Oh Heero…'
She remembered how, when Dekim Barton lay cold and dead, shot by his own guard, when she held the mortally wounded Marimeia in her arms and begged her not to die, Heero had come, his empty gun barrel spinning one last time with the claim that he had killed Trieze's daughter. Relena recalled his words.
/I have killed Marimeia. I will never kill another person again. I…don't have to anymore…/
Relena had thought that it was relief that made Heero's voice tremble as it did, relief that made him crumble so completely into her arms. Now she knew…it wasn't relief at all. It was horror! Complete and absolute terror at losing one's place in the world.
'Why couldn't I see it before? Dammit Heero, why do you still hide everything from me?'
Heero had been afraid of living in a world without war to define him as a person. He had always been a soldier. And now that he was no longer needed…what was he?
Finishing her speech, Relena bowed her head to the cheering council members and then looked again to the wings where Heero stood hidden by the curtain.
'He's been hiding from his future.' Relena decided. 'But I won't let him do it anymore. He deserves to have his life back.'
Quickly, Relena made her way backstage, ignoring the congratulating hands that where thrust before her to shake. She caught sight of Heero heading down the stairs and made a quick decision.
"Heero! I need to talk to you."
A flash of puzzlement showed itself in Heero's eyes, but he nodded his head and gestured for her to walk outside with him where prying eyes couldn't follow.
'I just hope I can fix this,' Relena thought anxiously, 'and I hope Heero forgives me.'
To Be Continued…