Okay, and now for Phoebe's POV…What's REALLY happened to Phoebe since Helga left? How much affect has it taken on her? And why isn't she with Gerald? Who are her friends now? What IS her GPA? How many colleges DOES she have after her? What's going on in her head? And what's this about CURLY?!!! Read and find out! More chapters to come, stay tuned…
Chapter 6
It had been five years since she left. Helga. My best friend.
Had I made a new best friend? No. Of course not. No one could ever replace Helga. She was irreplaceable.
I didn't want her to know how much it pains me to live knowing she's not within my reach. Knowing I'll probably never see her again. I never wanted her to know how devastating her leave was for me. I hid those feelings as best I could, and after she left, I was a mess.
I occasionally hang out with Arnold and Gerald, but I know it's mostly sympathy that got me there. Usually, I feel secluded in this little group, as Arnold and Gerald are both of the male gender and have been best friends for as long as Helga and I have. I'm not really "part of" their group--just there.
Otherwise I'm a loner. An outcast, and quite frankly, a geek. When Helga was around, I hadn't been labeled a geek. It was one of the few perks of being Helga's best friend.
Although I can't deny my attraction to Gerald, it sometimes bothers me how ignorant and uncaring he can be when it comes to Helga. I'll occasionally erupt in my emotions, and catch myself before I say too much. I can't help but feel a certain resentment for Arnold as well. He's still as naïve as ever, still clueless about Helga's undying love for him. At least, I hope it was undying. That was a part of her that made her so interesting--without her obsession, she's just dull and hollow.
My grades have dropped in the last few months. Actually, it was subtle at first, starting just a few years ago, but now my depression had gotten the best of me.
I know I'm smart. I'm very intelligent, and could make the grade if I really wanted to. But now I've gotten past the point of caring. What did it matter now what my grades were? What college I attended, what career I would have, how much money I would make?
None of it all mattered, in the end. I'd lost the desire to learn, to grow, and to prosper as a human being, because without someone to share it with, it's hardly worth it.
I wish Helga would come back. Maybe our friendship wouldn't be the same as it had been so many years ago, but at least this hole in my heart would finally be filled. Maybe if I saw her again, everything would be okay.
In my geek hood and insanity, I've come to bond with Curly, an old classmate of mine from PS118. Before I had regarded him as weird, insane, and unpredictable. Now I saw him as a human being: normal feelings, anxieties, and reactions. Sure, he would lose it now and then, but it was all a part of what made him so interesting.
I guess Curly is my friend now. I don't really know why, when I really think about it, because we were never especially close before. I suppose it's just because I can relate to him more now, and the changes I've had to undergo have led me to an odd connection with him I could never really explain.
Everything was changing, and it was so weird now. Sometimes I can't believe who I've become, and I feel so ashamed with myself. How could I let this get to me so much? Why was this loss controlling my life?
I've attempted numerous times to contact Helga, but there seems to be only one way, and it's not working. Since Helga never left an address with her letters, which I've come to believe was intended that way, the only other method was a to ask her parents.
After getting thrown out so many times for even mentioning her name, I've come to the conclusion that her parents are moving on and trying to forget about their daughter. I don't know why; I mean, they were the ones that sent her to that art school in the first place, right? I would have assumed they'd be proud of her, admiring her as they did Olga. But to my astonishment, they could have cared less. In fact, I got the impression they were about as clueless as to Helga's location as I was.
I think Helga wants it that way. I don't know why, or for what reason she would want to shut us out of her life, but it disturbed me. I couldn't help but worry and wonder.
I don't think Helga wants to be found. For me or anyone else in her past to see her again. I can't imagine why she would feel that way, but whatever the reason, I resented her for it. Didn't she realize how much she was hurting me by pushing me away? Didn't she know?
Maybe she felt the same way. Maybe that's why she was pushing me away.
I miss Helga…
Chapter 6
It had been five years since she left. Helga. My best friend.
Had I made a new best friend? No. Of course not. No one could ever replace Helga. She was irreplaceable.
I didn't want her to know how much it pains me to live knowing she's not within my reach. Knowing I'll probably never see her again. I never wanted her to know how devastating her leave was for me. I hid those feelings as best I could, and after she left, I was a mess.
I occasionally hang out with Arnold and Gerald, but I know it's mostly sympathy that got me there. Usually, I feel secluded in this little group, as Arnold and Gerald are both of the male gender and have been best friends for as long as Helga and I have. I'm not really "part of" their group--just there.
Otherwise I'm a loner. An outcast, and quite frankly, a geek. When Helga was around, I hadn't been labeled a geek. It was one of the few perks of being Helga's best friend.
Although I can't deny my attraction to Gerald, it sometimes bothers me how ignorant and uncaring he can be when it comes to Helga. I'll occasionally erupt in my emotions, and catch myself before I say too much. I can't help but feel a certain resentment for Arnold as well. He's still as naïve as ever, still clueless about Helga's undying love for him. At least, I hope it was undying. That was a part of her that made her so interesting--without her obsession, she's just dull and hollow.
My grades have dropped in the last few months. Actually, it was subtle at first, starting just a few years ago, but now my depression had gotten the best of me.
I know I'm smart. I'm very intelligent, and could make the grade if I really wanted to. But now I've gotten past the point of caring. What did it matter now what my grades were? What college I attended, what career I would have, how much money I would make?
None of it all mattered, in the end. I'd lost the desire to learn, to grow, and to prosper as a human being, because without someone to share it with, it's hardly worth it.
I wish Helga would come back. Maybe our friendship wouldn't be the same as it had been so many years ago, but at least this hole in my heart would finally be filled. Maybe if I saw her again, everything would be okay.
In my geek hood and insanity, I've come to bond with Curly, an old classmate of mine from PS118. Before I had regarded him as weird, insane, and unpredictable. Now I saw him as a human being: normal feelings, anxieties, and reactions. Sure, he would lose it now and then, but it was all a part of what made him so interesting.
I guess Curly is my friend now. I don't really know why, when I really think about it, because we were never especially close before. I suppose it's just because I can relate to him more now, and the changes I've had to undergo have led me to an odd connection with him I could never really explain.
Everything was changing, and it was so weird now. Sometimes I can't believe who I've become, and I feel so ashamed with myself. How could I let this get to me so much? Why was this loss controlling my life?
I've attempted numerous times to contact Helga, but there seems to be only one way, and it's not working. Since Helga never left an address with her letters, which I've come to believe was intended that way, the only other method was a to ask her parents.
After getting thrown out so many times for even mentioning her name, I've come to the conclusion that her parents are moving on and trying to forget about their daughter. I don't know why; I mean, they were the ones that sent her to that art school in the first place, right? I would have assumed they'd be proud of her, admiring her as they did Olga. But to my astonishment, they could have cared less. In fact, I got the impression they were about as clueless as to Helga's location as I was.
I think Helga wants it that way. I don't know why, or for what reason she would want to shut us out of her life, but it disturbed me. I couldn't help but worry and wonder.
I don't think Helga wants to be found. For me or anyone else in her past to see her again. I can't imagine why she would feel that way, but whatever the reason, I resented her for it. Didn't she realize how much she was hurting me by pushing me away? Didn't she know?
Maybe she felt the same way. Maybe that's why she was pushing me away.
I miss Helga…