In this chapter, Helga is walking the streets of an unfamiliar neighborhood, trying to decide where to go next. There's something she doesn't realize though, and it's not revealed in this chapter. Read on, you'll find out later…
Chapter 8
It was cold out, as I trudged through the wind and rain, suitcases at hand, no jacket to keep me warm. I watched as couples walked hand in hand, an umbrella to shield them from the rain, happy to be together and in love. I sneered, hatred and jealousy burning within me. How I despised them.
An immense sadness overwhelmed me, loneliness and yearning once again surfacing. I would never be so lucky, never be that happy, beautiful woman walking beside the one she loved. Did I deserve that, really? No. Of course not.
And yet, the desire was still set aflame. Still lingering inside of me, still haunting my every thought and emotion.
I wanted what they had. And it pained me to know that I would never have it.
I was still in the same city, trying to decide where to go from here. I mean, where was I supposed to go? A 15-year-old girl with no money, no home, and no job. No family, as far as my parents were concerned, and my friends had probably long forgotten me.
Yes, it's a sad, sad life I live.
I shudder to think where I'll end up if I stay here. Will I be one of those women standing at the corners? A bum, sitting on the side of the road with a little bucket for donations? Is that how I was to turn out?
And yet, my pride had gotten the best of me. I couldn't go back, back to my old life and my old home and my old friends. Not like they'd take me back, anyway. I mean, why would they?
If I went back there, would I become the bully I used to be again? Would I revert to bossing everyone around, threatening and insulting, dominating and overpowering? Or, worse, would I turn soft, and become a shy, quiet girl who hides among the shadows, only coming out when darkness reigned? Where would I stay, if I did return? Not something I'd have to worry about, though, because that simply was not going to happen.
It's not that I didn't want to see them again, it's just… I guess I just don't want them to see me.
Ah, well, thinking about it won't matter. I'd already decided.
Hadn't I?
I shivered from the chill, the wind suddenly becoming harsher. Where would I find shelter tonight? Who could I turn to, in a city where I knew no one?
I continued to walk, not knowing my destination. Simply walking, my subconscious mind taking me wherever it led me. I folded my arms across my chest, hoping to find some warmth there, but instead pulling away with the same chill as before.
I didn't recognize these houses, this neighborhood or these people. I was once again alone, cold and hungry. How I craved to find the comfort of a home. To not be deprived of this hunger, to find shelter and most importantly, the love and affection I so desired.
Maybe I didn't know where I was going. But wherever I was dragging myself to, I hoped there would be something there for me. I'd had too many disappointments, letting myself down like that would only destroy the last remnants of hope left over in my tortured soul.
One day, perhaps I'll see Arnold again. Not now. Right now, he's the last person I wanted to see. I want to forget about Arnold.
Nope, no way, I am NOT going to see Arnold again.
Chapter 8
It was cold out, as I trudged through the wind and rain, suitcases at hand, no jacket to keep me warm. I watched as couples walked hand in hand, an umbrella to shield them from the rain, happy to be together and in love. I sneered, hatred and jealousy burning within me. How I despised them.
An immense sadness overwhelmed me, loneliness and yearning once again surfacing. I would never be so lucky, never be that happy, beautiful woman walking beside the one she loved. Did I deserve that, really? No. Of course not.
And yet, the desire was still set aflame. Still lingering inside of me, still haunting my every thought and emotion.
I wanted what they had. And it pained me to know that I would never have it.
I was still in the same city, trying to decide where to go from here. I mean, where was I supposed to go? A 15-year-old girl with no money, no home, and no job. No family, as far as my parents were concerned, and my friends had probably long forgotten me.
Yes, it's a sad, sad life I live.
I shudder to think where I'll end up if I stay here. Will I be one of those women standing at the corners? A bum, sitting on the side of the road with a little bucket for donations? Is that how I was to turn out?
And yet, my pride had gotten the best of me. I couldn't go back, back to my old life and my old home and my old friends. Not like they'd take me back, anyway. I mean, why would they?
If I went back there, would I become the bully I used to be again? Would I revert to bossing everyone around, threatening and insulting, dominating and overpowering? Or, worse, would I turn soft, and become a shy, quiet girl who hides among the shadows, only coming out when darkness reigned? Where would I stay, if I did return? Not something I'd have to worry about, though, because that simply was not going to happen.
It's not that I didn't want to see them again, it's just… I guess I just don't want them to see me.
Ah, well, thinking about it won't matter. I'd already decided.
Hadn't I?
I shivered from the chill, the wind suddenly becoming harsher. Where would I find shelter tonight? Who could I turn to, in a city where I knew no one?
I continued to walk, not knowing my destination. Simply walking, my subconscious mind taking me wherever it led me. I folded my arms across my chest, hoping to find some warmth there, but instead pulling away with the same chill as before.
I didn't recognize these houses, this neighborhood or these people. I was once again alone, cold and hungry. How I craved to find the comfort of a home. To not be deprived of this hunger, to find shelter and most importantly, the love and affection I so desired.
Maybe I didn't know where I was going. But wherever I was dragging myself to, I hoped there would be something there for me. I'd had too many disappointments, letting myself down like that would only destroy the last remnants of hope left over in my tortured soul.
One day, perhaps I'll see Arnold again. Not now. Right now, he's the last person I wanted to see. I want to forget about Arnold.
Nope, no way, I am NOT going to see Arnold again.