So, here begins the second installement of my fan-fic! I hope you can cope with the crazy ending- it certainly gets weirder here! (But I love it that way!)
(On the way through the village, after some shopping, they met Sirius, in lovable dog form, carrying a back issue of the Daily Prophet in his mouth. On seeing them, the dog wagged its tail furiously, and, jerking its head in a 'follow me!' fashion, trotted off up the mountain path that led to the cave Sirius shared with Buckbeak.)
Sirius: (changing back to his human form, and dropping the paper) Phew! Hi Harry, Ron, Hermione! It's good to see you! Is this just a social call? You don't have any food, do you?
Ron: (sighing) here you go!
(Ron relinquishes a loaf of bread, a six-pack of butter-beer, a selection of juicy bones for Buckbeak and a basket full of the kitchen's best cream cakes, obtained through kind generosity of Dobby and the other house elves. Along with these, Ron includes some levitating sherbet balls - Part of a stash he's just purchased at Honeydukes.)
Ron: (sighing gallantly) Those are from me. I suppose you need them more than I do!
Sirius: Hey, thanks Ron! These are great! They always were my favourites...
(Sirius sucks contentedly, and begins to hover, about a foot from the floor.)
Hermione: (looking concerned) Ron! Don't you think you should have stuck to the real food?
Ron: (aghast) What are you on about, Hermione?! Those are way better than real food!
Harry: (intervening to prevent another fight) Yeah, Sirius; well, other than the fact that we wanted to see you,
(Harry ignored Ron as he shot Hermione a contemptuous glance), we think there might be something *going on* at Hogwarts. You see, Dumbledore said we could have a muggle music day today, as it's Hallowe'en,
(Sirius nodded, looking concerned), -and I think something out of the ordinary is happening…every song we've heard so far has been kind of…Embarrassing….
(Ron snorted devilishly, grinning at Hermione) And some!
Hermione: (scowling) Ron! I think it's -
Sirius: (frowning seriously, and spitting out his sweet) Just a minute, Hermione. I think this could be important. Now, Harry, what exactly happens to these people?
Harry: Well, they -
(As Harry started to describe the symptoms, Sirius' dark eyes grew blank, and his expression became slightly gormless. Everyone looked at each other in horror…
Hermione: Oh no! Its got Sirius!!!
Ron: We have to keep talking to him! Get him to snap out of it!
Harry: (shouting) SIRIUS! Don't give in! Remember, You DON'T WANT TO SING!!
Ron: (experiencing a terribly disturbing flashback of Sirius' attempt of a Britney filk, and shuddering involuntarily) YEAH! AND WE DON'T WANT YOU TO SING EITHER!
Hermione: RON!
(As he heard their shouts, Sirius' face flickered back to normal for a moment, but he was gritting his teeth, and fighting so hard to block out the music that was welling up that his knees were buckling. They knew it couldn't last. Sirius snapped, with a groan, and the opening chords of 'MAN, I feel like a woman!' stormed into the cave.
Ron: (Paling) Oh grief, here it goes!
Sirius: (flitting about the cave with a face that Goyle would have been proud of)
I'm going out tonight,
I'm feeling all right,
Gonna let my dog side ou-ow-oo-out!
(Terrible howls filled their ears)
I don't need a lead, won't roll or beg or plead,
There's gonna be no keeping me dow-ow-oo-own!
Ron: (Covering his ears) Oh, for the love of God Harry, make it stop!!
(Sirius continued flouncing, unperturbed by all the suffering he was inflicting)
Sirius: The best thing about being a canine,
Is the prerogative to munch a few rabbits (rabbits!)
Woah-eh-oh (Aahhhhhh! Yelled Hermione, cracking finally, and trying desperately to flee the cave)
It's where my life be-gan
Forget I'm a hu-man!
So you see, I can be free, (Harry broke down, and started sobbing)
Woah-eh-oh
Ron: NOOOOOOOOO!
Sirius: (continuing) My life I can flee, oooh, you know how I feel!
Hermione: Perhaps not!
Sirius: Guys, I feel like a mongrel!
Harry: Well you sound like a screech owl!
(The song, clearly realising it had done enough damage, drew to a swift close, and Sirius, who usually looked so deep-down-dangerous, lay on the floor and began to sob.)
Sirius: Oh, God, I'm so sorry! Ron, are you O.K? (Ron still had his hands over his ears and his eyes tightly closed.) Hermione, the way out is over there….
(Hermione had made a large hole in the floor where, in desperation, she had tried to blast her way out. Sirius walked slowly over to Buckbeak, who was still cowering in a corner, and shaking, and began to pat him absent mindedly over the head.)
Sirius: God….muggle music is really horrendous, isn't it? I can't believe I just did that! I really am sorry….
Harry: (wiping his tears) Well, at least it can't get any worse than that!…
Ron: Er, Harry….Remember what happened last time you said that?
(Sure enough, Wormtail and Voldemort apparated in the entrance of the cave. Sirius growled, and everyone drew their wands with a silent swish.
Voldemort: Well, well. This is a cosy gathering, isn't it? I hope we're not intruding!
How have you been enjoying my little songs?
Sirius: (venomously) Interrupting? Not at all! Perhaps you'd like to sing us a verse yourself?
Ron: Oh, Sirius no! Please! I can't take any more!!
(Emphasis is taken off Ron's pleading because Sirius has just spotted Pettigrew.)
Sirius: (Roaring, eyes flashing angrily) How dare you?! What are you doing here?!
Pettigrew: S-S-Sirius! You n-never write! You n-nev-never call!
Voldemort: Enough, Wormtail! It's time for my song!
(Everyone gasped in terror as they realised that they were going to have to endure a song from the worst singer in the entire world…Next to Sirius, of course…
Harry realised that he'd been wrong all along. Although not his usual style, this had all been Lord Voldemort's doing. He had simply disguised his voice...
Voldey coughed politely, and started up the music to 'Mamma Mia' with an elaborate twirl of his wand.)
Sirius: GRRRRRR! How dare you massacre my favourite song, Snake eyes?!
Oh God….Did I really say that out loud?...
L.V: I've been cheated by you since I don't know when!
Sirius: You know damn well since when!
Harry: (entranced) Shhhhhh!
L.V: So I've made up my mind you must come to an end!
Ron: Not if we have anything to do with it!
L.V: (irked) Look at me now!
Sirius: Will you ever learn?!
L.V: I don't know how, but I suddenly lost my soul, when I last tried for world control! (du-doo-doo!)
Just one curse and I heard danger bells ring,
That one curse nearly ruined everything (woah-oh)
Harry Potter!
Sirius: (incensed, and storming around the cave in an utter rage) Don't listen, Harry!
L.V: (Louder still) Here we go again!
Harry: (shouting) Oh yeah? I can still resist you!
L.V: Harry Potter, (incredibly fake, muscle-spasm of a smile), does it show again?
My, my, just how much I missed you?!
(L.V reaches a crescendo) Yes, I was broken hearted,
gone, since this whole thing started,
why, why did I ever let you go?
Hermione: Seems to me that you didn't have much of a choice!
L.V: (Snarling) Harry Potter, even if I say, die now, leave me now forever!
Harry: (getting into the spirit of things) Sorry Voldey! It's a game we play- I live, despite your endeavour!
L.V: (Screaming wildly) HARRY POTTER!
(Seizing the chance, Hermione jabbed her wand at Wormtail, who had been bopping around to the song, which was fading, and at Lord Voldemort, who was clearly becoming rather stressed…)
Hermione: Obliviate!
(The spell hit them both face on, and as they dissaparated, their general aura of confusion was greatly appreciated by everyone. Especially Sirius.)
Sirius: Well done Hermione! That was extremely close, but now they won't know where to find me!
Ron: (recovering) Well, at least now we know what sent these songs!
Harry: Yeah! Thank God they've gone for a while, anyway!
Hermione: May they never return!
Ron: Hang on there, Hermione! I wouldn't really object to them coming back once in a while! After all, next time I'm going to get photographic evidence of you in full song!
Sirius: Don't worry Ron! My secret intelligences up at the school tell me that Dumbledore felt that the great response from today's muggle song day might even warrant a return of the day next year! They could be making it an annual event!
I fact, I might try and sneak up to the school next time, and treat you all to my rendition of 'Girls just wanna have fun!'
Ron: Sirius! Do NOT say that! Don't even JOKE about that! In fact, promise me right now that you will never give up your role as Harry's unstoppable yet strangely vulnerable animagi guardian for a career in the music business, or I will blast you straight down your new hole!
Sirius looked strangely flattered, and raised his eye-brows innocently. He took a step back…
Sirius: I prom-iiiiiiissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssse!
(He had fallen down the hole)
(Hermione shrugged, staring down the hole, which mined right into the mountain itself. The three remaining occupants of the cave -(excluding Buckbeak, who was happily consuming Sirius' discarded bag of levitating sherbert balls, and starting to hover near the ceiling) -grinned at each other. Hermione smiled widest, and, wearing a philosophical face, remarked,)
Hermione: Oh well! I guess a little craziness is good for us once in a while!
And that's all folks! There goes my addition to 'a small amount of craziness!' I think I have to write a disclaimer now, don't I?
Whoo-hoo! I love doing this!
O.K, so: All the characters in this fic were borrowed from J.K.Rowling. Harry, Hermione, Ron, and all other Weasleys belong to her, as do Snape, Dumbledore, Sirius, (who has not, incidentally, injured himself down the hole! Could I do that to him? Of course not!), Voldemort, Wormtail, Malfoy, Colin Creevy and anyone else I've forgotten to mention. Ah! Buckbeak...
I have no real idea of who I should be crediting all those songs to, so I guess it's best to credit them to Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Geri Halliwell, ABBA and Shania Twain. Although really credit should go to whoever wrote them- and with such adaptable lyrics!
Inspiration for the above fan-fic comes from all the crew at the H.P 4 board, and everyone whose fan-fics I've ever read! You inspired me to write this, Guys! (Poor you! What a thing to have on your consciences!!)
Lastly I would like to thank my Mother, my Father, my Brother, my 'ickle bunnie rabbits (o.k, I'm quitting, I'm quitting!), and J.K.R, for writing the best books in the whole world, and being an all-round great person. (I pressume!)
If I've forgotten to write anyone on this, everyone totally hassle me about it, 'cos I'm determined to get this right! I think that's the end, then…..Well! Thank-you and good-night, you gorgeously groovy Potter fans, you! :-D Thanks for reading this, and if you liked, (flutters eye-lashes!) then please review it, 'cos I'd love the feed back. And even if you hated it! You can tell me, I promise! (O.K, so I'm rambling now...)
Thanks for reading this! - Bertina Bott, serial risk-taker! (Author)
(On the way through the village, after some shopping, they met Sirius, in lovable dog form, carrying a back issue of the Daily Prophet in his mouth. On seeing them, the dog wagged its tail furiously, and, jerking its head in a 'follow me!' fashion, trotted off up the mountain path that led to the cave Sirius shared with Buckbeak.)
Sirius: (changing back to his human form, and dropping the paper) Phew! Hi Harry, Ron, Hermione! It's good to see you! Is this just a social call? You don't have any food, do you?
Ron: (sighing) here you go!
(Ron relinquishes a loaf of bread, a six-pack of butter-beer, a selection of juicy bones for Buckbeak and a basket full of the kitchen's best cream cakes, obtained through kind generosity of Dobby and the other house elves. Along with these, Ron includes some levitating sherbet balls - Part of a stash he's just purchased at Honeydukes.)
Ron: (sighing gallantly) Those are from me. I suppose you need them more than I do!
Sirius: Hey, thanks Ron! These are great! They always were my favourites...
(Sirius sucks contentedly, and begins to hover, about a foot from the floor.)
Hermione: (looking concerned) Ron! Don't you think you should have stuck to the real food?
Ron: (aghast) What are you on about, Hermione?! Those are way better than real food!
Harry: (intervening to prevent another fight) Yeah, Sirius; well, other than the fact that we wanted to see you,
(Harry ignored Ron as he shot Hermione a contemptuous glance), we think there might be something *going on* at Hogwarts. You see, Dumbledore said we could have a muggle music day today, as it's Hallowe'en,
(Sirius nodded, looking concerned), -and I think something out of the ordinary is happening…every song we've heard so far has been kind of…Embarrassing….
(Ron snorted devilishly, grinning at Hermione) And some!
Hermione: (scowling) Ron! I think it's -
Sirius: (frowning seriously, and spitting out his sweet) Just a minute, Hermione. I think this could be important. Now, Harry, what exactly happens to these people?
Harry: Well, they -
(As Harry started to describe the symptoms, Sirius' dark eyes grew blank, and his expression became slightly gormless. Everyone looked at each other in horror…
Hermione: Oh no! Its got Sirius!!!
Ron: We have to keep talking to him! Get him to snap out of it!
Harry: (shouting) SIRIUS! Don't give in! Remember, You DON'T WANT TO SING!!
Ron: (experiencing a terribly disturbing flashback of Sirius' attempt of a Britney filk, and shuddering involuntarily) YEAH! AND WE DON'T WANT YOU TO SING EITHER!
Hermione: RON!
(As he heard their shouts, Sirius' face flickered back to normal for a moment, but he was gritting his teeth, and fighting so hard to block out the music that was welling up that his knees were buckling. They knew it couldn't last. Sirius snapped, with a groan, and the opening chords of 'MAN, I feel like a woman!' stormed into the cave.
Ron: (Paling) Oh grief, here it goes!
Sirius: (flitting about the cave with a face that Goyle would have been proud of)
I'm going out tonight,
I'm feeling all right,
Gonna let my dog side ou-ow-oo-out!
(Terrible howls filled their ears)
I don't need a lead, won't roll or beg or plead,
There's gonna be no keeping me dow-ow-oo-own!
Ron: (Covering his ears) Oh, for the love of God Harry, make it stop!!
(Sirius continued flouncing, unperturbed by all the suffering he was inflicting)
Sirius: The best thing about being a canine,
Is the prerogative to munch a few rabbits (rabbits!)
Woah-eh-oh (Aahhhhhh! Yelled Hermione, cracking finally, and trying desperately to flee the cave)
It's where my life be-gan
Forget I'm a hu-man!
So you see, I can be free, (Harry broke down, and started sobbing)
Woah-eh-oh
Ron: NOOOOOOOOO!
Sirius: (continuing) My life I can flee, oooh, you know how I feel!
Hermione: Perhaps not!
Sirius: Guys, I feel like a mongrel!
Harry: Well you sound like a screech owl!
(The song, clearly realising it had done enough damage, drew to a swift close, and Sirius, who usually looked so deep-down-dangerous, lay on the floor and began to sob.)
Sirius: Oh, God, I'm so sorry! Ron, are you O.K? (Ron still had his hands over his ears and his eyes tightly closed.) Hermione, the way out is over there….
(Hermione had made a large hole in the floor where, in desperation, she had tried to blast her way out. Sirius walked slowly over to Buckbeak, who was still cowering in a corner, and shaking, and began to pat him absent mindedly over the head.)
Sirius: God….muggle music is really horrendous, isn't it? I can't believe I just did that! I really am sorry….
Harry: (wiping his tears) Well, at least it can't get any worse than that!…
Ron: Er, Harry….Remember what happened last time you said that?
(Sure enough, Wormtail and Voldemort apparated in the entrance of the cave. Sirius growled, and everyone drew their wands with a silent swish.
Voldemort: Well, well. This is a cosy gathering, isn't it? I hope we're not intruding!
How have you been enjoying my little songs?
Sirius: (venomously) Interrupting? Not at all! Perhaps you'd like to sing us a verse yourself?
Ron: Oh, Sirius no! Please! I can't take any more!!
(Emphasis is taken off Ron's pleading because Sirius has just spotted Pettigrew.)
Sirius: (Roaring, eyes flashing angrily) How dare you?! What are you doing here?!
Pettigrew: S-S-Sirius! You n-never write! You n-nev-never call!
Voldemort: Enough, Wormtail! It's time for my song!
(Everyone gasped in terror as they realised that they were going to have to endure a song from the worst singer in the entire world…Next to Sirius, of course…
Harry realised that he'd been wrong all along. Although not his usual style, this had all been Lord Voldemort's doing. He had simply disguised his voice...
Voldey coughed politely, and started up the music to 'Mamma Mia' with an elaborate twirl of his wand.)
Sirius: GRRRRRR! How dare you massacre my favourite song, Snake eyes?!
Oh God….Did I really say that out loud?...
L.V: I've been cheated by you since I don't know when!
Sirius: You know damn well since when!
Harry: (entranced) Shhhhhh!
L.V: So I've made up my mind you must come to an end!
Ron: Not if we have anything to do with it!
L.V: (irked) Look at me now!
Sirius: Will you ever learn?!
L.V: I don't know how, but I suddenly lost my soul, when I last tried for world control! (du-doo-doo!)
Just one curse and I heard danger bells ring,
That one curse nearly ruined everything (woah-oh)
Harry Potter!
Sirius: (incensed, and storming around the cave in an utter rage) Don't listen, Harry!
L.V: (Louder still) Here we go again!
Harry: (shouting) Oh yeah? I can still resist you!
L.V: Harry Potter, (incredibly fake, muscle-spasm of a smile), does it show again?
My, my, just how much I missed you?!
(L.V reaches a crescendo) Yes, I was broken hearted,
gone, since this whole thing started,
why, why did I ever let you go?
Hermione: Seems to me that you didn't have much of a choice!
L.V: (Snarling) Harry Potter, even if I say, die now, leave me now forever!
Harry: (getting into the spirit of things) Sorry Voldey! It's a game we play- I live, despite your endeavour!
L.V: (Screaming wildly) HARRY POTTER!
(Seizing the chance, Hermione jabbed her wand at Wormtail, who had been bopping around to the song, which was fading, and at Lord Voldemort, who was clearly becoming rather stressed…)
Hermione: Obliviate!
(The spell hit them both face on, and as they dissaparated, their general aura of confusion was greatly appreciated by everyone. Especially Sirius.)
Sirius: Well done Hermione! That was extremely close, but now they won't know where to find me!
Ron: (recovering) Well, at least now we know what sent these songs!
Harry: Yeah! Thank God they've gone for a while, anyway!
Hermione: May they never return!
Ron: Hang on there, Hermione! I wouldn't really object to them coming back once in a while! After all, next time I'm going to get photographic evidence of you in full song!
Sirius: Don't worry Ron! My secret intelligences up at the school tell me that Dumbledore felt that the great response from today's muggle song day might even warrant a return of the day next year! They could be making it an annual event!
I fact, I might try and sneak up to the school next time, and treat you all to my rendition of 'Girls just wanna have fun!'
Ron: Sirius! Do NOT say that! Don't even JOKE about that! In fact, promise me right now that you will never give up your role as Harry's unstoppable yet strangely vulnerable animagi guardian for a career in the music business, or I will blast you straight down your new hole!
Sirius looked strangely flattered, and raised his eye-brows innocently. He took a step back…
Sirius: I prom-iiiiiiissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssse!
(He had fallen down the hole)
(Hermione shrugged, staring down the hole, which mined right into the mountain itself. The three remaining occupants of the cave -(excluding Buckbeak, who was happily consuming Sirius' discarded bag of levitating sherbert balls, and starting to hover near the ceiling) -grinned at each other. Hermione smiled widest, and, wearing a philosophical face, remarked,)
Hermione: Oh well! I guess a little craziness is good for us once in a while!
And that's all folks! There goes my addition to 'a small amount of craziness!' I think I have to write a disclaimer now, don't I?
Whoo-hoo! I love doing this!
O.K, so: All the characters in this fic were borrowed from J.K.Rowling. Harry, Hermione, Ron, and all other Weasleys belong to her, as do Snape, Dumbledore, Sirius, (who has not, incidentally, injured himself down the hole! Could I do that to him? Of course not!), Voldemort, Wormtail, Malfoy, Colin Creevy and anyone else I've forgotten to mention. Ah! Buckbeak...
I have no real idea of who I should be crediting all those songs to, so I guess it's best to credit them to Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Geri Halliwell, ABBA and Shania Twain. Although really credit should go to whoever wrote them- and with such adaptable lyrics!
Inspiration for the above fan-fic comes from all the crew at the H.P 4 board, and everyone whose fan-fics I've ever read! You inspired me to write this, Guys! (Poor you! What a thing to have on your consciences!!)
Lastly I would like to thank my Mother, my Father, my Brother, my 'ickle bunnie rabbits (o.k, I'm quitting, I'm quitting!), and J.K.R, for writing the best books in the whole world, and being an all-round great person. (I pressume!)
If I've forgotten to write anyone on this, everyone totally hassle me about it, 'cos I'm determined to get this right! I think that's the end, then…..Well! Thank-you and good-night, you gorgeously groovy Potter fans, you! :-D Thanks for reading this, and if you liked, (flutters eye-lashes!) then please review it, 'cos I'd love the feed back. And even if you hated it! You can tell me, I promise! (O.K, so I'm rambling now...)
Thanks for reading this! - Bertina Bott, serial risk-taker! (Author)