Just to reiterate, this is NOT a yaoi, got that?! That's not the direction I was aiming for!
There is a little OOC on Vegeta, but everyone else is the same. Gohan makes an appearance in the
final chapter, for you Son-kun fans out there. This is very angsty and there are elements of
suicide, so that's why it's a PG-13. Warning: have a Kleenex to hand for the later chapters. R/R
this chapter, svp!
Ch. 1 - Acceptance
Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinkin' you lost everything that was good in your life to the toss of a dice?
Tell me what it takes to let you go
-What It Takes, Aerosmith
Vegeta sat alone, as he had done so often before.
But this was a different sort of alone, one he was noe accustomed to. One he had not experienced
since his childhood, and thus had been pushed to the back of his subconcious mind, like a
disturbing and haunting nightmare. The nightmare had returned, and now, after such a long
absence, it seemed worse than ever. Of course, he wasn't literally alone. Bulma, Trunks and Bra
were still around.
Vegeta had always been a solitary person. He distanced himself from others, neither needing or
wanting companionship. At least, that what he told himself. The people around him sickened him.
All filled with delusions of love and compassion for others. There was a point in time, he
admitted, that he gave in to the emotions that had polluted him from being on Earth. When he
married Bulma, he was weak. There was love between the two of them, but now it had been
smothered. Now she was just his mate, chosen because she had more of a backbone than the other
weak-willed females. She had produced offspring - therefore her purpose had been served.
Trunks was a pathetic waste of space. He was just as spineless as his 'little brother' Goten.
At least he wasn't as stupid. Vegeta hated to waste flesh and bones as resiliant as Trunks' -
A punching bag was as good a use as any, he reasoned. Bra was the only one Vegeta chose to
accept the fact that he was related to. He wasn't really sure why, but he was too indifferent
to question it. Perhaps it was because she was a girl, and because of that, some deep recessive
chivalrous gene decided she was weak and required protection. Indifference kept him from asking,
though.
These people meant nothing to the Prince. They cared for him, but he never returned the
affection. His past had relieved him of all care he could ever have for anyone but himself.
However, a recent event had proved this otherwise. Deep inside him another feeling lay.
Dormant for so long, it was hard for Vegeta to first acknowledge its presence, and then to
deal with it. Eventually, he decided it was grief. His heart became overcome with it once he
realized its presence, and another feeling was with it, one he was stil unsure of. But his
brain was suffering from a different emotion: denial. The denial was just as stubborn as the
other emotions in his heart. His mind just couldn't accept three simple words:
Kakarrot was dead.
Even as he thought the words, his heart sank. Kakarrot isn't dead, he thought. He always comes
back somehow. He's like a weed, you can't get rid of him. Indestructable. Vegeta smirked grimly
at that. Then he shook his head. Shut up! How can you think such ridiculous lies? he scolded
himself irritably, allowing his heart to speak for the first time in a long time. Kakarrot is
dead and gone and he's not coming back, you know that!
Finally, his mind relented. After months of denial, he acknowledged Kakarrots death.
Vegeta was sitting on the edge of a cliff, overlooking a bustling city. He glared piercingly
down at it. A low growl of derision emitted from his throat.
"Pathetic human species. The greatest warrior in the entire universe sacrifices his life
for you all, just because you're all too spineless and self-seeking to protect each other, and
you don't even have the consideration to learn his name, all because of a stupid preoccupation
with that loser Satan. I know of no greater ignorance." he snarled contemptuously. "Kakarrot
died for you - what a waste of effort. He's gone because of you, and you'll never know it.
You'll just go on with your short, worthless lives, as if nothing happened. You fools."
Why would Kakarrot do such a reckless thing? Dying for people you don't even know - it didn't
make any sense to Vegeta. He let out a final hmph of contempt, then got up and flew away.
Arriving back at the Capsule Corp., The Prince was confronted by Bulma.
Since Gokus passing, Bulma had seen a change in Vegeta. He had become even more reclusive and
quiet than usual. He hardly ever yelled at her or Trunks. He didn't seem angry or upset, he just
seemed...well, sort of confused, like he couldn't understand why Goku was dead. What's more, he
seemed to be avoiding the Capsule Corp. - and all civilization - like the plague. Which is why
she was surprised when he showed up on her doorstep so suddenly.
The first thing she thought to do was ask him her usual question if he had been away for a while,
because he wasn't best at getting food for himself without at least one fatality.
"Vegeta? Do...d'you want something to eat?"
Then she noticed the look on his face. "Are you alright?" she asked cautiously.
"Fine." he replied flatly, eyes empty. "I'm going to visit Kakarrot, and I want you to
come with me."
Bulma blinked. Vegeta had never wanted to see Goku, and on the day of his funeral he was nowhere
to be found. Gohan had resented Vegeta ever since.
She agreed dubiously, and after slipping on a coat, they left in a Capsule car. The journey was
an uneasily silent on, and Vegetas expression never changed.
The black marble gravestone stood alone on a hill, the highest part of the graveyard - the only
recognition given to the noble hero. Vegeta and Bulma stood in silence alongside Gokus final
resting place. A slight breeze ruffled their hair and cast small showers of gentle cherry
blossom around them. Vegeta glanced out of the corner of his eye and saw that Bulma had tears
trickling down her cheeks. She was trying to keep quiet, but little sobs keps escaping from her
lips. The Prince remained as cold and scowling as ever. Seeing the grave gave Vegetas mind
confirmation of what it had been dreading. He felt a fire of anger blaze inside him. He folded
his arms and broke the silence.
"Don't you find it cruel?" he growled. Bulma looked at him and smiled regretfully.
"That Goku's gone? Of course I do. I've known the big lug since he was a kid."
"No, not Kakarrots death." Vegeta murmured. His eyes narrowed. "The fact that you can
weep and I cannot."
"But...I thought you had wept before..."
"Yes, but each time the tears were falling for myself. The first time was because I was
dying, and I never got a chance to be anything but Friezas puppet. The it was because no matter
how hard I tried, no matter how strong I became, Kakarrot would always end up one step ahead of
me. Bitter tears of resentment and self-pity are all that have fallen from these eyes.
"I have always expressed my feelings through rage. But now...the rage isn't there, it
won't appear. I see others weeping around me, and it hurts. I want to grieve, I want to let out
my emotions and remove this pain inside me - but I simply can't." he scowled deeper. "And I
despise myself for it." he rasped.
Bulma covered her mouth, tears falling from her eyes.
"Oh, Vegeta...I never knew..."
"How could you?" Vegeta hissed, eyes still on the ground. "When rage is my only release?"
he turned and looked at Bulma, a bitter flame in his black eyes. "See?" he raised a hand to her
face and wiped away a tear. "You can weep for me. Even the Namek could weep for others, and he
was a Demon God. You can weep for others." he said, his tone almost accusing.
"Vegeta, don't do this to yourself, please..." Bulma pleaded.
Vegeta glared at the grave beside him.
"It's his fault." he rasped. "I'm like this because of him...before he died, I was
fine...none of these damn emotions were troubling me..." Vegeta clenched his fists. Bulma put a
hand on his arm, but he snatched it away. "Don't you touch me, I don't want your pity!! It's his
fault, all his fault!! Kakarrot, you died, dammit! You're dead!!" he put his hands to his hair
and grabbed clumps of it. He powered up and his aura flared. "What's happened to me?! Why am I
like this?! WHY?!!" he screeched, turning Super Saiyan. He blasted away before Bulma could do
anything. She cried for him to stop, but he was long gone. She collapsed by the headstone,
wrapping her arms around it.
"Oh, Goku..." she sobbed. "I know you can't hear me, but please...Vegeta needs your
help..."
There is a little OOC on Vegeta, but everyone else is the same. Gohan makes an appearance in the
final chapter, for you Son-kun fans out there. This is very angsty and there are elements of
suicide, so that's why it's a PG-13. Warning: have a Kleenex to hand for the later chapters. R/R
this chapter, svp!
Ch. 1 - Acceptance
Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinkin' you lost everything that was good in your life to the toss of a dice?
Tell me what it takes to let you go
-What It Takes, Aerosmith
Vegeta sat alone, as he had done so often before.
But this was a different sort of alone, one he was noe accustomed to. One he had not experienced
since his childhood, and thus had been pushed to the back of his subconcious mind, like a
disturbing and haunting nightmare. The nightmare had returned, and now, after such a long
absence, it seemed worse than ever. Of course, he wasn't literally alone. Bulma, Trunks and Bra
were still around.
Vegeta had always been a solitary person. He distanced himself from others, neither needing or
wanting companionship. At least, that what he told himself. The people around him sickened him.
All filled with delusions of love and compassion for others. There was a point in time, he
admitted, that he gave in to the emotions that had polluted him from being on Earth. When he
married Bulma, he was weak. There was love between the two of them, but now it had been
smothered. Now she was just his mate, chosen because she had more of a backbone than the other
weak-willed females. She had produced offspring - therefore her purpose had been served.
Trunks was a pathetic waste of space. He was just as spineless as his 'little brother' Goten.
At least he wasn't as stupid. Vegeta hated to waste flesh and bones as resiliant as Trunks' -
A punching bag was as good a use as any, he reasoned. Bra was the only one Vegeta chose to
accept the fact that he was related to. He wasn't really sure why, but he was too indifferent
to question it. Perhaps it was because she was a girl, and because of that, some deep recessive
chivalrous gene decided she was weak and required protection. Indifference kept him from asking,
though.
These people meant nothing to the Prince. They cared for him, but he never returned the
affection. His past had relieved him of all care he could ever have for anyone but himself.
However, a recent event had proved this otherwise. Deep inside him another feeling lay.
Dormant for so long, it was hard for Vegeta to first acknowledge its presence, and then to
deal with it. Eventually, he decided it was grief. His heart became overcome with it once he
realized its presence, and another feeling was with it, one he was stil unsure of. But his
brain was suffering from a different emotion: denial. The denial was just as stubborn as the
other emotions in his heart. His mind just couldn't accept three simple words:
Kakarrot was dead.
Even as he thought the words, his heart sank. Kakarrot isn't dead, he thought. He always comes
back somehow. He's like a weed, you can't get rid of him. Indestructable. Vegeta smirked grimly
at that. Then he shook his head. Shut up! How can you think such ridiculous lies? he scolded
himself irritably, allowing his heart to speak for the first time in a long time. Kakarrot is
dead and gone and he's not coming back, you know that!
Finally, his mind relented. After months of denial, he acknowledged Kakarrots death.
Vegeta was sitting on the edge of a cliff, overlooking a bustling city. He glared piercingly
down at it. A low growl of derision emitted from his throat.
"Pathetic human species. The greatest warrior in the entire universe sacrifices his life
for you all, just because you're all too spineless and self-seeking to protect each other, and
you don't even have the consideration to learn his name, all because of a stupid preoccupation
with that loser Satan. I know of no greater ignorance." he snarled contemptuously. "Kakarrot
died for you - what a waste of effort. He's gone because of you, and you'll never know it.
You'll just go on with your short, worthless lives, as if nothing happened. You fools."
Why would Kakarrot do such a reckless thing? Dying for people you don't even know - it didn't
make any sense to Vegeta. He let out a final hmph of contempt, then got up and flew away.
Arriving back at the Capsule Corp., The Prince was confronted by Bulma.
Since Gokus passing, Bulma had seen a change in Vegeta. He had become even more reclusive and
quiet than usual. He hardly ever yelled at her or Trunks. He didn't seem angry or upset, he just
seemed...well, sort of confused, like he couldn't understand why Goku was dead. What's more, he
seemed to be avoiding the Capsule Corp. - and all civilization - like the plague. Which is why
she was surprised when he showed up on her doorstep so suddenly.
The first thing she thought to do was ask him her usual question if he had been away for a while,
because he wasn't best at getting food for himself without at least one fatality.
"Vegeta? Do...d'you want something to eat?"
Then she noticed the look on his face. "Are you alright?" she asked cautiously.
"Fine." he replied flatly, eyes empty. "I'm going to visit Kakarrot, and I want you to
come with me."
Bulma blinked. Vegeta had never wanted to see Goku, and on the day of his funeral he was nowhere
to be found. Gohan had resented Vegeta ever since.
She agreed dubiously, and after slipping on a coat, they left in a Capsule car. The journey was
an uneasily silent on, and Vegetas expression never changed.
The black marble gravestone stood alone on a hill, the highest part of the graveyard - the only
recognition given to the noble hero. Vegeta and Bulma stood in silence alongside Gokus final
resting place. A slight breeze ruffled their hair and cast small showers of gentle cherry
blossom around them. Vegeta glanced out of the corner of his eye and saw that Bulma had tears
trickling down her cheeks. She was trying to keep quiet, but little sobs keps escaping from her
lips. The Prince remained as cold and scowling as ever. Seeing the grave gave Vegetas mind
confirmation of what it had been dreading. He felt a fire of anger blaze inside him. He folded
his arms and broke the silence.
"Don't you find it cruel?" he growled. Bulma looked at him and smiled regretfully.
"That Goku's gone? Of course I do. I've known the big lug since he was a kid."
"No, not Kakarrots death." Vegeta murmured. His eyes narrowed. "The fact that you can
weep and I cannot."
"But...I thought you had wept before..."
"Yes, but each time the tears were falling for myself. The first time was because I was
dying, and I never got a chance to be anything but Friezas puppet. The it was because no matter
how hard I tried, no matter how strong I became, Kakarrot would always end up one step ahead of
me. Bitter tears of resentment and self-pity are all that have fallen from these eyes.
"I have always expressed my feelings through rage. But now...the rage isn't there, it
won't appear. I see others weeping around me, and it hurts. I want to grieve, I want to let out
my emotions and remove this pain inside me - but I simply can't." he scowled deeper. "And I
despise myself for it." he rasped.
Bulma covered her mouth, tears falling from her eyes.
"Oh, Vegeta...I never knew..."
"How could you?" Vegeta hissed, eyes still on the ground. "When rage is my only release?"
he turned and looked at Bulma, a bitter flame in his black eyes. "See?" he raised a hand to her
face and wiped away a tear. "You can weep for me. Even the Namek could weep for others, and he
was a Demon God. You can weep for others." he said, his tone almost accusing.
"Vegeta, don't do this to yourself, please..." Bulma pleaded.
Vegeta glared at the grave beside him.
"It's his fault." he rasped. "I'm like this because of him...before he died, I was
fine...none of these damn emotions were troubling me..." Vegeta clenched his fists. Bulma put a
hand on his arm, but he snatched it away. "Don't you touch me, I don't want your pity!! It's his
fault, all his fault!! Kakarrot, you died, dammit! You're dead!!" he put his hands to his hair
and grabbed clumps of it. He powered up and his aura flared. "What's happened to me?! Why am I
like this?! WHY?!!" he screeched, turning Super Saiyan. He blasted away before Bulma could do
anything. She cried for him to stop, but he was long gone. She collapsed by the headstone,
wrapping her arms around it.
"Oh, Goku..." she sobbed. "I know you can't hear me, but please...Vegeta needs your
help..."