A/N: Very large - Porunga-sized - apologies for not updating for so long - the last time I tried,
my computer wouldn't accept the site! As an apology, I'm posting Ch. 2 and a li'l something extra
for being so patient. It's titled 'Goku the Good Saiyan'. Ok, this is the warning chapter!
Suicide, blood, tears, slight insanity, confessions, Angsty scenes, very dramatic scenes...it's
all here. This is my personal favorite chapter because it's so powerful. I have had no
experience of what happens in this chapter, but I hope I pulled it off well. Definite R/R, pleez!
Ch. 2 - Tears
Tears of rage, Tears of pain
Burning in my eyes
I realize I'm crying...
Crying...I'm crying
Bitter tears falling like rain
- Crying, Whitesnake
Vegeta landed back at the cliff. He looked at his hands in his grey fingerless gloves. He
clenched his fists and looked down at his brown muscle shirt, then his green lycra trousers and
black boots. He felt his hair.
"I am so different...to what I used to be..." he murmured, remembering his Saiyan armour,
blue lycra ensemble and white boots, completed by tall, spiky hair - so long ago now... "But it
is all cosmetic...all the new clothes in the world can't change who I am..." he slammed his fists
into the ground. "I'm still just a self-absorbed, barbarous...bakayaro!!" he roared, trembling
with fury. He powered down and raised a hand to his face. He realised he was crying. They were
hot tears of anger.
"Tears...falling for myself...again...NO!!" he shrieked. He couldn't stop them though,
and he buried his face in his hands and wept silently, but for the occasional shuddering breath.
"What's wrong with me?" he choked. "Before Kakarrots death, I was never such an
emotional wreck..."
He paused, then raised his head, dry-eyed. The scowl returned to his face as he stood up and
walked to the middle of the cliff. He looked up at the sky, eyes burning.
"That's it! I refuse to take this anymore! Kakarrot, if you can hear me, look down here
and see what you've pushed me to!" he roared. "Every time we battled you defeated me! Even in
death you reduce me to a weak, snivelling heap! Well - not this time!"
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a Swiss army knife. He held it up to the heavens.
"You see?" he said, grinning madly. "We'll see what the world thinks of a great hero when
they see what you've done! I'm going to find you up there, and I'll make you pay for what you've
done to me! I'll get you, I swear it! I win this time, Kakarrot! You hear me? I win!!"
The Prince flicked the knife out and pressed the sharp blade into his forearm. The dark blood
quickly spilled out, staining his trousers and grass. He felt the pain as he slashed himself
again and again, each cut deeper and more bitter than the last. He had felt pain before, many
times - sometimes at the hand of Goku. It was no different to him.
When he stopped, he wiped some of the blood away. He had clearly scarred into his arm the
katakana for Kakarrotto. He held the blade up to his throat as the blood dripped from his
fingers.
"Watch and savour, Kakarrot! The death of your High Prince Vegeta!!"
Just before he drew the line to end his life, he sensed a brief flicker of a power level. He spun
around, he neither saw nor sensed anyone. Turning around again, he pressed the blade against his
throat, ready to slash, when he stopped. Darkness had suddenly fallen around him like a ton of
bricks. He was no longer on the cliff, he was just standing in blackness. His eyes grew like
saucers as he stared into the distance, the knife slipping from his grasp.
"K..Ka.." he faltered. "Kakarrot?"
The orange gi suit...the jet black hair...the blue sash...it was all unmistakable. Goku stood
before him, the Goku from the old days, not the child he had been turned into, but the adult he
had been on Namek, with the Androids and Cell, and fighting Buu. The innocent face was
concerned.
"Vegeta? What's wrong?" he asked. His voice had a very slight echo to it.
"How...how did you...or I...get here?" Vegeta asked.
"Well...I'm an obake."
"Of course you're a damn obake, I can see that!!"
"I got here because of Bulma...she said you needed help." Goku replied.
"Then where am I? Am I dead?"
"No. Because I'm a ghost, I can't return to your plane. Instead, I can enter your mind.
So right now you're above consciousness to speak to me." Then Goku noticed Vegetas arm.
"Vegeta!
What have you done?" He noticed the look on Princes face. He shook his head. "Oh, no...you
can't..You should never do something like that - think about all the people that care about you."
"Like your son?" Vegeta snarled bitterly.
"What is he supposed to think of you when you don't show up at my funeral? Why weren't
you there?"
Vegeta avoided Gokus eyes.
"I couldn't accept the fact that you were dead. You were always there, that innocent
grinning face everywhere I turned...then it was gone forever. And I couldn't face that."
"I'm sorry if this hurts you, but I did what I had to do."
"Oh yes, I forgot." Vegeta snapped scornfully. "What you had to do - killing yourself for
a bunch of weaklings who don't even know your name, who couldn't care less if you lived or died,
just as long as their own yellow hides were safe. Leaving the people who really care about you,
leaving them to weep and grieve for you until the pain inside is so great it feels like they're
going to tear apart - yes, that's what you had to do." Bitter resentment burned in his black
eyes.
Goku frowned in angry disbelief.
"How can you think that? When we have powers like ours, we have a responsibility to
protect people weaker than us - I did it knowing you'd all be strong enough to see it through."
he looked at Vegetas arm again. "Is that my name?" Vegeta again avoided Gokus gaze. "I had no
idea it would hit you this hard, Vegeta...I just never thought you cared what happened to me."
Vegeta squirmed under the other Saiyans eyes, but tried to pass it off as a shrug.
Goku looked at Vegeta for a long time.
"You've got something on your mind. You can tell me, you know." When the Prince
curled
his lip and scowled scornfully at him, he grinned and shrugged. "It's not like I'm gonna tell
anybody, is it?"
Finally, Vegeta conceded.
"Before you died, I hated you. Thorn in my side, just that little bit better than I was.
My hunger for immortality and to rule the universe has long since died - I only wanted you to
die by my hand. That was my reasoning for defending you when you were down.
"Even though I treated you with such little respect, you brushed it off like nothing.
You looked past all the hatred and evilness in everybody and tried to see the good in everyone.
Persistence pays off - I no longer want to kill you all and conquer the galaxy.
"The point is, you have a very rare gift of encouraging the good in people, and that I
admire. You treated me like a human, and not the savage creature I was. Everyone else saw me
for
what I was, that's why they still don't trust me.
"That's why..." he glanced at his arm. "..you're the only one around me I considered to
be a friend." Goku raised his eyebrows at this, but remained silent. "So when you died, it left
an emptiness inside, and I hated it. I felt isolated - the only one left of a supposedly immortal
ancient race."
"You're still a Prince." Goku pointed out. Vegeta chuckled wearily.
"I may be a Prince..." he shook his head slowly. "...but what good is the title when all
your subjects are dead? The title reminds me too much of the past...
"When I was a child, I was Prince Vegeta, the greatest and strongest Saiyan of them all.
Then Frieza showed up and my life lay in tatters from that day on. I was taken on his ship and
trained. After I took on the toughest assignment he had, I heard a commotion in Friezas quarters.
Sensing danger, I looked out the window. What I saw in the next few minutes will remain with
me
for eternity.
"I noticed three things - Frieza above the ship, a large group of soldiers and Planet
Vegeta behind them. Frieza formed a huge, incredible ball of energy. And I realised all too late.
I just stood and watched as he threw the ball that hit Planet Vegeta. I saw my home planet, my
family, everyone I knew explode in front of me. Frieza tried to pawn me of with some drivel
about a meteor shower. That was the first time I felt truly alone.
"No-one knew me or felt affection for me. Only Frieza, Zarbon and Dodoria treated me
with
any respect, but how could I trust them when I knew what they had done? I hated them for their
strength and hated them for the way they treated me. My hate is what kept me alive and sane...to
a certain extent.
"But now...I'm reliving my childhood again. Your trust in me was why I could tolerate
your friendship. Now you're dead..I have no-one again. Bulma, Trunks and Bra can take care of
themselves, now. They're strong enough to see something like this through - I am not. There are
people I know all around me..but I've never felt so alone in my life."
To Gokus surprise, tears formed in Vegetas eyes.
"I've tried and I've tried, but I can't accept your death. The last person who would ever
understand me and my Saiyan traits, who would accept me for who I am and not who I used to
be.
"Every person who ever gave a damn about me is gone, even you. I thought you'd never
die..how wrong I was...Everyone always leaves me, always.."
Vegeta swallowed and blinked, the tears beginning to run down his cheeks. Goku took a step
forward. Vegeta shook his head and looked down.
"I've had enough, I can't take it anymore..I'm not strong enough.."
"Vegeta, stop.."
Vegeta suddenly looked up.
"Are you telling me I deserve this? After all I've been through in my life, I deserve yet
more punishment?"
"No! No, it's not like that at all.." Goku protested, looking away.
"If I don't deserve it then WHY?" Vegeta asked. He came closer then fell to his knees at
Gokus feet. "I'm at my lowest point, and I know I won't see it through.." he grabbed his scarred
forearm and held it up to Gokus face. "..isn't this proof enough for you?"
He let the arm drop and chuckled bitterly. He wiped his cheek, his tears mixing with the smear
of
blood his palm had left behind. He looked at his hands.
"Look at me..look at what I've become, Kakarrot..what I've been reduced to.." he looked
up with pitiful, tear-filled eyes, darkened by lack of sleep and slightly puffy. He grabbed Gokus
gi suit front. "Just look at me...I'm the Prince of all Saiyans, the strongest ancient race in
the universe, and I'm kneeling before a third-class fool of a Saiyan, begging...begging and
weeping..." he sobbed. His voice was hoarse as he began speaking again. Goku watched him, the
Princes pain reflected in his own eyes.
"I'm on my knees before you and I'm pleading & beseeching you,
Kakarrot...PLEASE...PLEASE just let me DIE..."
and bowed his head.
my computer wouldn't accept the site! As an apology, I'm posting Ch. 2 and a li'l something extra
for being so patient. It's titled 'Goku the Good Saiyan'. Ok, this is the warning chapter!
Suicide, blood, tears, slight insanity, confessions, Angsty scenes, very dramatic scenes...it's
all here. This is my personal favorite chapter because it's so powerful. I have had no
experience of what happens in this chapter, but I hope I pulled it off well. Definite R/R, pleez!
Ch. 2 - Tears
Tears of rage, Tears of pain
Burning in my eyes
I realize I'm crying...
Crying...I'm crying
Bitter tears falling like rain
- Crying, Whitesnake
Vegeta landed back at the cliff. He looked at his hands in his grey fingerless gloves. He
clenched his fists and looked down at his brown muscle shirt, then his green lycra trousers and
black boots. He felt his hair.
"I am so different...to what I used to be..." he murmured, remembering his Saiyan armour,
blue lycra ensemble and white boots, completed by tall, spiky hair - so long ago now... "But it
is all cosmetic...all the new clothes in the world can't change who I am..." he slammed his fists
into the ground. "I'm still just a self-absorbed, barbarous...bakayaro!!" he roared, trembling
with fury. He powered down and raised a hand to his face. He realised he was crying. They were
hot tears of anger.
"Tears...falling for myself...again...NO!!" he shrieked. He couldn't stop them though,
and he buried his face in his hands and wept silently, but for the occasional shuddering breath.
"What's wrong with me?" he choked. "Before Kakarrots death, I was never such an
emotional wreck..."
He paused, then raised his head, dry-eyed. The scowl returned to his face as he stood up and
walked to the middle of the cliff. He looked up at the sky, eyes burning.
"That's it! I refuse to take this anymore! Kakarrot, if you can hear me, look down here
and see what you've pushed me to!" he roared. "Every time we battled you defeated me! Even in
death you reduce me to a weak, snivelling heap! Well - not this time!"
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a Swiss army knife. He held it up to the heavens.
"You see?" he said, grinning madly. "We'll see what the world thinks of a great hero when
they see what you've done! I'm going to find you up there, and I'll make you pay for what you've
done to me! I'll get you, I swear it! I win this time, Kakarrot! You hear me? I win!!"
The Prince flicked the knife out and pressed the sharp blade into his forearm. The dark blood
quickly spilled out, staining his trousers and grass. He felt the pain as he slashed himself
again and again, each cut deeper and more bitter than the last. He had felt pain before, many
times - sometimes at the hand of Goku. It was no different to him.
When he stopped, he wiped some of the blood away. He had clearly scarred into his arm the
katakana for Kakarrotto. He held the blade up to his throat as the blood dripped from his
fingers.
"Watch and savour, Kakarrot! The death of your High Prince Vegeta!!"
Just before he drew the line to end his life, he sensed a brief flicker of a power level. He spun
around, he neither saw nor sensed anyone. Turning around again, he pressed the blade against his
throat, ready to slash, when he stopped. Darkness had suddenly fallen around him like a ton of
bricks. He was no longer on the cliff, he was just standing in blackness. His eyes grew like
saucers as he stared into the distance, the knife slipping from his grasp.
"K..Ka.." he faltered. "Kakarrot?"
The orange gi suit...the jet black hair...the blue sash...it was all unmistakable. Goku stood
before him, the Goku from the old days, not the child he had been turned into, but the adult he
had been on Namek, with the Androids and Cell, and fighting Buu. The innocent face was
concerned.
"Vegeta? What's wrong?" he asked. His voice had a very slight echo to it.
"How...how did you...or I...get here?" Vegeta asked.
"Well...I'm an obake."
"Of course you're a damn obake, I can see that!!"
"I got here because of Bulma...she said you needed help." Goku replied.
"Then where am I? Am I dead?"
"No. Because I'm a ghost, I can't return to your plane. Instead, I can enter your mind.
So right now you're above consciousness to speak to me." Then Goku noticed Vegetas arm.
"Vegeta!
What have you done?" He noticed the look on Princes face. He shook his head. "Oh, no...you
can't..You should never do something like that - think about all the people that care about you."
"Like your son?" Vegeta snarled bitterly.
"What is he supposed to think of you when you don't show up at my funeral? Why weren't
you there?"
Vegeta avoided Gokus eyes.
"I couldn't accept the fact that you were dead. You were always there, that innocent
grinning face everywhere I turned...then it was gone forever. And I couldn't face that."
"I'm sorry if this hurts you, but I did what I had to do."
"Oh yes, I forgot." Vegeta snapped scornfully. "What you had to do - killing yourself for
a bunch of weaklings who don't even know your name, who couldn't care less if you lived or died,
just as long as their own yellow hides were safe. Leaving the people who really care about you,
leaving them to weep and grieve for you until the pain inside is so great it feels like they're
going to tear apart - yes, that's what you had to do." Bitter resentment burned in his black
eyes.
Goku frowned in angry disbelief.
"How can you think that? When we have powers like ours, we have a responsibility to
protect people weaker than us - I did it knowing you'd all be strong enough to see it through."
he looked at Vegetas arm again. "Is that my name?" Vegeta again avoided Gokus gaze. "I had no
idea it would hit you this hard, Vegeta...I just never thought you cared what happened to me."
Vegeta squirmed under the other Saiyans eyes, but tried to pass it off as a shrug.
Goku looked at Vegeta for a long time.
"You've got something on your mind. You can tell me, you know." When the Prince
curled
his lip and scowled scornfully at him, he grinned and shrugged. "It's not like I'm gonna tell
anybody, is it?"
Finally, Vegeta conceded.
"Before you died, I hated you. Thorn in my side, just that little bit better than I was.
My hunger for immortality and to rule the universe has long since died - I only wanted you to
die by my hand. That was my reasoning for defending you when you were down.
"Even though I treated you with such little respect, you brushed it off like nothing.
You looked past all the hatred and evilness in everybody and tried to see the good in everyone.
Persistence pays off - I no longer want to kill you all and conquer the galaxy.
"The point is, you have a very rare gift of encouraging the good in people, and that I
admire. You treated me like a human, and not the savage creature I was. Everyone else saw me
for
what I was, that's why they still don't trust me.
"That's why..." he glanced at his arm. "..you're the only one around me I considered to
be a friend." Goku raised his eyebrows at this, but remained silent. "So when you died, it left
an emptiness inside, and I hated it. I felt isolated - the only one left of a supposedly immortal
ancient race."
"You're still a Prince." Goku pointed out. Vegeta chuckled wearily.
"I may be a Prince..." he shook his head slowly. "...but what good is the title when all
your subjects are dead? The title reminds me too much of the past...
"When I was a child, I was Prince Vegeta, the greatest and strongest Saiyan of them all.
Then Frieza showed up and my life lay in tatters from that day on. I was taken on his ship and
trained. After I took on the toughest assignment he had, I heard a commotion in Friezas quarters.
Sensing danger, I looked out the window. What I saw in the next few minutes will remain with
me
for eternity.
"I noticed three things - Frieza above the ship, a large group of soldiers and Planet
Vegeta behind them. Frieza formed a huge, incredible ball of energy. And I realised all too late.
I just stood and watched as he threw the ball that hit Planet Vegeta. I saw my home planet, my
family, everyone I knew explode in front of me. Frieza tried to pawn me of with some drivel
about a meteor shower. That was the first time I felt truly alone.
"No-one knew me or felt affection for me. Only Frieza, Zarbon and Dodoria treated me
with
any respect, but how could I trust them when I knew what they had done? I hated them for their
strength and hated them for the way they treated me. My hate is what kept me alive and sane...to
a certain extent.
"But now...I'm reliving my childhood again. Your trust in me was why I could tolerate
your friendship. Now you're dead..I have no-one again. Bulma, Trunks and Bra can take care of
themselves, now. They're strong enough to see something like this through - I am not. There are
people I know all around me..but I've never felt so alone in my life."
To Gokus surprise, tears formed in Vegetas eyes.
"I've tried and I've tried, but I can't accept your death. The last person who would ever
understand me and my Saiyan traits, who would accept me for who I am and not who I used to
be.
"Every person who ever gave a damn about me is gone, even you. I thought you'd never
die..how wrong I was...Everyone always leaves me, always.."
Vegeta swallowed and blinked, the tears beginning to run down his cheeks. Goku took a step
forward. Vegeta shook his head and looked down.
"I've had enough, I can't take it anymore..I'm not strong enough.."
"Vegeta, stop.."
Vegeta suddenly looked up.
"Are you telling me I deserve this? After all I've been through in my life, I deserve yet
more punishment?"
"No! No, it's not like that at all.." Goku protested, looking away.
"If I don't deserve it then WHY?" Vegeta asked. He came closer then fell to his knees at
Gokus feet. "I'm at my lowest point, and I know I won't see it through.." he grabbed his scarred
forearm and held it up to Gokus face. "..isn't this proof enough for you?"
He let the arm drop and chuckled bitterly. He wiped his cheek, his tears mixing with the smear
of
blood his palm had left behind. He looked at his hands.
"Look at me..look at what I've become, Kakarrot..what I've been reduced to.." he looked
up with pitiful, tear-filled eyes, darkened by lack of sleep and slightly puffy. He grabbed Gokus
gi suit front. "Just look at me...I'm the Prince of all Saiyans, the strongest ancient race in
the universe, and I'm kneeling before a third-class fool of a Saiyan, begging...begging and
weeping..." he sobbed. His voice was hoarse as he began speaking again. Goku watched him, the
Princes pain reflected in his own eyes.
"I'm on my knees before you and I'm pleading & beseeching you,
Kakarrot...PLEASE...PLEASE just let me DIE..."
and bowed his head.