Chapter Five
Author's note: I refer to Quina as "she". It's not because I feel particularly opinionated on this, but merely because it's easier, and I always got a "female" vibe from her/him.
Laura: After running for what seemed like forever, and swimming back to shore, Vivi and Zidane finally reached land. They ran straight home to the puppet shop, but to their horror they discover that Kuja, and even his pets, have disappeared completely! But miraculously, a shining blue bird drops a note in front of them.
Zidane: It says that your father went out looking for you after your blew up Tantalus, but..OH NO!
Vivi: What?! What h-happened to Kuja?
Zidane: This is terrible! The Monstrous Whale Quina has eaten him!
Vivi: COOL! I mean, uh...that's terrible!
Zidane: I've heard of Quina...it's said that she's swallowed whole airships, and lives in the depths of the marshes.
Vivi: I've g-got to find *chokes on the word* "Father!"
Zidane: It's impossible. Quina is a horrible monster. We would never come out alive!
Vivi (forces himself to read the script): I've got to, whether you come or not!
Zidane: *Sigh* Okay, I'm with you....
*****
Laura: The two entered the marshes carefully, searching for the beast that had eaten Kuja.
Vivi: Ugh! This p-place is disgusting. I'm getting mud all over my shoes...
Zidane: I think we're lost. Maybe we should ask directions?
Vivi: *narrowing eyes* From who? The f-frogs?
Zidane: Hey, it was just a thought...
*****
Laura: Meanwhile, in the depths of the marsh, the enormous white Qu sleeps happily. But inside the belly of the Qu...
Kuja: *sitting on a log that Quina swallowed* This is sooo not fair! I can't believe this stupid ugly monster ate ME! Terra's Angel of Death! I'm starving in here...all I've got to eat is half digested frogs...Oh, woe is me...
*Suddenly, the Qu awoke, making Kuja tumble off of his perch into the slime of the stomach.*
Kuja: GROOOOSSSSSSS! It's getting my new skirt all dirty! *his stomach growls* And I'm soooo hungry! *looks to see how his pets are doing*
Biggs (the moogle): *sniffs Wedge* *eats him* *chokes to death*
Kuja: Well I suppose giving them those names...*stomach growls and he looks at the moogle again* ...FOOD!
Laura: Outside the Qu...
Zidane: AHHHH! It's gaining on us!!! RUN!
Vivi: *trips*
Zidane: NOOOO! Vivi, get up! Quina's gonna eat you!
*Quina catches the little mage and holds him up to her face*
Quina: Aiya! Quina eat Vivi finally! Me so hungry, me wait long time for this!
*without ceremony, she stuffs the poor kid down her gullet and sits happily.*
Zidane: You...monster!
Quina: Aiya? Crickets make good yummy-yummies with chocolate! Quina no have chocolate...but no care...eat cricket anyway. *she plops the cricket into her mouth, and falls back asleep*
Laura: Inside...
Vivi: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! *is standing knee deep in goop*
Zidane: Okay, I wanted to rescue Kuja, but not like this, Laura!
Laura: But this is how the story goes!
Zidane: You couldn't have us, like, cut her open or something, could you? Nooo, Laura has to do everything the hard way!
Vivi: *casts fire, and lights the top of his staff* Well at least we can see...
*A voice is heard in the distance, whining*
Zidane: Can you hear that? It sounds like your father...
Vivi: Yeah, I'd never m-mistake that girly voice. *addressing the darkness* HEY! KUJA?! ARE YOU IN THERE?! ANSWER ME!
Darkness: ...VIVI-CHAN?!
Vivi: *growls* CALL ME VIVI ORUNITIER!
Darkness: WHERE ARE YOUUU?!
Vivi: NEAR THE MOUTH!
Darkness: STAY THERE! I'M COMING FOR YOU!
*Zidane and Vivi wait impatiently for the man to arrive. When he finally does, he runs up from behind to scoop up the Black Mage and hug him tightly*
Vivi: *glack*
Kuja: Oooohh, My baby! I missed you so much! But...Why do you have a chocobo tail?
Vivi (between gasps for breath): N-nevermind..K-Kuja….
Zidane: Okay, okay, nice reunion. Can we get out of here? It smells like frogs and...is that paprika I smell? No, it's gotta be something else...
Kuja: Shush, and let's think of a plan.
Vivi: I think I know a way.
Kuja: Oh course, Vivi-chan. What do you think we should do?
Vivi: BOOOM! *pantomimes an explosion*
Kuja: I already tried that...I Flare-Stared this monster, and she still didn't die. She's got an iron-stomach, I'll tell you that much.
Vivi: Well, maybe if we work together...
Zidane (patronizing Vivi): Aww, that's so cute. You're going to blow up the huge Qu together. As a family.
Vivi: He's related to YOU, Zidane. Not me.
Kuja: I guess it's worth a try. What spell is powerful enough?
Vivi: Doomsday?
Kuja: That's it! That's the perfect spell!
Zidane: NOOO! Not again!
Laura: But it was too late. The two mages had already begun casting the most powerful Black Magic known....
BOOOOOOOM!
*****
Laura: In the resulting explosion, the three were hurled for a mile before landing in the ocean, near a beach. Kuja, who had barely survived the explosion, washed onto shore and was groaning, trying to summon the energy for a "Curaga" spell. Meanwhile, Zidane, who had equipped a Demon's Vest and so only took half the force of the spell, was pretty much all right, and had landed near Kuja. But Vivi was nowhere to be seen!
Kuja (sitting up, his hand over his eyes): OooOoohh...that was not good...I had no idea Vivi-chan was that strong...
Zidane: But where is he? I can't see him? Do you think he landed somewhere else, far away?
Kuja (managing to stand): He's got to be around here somewhere. *gasps* OH VIVI! NO!
*Both the mage and the cricket look over to see Vivi laying face down in a tidal pool, unmoving*
Kuja: NOOO! Our magic! It was too strong for him! I've killed my only son!
Zidane: *hops over to the lifeless body* Noo...*sniffsniffsob* Nooo, Vivi, noo....
*****
Laura: Kuja carried his son all the way back home, accompanied by Zidane. Unable to revive the puppet, they had no choice but to accept him as dead. But the Blue Fairy saw all of this and pitied the poor man and the puppet, who had proven worthy of life after all.
Freya's voice: He was brave, kind, and he even landed himself a girlfriend before she turned into a bird...I guess this kid did pretty well. Okay, Vivi. Awaken.
*A blue light spreads over the cloth body and he becomes a real child*
Vivi (opening his eyes again): Uhhn...where am I? Why are you crying, Kuja?
Kuja: Because you're dead, my Vivi-chan!
Vivi (half asleep): No I'm not! Look at me, Daddy, look!
Kuja: *looks up, eyes all puffy and red* You...you are alive...and Vivi-chan! You're real! You're a real human boy! And you called me daddy!
Vivi (incredulous): I called you daddy? *puts his hands over his mouth until the other words sink in* I'm..REAL? *jumps up to examine himself* I am real! Look, I'm real! I'm real! *pulls off his hat and swings it around joyfully, letting his face finally be seen*
Kuja: *picks up his son and swings him around the room* Life is Wonderful, Vivi-chan! Life is Wonderful!
Zidane: I think this is my cue to exit...I'm starting to feel a little sick...*he walks out the window to stare at the stars, when one star in particular catches his eye* Hey, that's Terr---I mean, the wishing star. I wonder where Freya has gotten to...
*A blue flash appears next to him, and becomes Freya (still wearing the costume)*
Freya: Hey there. Well, Vivi and Kuja got their reward, so I guess it's your turn now.
Zidane: Oh, I don't deserve one.
Freya: Don't be silly. I think anyone who hops around in that get-up deserves something.
Zidane: What's wrong with my costume? I think it's pretty sharp.
Freya: N...nevermind. So what do you want?
Zidane: How about a date, sweetie?
Freya: How about this? *she smacks him with the Lance, returning him to his normal self, and gives him a tiny kiss on the cheek*
Zidane: Good enough for me! ..So what's going to happen to Vivi and Kuja?
Freya: Oh, I dunno...whatever Laura feels like.
Laura: *sigh* They live happily ever after, for the rest of their unnatural lives.
The End