Author: McSpork
Rating: PG
Summary: The Royal Four in their past lives; Zan perspective; R/V (Mi/I) and Z/A (Ma/T) with slight Dreamer (Ma/L) undertones.
Spoilers: None
Author's Note: The title comes from the Arthurian novel of the same name by T. H. White.
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The Once and Future King
The wind whipped through Zan's hair. He looked up toward the sunlight, squinting, taking in a deep breath. As he stood near the ocean watching the jelly-like tide, a rare feeling of peace that so often escaped his grasp washed over him. At that moment he realized that sometimes it was good to be king. He stood near the shores of his family's private beach, both the political and physical center of Antar, and looked about. Sand to the left of him; sand to the right of him. Whenever he got the chance, the vastness of his family's holdings provided him with the space he needed. No one knew that this was his little secret get-away except for his sister and his best friend, and he was hoping to keep it that way. He didn't want to run out of places to hide when he began to feel as though the walls were closing in.
Zan sighed. He knew his peace would soon come to an end, and he'd have to return to his life, to the real world. Zan realized that many people would do anything to have the kind of power he had recently been given, but it wasn't what he wanted out of life. Neither was being in a loveless marriage.
Ava was a lovely person. She had it all... almost. She was beautiful, charming, intelligent, eloquent when needed, and sometimes she could be a fun. There was no doubt she had the makings of a good queen. But what of a wife and mother? Zan and Ava would have to provide their people with an heir one day in the not-too-distant future. And while they would be well provided for, would their children get the love and nurturing they needed from their mother? Ava wasn't heartless by any means. But she never directly denied the fact that the only reason she was queen was because it was her "duty." She was chosen to fill those shoes and so she would do what was asked of the queen. But Zan wondered if she didn't necessarily want children simply for themselves but to fulfill some destiny, would they resent her attitude later on in life. Feeling like nothing more than a product to serve the masses was not what Zan wanted for his children. It was how he had felt all of his life because of his father. And Zan had sworn to himself at a young age that if he had children, he would never, ever let them feel the kind of pain that had plagued him and his younger sister for as long as he could remember.
As Zan stared off into the pounding waves, someone behind him whistled, trying to get his attention. It was Rath, Zan's best friend and trusted second in command. Rath came from a lower class, and his father never approved of their friendship, but when Zan became king, he made sure his aimless friend found the place in his court closest to the throne.
"Zan, snap out of it," Rath said, waving his hands in front of Zan's face. Zan quickly looked up, surprised to see Rath.
"What's wrong?" Zan asked, a sudden urgency on his face, masking the disappointment that something else had come up to ruin his peace.
"Nothing," Rath replied. "Why do you automatically assume the worst? That's my job, remember?"
"I told you not to come down here unless it was important. I don't want anyone to know I come here. They hound me enough as it is."
"You are the king, don't forget."
"I haven't forgotten. Believe me, if there was any way I could, even for a moment, I would. And I never asked to be put in this position, you know. Look, if it's not urgent, what made you trek all the way down here?"
"I wouldn't have, except it is kinda important. I mean, it's not life or death or anything, but it means a lot to me and I want to do this in private..... Maybe you should sit down."
Zan looked around him, a small smile spreading across his face, as he folded his arms in front of his chest. "I can't exactly pull up a chair, Rath. What's with you? I've never seen you like this before."
"Well," Rath began, not knowing exactly where to start. "Hmm. Let's see here.... Uh.... Well, I'm planning on asking your sister to marry me, and I want your blessing."
"Vilandra? But.... I.... When did you....? How?...." Zan trailed off, unable to form a complete thought.
"It's a long story," Rath said, interrupting Zan's shocked gibberish.
"I imagine. I didn't think you two were anything more than friends. How long has this been going on?"
"It started about a year ago, actually. We didn't want to say anything because we thought it might cause a bit of a stir. But with your mother lately really pushing Vilandra to find a husband soon.... well, you know...."
Yes, Zan knew. The same thing had happened to him. He did not want to see that happen to his sister.
"I love her, Zan. And I want to spend my life with her. But I want to do this the right way, and with your father gone and all, I thought I would come to you."
"You want my blessing?" Zan asked him, his face emotionless.
"Y-yeah," Rath stammered, afraid of what Zan's reaction might be.
An ear-to-ear grin spread across Zan's face as he hugged Rath. "Of course you have my blessing," he said, pulling back. "You're my best friend, Rath. How could you think I wouldn't be happy about this?"
"I don't know. I guess we've been keeping it locked up inside so long because of fear, that neither one of us is sure anymore how anyone would feel about it."
"I just wish you would have told me sooner. You could have told me, Rath. You should know that by now."
"I know. We wanted to tell you. Even knowing that we could trust you, we wanted to keep it a secret from everyone else and Vilandra didn't think it would be fair to you to make you lie to your parents. She had a hard enough time with it herself."
"I still can't believe it. I mean, we're like family, the three of us. This whole time I thought you two saw each other as siblings."
"We did... when we were younger. But as time went on, that strong friendship that we had kind of blossomed into love, I guess. And here we are."
"Look at you, talking about things blossoming. Who are you and what have you done with the real Rath?" Zan asked only half-joking, surprised by the difference he saw in Rath whenever he spoke of Vilandra and his relationship with her.
"I can't help it if one day I looked at that tomboy little sister of yours and saw that she had grown up into this, this.... woman overnight."
"Down, boy. She's not a 'woman.' She's my baby sister."
"Vilandra is only a year younger than us. And she's by no means a baby."
"You know, if I were you, I wouldn't talk like that in front of me. With my father gone, I've become head of the family, so if I suspect you might have certain... intentions toward Vilandra, I'll be forced to hurt you."
"I'd like to see you try. What are you gonna do, Pretty Boy, call one of your royal guards to haul me off to the dungeon?" Rath asked playfully. The smile soon faded, his face filled with concern. "So, you think you can arrange this?"
They began to walk back toward the palace.
"For my best friend? Of course. I am the king, after all...."
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That night, Zan laid silent on his bed next to Ava. He watched her breathe in and out, feeling guilty for not being able to reciprocate her feelings. Ava didn't exactly love him, but there was a sort of loyalty she had to him. She was desperate to hold on to him. And it was the closest thing to love someone like Ava, who had been deprived of affection all of her life, could feel. Zan knew this, but he also knew he could never be content with her. He could never shake the feeling that there was something more waiting for him.
Or maybe he was the one waiting... waiting for his life to really begin. The entire thing... his father's death, his marriage... it all seemed like a dream. And he was ready to wake up now. He wished for the kind of happiness that his sister and Rath so clearly brought each other.
Zan crawled out of bed silently, trying not to wake his bride. He threw on some clothes and crept out of their bedroom.
Zan made his way down to the shore, his sanctuary, lit up by the glowing moons and stars above him. He sat down on the beach and looked up toward the night sky, and that sense of clarity washed over him once again, unaware of the onslaught soon to come. A distant star caught his eye. Zan didn't know why, but something about it stood out among the rest. Circling that star were several planets, including a pathetic little blue-green orb, the inhabitants of which were completely oblivious to the absurdity of the notion that they were completely alone in life. Zan's gaze never wavered from that single star. He knew there was more he was destined for than this. He looked up at the stars, with the feeling that there was something else out there, perhaps someone else, somewhere among the stars burning brightly before him.